Should I Say Something???

Dewey

Guys,

I have a problem. This weekend my Sister came up from the Waterford with her 2 kids, ages 5 and 3 and left them with my parents to mind for the weekend while she went off back down to waterford to go to a party with her husband. Heres the problem, my parents are........well lets say retired but not that old and shouldnt have to mind 2 kids for the weekend. If my sister had of stayed up here i would of had no problem but she didnt. my Dad cant cope with the kids and unfair on them. the 3 years needs alot of attention cause she still finds it hard to talk and the 5 year old is a real little boy.

Now you might think its only for a weekend just let it be, but this isnt the first time it has happened. Just 2 weeks ago my sister left the kids up here for a WEEK, and she fecked off back down to waterford to "work" she saids. now there is no way grandparents should mind a 5 year old and a 3 year old for a hole week just cause my sister cant get any work done while the kids are there. She is taking advantage of my parents and its not fair.

So should i say something to her?? she is the type of person who would say fine, your never seeing the kids again.....goodbye cause she is like cold sometimes and i'm affraid Mam and Dad would blame me if she did something like that.

I dont know?? what should i do?

hope you can give some advice.

thanks

Oriel

I'm 22. My father is 75 and my mother is in her 60s.
My sister is 28, and will leave her kids (now 1.5 years and 4 months) with my parents for a small time. Only talking from my parent's point of view, but they love having the grand children about. And I enjoy talking to the children who will turn round in 15 years an call me "uncle".

So the thing is, is this "problem" something that your parents are having a problem with, or is it just you with the problem? I mean, you didn't say how your parents feel about this...

S.

mrwyoming

this is my take on the matter... not to be taken personally (heaven forbid the thought...).

your parents are in the thrawls of adulthood... give them a little credit here - they've lived through life and are surely capable of confronting such issues on their own? i think if you were to intervene you could sour the brew on more than one front... yes, your sister could take the kids away; but on top of that would your folks not feel a little patronised? In that you felt they weren't capable of dealing with situations like this on their own?

If anything you should speak to your folks first - but ultimately it's an issue they need to deal with.

I hope amongst all that i've spoken a shred of sense!

Slutmonkey57b

A lot of people nowadays are ending up having to farm off kids to the grandparents for a while, it's not ideal but maybe you should ask what creche fees are like before you jump on her head! Ask your parents how they feel about it before jumping in with your opinion - they may have a problem with it, or they may not. It's not that long ago that 3 generations lived under one roof, either.

And on another note, did you consider helping out yourself?

Dewey

I forgot to mention, My Dad came to me and he said he and Mam can't cope with this. He said he loves it when the kids come but he and Mam are finding if very hard to mind the both of them. That is the only reason i'm asking you guys for help, because my Dad came to me. I would never speck for my Mam and Dad unless what i was saying had there full support. And when i said " I have a problem", i didnt mean that as the 2 kids are a "problem". I love them to bits, and i'm so happy when i see them. And i do help out, But the kids only look to me for fun and games, And when they are crying or looking for there nappy to be changed they always call for Granny or Grandad and the kids never let me do it. The "Problem" i have is my sister taken advantage.

And i'm not saying that if Parents leave the kids with the grandparents for a weekend or a few days that is unfair on the grandparents cause kids need to be with there grandparents. But my sister is getting away with murder and she knows it.

I know i sounded like i was saying the Kids are in the way when ever they come up but that is not what i'm saying. My parents have said this to me and that is why i wondering wheather i should say something or just leave it.

So i would love more of your advice.

Thanks!

senordingdong

Originally posted by Dewey
I forgot to mention, My Dad came to me and he said he and Mam can't cope with this. He said he loves it when the kids come but he and Mam are finding if very hard to mind the both of them. That is the only reason i'm asking you guys for help, because my Dad came to me. I would never speck for my Mam and Dad unless what i was saying had there full support. And when i said " I have a problem", i didnt mean that as the 2 kids are a "problem". I love them to bits, and i'm so happy when i see them. And i do help out, But the kids only look to me for fun and games, And when they are crying or looking for there nappy to be changed they always call for Granny or Grandad and the kids never let me do it. The "Problem" i have is my sister taken advantage.

And i'm not saying that if Parents leave the kids with the grandparents for a weekend or a few days that is unfair on the grandparents cause kids need to be with there grandparents. But my sister is getting away with murder and she knows it.

I know i sounded like i was saying the Kids are in the way when ever they come up but that is not what i'm saying. My parents have said this to me and that is why i wondering wheather i should say something or just leave it.

So i would love more of your advice.

Thanks!

Indeed you should say something.

gonker

yes defo say something.... i leave my kids with my dad but they are 11 and 8 and mind themselves as such just need supervision. If my dad found them too much I would hope he would come to me or my siblings and say.... he is obviously (your dad) hoping that you will say it too your sis...my 2c worth anyway

Lainey

i don't think it's up to you to say anything.. your mother and father are adults and well capable of saying it themselves.. my eldest brother had this problem with out youngest brother.. whenever his son came to stay with my parents he was the only one with the problem.. not saying this is in your case but my brothers interfering had my brother, mother, father and myself arguing and the little asshole, who is 23 by the way, lying in bed turning up the tv louder so he couldn't get involved..

your sister might need help too and bare in mind someday you also will have childrena and need help..

def let your parents deal with this as i think it's up to them as they are the ones who mind the children..

senordingdong

Originally posted by Lainey
i don't think it's up to you to say anything.. your mother and father are adults and well capable of saying it themselves.. my eldest brother had this problem with out youngest brother.. whenever his son came to stay with my parents he was the only one with the problem.. not saying this is in your case but my brothers interfering had my brother, mother, father and myself arguing and the little asshole, who is 23 by the way, lying in bed turning up the tv louder so he couldn't get involved..

your sister might need help too and bare in mind someday you also will have childrena and need help..

def let your parents deal with this as i think it's up to them as they are the ones who mind the children..

Shes one of them...GET HER!
But seriously...she makes a good point.

Dewey

Thanks for all the advice,

I'm still not sure what to do. my Dad hasnt said anything to me since. My parents are adults and its up to them to say something if they want, but if they come to me again i think i will have to say something. so thanks once again.

whosurpaddy

Originally posted by Dewey
she is the type of person who would say fine, your never seeing the kids again.....goodbye

tbh if shes gonna be that cold about it then shes just using your folks, its like if you cant give me what i want then im never talking to yu again. thats not how familys should behave to one another.

Originally posted by Lainey
i don't think it's up to you to say anything.. your mother and father are adults and well capable of saying it themselves.. my eldest brother had this problem with out youngest brother.. whenever his son came to stay with my parents he was the only one with the problem.. not saying this is in your case but my brothers interfering had my brother, mother, father and myself arguing and the little asshole, who is 23 by the way, lying in bed turning up the tv louder so he couldn't get involved..

your sister might need help too and bare in mind someday you also will have childrena and need help..

def let your parents deal with this as i think it's up to them as they are the ones who mind the children..

ya see the thing about this is, the parents will likely rather overburden themselves than confront the daughter and tell her they cant cope, because thats what parents do. they will go to the end of the earth for their kids, and sometimes ya have to ask for less and give back a little more.

theres a big differance between asking for help, and dumping your kids for long periods at a time, basically making the grandparents raise them.

in this case i think you should take her aside and have a quite word to her. without your folks. if she refuses to listen then make a big deal out of it.