Unrequited Love

ClareBear

Is there a worse feeling in the world?

TCamen

Telling them, and being laughed at and rejected or having them choose someone else?

Dr. Dre

Or, of course, NOT telling them and living with it in the back of your mind 'til the day you expire.
"I wonder what would have happened if........"

It's a sucky catch 22 situation I'm afraid, but at least you have closure.

Micro1

Try choosing one of your best friends over the only girl youve ever loved. Right choice made, but..............................

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

there's no such thing as unrequited love.. love is a shared experience, anything else is simply a crush/obsession.

embraer170

there's no such thing as unrequited love.. love is a shared experience, anything else is simply a crush/obsession

I wouldn't really agree.

The Corinthian

Originally posted by ClareBear
Is there a worse feeling in the world?

Yes. A hangover.

It's all ecksor's fault.

Sleepy

Originally posted by ClareBear
Is there a worse feeling in the world?

Probably not but just think of all the great songs, literature and movies we'd have missed out on if it didn't exist!

ravenhead

Originally posted by ClareBear
Is there a worse feeling in the world?

Depends on it you are going to try to do something about it - if you tell them & get regretted, well at least you know you tried - but if you do nothing - there will always be 'What If' .... I personally would prefer the knock back than to live with a what if!!!

tman

jesus, why do the threads always start on friday morning?
way to ruin my weekend buzz, assholes!

blah balh, i'll tell her next time i see her, yadda yadda...
(she should hopefully be moving to Galway for the summer:) )

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

Originally posted by embraer170
I wouldn't really agree.

naturally, few people who are in this situation want to admit to themselves that what they feel isn't as pure and unconditional a thing as 'love'.

i really don't see how you can be in love with someone who (you know) isn't in love with you, *shrug* but then I'm a romantic.

Zulu

Originally posted by Mordeth
naturally, few people who are in this situation want to admit to themselves that what they feel isn't as pure and unconditional a thing as 'love'.

i really don't see how you can be in love with someone who (you know) isn't in love with you, *shrug* but then I'm a romantic.

Ok try loving someone - and them loving you.
Skip ahead 4 years.
They decide that maybe the relationship is a bit stale, maybe they wanna try somthing new.
They leave
You still love.

That is unrequited love.. love has been a shared experience, to call it simply a crush/obsession is a little niave.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

no, that's not love. it's still just an obsession on the part of the person who was left. maybe the relationship was stale for 4 years, and this person finally woke up and decided to do what was best for the both of them.

you can have strong feelings yeah, it can feel like love i'm sure.. but if its only one way.. it's not love.
or at least, not the romantic kind of love i think we're talking about here

Nala

Originally posted by ClareBear
Is there a worse feeling in the world?

Well it sure as hell is one of the most painful.

Zulu

Originally posted by Mordeth
no, that's not love. it's still just an obsession on the part of the person who was left. maybe the relationship was stale for 4 years, and this person finally woke up and decided to do what was best for the both of them.

you can have strong feelings yeah, it can feel like love i'm sure.. but if its only one way.. it's not love.
or at least, not the romantic kind of love i think we're talking about here

getting dangerously close to the what is love? how is it measured? can you love an animal (not that kind of love you sickos)? etc..

martarg

there's no such thing as unrequited love.. love is a shared experience, anything else is simply a crush/obsession

So you are saying that we can only love those who love us in return... playing the devil's advocate I might say that that looks a little like egotism .... I think love is possible both when it is returned and when it is not, although of course the experience is quite different in both cases.... then again, perhaps we should start by defining the concept of 'love', but that would take for ever, and I don't think it can be done. Love means different things to different people...
Anyway, going back to the original question, I must say that however horrible the feeling, I find it a lot more bearable than the passing of a family member or close relative....

ClareBear

Not going to give the full details but he loved me once and I was in a relationship at the time. Now that I see what I've missed out on (yeah I know, always want what you can't have etc...) and he seems to have lost his feelings for me....well it's crap! I rarely fall for someone. This feeling isn't new to me but it's been a while.


I know, give it time.....until then Cadbury's is my new best friend


If I'm twice my size the next time any of ye see me you'll know why.

Boston

Originally posted by ClareBear
Not going to give the full details but he loved me once and I was in a relationship at the time. Now that I see what I've missed out on (yeah I know, always want what you can't have etc...) and he seems to have lost his feelings for me....well it's crap! I rarely fall for someone. This feeling isn't new to me but it's been a while.


I know, give it time.....until then Cadbury's is my new best friend


If I'm twice my size the next time any of ye see me you'll know why.

So you basically played the odds and came up short. Maybe next time you should follow your heart and not your head.

ClareBear

Yes Boston, a royal kick in the nuts if I had any.

Zulu

Originally posted by ClareBear
Yes Boston, a royal kick in the nuts if I had any.

in my books your entitled to a mistake. You have my sympathy.

Sleepy

It'll be alright ClareBear, we've all been there at some stage and those that haven't will be some day. Life's a bastard, but the times it doesn't work out just make those when everything goes great all the more special.

ravenhead

Originally posted by ClareBear
Yes Boston, a royal kick in the nuts if I had any.

Have you told him how you feel?

ClareBear

Originally posted by ravenhead
Have you told him how you feel?

Yes and it was a bad idea. We were the best of friends and now I've just scared him off. Maybe he liked me because I had no interest and when I started to finally show an interest he realised I'm not what he wants....maybe he's just gone off me....maybe he's scared...I don't know. All I do know is that we used to talk everyday and now we rarely speak. If he doesn't want to be with me fair enough but losing the friendship aswell is too much.

I've given it time by the way....it's been months really....I don't want to give up on him but maybe it's time I faced reality and realised I've lost him and his friendship. That's what makes it so hard, actually losing him as a friend.

Life really sucks sometimes.

fragile

Originally posted by ClareBear
All I do know is that we used to talk everyday and now we rarely speak. If he doesn't want to be with me fair enough but losing the friendship aswell is too much.
...
That's what makes it so hard, actually losing him as a friend.

Have you told him that?

ravenhead

Originally posted by ClareBear
Yes and it was a bad idea. We were the best of friends and now I've just scared him off. Maybe he liked me because I had no interest and when I started to finally show an interest he realised I'm not what he wants....maybe he's just gone off me....maybe he's scared...I don't know. All I do know is that we used to talk everyday and now we rarely speak. If he doesn't want to be with me fair enough but losing the friendship aswell is too much.

I've given it time by the way....it's been months really....I don't want to give up on him but maybe it's time I faced reality and realised I've lost him and his friendship. That's what makes it so hard, actually losing him as a friend.

Life really sucks sometimes.

How did he react when you told him?? Was it while you were still in the other relationship or soon after coming out of it? He may have thought that you were on the rebound!

ClareBear

Originally posted by ravenhead
How did he react when you told him?? Was it while you were still in the other relationship or soon after coming out of it? He may have thought that you were on the rebound!

No I told him months after.....he said he didn't know how he felt anymore. I said that just staying friends would be fine and I never pushed him in to giving me an answer. Going from talking about 5 times a day to only once every week or less in the space of a few months is really frustrating.

Maybe what scares him is that I was in Cork and he was in Maynooth the whole time we were friends....then I got a place in NUI Maynooth (yes it's a coincidence but it was there or Dublin and I was miserable in Dublin so I picked Maynooth)....while he was a factor in the decision I never told him that and I've been there a month now and have never even asked to go for a drink with him thinking I'd give him time.

The last few days I've come to realise maybe it's time to let him go. Which is the last thing I want to do but there's no point in carrying on the way we are, we barely talk anymore and we used to tell eachother everything. Now when we talk it's just small talk.

Maybe he liked the idea of being with me but when it actually became an option he realised he didn't want me afterall.

Either way I just want the friendship back but I think it's too late now. I've kind of admitted defeat today.

ravenhead

You should invite him out for a drink? would ye usual go out in a group? If so tryto arrange that ... try to get things back to the way they were, as if nothing had been said. Let him see for himself that you are still the same person that he fell for in the first place .... but there is one thing to keep in mind... some guys are always after things that they can't have & when they can have them, they run a mile ... it's all about the chase to them ... hopefully for your sake he isn't one of these guys, but for the moment the most important thing is trying to get your friendship back on track & leave whatever happens after that up to faith!

ClareBear

Some good advice Ravenhead thankyou.....to be honest I think I've kind of messed things up....I rang him lastnight just to say hi and see how his brother was (he was attacked a few weeks ago) and it was so awkward and just one word answers and I just said is there any point in us staying this way. I want us to go back to the way we were at least.

I told him I wasn't going to contact him anymore if this was the way we were going to be with eachother and I hung up in tears.

I think I'm going to leave it......if he gets in touch I know he still wants to know me and if not then I guess I'll just have to deal with it.

Sleepy

ClareBear, I've gone through much worse with a good friend of mine and it all worked out okay in the end so don't give up all hope. Things can, and most likely will, go back to the way they were before. They did for me and the friend in question (who is also an ex) and we said some things to each other which I would previously have considered unforgiveable.

That said, sometimes relationships can be like ships in the night that find a harbour to shelter a storm in. They're great while they last and all we can do is take the memories of the great time we had and move on to finding more permanent connections in life. So, take a walk in the sunshine, remember the good times and smile about them. Then go out and have a laugh with your new housemates or something like that. It'll be better in the morning (though you might have a sore head!)

ravenhead

Originally posted by ClareBear
Some good advice Ravenhead thankyou.....to be honest I think I've kind of messed things up....I rang him lastnight just to say hi and see how his brother was (he was attacked a few weeks ago) and it was so awkward and just one word answers and I just said is there any point in us staying this way. I want us to go back to the way we were at least.

I told him I wasn't going to contact him anymore if this was the way we were going to be with eachother and I hung up in tears.

I think I'm going to leave it......if he gets in touch I know he still wants to know me and if not then I guess I'll just have to deal with it.

I'm so sorry to hear that - but maybe it was the right thing to do ... at least now he knows that you value his friendship & want to remain friends - the ball is in his court now.... Did he give you any hope of things getting better between you?

Typedef

Originally posted by ClareBear
Is there a worse feeling in the world?

Ah Clare, from what I hear you're quite good looking.

In a different time and a different place, we're a scorching couple.....

If it's any consolation you'd probably just have gotten together with him, to find he wasn't *everything* you'd imagined him to be... isn't it always that like that?

Perhaps not, I love my job and dreamed of getting one like it for years.

*ahem*.

Moving swiftly on, if you were *meant* to have been with this guy[1] in the cosmic sense, you would have found him irresistable even though you were with another chap at the time and that would have been that.

So, you being single *now* lets you see that he had quality (x) or (y) which you find desireable, but, not necessarily, go_nuts_dump_relevant_other_for_irresistable_stranger_quality(q).

So don't be stressed, pretty wimmen rarely have to endure that sort of thing.

In fact, I'll be going to some sort of gig in the Village tonight... and if it makes you feel any better you can come along and take it all out on me[2]...

I'm kind that way.

[1] By meant, I don't mean, tarrot reading, magic fairies sort of meant.
[2] In the good way.

ClareBear

Thanks for the advice everyone....maybe it'll work out....I've drifted from friends before and it hasn't been nice but this is different....this is someone I have a strong connection with (I rarely get that with people, if I do then I try to hold on to it)...

What's that saying? If you set them free and they come back to you then they're yours to keep, if not then there were never yours in the first place?

Or something like that.....


Anyway, it's just a sad situation. He was always the one I turned to for everything and now it's gone, I feel a bit lost.

Maybe we relied on eachother too much.

Thanks anyway, you've all been very sweet. What shall be shall be.

BEAT

Originally posted by Mordeth
naturally, few people who are in this situation want to admit to themselves that what they feel isn't as pure and unconditional a thing as 'love'.

i really don't see how you can be in love with someone who (you know) isn't in love with you, *shrug* but then I'm a romantic.

I tend to agree with mordie here, it isnt really "love" if the other person doesnt feel the same way...its more of an Infatuation.

BEAT

Originally posted by Mordeth
naturally, few people who are in this situation want to admit to themselves that what they feel isn't as pure and unconditional a thing as 'love'.

i really don't see how you can be in love with someone who (you know) isn't in love with you, *shrug* but then I'm a romantic.

I tend to agree with mordie here...it isnt really "love" unless the other person feels the same way...its more of an Infatuation isnt it?

the cat

if you love someone and they dont love you back it is either a crush or an obsession...but im in that position right now and it SUCKS!!!:mad:
im not in love....just obsessed (poor guy:D )

Syke

i think sometimes i dunno if i wanna be friends witha girl or be with her. its a fine line really.

hes pretty immature and not much of a friend if he wont even come clean and say what he is thinkin and just cuts you cold.

probably best left sit on the shelf tho - yer movin to his place may have freaked him out a bit even if it was innocent.

GuanYin

Have to agree with the immature comment.

He's a bit of an idiot to treat someone who was a close friend just because they liked him too much.

Maybe he was hurt when you didn't choose him before and he's bitter? Either way, I agree that you best let him cool off. Maybe if your paths cross in the future he'll have copped on.

Have to say, as little as I know you, he's clearly an idiot!

Anyway, I hope you feel better about things soon.

LoneGunM@n

Originally posted by ClareBear
Is there a worse feeling in the world?

God, I remember how sh!t it felt for me ... I know it sounds cliched, but it was like my heart was tearing apart in my chest!! But remember that although it hasn't worked out, something better is always out there for you [as happened to me ]

ClareBear

Thanks everyone....turns out he's talking to me again....not much but it's something I suppose. Just a weird situation that I don't want to be in.

Watch this space I suppose. Thanks.

ravenhead

Originally posted by ClareBear
Thanks everyone....turns out he's talking to me again....not much but it's something I suppose. Just a weird situation that I don't want to be in.

Watch this space I suppose. Thanks.

Glad to hear it Clarebear ... Hang in there ... It'll work out for the best..:)

Jim

Just wait for cloning to be legalised.
Or wait for him to realise his mistake.

Don't know which will take longer

ClareBear

Update: he's coming around....slowly but it's better than nothing.

Men! Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian...

Beruthiel

Originally posted by ClareBear
Men! Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian...

not sure about that, two women means two head fuks!

as for your man problem, take it slowly, give him space, try not to contact him, if he misses you and gets in contact, then there maybe something still there, however if it’s all one sided on your side then how can you know for sure he’s as interested as you’d like him to be?
Clare, you’re a grand girl and have all the time in the world to find someone who appreciates you for who you are, from where I'm looking you are still young with plenty of time ahead of you to find that 'special someone'
though it can be tough to be in this situation, if I were you I’d be going out and enjoying your time in college, try to put thinking about him aside as much as possible.
a

ClareBear

Thanks Beruthiel....sound advice there and I am trying....really

But I believe that if you think someone is worth it (and I have to admit he's the first someone I've thought is worth it in a long, long time....don't get smitten easily it has to be said) then you should go with your heart.

But yeah, we're getting there...slowly.



Aww man ye're all so nice on here......hugs!

Typedef

Hrrm.

You know, it's probably a bad idea to go wasting yourself waiting for Mr Right to randomly realise he's mad for you.

It might work out really well for you that way, but, equally, you might spend lots of time waiting around for no, good reason.

You should prepair yourself for that, where, you never know, it might all work out.... but like I say, it mightn't... and for all you know, Mr Right is right under your nose but, you're too smitten with this other guy to see it..... kind of like how you'd view him being with the wrong chick... n'est pas?

AngelofFire

unrequited love is something that everyone experiences at some stage of life. Dont get too hung up on the one person its never a good idea. This may sound cliched but the right guy will come around when hes meant to.

Typedef

Basically, I think that, waiting for this guy to suddenly 'realise' is asking for a broken heart.

From what I hear, you're also a totally hot chick, so you know... perhaps, I might be suggesting at this juncture, that you don't spend your time pining after somebody who seems unatainable, to you.

I think you could be setting yourself up for a let down, espeically if this guy doesn't live up to your idealised image of him... one which can't be realistic... if you think about it.

Alexi Sayle put it well, when he compared being in love to living in a Dictatorship. The beloved can say no wrong, each utterance is to be scrutanised for hidden meaning and everything is about them and how brilliant they are.

The thing is love is what's left over, when all the passion of the beginning has long since left -- Some random Nicholas Cage movie that.

So you see... it all makes sense.... Mr Ditz, has no sense, so forget about him, from what I hear about you being well hot, it's probably his loss anyway. No?

ClareBear

Erm....I don't know about me being "well hot" but thanks...but looks don't come in to it (okay so a bit but not that much).....I click with him...I never click with people to that extent. He's a fellow freak.

Still haven't met up with him but there's a lot of reasons for that. Planning on going for a few drinks soon though.

I know what you're saying about getting myself too worked up over one person....but you know how it is, when you get something or someone in your head like that it's hard to forget about it. And it's been ages now, I don't see myself getting over him any time soon. It's just being dragged out so much....it's been fecking ages since I last saw him.

I wish I didn't have these feelings for him. Life would be a lot easier. I can't believe I'm still in the same situation I was in months ago. It's doing my head in.

mad m

i didnt read everyones reply but im sure someone said it,,,time is a good healer and if it doesnt work out in long term,life does go on....one door shuts another one always opens.....goodluck!

Typedef

Originally posted by ClareBear
Planning on going for a few drinks soon though.

Hrrmm, to my callous and crass nature, does this not mean you have been sucessful in your... umm ... courtship?

Remember for (all lads ! = gay) drinks == a shot at having sex which is an order of magnitude better then say... well... just about any other scenario you might care to imagine (and I can imagine quite a few right now), where a male might get amorous with a female.

If you want my *advice* on pulling this guy, that would be try to be sexy (not slutty) alluring (not aloof) demure (not bitchy) available (but not easy).

Despite the fact it *might* be very easy for him to have you... if you make it too easy for him, he won't be interested.

And.. bottom line... if you throw youself at him and he doesn't take you up on your offer, you should have the confidence in yourself to realise that there are loads of other men out there and if he doesn't want you, then *he's* not the one... despite whatever mental image you have of him.. being *the one*.

In any case, the whole being stuck on a guy for months isn't abnormal... but, it gets you no where.. it does nothing good for you... and I guarantee you that.. if you and he don't get it together .. you'll meet up with him in a year.. and wonder why the hell it is you were so stuck on him.

Happened to me with an exgirlfriend just recently as it happens... I was totally mad for her... and for various reasons it never worked out.. I had occasion to meet her recently... and while I you know.. have feelings for her... I realise *just how totally wrong for me* she actually is.

I'd still ride her though.

*grin*.

CathyMoran

Read the posting - it happened to me a few years ago - the guy is now married to an ex-best friend but do not regret it because I know that he is happy and I met some wonderful people since...so no regrets, but you should move on in my opinion...