Girlfriends family

LegacyUser

I went to meet my girlfriends family for the first time last night, we had a meal at her house and everything was going so well untill the question of religion came up. Once my girlfriend had pointed out that i was jewish, her family members (mother, father, little sister, older brother) all started having a bit of a giggle at my jewish expense, the brother cracked a few jewish jokes, the father kept asking me about those "stupid hats" we wear and i could have sworn i saw the little sister shape her mash into a swastica. The annoying part is that my girlfriend didn't really seem to object to any of it, she kinda looked at it as harmless family humor, which is great if you're not on the recieving end of the nazi baton. She was rubbing my leg under the table whilst her little sister was imitating my kippot (the jewish hat) with half a melon on her head. When the meal ended, i declinded the tour of the house in fear of finding a gas chamber.

The whole things weird, they're so open about how big of a joke my religion is to them, or so it seems. They're really nice people and i don't think they mean any harm but its all a bit too hurtfull. They've asked me back to watch a video next week but im betting they'll rent American History X or something. I don't want to break up my girlfriend over this because shes really hot.

Is anyone or has anyone ever been in a similar situation? (doubtfull, i know). Any advice would be great.

Thanks alot,

Jim

rs

I imagine they were just having a bit of fun with you.

I think it's an irish law that parents and famiy members have to make "the new boyfriend" as uncomfortable as is humanly possible.

I'd try not to take it personally.

I think most people in Ireland don't take ANY religion very seriously anymore, thanks to how the catholic church has treated them.

koneko

Doubt they meant it maliciously, they were probably trying to make light of things to make the situation more comfortable for themselves aswell, instead of sitting around uncomfortably silent. If you weren't Jewish, but they found out something else (like your job) they probably would have used that.

If it makes you really uncomfortable, tell the GF, but unless they keep it up and make really inappropriate jokes I wouldn't worry. You're probably reading into it to much (swastika etc).

Draupnir

Id say its nothing serious, as the above poster said, Irish women's families tend to do this on purpose, its a requirement.

Whenever my sister is bringing a boyfriend home, my dad makes it his business to be out in the garden cutting some wood with either a normal or an electric saw. Then he come into the house with said saw, and keeps it in his hand as he is introduced to the poor lad.

Id say they were just joking, in fact, its probably a good sign that they like you to be honest. They wouldnt be having a laugh and a joke with you if they didnt like you.

Beruthiel

the first time I brought my french boyfriend to my parents for the weekend, they brought him into their bedroom, in the corner beside their bed was a little bed, my da told him it was an irish tradition to have him sleep there for the first night!
the look on my b/f face was priceless

LoneGunM@n

I'd have to agree with everyone else here ... it's definately an Irish tradition to mess with the head of the new boyfriend!!

Give it time!

Originally posted by Beruthiel
the first time I brought my french boyfriend to my parents for the weekend, they brought him into their bedroom, in the corner beside their bed was a little bed, my da told him it was an irish tradition to have him sleep there for the first night!
the look on my b/f face was priceless

Excellent ... I'll have to write that 1 down for future use!

GoneShootin

Twas only a bit of a roasting I would suspect. It's easy for me to say it as I wasn't in the situation, but why didn't you make some snappy comebacks about their religion ?(watever it is)


Grow some stones man ! You'll have to be around her family for a long time if the relationship keeps going, don't be afraid to chance your arm with em My girlfriend had a rough time with my Mother, but as soon as the girlfriend started standing up for herself with a bit of "banter" it was plain sailing from there.


(jesus has it been 4 years already ? good lord....)

Sleepy

Christ, get over yourself. Life isn't that serious. If someone takes the piss out of you being Jewish it doesn't mean they're a Nazi. I used to take the piss out of my ex all the time because she was Protestant, and the ex before that because she was Catholic.

I'm not so sure it's just an Irish thing for the girlfriends Da to give the new boyfriend grief. Think about it, in his eyes she's still the little girl with ribbons in her hair and clutching her toy doll. It's natural for him to want to put the shits up you a little to try and make sure you don't screw around his daughter.

You're not American by any chance are ya?

[CrimsonGhost]

Originally posted by Sleepy
Christ, get over yourself. Life isn't that serious. If someone takes the piss out of you being Jewish it doesn't mean they're a Nazi. I used to take the piss out of my ex all the time because she was Protestant, and the ex before that because she was Catholic.

And you wonder why you have so many ex's.

Emmo

Lads and ladies,

Insult is not only in the intention but also in the interpretation of the same.

If you didnt feel comfortable with the jibes then they will pick up on that sooner or later.

Im from Dublin and when I went home with my girlfriend to Wexford for the first time I was subjected to the worst abuse I have ever known.

Suffice to say that I took it and just gave as good as I got cause im thick skinned but if they had grosely insulted me I dont know how I would have taken that.

There might be a certain level of immaturity or ignorance towards the Jewish faith, I remember the first time I saw a Hisidic (excuse the spelling) Jew in New York, I caught myself starring.

They would not intentionally want to hurt you unless your really unlucky, most likely they dont know how to react to the fact your Jewish combined with the normal ribbing that new boyfriends get and your arrived where you are.

Go back to watch the video but insist on something by Mel Brooks, maybe Brazling Saddles, great line where one of the towns folk says "okay we will take the ni**ers and the jews but we are not talking the Irish"

Emmo

Beruthiel

why don't you try a Bill Hicks line?

why do Catholics wear crosses around their necks, you think when Jesus comes back he wants to be reminded that he was left hanging on one?

cheers lemming

Sleepy

Originally posted by [CrimsonGhost]
And you wonder why you have so many ex's.

Not really...

But hey, better to have loved and lost and all that...

The Corinthian

The very few times I’ve ever had contact with the family of a girlfriend, Italian jokes have abounded. In part because the ritual humiliation of the daughter’s boyfriend is a time honoured tradition and also because many people consider humour to be a way of bridging the gap with someone of a different culture, creed or race.

So get over it. Being Jewish makes you no different to any other different boyfriend - outside of that crucifying our Lord Jesus Christ episode.

seamus

Funnily enough, I never had to endure anything like this. About the worst was her mother grilling me for 5 minutes on where I was going in life. But her family are quite quiet and reserved, so it wouldn't happen anyway. About alll I get now is light jabs from her father because now I work in one of his place's direct competitors - but I couldn't care less about the politics, so I just laugh it off.

embee

My parents are cool about my boyfriend and it usually tends to be the case that when we are all in the same room. my parents and boyfriend will team together to slag me off. I don't mind though - it shows me that they are all comfortable together, so I'll go along with it.

A friend of mine has a really hard time introducing her parents to boyfriends. The three times she has tried to do it, her parents have either been disgusted or completely indifferent. I dunno which is worse. She brought a guy home once who had a few facial piercings and a tattoo on the back of his neck... Needless to say they didn't like him very much. Another guy she introduced them too was a nice, ordinary guy who had a nice, ordinary job. He was treated with complete indifference, to the point that they couldn't be bothered trying to find out a thing about him. Not even his name, for a while.

I suppose my point is that some people are never satisfied. Just be who you are for your girlfriend and for yourself. Her family are clearly insensitive people, but its not them you are going out with. Try to take their actions with a pinch of salt.

Sleepy

I know what you mean about the family and boyfriend teaming up on you, my mother and sister have teamed up with every girlfriend I've ever had to completely rip the piss out of me!

Doodee

I wouldn't worry.
I remeber when i met my current girlfriends parents.
her father shook my hand, grabed me by the shoulder and took me aside, he told me "I'm going to kill you" and smiled.

I thought it was quite funny.

Nowdays the parents just play little jokes on me, like making chokey faces at the dinner table, or even pretending to cut my brake fluid lines.

I wouldn't worry about it.

Typedef

Yeah brakes are highly over rated.

I don't mind parents as a creed, but, fathers seem to sense I'm nothing but trouble. Mothers of girlfriends, generally seem to like or at least tolerate me, while fathers... always seem to come across as just short of openly hostile.

Anytime I intorduce a female to my mother or father I get the same tired responses from them, so generally as a rule, a fairly recent rule I'll admit, I think the less my parents know about any chick I happen to be with and the less that chicks parents know about me, the better.

Way I see it, if I ever have a shot gun wedding, I might introduce the lady to my mother *after* we're married, so mother (who's wonderful) can't say anything mean or nasty and father (who's cool) won't try to get her into bed or convice me otherwise that being a bachelor until I turn 70 should be my goal in life.

Parents are great like that.

Boston

Originally posted by Doodee
I wouldn't worry.
I remeber when i met my current girlfriends parents.
her father shook my hand, grabed me by the shoulder and took me aside, he told me "I'm going to kill you" and smiled.

I thought it was quite funny.

Nowdays the parents just play little jokes on me, like making chokey faces at the dinner table, or even pretending to cut my brake fluid lines.

I wouldn't worry about it.

A but wanting to kill you is the default response to meeting you...:p

Mutz

Originally posted by Doodee
....
her father shook my hand, grabed me by the shoulder and took me aside, he told me "I'm going to kill you" and smiled.

.........

Brilliant!

Zulu

just a little sensitive aren't we???

Megatron

When i was introduceded to my my ex's parents ( who are finnish) i got a roasting over being Irish .....

and i let it roll off me .. they kept it up and i kept my mouth shut ,
after a while they sort of got bored of it .
Then they jumped back on the bashing Irish Bandwagon, at that stage i just turned around and said :


Ok so your slagging off the irish ...

1. the irish are generaly know for the great writers, being friendly and always Polite ( yes i lied on the last one)

2. the Finnish are know for .... living in a cold place , and having the most boring Fomula 1 champion ever.

3. from what i've seen in the 2 months of living here ( Lived in Turku) most Finnish people my age can't hold there drink let alone drink it.



that shut them up ... now they did come back slagging me but they knew not to push it too far

D-Generate

Originally posted by Megatron
When i was introduceded to my my ex's parents ( who are finnish) i got a roasting over being Irish .....

and i let it roll off me .. they kept it up and i kept my mouth shut ,
after a while they sort of got bored of it .
Then they jumped back on the bashing Irish Bandwagon, at that stage i just turned around and said :


Ok so your slagging off the irish ...

1. the irish are generaly know for the great writers, being friendly and always Polite ( yes i lied on the last one)

2. the Finnish are know for .... living in a cold place , and having the most boring Fomula 1 champion ever.

3. from what i've seen in the 2 months of living here ( Lived in Turku) most Finnish people my age can't hold there drink let alone drink it.



that shut them up ... now they did come back slagging me but they knew not to push it too far

Dude you are going wiht a Scandanavian girl! Just take the abuse I am sure its worth it

Beruthiel

Originally posted by D-Generate
Dude you are going wiht a Scandanavian girl! Just take the abuse I am sure its worth it

he said 'ex'

joe_chicken

we wear and i could have sworn i saw the little sister shape her mash into a swastica

now thats just being paranoid!!!

po0k

blatant troll.


Or at least I hope it is.

If it's real, you're merely adding to the stereotypical victim complex pushed by the mainstream American media.

NO-ONE ELSE REALLY CARES IF YOU'RE JEWISH, ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN, WHORSHIP HEINZ KETHCUP OR SACRIFICE LEMONS INFRONT OF A TELLIETUBBIES ALTAR!


Organised religion is a load of balls.


OT: As has been pointed out, they were taking the piss (though a young girl knowing what a kippot is is bloody unlikely). Get over it. Your faith merely facilitated the jibing, because it is rather funny
All that eye-for-an-eye stuff, the mutilation of baby boys genitals, optimus prime etc.
Much like Christianity, Islam, Hindu et al - all present great opportuinties for taking the piss.

Just because you're a dry-balls and lacked the modicum of wit required to rebut their taunts you feel as though they have committed some sort of heinous transgression against you?

Muppet.

po0k

Originally posted by Megatron
When i was introduceded to my my ex's parents ( who are finnish) i got a roasting over being Irish .....

and i let it roll off me .. they kept it up and i kept my mouth shut ,
after a while they sort of got bored of it .
Then they jumped back on the bashing Irish Bandwagon, at that stage i just turned around and said :


Ok so your slagging off the irish ...

1. the irish are generaly know for the great writers, being friendly and always Polite ( yes i lied on the last one)

2. the Finnish are know for .... living in a cold place , and having the most boring Fomula 1 champion ever.

3. from what i've seen in the 2 months of living here ( Lived in Turku) most Finnish people my age can't hold there drink let alone drink it.



that shut them up ... now they did come back slagging me but they knew not to push it too far

And we don't spend half the year in darkness

Caesar_Bojangle

just a little sensitive aren't we???

wtf?


If you were at your English girlfriends house for the first time and her family were constantly ripping on you for being Irish and telling every stereotypical thick mick and famine joke they knew you wouldn't be a tad pissed off?
It was more ignorance than banter. Next time you're there tell them they're making you feel uncomfortable, or tell as many catholic church/culchie jokes till they get the message.

Victor

Awfully trolly, but just drop "yeah, [girlfriend's name] screams like a trapped animal when you take her from behind."

Originally posted by SyxPak
And we don't spend half the year in darkness

Hang on whats that night thing?

Originally posted by Caesar_Bojangle
If you were at your English girlfriends house for the first time and her family were constantly ripping on you for being Irish and telling every stereotypical thick mick and famine joke they knew you wouldn't be a tad pissed off?

Thats an easy one, just put on a northern accent and say "Aiii no where you live."

Crash

heh gf's parents are always bastards ( in my case t was the mother alright) but they end up ok in the end just persevere and it'll be ok

cleareyed

i saw the little sister shape her mash into a swastica.

This gives the game away! A brilliant troll otherwise. Well done.

munkeehaven

have you ever thought that maybe they are just nervous and therefore crack jokes to feel more at ease?? i doubt they are intentionally trying to insult you.

Zulu

Originally posted by Caesar_Bojangle
wtf?


If you were at your English girlfriends house for the first time and her family were constantly ripping on you for being Irish and telling every stereotypical thick mick and famine joke they knew you wouldn't be a tad pissed off?
It was more ignorance than banter. Next time you're there tell them they're making you feel uncomfortable, or tell as many catholic church/culchie jokes till they get the message.

Nope - I'd just slag them off for raping and pillaging nearly every other society in the world, and still hiving their arses kick by there much better looking, and more intelligent neighbours.
I would then tell the joke about the pope and the queen, and I'd follow that up with a little conversation about grown unionists throwing stones at children going to a primary school and how it's terrible we all can't just get along. I've a feeling that that would put a stop to their slagging.

The best defence is a good strong offence. Instead of saying nothing and getting upset, just send a couple of "pointed" jokes back. Give as good as you get. It's the role of her father/brothers to make him feel uncomfortable.

Get over it. Don't be so sensitive. Remember, at the end of the day, no matter what they say to you, you're going to go upstairs to their sister/daughters bed room and do terrible things they really don't want to imagine. It the slagging gets to bad - or your just crap at come-backs, just close your eyes, smile, and think of your girlfriend in ways they can't.

Evil Phil

... because shes really hot

Problem solved if you ask me. If you're going out with their daughter then they have every right to make you're life hell. That's how it goes. Grinning and bearing it pretty much guarantees that they'll like you.

2. the Finnish are know for .... having the most boring Fomula 1 champion ever.

Ironically he's actually German.

Zulu

Originally posted by Evil Phil
Ironically he's actually German.

Nope, they have the most boring champion ever, but Shuey is almost as boring I'll give you that.

Battlesnake

Ok, everybody seems to be taking all this very lightly.
My best friend is jewish and her family are pretty strict about it.They're very proud people and would never take any kind of slagging off about their beliefs.
Its fair enough to have a bit of a laugh with someone you're familiar with, bit of friendly banter.
This was your first meeting with your gfs family and she just let them insult your whole belief system and up bringing as if they just said pass the butter.
Personally I think its out of order and I think it shows badly on the parents that they just let their kids get away with insulting a guest and making them feel uncomfortable, never mind the fact that they sunk to the same level themselves.
If it bothers you then spell it out to them and don't let them become comfortable with using you as a punchbag for their own ignorance.
For my friend anyway its been difficult for her having a religion thats a minority in Ireland. Shes stuck to her beliefs even though people have given her a hard time for being 'different' and I'm really proud of her for that.
Don't let people hurt you, no matter who they are!

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Battlesnake
Ok, everybody seems to be taking all this very lightly.

Actually no. People here have sympathized from their own similar experiences where they were of a different creed, nationality or race and told him to lighten up. To argue that his case is in some way special is both demeaning and offensive to everyone who has responded in that manner.

munkeehaven

If it bothers you then spell it out to them and don't let them become comfortable with using you as a punchbag for their own ignorance.

just because you have had experience with knowing someone who is jewish, dont expect that everyone else has, so you shouldnt try to be so high and mighty. there is a big difference between ignorance and nervousness,people tend to crack jokes to ease their nervousness or lack of knowledge on how to approach different people. it happens to me quite alot when i tell people im half african or whatever, they might say something silly that might be offensive but they dont mean in a bad way , and generally after getting to know me they are grand and comfortable.the family just need time to adjust to a new culture/religion, its as simple as that, so dont be so harsh.

Sleepy

Originally posted by Battlesnake
Ok, everybody seems to be taking all this very lightly.
My best friend is jewish and her family are pretty strict about it.They're very proud people and would never take any kind of slagging off about their beliefs.
Its fair enough to have a bit of a laugh with someone you're familiar with, bit of friendly banter.
This was your first meeting with your gfs family and she just let them insult your whole belief system and up bringing as if they just said pass the butter.
Personally I think its out of order and I think it shows badly on the parents that they just let their kids get away with insulting a guest and making them feel uncomfortable, never mind the fact that they sunk to the same level themselves.
If it bothers you then spell it out to them and don't let them become comfortable with using you as a punchbag for their own ignorance.
For my friend anyway its been difficult for her having a religion thats a minority in Ireland. Shes stuck to her beliefs even though people have given her a hard time for being 'different' and I'm really proud of her for that.
Don't let people hurt you, no matter who they are!

Just because someone is pious about their infantile beliefs doesn't make them any less a fair target for a slagging. Being taken the piss out of by a girlfriends father is the norm in Ireland, hell I've had an ex who the first thing I found out about her father was that he was a black-belt and slept with nunchucks under his pillow! If someone believes that they're "a chosen people" and because of that believe that they should be held in higher esteem than others then they need to grow up. Yes, the Holocaust was a terrrible thing, but it was 60 years ago!

Battlesnake

Heya,
sorry if anyone thought that I was being too harsh or felt offended.
When I said everyone had taken it lightly I meant that I disagreed that he should just brush it off. I was not discounting their experiences/sympathy.
From what was said it seems they went a bit overboard with the slagging, more insulting than friendly.
If I was harsh its because I've seen the pain my friends sufferered because of other peoples lack of understanding. I never said that her religion was anymore special than anyone elses, just that there are only a small amount of jews in Ireland and therefore people know less about it.

Being taken the piss out of by a girlfriends father is the norm in Ireland

Not where I come from it isn't!
Anyway it was the whole family ganging up on him, not just the Father.
Maybe when they've gotten to know each other better, but for the first meeting - in my opinion its rude & unwelcoming.