Had Enough

weeginger

I work in a place where there is a lot of banter and slagging. If you don't play along it just gets worse or you're seen as being stuck up. This is grand, but one guy takes it too far and has really hurt my feelings a few times. He came in today when I was on here - during lunch break so perfectly allowed- and read some of the poems I had posted up over my shoulder.

I didn't realise he was there. Ordinarily I wouldn't care, but he said some really nasty stuff. Any advice?

Emboss

tell him the next time he leans his neck over your shoulder you'll break it?

be creative....

Hagar

That's not great advice.
Never threaten anybody.
Just stick it on him.
No warning.

Hagar

Well sortof

weeginger

I have just started work there and he is the golden boy who can do no wrong. I am scared of isolating myself from everyone else there. Plus the two of us are meant to be a "team"

Time Man

find something about him that he won't find funny or will take badly and slag him about it. I worked with a guy who was a bit like that, had the gift of the gab. He used to give me stick about being gay, which I'm not, but it just got annoying. So I'd slag him about his weight and thining hair, especially aropund the girls in the office, which really got to him and shut him up

Dr. Loon

Tell him straight out to stop being such a cúnt. Make sure everyone else hears you. Then laugh and walk away. You'll then be considered a psycho and everyone will be nice to you. Make sure to use the word cúnt.... it's extremely harsh and upsets most people.

weeginger

Am considering spitting in his tea - no seriously there are gonna have to be words. I can take slagging but some things -especially my poems - are not for taking the piss out of. One of them he slagged was about my baby I miscarried. Thats not comedy.

Emboss

Originally posted by Hagar
That's not great advice.
Never threaten anybody.
Just stick it on him.
No warning.

sure it is....

depends if you can back your mouth up i suppose

i dunno i just wouldn't take that **** in work...

tman

Originally posted by weeginger
Am considering spitting in his tea - no seriously there are gonna have to be words. I can take slagging but some things -especially my poems - are not for taking the piss out of. One of them he slagged was about my baby I miscarried. Thats not comedy.

and you let him walk away with his testicles?
the ****er deserves to be fired for that!

weeginger

AAAAARRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Hagar

Sorry I didn't realise that Weeginger was a female.
I am big and thick enough not to take ****.

weeginger

yeah am a chick !

tman

Originally posted by weeginger
AAAAARRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

i was merely stating that he deserved to be fired, not that you should actively try to get him fired

Dr. Loon

Originally posted by weeginger
yeah am a chick !

In that case, telling him he's a cúnt will be even more venemous. Go on...

Beruthiel

Originally posted by weeginger
One of them he slagged was about my baby I miscarried. Thats not comedy.

did he know this weeginger?
first I would take him aside and explain to him that you use poetry to get you through getting over this and that you would appreciate it if he spent his time on something other than slagging you about this very painful subject. He sounds like a bit of a bully, they normally don't like to be confronted in a calm and logical manner.
If your little talk doesn't work
go over his head and complain about him to your manager, again, do this in a calm and logical manner
this is the only way you will be taken seriously
good luck
a

Borzoi

Originally posted by weeginger
yeah am a chick !

Then cry. Cry loudly and at length.

Next time he's near you talking, and there are other people around but not quite in ear shot. Just start crying. Make up any ol tale about what he's just said to you.

It's evil, but TBH he sounds like a complete tosser so he probably deserves it.

simu

I'd go with Beruthiel's suggestion. If you cry at work, people might think you're an attention seeker.

echomadman

One of them he slagged was about my baby I miscarried. Thats not comedy.

surely that can be construed as harrassment, Make a formal complaint to management and get him fired.

I have just started work there and he is the golden boy who can do no wrong. I am scared of isolating myself from everyone else there. Plus the two of us are meant to be a "team"

You'll probably find that everyone actually hates him, but dont want to say anything.

nads

Originally posted by echomadman
You'll probably find that everyone actually hates him, but dont want to say anything.

Bigtime, well said.

Also is there a chance that this guy likes you? Hey, i know it's junior infants stuff, but that's the level of interaction some of us have, the next step is construction site shoutings... and that's pretty much it

Deadwing

Originally posted by weeginger
Am considering spitting in his tea - no seriously there are gonna have to be words. I can take slagging but some things -especially my poems - are not for taking the piss out of. One of them he slagged was about my baby I miscarried. Thats not comedy.

If thats the case you shouldve just said it to him, embarass the fucker into shutting up. Observe:

Office moron: "Whats this youre writing? some kind of **** poetry? hur hur. 'oh i luuuurve you dahling, you are my world, roses are red violets are blue, hur hur'"
You: "Actually its a poem i wrote about a child i miscarried"
Office moron:".................oh, err..uhh.sorry"

Youll NEVER get hassle off him again, trust me.

Garz

I'm just wondering what industry you're working in?
Have you got a formal HR Dept or representative?
If so, have a word with the HR people IN CONFIDENCE.
Explain that this guy’s behavior is making you uncomfortable and causing you upset. Explain that you feel that as a new hire you are concerned that a confrontation may alienate you, but that the issue has reached the point where you really needed to approach someone.
HR should then approach his manager and explain that there has been an issue raised about his behavior, and it should be handled out-of-sight between him and his manager.

Then again if we’re talking cottage industry, then this is all moot!

weeginger

I don't do crying in public AT ALL, as for the he fancies me theory - Nah, he's happily attached. I have calmed down a little and am coming to think that he is just being immature. He seems a bit self-conscious so maybe he is being cool cause he's scared of not being liked?

I am gonna take him aside for a chat later and tell him that some things are personal and I'd perfer if he left them that way and didn't concern himself with things that have absolutely nothing to do with him.

Thing is we got on really well together until the last few days. He probably doesn't realise I'm annoyed.

He will get told.

Hagar

Good for you. That's a very sensible course of action.

miles teg

You might consider getting him to read this thread.
Actually reading how you feel about the situation as well as seeing how most people
are reacting to what he is doing might make him realise he is being out of order and
that most people wouldn't appreciate it (I woulkdn't!)

Hope it works out for you.

Typedef

Way I see it you have two choices.

1: Loosen up, play along and get him on your side, you might end up being friends.

2: Rat him out and make an issue of it with your manager.

Option 2 *is* the nuclear option and is not to be taken up lightly, because right or wrong doing things like that can have a *profound* impact on your career...

banquo

jsut be narky for about 10 seconds and he'll lighten up.


e.g.:

him: nasty joke addressed to the whole group
you: (leaning over your shoulder to look at him) 'jesus mike shut the fuck up'


//silence - everyone is pleased///

works for me on buses and stuff. that and fighting. oooohh i luv fighting!

but dont fight him.

The Corinthian

A lot of people in the World have particularly aggressive and seemingly cruel streaks when they deal with others. If they can take as good as they get, that would be a good indication of it. Of course, this does not mean that they are in any way trying to be malicious, just that this is how they interact with others because this is how they expect others to interact with them. Men are often like this.

So this chap may honestly be oblivious to the offence he’s causing you and it may be an idea to tell him. Again, men are often oblivious like this.

Of course, this may not be the case, but I just thought I might suggest a different possibility. Hope this helps.

catsup

hope the confrontation went well weeginger, he sounds like someone i used to work with. he used to pick on others and poke fun, i just figured he did it to deflect any comments and slaggings from himself. confronted him, and he stopped. good luck;)

Sleepy

It's probably just typical enough male insensitivity. No doubt he hadn't a clue what the poetry was about, just that it was poetry and to the vast majority of lads there's something "funny" about writing poetry... Just cut the feet from underneath him with a slag if he has a go about something that upsets you again.

ravenhead

Have to agree with Beruthiel on this one ... if you go up to him & attack him, you're not going to be taken seriously ....You need to take him aside & as calmly as you can tell you to cop himself on .... & if that doens't work, try asking around with your other work mates about him .... just make it look like your trying to get to know people as your new.. then you'll know if he is liked & you'll know who you can have a good bitching session with!!!! Hang in there, people like him always get their come upins!!

The Corinthian

Originally posted by ravenhead
Hang in there, people like him always get their come upins!!

No they don't. Karma's just something that good people believe in to make themselves feel better about bad people getting away with things.

ravenhead

Originally posted by The Corinthian
No they don't. Karma's just something that good people believe in to make themselves feel better about bad people getting away with things.

It is true ... one way or another ... that guy will regret what he is doing ....

The Corinthian

Originally posted by ravenhead
It is true ... one way or another ... that guy will regret what he is doing ....

Wishful thinking upon your part.

Sleepy

Not necessarily Corinthian, I'm no great fan of nonsensical beliefs but people tend to treat others how they percieve them to treat others. What goes around comes around is a pretty good generalisation (and with that comes all the exceptions that make it a generalisation rather than a hard and fast law) and from my experience, one that usually holds true.

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Sleepy
Not necessarily Corinthian, I'm no great fan of nonsensical beliefs but people tend to treat others how they percieve them to treat others. What goes around comes around is a pretty good generalisation (and with that comes all the exceptions that make it a generalisation rather than a hard and fast law) and from my experience, one that usually holds true.

Not wanting to drag this thread OT any more but, with all due respect, that’s complete horseshit.

It is certainly not true that people tend to treat others how they perceive them to treat others - we do not steal from people simply because they will steal from others and we do not maltreat people simply because we perceive them to maltreat others. We follow a code of conduct because that is how conscience guides us, no because we are copying others.

At best we may refuse to deal with such people, as often happens in business, but this is assuming that we are forewarned of their character or even that we are willing to listen to such warnings. Some will even seek such people, perpetuating a masochistic pattern of behavior which they can then whine about on forums like this.

Karmic justice does occur, but it is certainly not any type of absolute law as ravenhead suggested. It’s just as random and capricious as the rest of life.

nads

from my vast (i.e. very limited) experience in life i've noted that these 'slaggers' can't take what they give, in fact the get bitterer and more hostile, i've got a nice trick to get rid of these, partially because my accent accomodates it:

Bowsy Guy: blah blah blah.
Me: Yeah, schur-up will ye.(in a calm tone like when you quieten a child)

nobodythere

Am considering spitting in his tea - no seriously there are gonna have to be words. I can take slagging but some things -especially my poems - are not for taking the piss out of. One of them he slagged was about my baby I miscarried. Thats not comedy.

****ing asshole.... If you want him to stop, cry next time, if you want revenge go with the sikth song and put laxatives in his tea

lisa.c

you should post up a new poem for him to read. and seen as he sounds quite unintelectual( BAD SPELLING I KNOW) write it in simple terms and base the poem on him ,a thick inconsiderate moran who pokes fun at women who have lost an unborn baby by the way sorry to hear that. then see how quick he is to make a laugh about you then. then to get more revenge ask him in front of every one did he enjoy the gay bash at the weekend but be serious and mention that you thought the guy he was with was real cute... that will get him ruffled......

fitz

Originally posted by lisa.c
ask him in front of every one did he enjoy the gay bash at the weekend but be serious and mention that you thought the guy he was with was real cute... that will get him ruffled......

Yes, cause that's not a sexual harassment case waiting to happen...
Moronic suggestion tbh.
Worst advice on PI in ages.

Ruthie was spot on. Weeginger, any update?

lisa.c

ya your right. would be stupid to do but fun thinking about it

weeginger

Hey

Have been off for a while so no access to the computer - sorry !
Update on the situation and lets lay this to rest. I took him aside and talked but it didn't make that much difference so resorted to plan B. He needed assistance on a report that was very similar to something i did in my last job so I volunteered to help. This meant I had his undivided attention. We talked, I told him that something would have to change if we were to get on at work and filled him in on the story. He thought poetry was naff (fair enough thats his opinion) and didn't realise that someone might use it to express things they cannot talk about. Talked some more and went for a pint after work. We're mates now !

Beruthiel

nice one
well handled!

Sarky

Is there anything alcohol can't fix?

Sleepy

Originally posted by Sarky
Is there anything alcohol can't fix?

Is there any thread there isn't an apropriate Simpsons quote for?

nads

Jiminy Jillikers Sleepy!

Beruthiel

I believe this thread has served it's purpose
closed
B