ex problem

LegacyUser

hello, i have a problem.

me and ,my exare working together, which is fine most of the time, we get on grand.

now there's a friend of his who i dont like and my ex is very VERY aware of this. this person is no a very good friend of my ex. obviously i never see any more as i am no longer going out with my ex.

all of a sudden she turns up at work, my ex claims he has no idea how she got the job (its kind of 'have to know someone' kind of job). he fobs me off saying she heard about it from some other person who used to work there.

me and my ex care a lot about each other and we are very close, so i though no reason to doubt this. i was just a little annoyed that i had to work in such a close environment with this person. but it was fine.

then tonight she tells me she got the job because my ex rang her, told her about it, then told our supervisors about her, gave them her number etc.

i am not happy that this girl is working with me.

i am VERY annoyed that my ex lied to me about it. fine, he knew i was going to get angry, thats probably why he lied, but its ME. why do something he knew would upset me?

also, im in a higher station than him at work, he knew id be training in the newbies, if he was best mates with this girl then perhaps, but he isnt good friends with her at all! we have a really good relationship and i was even thinking of us getting back together, i feel so betrayed., he knows EXACTLY how i feel about her (i dont want to disclose what my issue is with her) yet he was sly and underhand about it.

when i confronted him, he denyed the whole thing, untill he said that he knew she knew about the job before he called her. which is bs. now im in tears. he was supposed to stay over this weekend, and i was going to ask him to get together again, i know he wants to. its all ruined now and im in a state.

do i have a right to be annoyed about this??

mad m

Well he should of told you truth...i can imagine why your wondering why he would go out of his way to get someone that he knew you didnt like the job and lie about it,....why dont you like her?...some past there?...anyway none of my business...but i think your right to be annoyed at how he went on and more why did he do it?....doesnt make sense.....

goodluck....

Rock Climber

Be carefull.
This girl may be the one that was lying.
Unfortunately you have now confronted him with it.
If you hadn't I'd have suggested , you leave it alone on the assumption that it was actually the other girl that was out to cause trouble.


I'd suggest you go back to your ex,apoligise and convince him that you reckon that it was she that was lying.
You cannot really change the fact that she has the job or that ye are now working together , so why bother worsening the situation by having further rows with your ex?

The girl you don't like may after all be delighted that you have a row and then she becomes closer to your ex than you or worse turns him against you.
Make up (which is hopefully possible) and then...
Bite your tongue and play safe.
Things will work out one way or the other

Elessar

That's a tricky situation to be in. Just remember, you are not going out with your bf anymore. He's an EX . So he doesnt really have to not annoy you, if you catch my drift. He can do as he wants. Though as a friend, he shouldn't have done that, deliberately. Perhaps your friendship is not what you thought it was?

Perhaps he's resentful of breaking up in the first place?

LegacyUser

first of all thanks for your replies.

there was no reason for the girl to lie to me. it really is something that my ex would do, instead of being mature and talking to me about it, he's more likely to try to get away with it. if he had just discussed it with me i wouldnt feel so betrayed.

i know what you mean, Elessar. i know he's still not over me but i really thought our friendship was good and strong. obviously not. now im worried he has a constant hidden agenda.

i got my ex the job in the first place so it seems extra personal, and he knows how much work means to me.

the girl in question isnt THAT bad, or as bad as id thought she'd be, we are working together grand so far, but how am i supposed to trust my ex? i really thought we'd have a future together but this is a giant setback.

thanks again

Kobie

how am i supposed to trust my ex?

You're not, he's your ex. It's not the most comfortable situation for you, but there's nothing much you can do about it. Even if he is lying, all he did was to tell a friend about a job - he doesn't owe you anything. How would you fell if you wanted a job, but a friend in the company told you that you couldn't have it because his girlfriend didn't like you?

malico

I'd have to agree. He is your X. Sometime my x tells me we have a "spark". I say... em. No. What i'm sayoing is somtimes the other party reads WAY more into it that there is. IE you were thinkgin of getting back with him. Was he? Also sometimes Its misinterperated (sp?) as to how they feel etc. Maybe they have just been being nice to you to make a work arrangement work. Maybe they are with someone else and you can;t get over it, even though its been two years, and youve told them.....sorry, thats me

Anyway advice, let it go

Emboss

sigh...

grow up, build a bridge, get over it

and enjoy your "higher station"

LegacyUser

i think everyone's misunderstanding me a little. me and my ex have great relationship, and i know he wants to get back together, but that isnt the point. its wee bit more complicated than just not liking this girl, but thats not the point either.

we were talking about getting back together a couple of days ago etc etc and this has really set me back. i know perhaps im over reacting slightly to a white lie, but we were both thinking about getting together recently, so why would he jepordize that?

argh.

thanks emboss, i usually do enjoy my 'higher station'

LegacyUser

i think everyone's misunderstanding me a little. me and my ex have great relationship, and i know he wants to get back together, but that isnt the point. its wee bit more complicated than just not liking this girl, but thats not the point either.

we were talking about getting back together a couple of days ago etc etc and this has really set me back. i know perhaps im over reacting slightly to a white lie, but we were both thinking about getting together recently, so why would he jepordize that?

argh.

thanks emboss, i usually do enjoy my 'higher station'

seamus

What I'm gathering from your posts is that he's your "ex", but you're still texting eachother and talking in cootchy-coo language, and possibly even having comfort sex when you get drunk/bored. The fact that he's supposed to "stay over" this weekend confirms this.

Perhaps he lied because he does want to get back with you, and if you found out that he'd told her about the job, you'd throw a wobbler (like you have done) and the chances of that would be scuppered.

You have one more chance to confront him. If he denies it again, despite what you say, then go on your past experience of him - if you trusted him and believed him in the past, why are you so sure he's lying now?
If he doesn't really know her at all, and knows you hate her, why would he go out of his way to get her a job? She probably knows you hate her, so possibly the grapevine let her know about your suspicions, so she said that to piss you off.

SAXA

Even if he did tell her about the job it may not be as bad as you think. He could have been talking about work to her and mention that they just hired some new people or somethin along those line. She then asked him to put in a good word for her and he is caught a bit off balance butwhat can he do. He could tell you but is afraid you would throw a wobler and she is asking him about the chance of getting the job. So he hides his head in the sand and hopes the whole thing blows over.

ravenhead

Originally posted by unhappy ex GF
i think everyone's misunderstanding me a little. me and my ex have great relationship, and i know he wants to get back together, but that isnt the point. its wee bit more complicated than just not liking this girl, but thats not the point either.

i think that maybe your history with this girl is what's causing the problem here. By anychance was your ex with this girl after ye broke up?? it seems to me that your ex didn't discuss it with you because he didn't want to hurt your feelings .....
that doesn't excuse him lying to you afterwards about it but may he thought that was the easiest option at the time ....

zervi2003

Trying to understand aswell.

What I understand is that. The girl got the job. Grand brilliant for her! But then you realised that hang on a sec...who tipped her off about the job? Then she says your ex. You are then distraught that he never told you.

So now youve confronted him about why he never told you and he is denying it?

to be honest, although a few other posters have asked the same question, sounds like you are a little jealous over this girl (be honest now!) for what ever reason (maybe a very good reason), and that maybe its not all about the fact that he didnt tell you he got her the job but the fact that he got the job for HER.

If it was someone normal you probably wouldnt give a toss who told what.

In which case, yes he is wrong not to have told you (I dont believe fellas bullsh*t about not telling you cause they dont want to hurt you).
If you are insecure about something you really have to tell him and get it off your chest -- cause in all fairness he isnt a mind reader either.

Hope it goes well for you anyways

DapperGent

Originally posted by seamus
talking in cootchy-coo language

Typedef

Sometimes you know you have to love people 'warts and all'.

I think you're being melodramatic bye the bye... Live and let live.

Or rather live and let die.... so if it is such a big problem for you... just have the girl fired/discredited/hounded out of work, if you're in an authority position.. that's one of the perks that comes with power....
You get to abuse it in order to get rid of girls who might sleep with your 'ex' boyfriend.

Perhaps you'd think that was amoral perhaps you're suffering from the delusion that you aren't jealous of this girl... neither statement is particularly relevant.

Alls fair in love and war

Etain

Who has his loyalty? He wants to continue with you, but lies about helping her get the job? If he'd lie about that, something seemingly unimportant, what else is he prepared to lie about? Don't wait for those bigger lies, move on!

munkeehaven

you have to realise that there is always going to be some animosity between ex'es whether you like it or not. and i know you might not like to hear this but you could be just ''jealous'', and sometimes that is hard to admit. girls also tend to feel threatened by their ex'es female friends. if you want to get back together with him you should be careful because this girl could cause even more problems then. especially if she has feelings for him herself.you obviously still have feelings for the guy if this is bothering you so much. try to let it go or else it will eat you up inside. you know the way guys are ,sometimes they do things with an alterior motive but mostly they dont, (from my exp).;)---thats usually our corner

Sleepy

Am I right in thinking that ye're splitting up had something to do with your ex sleeping with this girl? If so, I can see why you're pissed off. If not, and if she'd no genuine input into your breakup I really don't think you've a right to give the lad grief over doing someone a good turn.

LegacyUser

the girl isnt the problem. the problem is that he lied to me about something he knew would be important to me.

sleepy, she had nothing to do with us breaking up, that isnt the point anyway, there are other ways of ruining a friendship which dont involve sleeping with my boyfriend.

if he had said to me 'im thinking about giving X a job here, just to tell u before she arrives so YOU wont end up training her in'. then i would have been prepared, and gotten someone else to train her in. but no, i arrive on monday and there she is.

she is no longer the problem however because we are getting along quite well. the problem is that he wasnt honest with me about it. he's always been a bit sneaky, but there was NO NEED for lying about it. i really wouldve appreciated him being honest, and id respect him more too.

Gordon

So the problem is that he lied to you about it. And you want to get back together with him. You aren't together, but you want to get back together with him?

And you have told him everything that you have posted here, right?

(got to go, easy internet kciking me off...!)

dr_manhattan

"he's always been a bit sneaky"

ok, this is curious. Either you trust this guy or you don't.

The one part of this I don't get is that you describe a solid, trusting relationship between you and your ex, and then next thing you imply that he's not trustworthy.

I can't understand how a solid trust situation would be destroyed by a small event like this. And then there's the fact that you're not telling us all the story: why not? You're posting anonymously for god's sake.

Fact is, it's down to you to decide whether you trust him or not... if you do, then this is all just gravy. If you don't, then stay away. But make a decision and stick to it, IMHO, is the best course.

I think maybe you're pretending to yourself one way or another, and my suspicion is that you're pretending that you trust this guy when really you don't. Why did you split with him in the first place if he's so trustworthy? And why entertain having him back if he's not?

/my 2 cents

Typedef

Trust your instincts.... they're the things that tell you to eat and sleep.

If you have a gut reaction that this guy's not trustworthy, then go with that... it might seem crazy, but, if you get a vibe from him that he's sneaky, it's probably because at some subliminal level, the guy comes off as being untrustworthy.

Unfortunately, people never change and from the sounds of it, your err boyfriend is the deceptive sort and if he can't be honest about something relatively trivial like hiring somebody, he'll not be honest about the bigger things.

Then again, maybe he was thinking you'd just be cool about the whole thing and not make an issue out of things.

Could it be possible you've blown this thing out of proportion?