Need some help

LegacyUser

I need some help please.
After 8 months my boyfriend has called it a day. We've had several rows, nearly always over petty things, where we'd both end up getting upset, and in a hormonal/emotional rage I've dumped him a couple of imes, but we never stayed broken up. About 2 weeks ago we had a really petty row. I was under a lot of sress from exams and for the next 2 weeks we didn't speak much or see each other. I rang him the other day and said (in another hormonal/emotional rage) that I no longer saw the point in being together. I thought that as we'd barely spoken that he must have lost interest in me. Truth is he thought I was still angry at him. He texted last night wanting to know did I want to finish it. I didn't give a definite answer and he then said he'd made up his mind. I rang him and he was friendly so I didn't think he'd dump me, but he did. I've been crying ever since.

Only now do I realise how much he meant to me. I've mentioned getting back together but he doesn't want to. I'm devastated. I feel so stupid. We didn't even get to celebrate our exams being over together, which we'd been looking forward to for so long. I've been looking forward to the summer for weeks, so we could spend loads of time together. I had so many plans. Now I feel as though it's all been snatched away. I feel so cheated. But most of all I feel so stupid for arguing over such a petty thing and losing my lovely boyfriend. He says he wants to meet new people and that I should too but I only want him. There's no-one else like him. He was the first person I've ever been intimate with and I loved the fact that he wouldn't go bragging about what we'd been up to and that I could trust him. I've rang him up since asking him to give me another chance but he said he's had enough of petty rows. I can't bear the thoughts of him being with someone else.

I'm going to feel so lost back in college in September, we met at the beginning of 1st Year and he's the closest person to me. He's not a gossip, he's kind and affectionate and always treated me so well. He's so special and doesn't even know it. I waited years for someone like him to come along, then he finally did and now he's gone. He was my first boyfriend too. I feel so stupid for ****ing up. I was just too much of a selfish bitch to cop on.
I just want him back.

ravenhead

Try not to be so hard on yourself .... things like this happen - especially at the beginning of the summer. I think that maybe you should try not contacting him for a while .... i know that isn't going to be easy but if you're ringing him & annoying him he is not going to want to know ..... you need to take a step back & try to see what it was that made you fight the way that ye did. When you say that he wants to meet new people ... do you know if he has anyone in mind????

Sleepy

I think we'll all been there. You'll get over it and find someone else. Think about it rationally, if ye spent so much time rowing there was good reason for it, ye weren't the perfect couple so dry your eyes, enjoy your summer and move on with life.

LegacyUser

I asked him had he met someone else and he said no. I'm just so upset.

LegacyUser

I talked to him on the phone a few hours ago and he got a bit upset towards the end of the phone call. Some of the reason why we used to fight was because I'm a bit highly strung and he had a tendency to word things awkwardly so I'd take offence and get upset. He's also brutally honest and sometimes the truth hurt. I know I've over-reacted so many times but I think it's only because he was so important to me that I'd be more vulnerable. I know that may not make sense.

seamus

Originally posted by guest101
I talked to him on the phone a few hours ago and he got a bit upset towards the end of the phone call. Some of the reason why we used to fight was because I'm a bit highly strung and he had a tendency to word things awkwardly so I'd take offence and get upset.

Lol, I think you'll find that's a male thing. We forget we must walk on eggshells

It sucks, and we've all been there. The only thing I can say is not to be alone. Go meet your mates, bawl your eyes out in front of them if needs be, but there's nothing worse than sitting on your own when you feel that way.

Typedef

Not meaning to be unsympathetic, but, err.

You dumped him what four times and admit that you were being hormonal and irrational?

It sounds as if the guy has had enough of putting up with, basically and I'm tying to be delicate here, abuse, from you, for no good reason.. be that hormones or dumping people.

No offence meant but, women or at least 90% of women take issue with a man, when he puts her irrational behaviour down to hormones and now you're trying to hide behind it.

I just don't buy that excuse I'm afraid and by the sounds of it, neither does your ex.

If you did have all these feelings for him like you said, you wouldn't treat him so badly, ergo, what you're feeling now is rejected... and *thats* why you're upset... you can't honestly expect us to believe that you dumped him twice.. but didn't mean to do it or thought that he'd understand you didn't mean to do it.

Maybe so, maybe you're one of these domineering types who needs to push people away, so that they can prove their loyality by coming back to time and time again.

The fact is... if you beat a dog enough.. he'll bite you back.

Dr. Loon

Originally posted by Typedef
Not meaning to be unsympathetic, but, err.

You dumped him what four times and admit that you were being hormonal and irrational?

It sounds as if the guy has had enough of putting up with, basically and I'm tying to be delicate here, abuse, from you, for no good reason.. be that hormones or dumping people.

No offence meant but, women or at least 90% of women take issue with a man, when he puts her irrational behaviour down to hormones and now you're trying to hide behind it.

I just don't buy that excuse I'm afraid and by the sounds of it, neither does your ex.

If you did have all these feelings for him like you said, you wouldn't treat him so badly, ergo, what you're feeling now is rejected... and *thats* why you're upset... you can't honestly expect us to believe that you dumped him twice.. but didn't mean to do it or thought that he'd understand you didn't mean to do it.

Maybe so, maybe you're one of these domineering types who needs to push people away, so that they can prove their loyality by coming back to time and time again.

The fact is... if you beat a dog enough.. he'll bite you back.

Ahhh... I was just waiting for someone to come along and refresh me with some sense in this thread. I was too scared to be so mean but, nail... hammer... head and all that. Fair play Typedef

LegacyUser

I was hard on him sometimes but I also felt a lot of pain at times in the relationship. Don't think I'd get mad at him and have a clear conscience afterwards. The complete opposite.

Typedef

Hrmm yes, thanks...

Like I say, sure guest101 feels bad but, what did she honestly expect?

That the guy would just wait around on her to come to her senses and *jump* at the opportunity to go back to her *yet again*... probably just to get dumped again?

Eventually people just stop putting up with the shit is what it boils down to and guest while I understand that you feel badly right now, I'm not going to let that sympathy sugar coat my honest advice to you, which is.

Do unto others etc.

Don't think I'd get mad at him and have a clear conscience afterwards. The complete opposite.

Sorry lovie, but, you sound just a tad like a wife beater there.

You know, slaps her face then tells her he loves her. There are *so many* ways you can inflict abuse onto people without raising your hand to them... I'm not seeing a large gulf of difference here... except that you're a woman...

Typedef : arse pinching male pig since before time began.

LegacyUser

I know I wasn't the easiest person to go out with. I don't blame him for dumping me. I just wish I could prove to him somehow how sorry I am.

D-Generate

But there is only a point in saying sorry if you are 100% sure that you won't act up with him again. In his eyes looking at teh past he probably thinks that the likelyhood is that if you got back together after a while you would give out to him again and break up with him on a whim. Honestly if I was in his position I would not be able for that kind of relationship and would seek out something more stable.

LegacyUser

I know. I really am sorry this time. It's only now I realise how strongly I feel about him. He says even if we hadn't been rowing he would've broken up with me anyway because he wants to meet new girls and that just tears me apart. I'm obviously no longer good enough.

LegacyUser

Unfortunately the day before I dumped him this time I had my contraceptive injection done so my hormones were all over the place.

Sleepy

Accept responsibility for your own actions and try to develop your self control. You can't blame hormones for your behaviour, but you can learn from it.

You have two options open to you here:

a) get over your ex and move on, still blaming the failure of the relationship on hormones, injections and mood swings. You'll meet someone else and the same thing will happen all over again and at the end of that relationship you'll feel just as bad and guilty as you do now.

or

b) you can start to change, holding in your emotional outbursts and only confronting people on things after you've given yourself time to calm down and think rationally. You'll still have to get over your ex but you'll be a better person for it and your next relationship should go better for you.

I don't mean to be cruel but life is. All we can do is learn from our past experience and make our future better.

LegacyUser

I know. I'm still so upset. It really hurts me tha he wants to meet new girls cos even though we had rows I still enjoyed being in the relationship. I miss the little things so much, like the "goodnight" texts and the cuddles.

smiles

Look, you dumped him a few times and now you've been dumped and you don't like it?

I think I'm more respect for the guy for not putting up with your attitude.

You say you miss the little things like hugs and goodnight texts and cuddles?

Sounds like you miss the attention of having a boyfriend, not your boyfriend himself.

To be quiet honest, I've been where you are, and I've been the highly strung bitch and I can honestly say that the guy that I hurt is far better off without me, so maybe he's better off without you.

If you really cared for him the way you say you do then maybe you should give him a chance to be treated well by some other girl.

<< Fio >>

LegacyUser

How have you been getting on since smiles? I know there are lessons to be learned and I sure as hell will be counting to 10 in my head in future. And I think the injection might have to become a thing of the past.

acous

you also have to remember that sometimes two people just arent compatible. no matter how much you miss him you need to try and look at things rationally - maybe he's not the best person for you. it will hurt and you will want him back but it doesn't mean you were meant for each other.

Check out some of the replies to this thread (mostly about breakups in general), particularly from MissMinx and Quigs Snr. I found em nice to read even tho it's been a while since i broke up with anyone .

smiles

Originally posted by guest101
How have you been getting on since smiles? I know there are lessons to be learned and I sure as hell will be counting to 10 in my head in future. And I think the injection might have to become a thing of the past.

I've been fine, it took a while but I accepted that he's better off without me, that doesnt stop the times in the past few years when I wondered what if I'd done things differently, and tried to make contact again.... it doesn't work, no matter how much you both want it to.

Just think, he's going to always remember what a bitch you were to him, and the way you treated him. It's going to come out in some row or another in a month or a years time.... do you really want things to stay like that?

And a side note, you *can't* be friends, no matter how much you think you can, after going out with someone for a more than 6 months then it takes time for both sides to get over it, regardless of who did the dumping.

The injection? As in the pill injection thing? Well thats entirely your own choice, but you might want to maintain it for the time being, it's not good to go off it for a month or two and then to try and go back on to it. Discuss that with your doctor anyway.

<< Fio >>

hedgetrimmer

As somebody who has been in a long term on/off relationship, I now realise that you don't DUMP people over an argument unless there is some fear or failing in yourself. The fact taht you need him back, I think, over-rides your love for him. Perhaps you feel you need someone, you need safety.

But you have to respect his wishes. My advice is don't contact him, and take a long ahrd look at the reasons underlying your behaviour over the last few months. Hormones, not matter how askew, are not an excuse for ending a relationship. Excuse for a fight, perhaps, but not ending a relationship.

I have lost too much over silly fights. I am now trying to figure out why, so I *never* hurt people like that again - like you hurt him, and like you have been hurt by your own negative behaviour.

Good luck, but take the time to look at the reasons for you behaviour

seamus

Originally posted by smiles
The injection? As in the pill injection thing? Well thats entirely your own choice, but you might want to maintain it for the time being, it's not good to go off it for a month or two and then to try and go back on to it. Discuss that with your doctor anyway.

Definitely discuss it with your doctor. If it's ****ing with your mood, perhaps you'd be better going on the pill. It's a little more hassle, but you may react to it better.

bug

/contemplates force feeding typedef the contraceptive pill to see how he reacts

Anyhow, go back to your doctor, your still in college and quite young I imagine, I dont understand why they are opting to give you the injection rather than the pill.
Im not a doctor but if you have noticed some mood swngs since you starting taking the injection and you feel as if its effecting you on a day to day basis, then you have got to go back to him.
I turned into a raving lunatic on the combined pill and am as happy as larry on the progesterone only, but thats me, it could be something different for you, for me the synthetic oestrogen was doing me no favours.

Unfortunatley there is not much you can do about losing the boyfriend the way you did. Your reactions may have not been the real you as such, but you lost him because of it, and thats all about it. Your priority should be to get your head and health together and sort this out. Try and do it before the new college term, and yes, leave the bloke alone for the moment. I would suggest you dont talk to him until you get back to college.

I do know what typedef is talking about though. If you are using hormones as an excuse for a general hot temper, and its not just mood swings related to contraceptives, then you really have to sort out some self control and think before you react. If this is something that you have noticed has happened when you took the injection and you were fairly placid beforehand, then sort out your doctor

Either way best of luck.

Typedef

Originally posted by bug
/contemplates force feeding typedef the contraceptive pill to see how he reacts

Kindly keep sharing your lurid fantasies about me.

Post haste if you please.

bug

Originally posted by Typedef
Kindly keep sharing your lurid fantasies about me.

Post haste if you please.

well it would be more of a scientic experiment really

LegacyUser

Originally posted by guest101
I've dumped him a couple of times,

i haven't read the thread, just the original point, so you've dumped him a couple of times and thats all well and good but when he dumps you it's all tear's ?, now you know what it's like, don't dump without good reason cause it hurts them like you hurt now, maybe it's karma ?

malico

I agree with banna..

Also, REALLY dont keep callign him. Guys HATE that. many a girl i've broken up with constantly calls and it's ended in me saying
"I relly like you, but if you contact me again, I'm getting a restraining order"

LegacyUser

We actually met up this week, was extremely awkward at first but a hug broke the ice-will be meeting up again tomorrow and that'll be it for the foreseeable future. I'm still a bit all over the place, rangeing from upset to mad to bitter to upset...
I just want to put it all behind me at this stage. I'm getting sick of calling and texting but he was always the one I talked to when something was wrong before.
I'm coming to terms with it all now.

LegacyUser

Well I'm feeling a bit better now...I've sure as hell learned my lesson about controlling my anger and thinking things through before acting hastily...been thinking about things and tbh the rows were often as much his fault as mine-it takes two etc. But I've managed to somewhat accept things now, although it hasn't been easy. I'm not looking forward to going back to college in September though.

David-[RLD]-

:eek:

That's a horrible thing to happen. I had a very similar experience last month when my girlfriend broke up with me. We had been going out since early December. I won't go into much detail but I know exactly what it's like and I feel so sorry for you.

I guess I was lucky because we got back together the next day and we're still together now, but I know that feeling all too well.

You will get completely over him eventually. I hate it when people say that because you feel like that's impossible.

I kinda feel angry at him now for putting you through this, even though I don't have a clue who he is (:rolleyes:). Nobody deserves to be put through heartbreak.

I really hope you feel better soon.

LegacyUser

You know what the REALLY **** thing is? His last girlfriend did the same thing to him that he's just done to me. Only difference is he saw me every day and her only once every couple of weeks. So he of all people should know how it feels because he was looking forward to the summer at the time. And I'd been talking about how I couldn't wait for the summer and was making plans. Little did I know.