Best way to get over a relationship?

Battlesnake

Just out of a 3yr relationship, have no intention of getting back with him.
Still obviously some strength of feeling there. . . .
Whats the best way of getting yourself through to it being normal that you're not around them anymore?
Cheers

keu

off the top of my head...write a list of the pros and cons of the relationship.
seeing as the relationship is no more, the cons would outweigh the pros and anytime you find yourself pondering "what if" just remember you've already weighed up why you are no longer in that relationship...then smile and keep moving forward.
(cause you know there are bigger and better things out there for you)

L5

Originally posted by Battlesnake
Just out of a 3yr relationship, have no intention of getting back with him.
Still obviously some strength of feeling there. . . .
Whats the best way of getting yourself through to it being normal that you're not around them anymore?
Cheers

Be with someone else. Even if its just for 1 night, just to get him out of your system.

Chinafoot

hmm well i buggered off to Australia for a year and that was rather effective!

i would definately recommend a break away from everything but if thats not possible for you then i suggest having some good old fashioned girls nights out. i would have been lost without my mates.

remember that there's a reason why you two broke up and always resist the urge to call him when you feel upset or lonely. after we split up if anything bad happened in my life i wanted to call him. it was familiar ground and i knew that he would make me feel better. at first i gave in but i always just ended up more confused and lonely than before. so be strong and keep your chin up.

good luck

Shad0r

The aftermath of a three year relationship breakup is going to be hard.

Travelling is a great way to get a better prespective on your life but be careful your not running away.

Keep your life busy, go do things as much as possible with your friends. Avoid sitting at home by yourself as it's probably only a matter of time before your going to pick the phone up and make a call you'll regret later.

Was there anything you liked doing that he didnt? If yes, then do it. It's your new hobby

Asok

All I can say is time.

Sarky

Get drunk and watch some bad porn. You'll have gotten relationships out of our system for months.

Asok's right, patience is the only real way about it.

Typedef

Nothing helps you get over the last one, like the next one.

bean

Sorry to get off the point a bit, has anyone else noticed how so many relationships have seemed to end, and this forum seems to be a heartbreak hotel lately...summer is here, watch out!

Asok

Originally posted by Sarky
Asok's right, patience is the only real way about it.

Yeah I should have gone into more detail, At the moment you will be feeling very very ****ty and your entitled to. But as time goes on you will feel better the only thing I can liken it to is having someone very close to you die. Its that sick feeling of hurt you get in the pit of your stomach. I also have to agree with Typedef moving on to going out and having fun may seem like an impossible thing to do at the moment but just give it time and after a few good nights out you will feel alot better.


[Offtopic] You could have aknowledged me saying hello walking past you in nuig today mr sarky :P
[/Offtopic]

MojoMaker

Battlesnake, I understand your need for sympathy right now but aren't you being a little parsimonious with the facts here? Isn't this the guy that cared for you for 3 long years of manic depression and the person who put his own life on hold for such a long time to make sure you made it through all your trouble and didn't fall foul of the ultimate betrayal?

Put us in the picture a bit better and our advice/sympathy might be better tailored to your unique situation.

Sleepy

The best way to get over a man is to get under another one

I love the above sentance because, while there's a grain of truth in it, it's also amusing and that's what a person needs most when they're just out of a relationship: entertainment. Go out a bit more than you normally do, try new things (my own big discovery when going through a breakup was discovering that I love stand-up comedy clubs), have fun and generally just let your friends take your mind off it.

Oh, and typedef his sister

Battlesnake

MojoMaker -
Wasn't looking for sympathy, just constructive ways of getting myself on track after putting all my energy into a relationship that in the end wasn't going anywhere.
If anyone wants more info on my situation, feel free to read other posts I've put up before now.
Yes my ex was incredibly kind and thoughtful and helped me through a lot of ****.
Unfortunately there were a number of times when promises were not kept and betrayals of trust were made.
I feel a lot stronger now for being out of it and am ready to get on with my life.
My ex has needed to get on with his life for a long while and hopefully now he can stop pinning the blame on me and will show his true potential.
He didn't put his life on hold for me, he did it because he couldn't face up to growing up. I feel like I offered him so much and was prepared to give him my all to the exclusion of things that were important to me.
Now I want to get back to the person I used to be, do things I enjoy, see my friends, go out at the wkends and stop eating pizza and f*#king chinese!!!

acous

sorry if the following post doesn't make sense - i'm finding it hard to string together sentences atm for some reason

MojoMaker, I went and had a look back over a couple of her older posts. The apparent difference in reasoning is interesting... striking even, but i guess everyone goes through a few theories on why things are the way they are before they figure out what's best for them. No-one wants to blame the person they love initially and while he might have been helpful & caring, there is more variables you need to take into account. It complicates things when you're with someone - making it hard to distinguish between your own problems, your partners problems and general problems with the relationship. We don't really know what went on (unless you're a friend?) so all we can really do is give our 2 cent on what we've been asked.

Sarky

Originally posted by Asok

[Offtopic] You could have aknowledged me saying hello walking past you in nuig today mr sarky :P
[/Offtopic]

I AKNOWLEDGE NOTHING!

fitz

Typedef his sister tbh...

Batbat

drink until your dead or near death

LegacyUser

was with someone for 7 years, enagaged for most of that and then I found that he had cheated on me - I cried for a month but then I went out and met someone and looking back the month crying was a waste, he was not worth it...join the clubs of the things that you did not do when you were dating your ex - go to evening classes...

Selik

Find someone hot and f u c k their brains out!

The jock

Theres no real short term way of getting over anyone.It just takes alot of time,alcohol,and a change of scenery(get away for a week or two).You just got to realise that its not worth worrying about and that eventually over time you will move on.You've also got to talk about it to your mate's to get it out of your system.Thats how i got over my last relationship.

Battlesnake

OK prob jus me bein dumb here but what does that mean?

Etain

after putting all my energy into a relationship that in the end wasn't going anywhere

So now you can put your energy into something productive. Take a class, join a health club, volunteer somewhere, etc.. get out and meet people.

Typedef

Originally posted by Giles
Find someone hot and f u c k their brains out!

Failing that just put your ex into your **** bank, much less expensive then courting her sister....

Of course for 'full' effect you have to let her *know* that, she has ascended to that particular rubicon.


"Dear Baby.

Thanks for dumping me. Ordinarly, I'd Typedef your sister, but, to be honest I'm too cheap to spring for the 2 cans of cider it generally takes to get her knickers off, so I'm going to stick you into my **** bank instead.

Can't chat for long... 'bursting' to use the loo.

Best.

Your ex.
"

Or words to that effect.

keu

that last post should help you get over all men and help convert you to lesbianism at the same time.

doh..and if your already gay, might make you straight.

spectacleinrock

I came out of a 3yr relationship 4 months ago. i started off with a week in bed by myself, ****ing up college ,getting blind drunk, getting with someone else, using them completely until i had time in my life to start dealing with stuff. If you can avoid the first lot of things do, but i guess they helped in a very backward way. Time, and good friends i guess is all i can say. You'll get there!

cormie

go to a river bank and sit for a while. Your mind will come up with the sollution.

Typedef

MojoMaker's a girl huh?

Ah well... if you're looking to try and get your ex back same advice stands.


Else sleep with his brother/sister/best friend.

Oriel

Time. Try nothing else.

S.

Shewhomustbe...

(MojoMaker, love the use of parsimonious.)

Battlesnake,
sorry to read of your break-up.
As most people have said time is a healer.
I'm not sure about shagging the first person you see, I think that's more of a short term distraction rather than long term solution.

You should definitely try some distance. I broke up with someone after 3.5years many many moons ago and we didn't take time out for various reasons, mainly same social circle.
This meant he thought there was a chance of us getting back together which was ticking me off because I wanted space.
All ended up pear shaped as it came to a head one night and I told him I never wanted to see him again. (plus I got together with someone else)

As time has gone by I've begun to really regret this as we had been friends first (plus I lost my virginity to him), or I could just be sugar coating it all or getting sentimental in my old age.

Anyway just remember yes you loved this person but you broke up for a reason/s, and hopefully you can stay friends.

Good luck:D

Emmo

I have done all of these things and I still dont know the answer. You will keep on thinking about them untill one day you dont anymore.

Fall in love with someone else?

Take a few months out from seeing anyone and catch up with your mates.

Read Lord of the Rings

Drink lots of red wine and listen to The Scientist

Go on a holiday to the States and go missing for 4 days and tell no one what happend.

These where at different times in my life so dont be too harsh.

Emmo

acous

ahhhhh good old The Scientist the video's great too.

AngelofFire

go out get blotto and have a one night stand. It worked for me.

acous

if a one night stand worked for you, there can't have been much of an emotional connection in the first place. it takes a long time. there is no quick fix.

PullMyFinger!

drink until your dead or near death

Ive been doing that for 2 weeks now and although it helps at the time you might find yourself texting things you wouldnt sober.

Good thread for what Im going through at the moment.