Liverpool Humour

dudara

Gerard Houllier was caught speeding on his way to Anfield today.When questioned by the magistrate he said, "I'll do anything for 3points".

A man hands over a sterling50 note to the turnstyle operator at Anfield. "Two please".Turnstyle Operator: "Will that be defenders or strikers, sir?"

How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they're all happy living in the shadows.

Why do Liverpool fans put team stickers on their cars?
So they can park in the handicapped spots

What do you get if you see a Liverpool fan buried up to his neck in sand?
More sand.

Name three football clubs that contain swear words?
Ar*enal, Scu*thorpe and F*****g Liverpool

What is the difference between the Elephant man and Emile Heskey?
The Elephant Man has a better chance of scoring.

Apparently, Gerard Houllier offered to send the Liverpool squad onan all expenses paid holiday to Florida, but they said they'd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it's like to ride on an open-top bus.

Police recently quizzed Emile Heskey about an alleged attack on a pregnant lady. When asked why he attacked the woman, he replied: "Inever realised she was pregnant, I thought that it was a 50-50 ball that shehadup her jumper!"

Gerard Houllier was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket carpark when he noticed an old lady struggling with her shopping. He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" The old lady replied,"F**k Off - You got yourself into this mess, don't ask me to sort it out!"

The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. SnowWhite runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "Liverpool are good enough to win the League.
Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"

A man desperate at Liverpool's current situation decides to top himself.In his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At thevery last moment, he decides upon wearing his full Liverpool kit as his last statement. A neighbour, catching sight of the impending incident, informsthe police. On arrival, the police quickly remove the Liverpool kit and dress the man in stockings and suspenders. The man, totally confused asks why.
The policeman simply replies, "it's to avoid embarrassing your family."

A bloke goes into the John Lennon Airport and manages to eventually get into the departure lounge where his flight home is being called. All around him there are overturned tables, smashed windows, computer terminals broken, upturned chairs and crowd control barriers lying on the floor.
"Christ, what's happened here?" he asks one of the ground crew.
"Oh yeah...", he replies "Absolutely hopeless ..... we had the Liverpool players in here this morning filming the new Nike ad".

Oriel

Really liked the last one though :-)

zAbbo

Liverpool are sponsored by Reebok tho, I assume you have no access to the soccer forum ?