Just wanted to talk

LegacyUser

Hello,

My name is Mr. Red, and I'm 20 years old. I come from Ireland, I have lived here all my life. I saw this forum, and I thought that I might be able to get some things off my chest, so excuse me if it is trivial and annoying.

Well, where to start? I have lots of issues, so I shall try to bring the most relevant one to bear. Well, recently, as of about two weeks ago, I started using Ecstasy. Myself and some friends who I havent hung around with for sometime met up at this 21st birthday party. It was pretty lame, as we didnt know many people there, and we didnt have much in common.

After awhile we left. We were going to go smoke some dope, which is a pastime of mine. I've smoked dope for about two years now. But instead of just going for a smoke, the other guys arranged to get ecstasy tablets. At first, I was apprehensive and cautious. These were guys I knew all my life, and with what I had heard in the papers, on tv, and from other people, ecstasy was bad ****.

The guys told me that they had in fact been doing ecstasy for quite awhile. I was worried because I heard stories like there being Heroin or LSD or rat poison in them, that one tablet could kill you or damage you for life. But truthfully, I was interested. I've done other drugs before like speed, and I was always interested in the way that drugs could make you feel.

You see, I'm kind of a introvert. I dont talk about whats going on in my life much to anyone else, I'm shy and I'm not very good at expressing my emotions. I grew up in a big family, the best family ever. I love my family so much, and I dont know what I'd do without them. But most of my family were much older and had moved out of our family home long ago, so only my sister who was about 3 or 4 years older lived with me. My parents seperated in about 1988 or '87.

I now I'm about to go off the topic, but bear with me. You see, when my parents split up, I felt ashamed. Nobody elses parents screamed at each other, or lied or any of that stuff. I didnt feel like a normal kid. I suppose it was selfish of me to feel that way, but I did.

I didnt talk to my mother about problems I had, because I didnt think we could relate. I couldnt talk to my father at all. And my sister was...well my sister. She was older and more used to kicking me around or degrading me than talking to me. I didnt expect her to listen to my depressing **** anyway.

Well, anyway, I asked if they were safe. Everyone said they were, they had taken them for a long time, and one friend estimated he had taken over 300 tablets. Judging by how many people take these things over a weekend and dont die, I fancied my chances. So I took half of one.

I remeber throwing it back down my throat and wondering what the **** was going to happen, would I die that night, had I just ruined my life. I hear you cant pilot an aircraft if you've taken ecstasy

So we headed back to a friends house. About 4 or 5 of us were all in one room, and we started to come up. It was this utterly tremendous, like those butterflies you get in the pit of your stomach when you fall in love. My barriers, everything I have erected to defend myself against the world just dropped. I was just so happy, so glad to have these friends, who liked me just as much. The world seem so exciting. I talked and talked and talked til my voice went numb about pointless stuff, about the colour of the walls, vacations and football.

I felt comfortable in the world, like I had never been. i wanted to meet other people, I wanted to express my love for everyone in the world. It's true, drugs do strange things to you. I didnt chew my lips off, or crush my teeth, though I did feel tension in my jaw.

Since then I have taken about 2 or 3 tablets. I took one when we went out one weekend on a friday. It was amazing. I went from being the kinda guy who doesnt talk to anyone in the pub or club, to dancing on the floor, kissing 3 or 4 women. I NEVER talk to women in nightclubs, if I do, it's never more than 3 words. But that night, I liked talking to people. All my inhibitions were gone. I think that I can stop using them, thats not what I'm afraid of. What I'm afraid of is, that my other friends are going crazy on them. One friend has taken about 14 in two weeks, and he is already on anti-depressants. His very troubled, so taking ectsasy helps him unwind. But afterwords his like a zombie. His not himself.

I'm afraid of the mental and physical implications drugs are having on me, on my friends. I'm already skinny as it is, I dont want to look like a skeleton because I have no appetiate when I use E. But I do genuinely look forward to using it. Just being in love for awhile, seeing things from a totally different perspective and free of my muck of ages.

I'm glad I have gotten that much off my chest. Nothings been answered, but atleast it's not bottled up. I would talk about more, but I got to go. I would like to hear your experiences of using drugs if you have any, or any comments at all.

Thanks - Mr. Red

Beruthiel

ok, see the problem here is, you are becoming hooked on them to a certain degree because they are becoming a crutch for your shyness and not just for the buzz so to speak. I have taken them a few times myself but knocked it on the head fairly quickly when I realised I wanted/needed to have one before going out for a night on the town, I knew the next step was there. I would suggest you cut back and see if you can, don’t let this become a problem for you.

if you are having problems then this will not help, it’s freeing you for a while as you said but the underlying problems are still there. You need to deal with them another way

Sleepy

Mr Red, what you need is some confidence in yourself. Try something that once worked for me a long time ago. Go out and pretend to be confident. If you're afraid of doing something, feel the fear and do it anyway (just like you did when taking the tablet). As time passes, you'll find that it's not pretending any more, that you genuinely are confident in yourself. It's a little self-delusional, yes, but it can work...

If you've ever seen the movie "Boiler Room", it's what they were calling "act as if". Give it a try, it's got to be less scary than trying a drug to see what happens, all you risk is over-doing it and acting a bit arrogant for a change. If you don't want to explain it to your friends, act as if. Tell 'em you've taken a tablet. That way if you do overdo things/go a bit too mental, you've an excuse ready if you feel you need one.

spooiirt!!

that acting " as if " is sound advice. its sorta like an actor slipping into a role.
i always pretend im confident etc. when i do interviews fo jobs and other stuff like that. it works.

LegacyUser

Yep, it's great. Read up on it. Sites like:
http://www.erowid.org
http://www.mdma.net
are pretty good. There's hours of reading in them. After a bit of reading you'll realise that we don't really know what were taking and what it's doing. That scares you enough into limiting when you'll take it.

Though realising that a lot of your friends take it all the time and seem fine might be good enough. If you search google for ecstasy and depression what you'll gather from the first few results is 'you'll get depressed after taking e a lot if you've been depressed before'. But then when you read more of the 'we dont really know about this' you'll get a little scared again.

I took e near the end of last summer and then started taking it about every 2 weeks. It's not addictive but thinking about it I'd love to take some right now. I'd say it's addictive like dope. You get into the habit and spend your time around others who are taking it, you'll take it too. I didn't take it for 2 months because I went to France. Then last saturday I got back and took it about 4 hours after I got off the plane, because it was there and everyone else wanted to too. Great night. But I didn't take it in France even though i was told by people I knew there that they took/could get it.

A point for everyone... I introduced 3 of my friend to it one weekend before christmas. All 3 loved it at the time but 1 of the lads got depressed for a few months. The other 2 were fine and still take it. Different people.

Just try and set limits on how often you take it. Read up on it and you'll feel better than just throwing a pill down your throat. A lot of it is fear of the unknown.

LegacyUser

...and the key to ecstasy is to try and bring that beautiful feeling into the rest of your life. Tell your friends you love them even when you haven't taken a pill. The world is the same the whole time. Be happy!

red_ice

ok ill be blunt.

dont use E, i know to many mates in bad places cos of it.

The term for your friend is 'mid week blues'. Droppin at the w/e fridat, saturday and sunday leaves you to wait for the week end again and you just get bored.

Heres what a night out for Mr.Blue.

you said you smoked as a pasttime? Grand.

Mr.blue has 2 spliffs, something filling to eat, and a few shots of vodka, sambucca or what not.

Then when mr.blue heads out and his head is a lil hazy, but generally happy and can wait to get out there. Mr blue 9/10 has a great night, and doesnt go near E

Im not saying dope is the answer either, im just giving you an idea of what mr.blue does when hes out and did every night on his hollidays and had the time of his life - far better than E.

All E does is make you feel good - if your friends are friends their company should make you feel like that. You seem like a sound chap, your lookin out for the guys, but ask yourself are they lookin out for you? After all, they got you interested in E...

Stay clear of drugs in general, they aint worth it in the long term.

I shouldnt have really given you Mr Blues night out... but its far better than E.

your not able to fly plains now by the way

Just sit back and look at what your doing, i think you will sus it out for yourself

Superman

I know some mate from way back and they took them just to spice up weekends and stuff, but when i look at them now, if I see them arround, most of them aren't to jolly and still poppin pills at weekends.
As a third person, I noticed that after a few month of constant taking, the pills kind of lost their attraction and were no longer enjoyable for these people.
By the beginin of this year a good few of them are startin' to do coke and mainly because its's "better than yokes"!

so just don't fall into the trap of using drugs to escape personal issues such as shyness.

i'm not tryin to sound hpocritical, but smokin is far more a social thing than pills and regardless of what alot of people say pill's can fuck you up in the long run,remember they aren't naturally occuring like grass, there all chemical.So don't believe all the stuff about clean pills, just cause they don't have "chemical Y" in them it doesn't mean "chemical X" is good for you, just not fatal!
Also, alot of deaths from yokes are mis-reported, like if someone dies of dehydration caused by pills, The cause of death will only be considered dehydration, No mention of the fact yokes can cause you to sweat several pints of water in a night.

Remember there are a million things you can do to enjoy the world and I don't think that drugs such as E will help. Always count your blessings in life!

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

er.. don't listen to him (er, i meant red ice..). drugs can be great fun, and they can offer some amazing experiences. naturally, with such great highs.. there's the chance of some pretty nasty lows.

like beruthiel said it sounds like you're starting to depend on the pill to make your night (life?) complete, and that is not how it should be at all. I've taken them 7 or 8 times, but I was able to say "enough" and i haven't felt like taking them since, I probably will try it again in the future but it just isn't appealing to me atm.

if you are taking pills.. don't take them every weekend.. you need time to recover, mentally and physically after each time. I don't get bad comedowns myself, but I've seen friends of mine after a night (granted, I never took more than 4 and for some reason they took 10+) and it did not look healthy. whenever we took them we made a point to go for a meal or something the next day and even if we were not hungry, to force ourselves to eat something. you might not feel hungry, but you are.. and you should try to eat. try fresh food.. salads, something light..

the fact that you're only taking one every time is smart, but it won't last. I took one my first time, then every time after that 2 (took 4 once or twice) .. but the high was nevre the same as my first time even though I'd taken more pills. you don't get that high back, so don't go taking 20+ pills in a night to try and get it.. you'll only end up screwed up.

it's a nasty enough little drug, but if you do it sparingly it can be great fun.. I wouldn't be able to take it every weekend or to the extent that I'd lose weight because of it.. I'd start to feel sick of it, I'd notice the resistance I was building up to it.. and the high just.. wouldn't be 'high' any more.

all in all, they can be great fun.. but you can get sucked into taking them too often. dropping one before you go out every weekend.. is not going to be good for you in the long (or short) term, once every few weeks/months is what you should be looking at. i'd even advise that you stay away from irish pills, i've had nothing but irish myself but.. they're dirt. as with everything we get in this country, there's far better to be had and sometimes it just isn't worth the bother.

how many times have you taken them? have you had comedowns? what has your come up been like, have you noticed any changes? after a few times.. you will.. and you'll start thinking about maybe taking a few more.. then after another while.. a few more.. until you're taking 14+ a session just "to get a good comeup". it's a horrible way to treat a drug, and it's a horrible way to treat yourself.