be myself

LegacyUser

the hardest thing in the world for me is to be myself. This effects every day of my life. im 19 and I have never gone out with a girl, sure ive been with girls but when they try to have conversations with me im just ... fake, for lack of a better word. I cant be myself because this other side of me takes over.
Its really frustrating to see all of your friends be happy. Its frustrating to the point that i just get.. well i suppose depressed, and when i feel depressed im in my own little word totally unaware of other peoples feelings. Its just not getting better. I dont think im capable of a relationship with anyone, I feel out of the loop. in the background. and to be honest i cant see it changing. I have days when im able to talk to people but there are days (like today) when i just cant be bothered being that happy guy who's life just revolves around these people. I thought my life was so much more than that. I suppose its not. Trying to impress people on a daily basis. Why should my life revolve around that? i dont want it to! i really wish i could feel different but i dont. I have no goals in life, or ambitions. Im in college but i dont think i should be, because it just makes me realise how emotionally void i am. I really dont belong anywhere. I keep thinkin to myself that ill find someone that i'll be able to connect with but the reason i keep telling myself that is because i dont like thinking about what i might end up like alone.
Im really not looking for pity, i just had to get this off my chest cos today would have been a really bad day otherwise. So if anyone has any advice for me it would be greatly appreciated

fitz

I pity anyone who finds happiness in dependancy on others.
The fact that you don't want this is a good thing!

It's also bloody tough at times, but you need to stop seeing this as a negative thing.
You don't have to impress anyone.
People who need to be impressed just to be your friend, are not worth the effort a lot of the time.

Are you involved in any societies in college?
Find something you're interested in and join up.
There are lots of people who feel the way you do, and societies are a great help, cause it's something in common around which friendships can be built.

Chin up, there's nothing wrong with feeling lonely.
That happens to everyone.
What's important is that you seem to know that it's not fulfilling to be fake or not be yourself.
Which is a realisation that will come to your 'happy' mates a few years down the line.

BuffyBot

The only thing that will probably solve this situation is time.

Eventually, you'll grow to realise that you can't be all things to all people and that you don't have to be.

A lot of people seem to be of the opinion that we must get on with lots of people and be popular. As you get older, you begin to see how overrated popularity is. Being you will get you a few good friends in life - and a few good friends are better than 100 "kind-of" friends.

Unpossible

don't try to be popular, if your having a bad day and don't feel like talking/being funny then don't it doesn't mean you have to stay away from they group. As long as your not moaning and bringing everyone down you should be ok, after all we all have bad days. just don't make everyones life a misery when you have them.



anyways if they are really your friends they will accept your ups & downs, if they don't then maybe they're not real friends

McGinty

I know how you feel sometimes, and I'm considerably older, where I used to spend large amounts of my time trying to be someone I'm not.

I no longer do that, and for you, I would say just be yourself, that is happy sometimes, down sometimes, real friends will like and love you as you are. I know because I now have real, true friends, but at the same time I am also comfortable with who I am, so if I'm having an off day, that's okay.

If you can learn to accept yourself, faults and all, you'll have a power within your means that most of your peers would deeply envy. Be yourself and be comfortable with it, Good luck.

JackKelly

A lot of people seem to be of the opinion that we must get on with lots of people and be popular. As you get older, you begin to see how overrated popularity is. Being you will get you a few good friends in life - and a few good friends are better than 100 "kind-of" friends.

That couldn't be more true.

Red Alert

yeah you need sometimes to 'find' yourself. way it is with me, there's me, warts and all and you can take it or leave it.

begbie

That guys post sounds so like me its unreal. Freaky! :ninja:

Fair Enough

Don’t be so hard on yourself.
I was in the same boat once. I too was a 'fake'.
I thought I would amount to nothing and be alone doing it. I only had three friends, two of which are in long term relationships with children; the other is also in a happy relationship. For a long time I thought I wanted this too.
I never had a relationship and came across as being, well, desperate.
As far as never finding someone you can connect with. Take your time and for God sake, try to be yourself.
Honestly, it works.
About three years ago I met a guy. He was everything I was looking for in a man but I just wasn't in the mood to act all happy and stuff. I had just broken by nose two days before as well so I looked like sh1t. Despite all this, we hit it off.
Unfortunately we lived at opposite sides of the country so
it didn't amount to anything so I was convinced that I was destined to be alone.
Now though, by some weird twist of fate, we met up again, did the 'I love you's' and now live together.
Nobody is meant to be alone. That is a choice we make for ourselves. If you believe that you cannot connect with anyone by being yourself, then you won't. It's all to do with self-belief.

dub45

One of the best pieces of advice I ever read was on one of those calendars which have a little motto for each day this one said ' The only normal people are the ones you dont know well' and it is so true.

Its very easy to think that everyone else is happy and their lives are fulfilled and that you are the odd one out then as you get to know people you realise its rarely as wonderful as it seems - most people have thier own set of problems to deal with no matter what their situation is.

Be yourself - in a way its a lifelong journey and the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step - be yourself warts and all and it will happen for you. As some of the other posters have said get involved - explore and develop your talents - help others etc etc theres loads to do out there.

Kali

You need to loosen up and stop worrying about finding someone, its just putting more pressure on yourself and you'll see yourself in more of an "emotional void"... I was similar when I started college, and then gradually just didn't give a **** anymore and concentrated on having fun and enjoying myself and my time (which is what life is about).. everyone gets up and down and moody and depressed at times.. don't worry about it, you'll find yourself eventually.. I mean I'm only in my first proper relationship now (and I'm 24).. so don't have any hangups about being single, don't worry, relax, have fun, be yourself and screw what anyone else thinks or expects you to do/be .. maybe do something for yourself to make you feel better.. start jogging, weight training, sport, hobby etc... it does and WILL work and will boost your self-esteem no end.

Wacker

Have you seen American Psycho?

At the start, there is a voice-over with the main character (Pat Bateman) talking about how he is simply a collection of appearances that he puts on. To look at him, he says, you may feel think that he is a normal guy, with possibly a life-style similair to your oiwn. Underneath all that, however, there is just nothing there.

I feel like that sometimes. I think everyone does.

Emboss

for starters you're only 19 and tbh I wish most 19yr olds noticed these things about themselves then they wouldn't be so f*cking annoying.

this could be just a phase as you will go through alot of change over the next few years as you "mature"

or it could be you, and fighting who you are is a bit pointless, you could be just an "introvert" but are not willing to admit it yourself as introverts are deemed by society to be lonley depressed people and unsocialable people.

nothing could be further from the truth. they're just very much misunderstood.

maybe stop thinking so much about it, and just try and live, do what you enjoy doing.....and don't worry about what other people might think of you and see where it takes you.

if you spend your life living the way other people think you should live, you'll really never live

enjoy whatever it is you do and good luck