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German Jokes !!

pyrogenx · 2004-06-22 00:17:38

Knock, knock. > >Who's there? > >The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is in >hospital. > >**** > >A man walks into a pub. > >He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family. > >**** > >Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge? > >She was clinically depressed and…

22-06-2004 12:17am

#1

pyrogenx

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Knock, knock.
>
>Who's there?
>
>The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is in
>hospital.
>
>****
>
>A man walks into a pub.
>
>He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.
>
>****
>
>Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
>
>She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly
>low self-esteem.
>
>****
>
>What do you call a cat with no tail?
>
>A manx cat.
>
>****
>
>Why do undertakers wear ties?
>
>Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their
>appearance has a degree of gravitas.
>
>****
>
>How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
>
>One.
>
>****
>
>Why do women fake 0rgasms?
>
>Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.
>
>****
>
>Two men are sitting in a pub.
>
>One man turns to the other and says: "Last night I saw lots of strange men
>coming in and out of your wife's house"
>
>The other man replies: "Yes, she has become a pr0stitute to subsidise her
>drug habit"
>
>****
>
>Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out
>and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders
>off.
>
>****
>
>Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
>
>Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell
>pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.

0

Comments

#2 22-06-2004 12:25am

bizmark

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There jokes! :eek:

0
#3 22-06-2004 10:04am

kmart6

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Germans,why do they even try???

0
#4 22-06-2004 7:43pm

pyrogenx

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ha ha, im german. Those jokes are so offensive against ze germans not been able to make jokes, that fact is so funny :')

0
#5 22-06-2004 7:50pm

aidan_walsh

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Done before

0
#6 22-06-2004 10:19pm

JackKelly

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funny but old old old. Used to go under the name of "unjokes"

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#7 23-06-2004 6:46am

Mac daddy

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Jesus they are brutal man

0
#8 23-06-2004 10:42am

jor el

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I laughed.

Sad, I know

0
#9 24-06-2004 11:24am

lofto

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i think there good........

0
#10 24-06-2004 2:57pm

spooiirt!!

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heres some irish jokes:

knock knock

whos there?

hei diddle diee do diddl di dy ho ho diddle dee die!

man walks into a pub and says to the barman, " fiddle do diddle dee die, ho ho boy! diidle deee doh, all our women are pale and fat, our weather is crap, we pay ridiculously high prices for eveything because we are afraid to stand up for ourselves,
we all wear nike and have 200 children.

yes i am german by the by.

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#11 24-06-2004 3:07pm

MarkR

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Originally posted by spooiirt!!
heres some irish jokes:

knock knock

whos there?

hei diddle diee do diddl di dy ho ho diddle dee die!

man walks into a pub and says to the barman, " fiddle do diddle dee die, ho ho boy! diidle deee doh, all our women are pale and fat, our weather is crap, we pay ridiculously high prices for eveything because we are afraid to stand up for ourselves,
we all wear nike and have 200 children.

yes i am german by the by.

Way funnier than the German jokes!:p

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#12 25-06-2004 12:34am

pyrogenx

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thats because the german jokes are jokes! they're anti-jokes, he he

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#13 25-06-2004 12:37am

simu

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These are not like German jokes, not any German jokes I've seen before anyway but they are very funny. So, yay for the jokes, nay for the stereotype.

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#14 25-06-2004 12:53am

RobertFoster

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wasn't there some poll last year that found out that Germans have the best sense of humour in Europe?

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#15 25-06-2004 4:48pm

Kazu

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germans are boring farts

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#16 25-06-2004 8:11pm

pyrogenx

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Thank you Robert, i think they do have a very amusing sense of humour. I mean i should know !

By the way, these jokes are suppose to be german because the germans are kinda strict, always on time and they live to work. (i know what its like to be at work at 5am every morning, it sux)

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#17 25-06-2004 9:55pm

super-sissy

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Two Germans in England on holiday, go into a very typical toffy pub.

One of them goes up to the bar and in his best school English says "I voud like to have two gin and tonics"

The barman asks "dry, Sir?"

German shouts "Nein! Zwei!"

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#18 25-06-2004 10:52pm

simu

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Google does not lie!

375,000 hits for deutsche Witze (jokes in german). Ha!

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#19 25-06-2004 11:08pm

de5p0i1er

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Well I've heard worse.

0
#20 25-06-2004 11:35pm

pyrogenx

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thats a good one. LOL

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#21 26-06-2004 12:08pm

spooiirt!!

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Originally posted by Kazu
germans are boring farts

heid deiddle dee die

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#22 26-06-2004 2:53pm

duridian

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Was ist der Unterschied zwischen einer Schlange und einer Autoschlange?
....

.....
Mit der Autoschlange ist das Arschloch immer auf vor!

Ba-dum-tish

..and no I am not German

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#23 27-06-2004 1:17am

Rnger

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STUFF UUU

stfu

0
#24 27-06-2004 5:37pm

pyrogenx

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Jeez, didn't expect that many ppl to reply to this thread :-)

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#25 27-06-2004 10:35pm

MrJoeSoap

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My mate told some of those in his best German accent down the pub recently and we were in stiches !!!!

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#26 28-06-2004 8:01am

gobby

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Why is it that Germans get this seriously undeserved stereotype!?

I'm living in Germany at the moment and all my German mates are funny as fuk.

Oh, and the German unjoke thing is sooooooo old.

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#27 28-06-2004 11:40am

super-sissy

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maybe it depends on what part of Germany you live in....I live in Germany myself,
been here for years (and years!), and although my Germans friends have a great
sense of humour, they're more the exception than the rule!!!

Oh, and maybe the joke is a little old at this stage but personally I haven't heard a
decent German joke in a loooooong time..... hey, gobby, heard any good ones lately?

Ciao

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#28 28-06-2004 11:46am

gobby

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Originally posted by super-sissy
maybe it depends on what part of Germany you live in....I live in Germany myself,
been here for years (and years!), and although my Germans friends have a great
sense of humour, they're more the exception than the rule!!!

Oh, and maybe the joke is a little old at this stage but personally I haven't heard a
decent German joke in a loooooong time..... hey, gobby, heard any good ones lately?

Ciao

Well, seeing as how my mates English aint great and my German is even worse I haven't actually heard many jokes from them as such. But in general, there humour is grand. We always manage to have a great laugh and some of the lads are just as funny as any Irish mate! (And some of them are filthy feckers!)

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#29 28-06-2004 2:38pm

peckerhead

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Here's an old favourite of mine (from a Spanish friend)...

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#30 02-07-2004 4:08pm

Naos

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Originally posted by spooiirt!!
heres some irish jokes:

knock knock

whos there?

hei diddle diee do diddl di dy ho ho diddle dee die!

man walks into a pub and says to the barman, " fiddle do diddle dee die, ho ho boy! diidle deee doh, all our women are pale and fat, our weather is crap, we pay ridiculously high prices for eveything because we are afraid to stand up for ourselves,
we all wear nike and have 200 children.

yes i am german by the by.

LOL! A german with a sense of humour what next a [insert a funny sententce here mods] !

ROFL nice one germ

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#31 02-07-2004 9:52pm

pyrogenx

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That is one FUNNY pic!

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#32 08-07-2004 10:16am

Carlitos

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yeah germans are cool,the girls are gorgeous,french people are cool too
the stereotypes are undeserved

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