Where to meet women?

BrianD3

Right, I'm in my mid twenties and my personal issue is that I have had a non-existent love life for several years So I'm looking for tips to change it. I'm looking for places/ways/situations to meet women that *don't* involve niteclubs, pubs and getting drunk. Sorry but I just don't like drinking culture and feel uncomfortable and out of place in pubs and clubs. Anyway, I don't think they're very good places to meet women unless you're after a drunken snog or a one night stand.

Is what I'm looking for actually possible in this country.

I'm aware that there's online dating but would only use that as an absolute last resort.

Many guys seem to meet their girlfriends through mutual friends and acquaintances. My problem with this is I don't have many friends or acquaintances and when I enquire about whether they have any available female friends, the answer is always "no"

What about less obvious ways of meeting women. Like meeting through common interests such as the gym or the library? Or through doing an evening course? Or taking up a martial art?

I'm curious if women in the same boat as me would use the above strategy for meeting guys. I don't want to join a club or pay good money to do an evening course and then discover that the only people I ever meet are men and married women.

I'd appreciate if people who have partners would post here and give some details on how and where ye met (no need to give exact locations or be too specific )

PS I work in a small company of mainly men and married women so I'm not going to be dating anyone from work

BrianD3

AngryBadger

You sound like you want to meet a woman without actually having to do anything. It also sounds like you don't do a whole lot of socialising. One might even go as far as to say you tend to avoid it if possible?

There is no one place where you can go to meet the woman of your dream,without having to compromise your social perspective, and without having to make an effort to reach out to people. Meeting someone you're really, actually interested in will occur through socialising, but that could mean pretty much anything. It could mean going clubbing with your mates once a week, going to a boards session, joining a gym, or some kind of common interest group, it could mean anything, dammit you might do all of the above and meet someone you're really interested on a bus some random morning. The only thing you can take for granted is that if you don't put yourself out there, you will not meet anyone.

Also, on the issue of pubs/clubs, there are a lot of people who don't particularly like them as social situations, if you do decide to give it a shot maybe you might try keeping an eye out for like-minded folk who clearly are ill at ease clubbing, at least ye have something in common to start off, and they might be more interested in doing something else some other time, just an adjunct thought.

WOOHOO two stars, I'm the king of the world

seamus

Yeah, as above, if you don't like the pub scene, then think about a pasttime you have or think you would like to have, and then join a club. Make it neutral, as there's no point in joining a car owner's club or a football club to meet women. Not that there is no women there, but your options become far more limited, and more bluntly, you have more competition for less women.

Most people, I would say, meet people in an informal, relaxed setting. A pub is pretty much the definition of informal and relaxed in Ireland. It's really all we know how to do. It's very much possible to go to pubs and not have to deal with drunken idiots and people out looking for one night stands. It's a myth that it's impossible to meet a good partner in a club, it's just a combination of not going to the right places, and being distracted by the women who have dressed themselves up to catch your attention.

Your best bet is to keep yourself plugged into your friends' social scene. House parties and barbeques are rife around this time of year, and will have a good mix of acquaintances and friends of friends. Friends of friends are the easiest to get along with, since they obviously have one thing in common with you. One hurdle comes pre-crossed for you.

The_Conductor

In all honesty- there are probably women out there with exactly the same perspectives as yourself- and with the exact same wonderings.
Do you have particular interests that you might be neglecting- e.g. like playing games, water sports, scifi, films etc???
Pick something that you really enjoy- whatever that might be, and then have a quick hunt in google- specifying ireland only pages, and I'm certain you'll find a group/organisation/society nearby that cater to your interests. Don't go along delibertly trying to pick up a girl- do go along to have a bit of craic, relax, let your hair down. You'll probably find girls there doing similar. Sure- there are a mad number of people who seem to consider their abode the local watering hole, where-ever that might be, but there are also just as many girls who, like yourself, would much rather go and grab a coffee and have a bit of peace and quiet than go out and get drunk.....

Relax, take things easy- the girl of your dreams will appear when you least expect her.

S.

Georgiana

I'd say try to stop focussing on meeting someone and start focusssing on doing things you really really enjoy but ensure these are activities which involve single women of the right age. Activites which involve group activites, weekends away etc are great for setting the scene for romance to develop. Its far easier if you get to know girls first and then the romance can develop. If you have a common interest to start with- well it helps. I dont think you are likely to meet people in libraries, but maybe I'm wrong.

simu

Why wouldn't you try online dating? It mightn't be all that bad, there's nothing shameful about it.

Apart from that, you could try joining a club for sports/other hobbies but if you do, be subtle. Women might be put off if it's obvious you're only there to get yourself a girlfriend.

vibrant

BrianD3 wrote:

I don't want to join a club or pay good money to do an evening course and then discover that the only people I ever meet are men and married women.

So let's say you met a girl at a night course and got to talking...

Her: So, what made you choose to do this course?
You: Well, I wanted to meet single women!
Her: Oh dear!

There's no way to spin it to make you look better buddy!

See, as it has already been pointed out, you're much better off looking into something that you want to do, rather than end up doing something just so you meet women. Do you play a sport? Speak a language? Want to learn one? Why not go speed dating? Or join a book club? Whatever you do - do it because you want to do it to improve yourself, not impress or attract somebody else.

Besides, do you really want to be known as the creepy guy in the gym, leering at all the girls while they are exercising? *shudder*

KT1

Dear Brian, the new dating scene is cafe's. Take a long a good book ...pick one particular cafe...a good one is Metro or even Coffee Society in Ranelagh..anyway, you soon get to know the regulars and some are single some are not but it is a good place to start and also a nice place to hang out.
Good luck.

Sleepy

You're far from alone on this one Brian. Personally I'm in the middle of the longest drought since I was a teenager but I'm just not letting it get to me. As people have suggested already, go out, take up a new hobby, meet some new people, see what happens.

KT1 - how exactly do you get chatting to people in Café's? If I'm in a café alone I'd tend to be reading a book or whatever, just curious as to how this "dating scene" works...

babyhack

vibrant wrote:

Her: So, what made you choose to do this course?
You: Well, I wanted to meet single women!
Her: Oh dear!

I burst of laughing when i read that the office is looking at me now

Sleepy wrote:

KT1 - how exactly do you get chatting to people in Café's? If I'm in a café alone I'd tend to be reading a book or whatever, just curious as to how this "dating scene" works...

hello is that book "so and so" that you are reading i have been meaning to pick it up is it any good
maybe a good way to start if they react in a good way sit down if not go back to your own seat

ferdi

babyhack wrote:

hello is that book "so and so" that you are reading i have been meaning to pick it up is it any good
maybe a good way to start if they react in a good way sit down if not go back to your own seat

there is no way i'd disturb some one quietly enjoying their book in a cafe


i'm in the same boat as brian and sleepy with no end in sight, its depressing.

Sleepy

We should found a club of single men in Dublin. We could call it the "No Wives Club".

tk123

Sleepy wrote:

We should found a club of single men in Dublin. We could call it the "No Wives Club".

Yeah but how will you meet girls at your meetings if they're just for guys!??!

gobby

Sleepy wrote:

We should found a club of single men in Dublin. We could call it the "No Wives Club".

So we can have one then...?

ballooba

AngryBadger wrote:

Also, on the issue of pubs/clubs, there are a lot of people who don't particularly like them as social situations, if you do decide to give it a shot maybe you might try keeping an eye out for like-minded folk who clearly are ill at ease clubbing, at least ye have something in common to start off, and they might be more interested in doing something else some other time, just an adjunct thought.

Me: So you don't like clubs much do you?
Her:What do you mean?
Me:Oh, just the way you lookout of place and uncomfortable and stuff.
Her:....
Me: My eyes... my eyes... its burns.

But seriously, I like the whole idea of hanging out in Cafes and meeting chicks a lá continental europe. Do you not find that the people who do this in ireland though are generally snooty arty farty types?

Met your wan from Bachelor's Walk in Coffee Society in Ranelagh one day, Ray's bird. My mate started talking to her, knew she was married etc. so he wasn't hitting on her. She was completely bang on. I think she was scared that he remembered her real name from the credits though.

BaZmO*

I’d say that there is no “sure fire” way to meet women, but one thing I would say is that if you want to increase your chances YOU HAVE TO GET OUT THERE!! (sorry for shouting!!)

But really, that’s it in a nutshell.

I remember my best spell for meeting women came when I split up from my long term GF a few years back. I made a conscious decision not to sit at home wallowing in “what ifs” and all that other sh1te. So anytime friends, workmates, or family were doing something I’d tag along and just have a laugh and as a result I met quite a few ladies because of it. Friends of my Sister’s friends, workmate’s girlfriends friends, cousin’s friends, all just random meetings.

I never ended dating any of the girls for a long time, not because I wasn’t into any of them, it was just because I wasn’t ready for a relationship at that particular time in my life, but I did have fun nonetheless.

The most important thing is to not get bogged down in this “have to have a girlfriend” mindset, because in all fairness it’s not the most attractive of traits. And women can smell it off you!! ;D lol.
No but seriously, if that’s all you’re thinking of when you go out you’ll end up not enjoying yourself and it’ll be obvious to everybody that you’re not and tbh would you be bothered to spark up a conversation with somebody that had a face like a wet weekend??

As has been said already, if you’re thinking of joining a club or a group or something like that, join something that you are really into and that you will thoroughly enjoy and it’ll show in your demeanor making you a more positive and fun person to be around rather than a sex starved Bonobo monkey waiting to relieve himself with any willing females!!

Think of any of your friends, or any guys that you know that our successful with women, generally it’s not because they are Brad Pitts lookalikees (although sometimes that is the case!!), it’s generally because they are positive outgoing people who are active in the social scene.

You mentioned in your post, or rather you asked if it was possible to meet women in a Gym or a Library. The answer to this question is YES of course it is, but would you be willing to spark up a conversation with someone in these situations??

You can’t expect to “just meet” somebody without actually being a bit proactive yourself. Get yourself out there and take control of the situation, take some risks and most importantly have some fun and everything else will come in time!!

B.

Sleepy

tk123 wrote:

Yeah but how will you meet girls at your meetings if they're just for guys!??!

Hmm, I might need to reformulate this plan...

I was thinking more along the lines of a "First Wives Club" where we could all just sit around and whine together but maybe you're onto a better idea. Surely if we could fill a room with single guys it couldn't be that difficult to persuade a few elligible ladies to come along?

AngryBadger

ballooba wrote:

Me: So you don't like clubs much do you?
Her:What do you mean?
Me:Oh, just the way you lookout of place and uncomfortable and stuff.
Her:....
Me: My eyes... my eyes... its burns.

lmao classic man, sir I salute you

djk1000

Join a drama club, in most drama clubs, men are definitely in the minority. There is a great social scene and if your shy around people, there is nothing like a drama club to build confidence.

tk123

Sleepy wrote:

Hmm, I might need to reformulate this plan...

I was thinking more along the lines of a "First Wives Club" where we could all just sit around and whine together but maybe you're onto a better idea. Surely if we could fill a room with single guys it couldn't be that difficult to persuade a few elligible ladies to come along?

No see what you need to do is join a girly club ala first wives club where there's a higher ratio of girls to boys therefore increasing your chances of scoring - i mean "meeting" girls!

Sleepy

tk123 wrote:

No see what you need to do is join a girly club ala first wives club where there's a higher ratio of girls to boys therefore increasing your chances of scoring - i mean "meeting" girls!

Any good tips? For something other than a divorcees club!

Pataman

Join a gym, my mate swears by them(I just swear at them). Nothing like sitting in the jacuzzi with people, breaks down inhibitions.

vibrant

Pataman wrote:

Nothing like sitting in the jacuzzi with people, breaks down inhibitions.

Joining a gym just to sit in a jacuzzi and get a girlfriend is the new "wearing a belted trench coat and ogling girls".

Seriously.. isn't there a decidedly creepy element to it? At my gym, there's one man who takes a dancing class with all the ladies - and its just so painfully obvious that the only reason he is there is to "meet someone". I've seen him approaching women and time after time he gets shot down because the whole thing is just so damn painful.

There's also a few blokes who like to sit in the sauna/jacuzzi and act as if they're in a cocktail bar. I don't know if:

a) they think they're attractive (and that other people find them attractive in their baggy "IRELAND" shorts) or
b) they think that they've discovered the newest way of picking up girls

but either way, I've seen women leave the area as soon as they've come in (myself included, heh). It's really sad. Dignity and self confidence are such attractive qualities, their absence is repellant.

tk123

I agree with vibrant abt jacuzzis- I go to westwood in clontarf and well there's always either a group of lads shouting at each other or some guy with a certain look about him(ie having a **** )....i dunno somebody set up a boards-singleton club or something like that!

secret_squirrel

vibrant wrote:

a) they think they're attractive (and that other people find them attractive in their baggy "IRELAND" shorts)

So you would prefer speedo's or those skin tight shorts that leave nothing to the imagination would you?

Seriously though I my experience the gym is an absolutely lousy place to make friends let alone find a mate. Though maybe its just me?

btw Im the one in the jacusi with the reebok swim shorts on and the bad case of sun burn.

tk123 wrote:

i dunno somebody set up a boards-singleton club

Best idea ever...

jesus_thats_gre

Who gives a ****tt if you are single.. What is the big need for everyone to find a girl and settle down... If you spend you time looking for something you will never find it.. Just live your life and if someone comes along then so be it.. You guys are starting to sound like a bunch of red wine drinking bitches.

Gordon

And what are you drinking... jesus?

vibrant

secret_squirrel wrote:

So you would prefer speedo's or those skin tight shorts that leave nothing to the imagination would you?

Ohh secret_squirrel, I'm still a relatively new poster here, I might come to regret sharing what makes my heart go pitter-patter!

Oh and guys? Speaking of swimming costumes, may I just take this opportunity to point out that white swimming trunks impress nobody. Especially when they get wet :eek: (end of thread hijack, I promise).

villain_97

Well to the original poster,I fully understand where you are coming from.My advice is,if you want to meet a women with common interests to yours,join clubs or groups that entail your interests.Whether it be sport,debating,politics,stamp collecting whatever,it's a good bet you'll find women similiar tom you,at events that you like.Unfortunately,the nite club is seen as the ''ideal'' place,even though you cannot talk to people and chances are people you do talk to are pissed.

jesus_thats_gre

Gordon wrote:

And what are you drinking... jesus?

I am easy, like a bit of red wine as it happens

Sleepy

tk123 wrote:

I agree with vibrant abt jacuzzis- I go to westwood in clontarf and well there's always either a group of lads shouting at each other or some guy with a certain look about him(ie having a **** )....i dunno somebody set up a boards-singleton club or something like that!

I think the idea for a singles forum has been discussed, and shot down a load of times at this stage...

Can you just picture it? A/S?L?

tk123

26/f/dublin

BaZmO*

tk123 wrote:

26/f/dublin

Puts on my best Joey voice........How you doing???

Sleepy

tk123 wrote:

26/f/dublin

LOL - you do realise I was taking the piss?

BaZmO*

Sleepy wrote:

LOL - you do realise I was taking the piss?

I think the "3" smilies answers that question!!!

tk123

lol - yup i was messing...

Beruthiel

could we quit the spamming now and get back on topic please!
B

ballooba

jesus_thats_gre wrote:

If you spend you time looking for something you will never find it..

I always find that looking for stuff is the worst way to go about finding it.. :rolleyes:

To the original poster...

Ever tried that speed dating lark?

Supposed to be good craic if you get a few mates to go along.

BaZmO*

ballooba wrote:

I always find that looking for stuff is the worst way to go about finding it.. :rolleyes:

Now come on, I think you are well aware of the point he was making!!

He was making the point that if you just concentrate totally on "have to get a woman, have to get a woman!!" you'll just come across as being desperate which is not an attractive trait in either males or females!

Just go out and start enjoying yourself and the rest will fall into place. You can't meet too many people sitting in front of computer screen all your life!


B.

KT1

re meeting in cafes. choose the cafe i.e. coffee society in ranelagh is quite crowded and cosy so you have to sit within "talking" space of someone and if you are reading an interesting book i.e. "the da vinci code" which is in quite a few hands at present you can always make a comment. It is also a great way to making friends as you don't just have to chat people up you can just natter away.

Also, a few people have sympathised saying they are single too and finding it hard to meet a girl...maybe more time out there...and less time in (on) here?

Sleepy

Time on here is work's time, not mine.

KT1

True. And thank god for that. I am old enough to remember work when there was no email, chat, boards.ie, it wasn't pretty!

BEAT

I dont think its a matter of "where" to find girls, they are everywhere tbh. I think its a matter of getting up the nerve to talk to one, and if your shot down knowing it isnt the end of the world and to keep trying.

I have been out loads of times and will generally find a guy standing across the room who keeps catching my eye, we smile at each other so on...I get tired of waiting for him to come over and say something so I leave.

Seriously now, there are times when I will make the effort and make the first move but I feel this way about that...if a guy doesnt have the nerve to talk to me, than I dont want to be with him.
You have to be confident and know what you want, If the girl isnt interested it doesnt mean the next one wont be.

Sure I have been approached by some creeps, but I have also been approached by some nice guys, some who I clicked with some I didnt but I think you will only know if you try

Keep on trying guys, we are out there waiting!

ven0m

Sleepy wrote:

You're far from alone on this one Brian. Personally I'm in the middle of the longest drought since I was a teenager but I'm just not letting it get to me. As people have suggested already, go out, take up a new hobby, meet some new people, see what happens.

KT1 - how exactly do you get chatting to people in Café's? If I'm in a café alone I'd tend to be reading a book or whatever, just curious as to how this "dating scene" works...

Am in the same boat myself. Been over 2 years since I went out with anyone & the only women I can seem to meet are those that frankly are more interested in (a) how I look, (b) my harley, & (c) my wallet..... very uncool.... I seem to have this knack for attracting the wrong types..... sackchasers, mental cases & wierdos - or is the world just short on nice, intelligent, women who don't give a feck about the usual b.s........ the world's feckin mad if u ask me!!!!


::: ven0mous :::

kyodatsu

ven0m wrote:

Am in the same boat myself. Been over 2 years since I went out with anyone & the only women I can seem to meet are those that frankly are more interested in (a) how I look, (b) my harley, & (c) my wallet..... very uncool.... I seem to have this knack for attracting the wrong types..... sackchasers, mental cases & wierdos - or is the world just short on nice, intelligent, women who don't give a feck about the usual b.s.

no, the world is not lacking nice women. for some reason you are attracting only the mental cases and wierdos etc. you need to think about why this is and the way you project yourself.

as an example, its not a coincidence that underconfident women tend to attract controlling, abusive men.


as for meeting women, when I was single I never ever went for guys that were obviously desperate to get a girlfriend. it is very off putting. just concentrate on your own life and interests and you will eventually find someone that you have something in common with.

BEAT

ven0m wrote:

Am in the same boat myself. Been over 2 years since I went out with anyone & the only women I can seem to meet are those that frankly are more interested in (a) how I look, (b) my harley, & (c) my wallet..... very uncool.... I seem to have this knack for attracting the wrong types..... sackchasers, mental cases & wierdos - or is the world just short on nice, intelligent, women who don't give a feck about the usual b.s........ the world's feckin mad if u ask me!!!!


::: ven0mous :::

*ahem* I amnt sure what to think about this comment venom...

Doodee

ven0m wrote:

frankly are more interested in (a) how I look, (b) my harley,

Tell me about it. Women see the Bike and then suddenly think "Sex Wee"

I hate being treated like a sexual object

vibrant

Joodee wrote:

Tell me about it. Women see the Bike and then suddenly think "Sex Wee"

To the Original Poster: get a motorbike.

ando

Joodee wrote:

Tell me about it. Women see the Bike and then suddenly think "Sex Wee"

I hate being treated like a sexual object

hmm, anyone want to trade a lovely modded Focus with all the extra's for a nice harley

luckat

It's a counsel of perfection, but forget about finding a woman. Find stuff you're interested in doing and you'll quickly find friends with the same interests. And shed the idea that no woman would want you, which I can feel hovering over your post. You're fine.

tk123

FYI the bike thing only works if you're a guy...If you're a girl with a bike you just get dumb guys asking questions pretending they know about bikes...how many gears etc...