Falling for Friends

LegacyUser

Ok, this seems to happen to me out of the blue every couple of years or so, so I was wondering if anyone else has had this problem and how I can stop it happening.

Basically what happens is that every so often I find myself falling head over heels for one of my female friends. It tends to be women I know who I have casual friendships with (no deep and meaningful stuff).

Basically there's this one friend at the moment - I probably see her every day. I've always thought she was lovely, very pretty and a nice personality too, but only ever in an objective way. I've always thought she was fanciable, but never fancied her if you get my drift. So a couple of weeks ago its like some switch in my head clicks on. Suddendly I cant stop thinking about her and what it would be like to be with her. Now not only is she out of my league she's got a BF and seems quite happy with him, so I know any chance I might have with her is purely in my head.

So I get into this spiral where I daydream about her and then get annoyed with myself for trying to chase a dream. Now I dont think its actually depressing me, but its certainly not particularly healthy I think.

Emotionally Im really caught up with her, intellectually I know Im wasting my time and emotions.

These feelings tend to wear off eventually but it takes months rather than weeks. During which time the chances of me doing something really stupid (like telling her how I feel/or freaking her out etc) are pretty high.

So does this happen to anyone else? And if so how do you deal with it?

embraer170

During which time the chances of me doing something really stupid (like telling her how I feel/or freaking her out etc) are pretty high.

Would telling her how you honestly feel be such a bad idea? You'll have got it our of your system, and well if they truly are a friend, it shouldn't damage the friendship.

passive

Would telling her how you honestly feel be such a bad idea? You'll have got it our of your system, and well if they truly are a friend, it shouldn't damage the friendship.

yes. i think it would be a pretty bad idea.

its probably not a good idea to tell her you feel strongly about her while shes with someone else. wait the relationship out, continuing to just be friends the whole time..then when everything falls apart for her (as things do) sieze the opportunity and seduce her!

either way i think it would be ill advised to tell your friend you fell/feel strongly for her when she's currently occupied.

So does this happen to anyone else? And if so how do you deal with it?

it happens to me from time to time, but i don't start caring about somebody in that way until well into a relationship so i find it easy to push thoughts like that about girls who are taken into the back of my head (until.my.chance.to.strike)

alleepally

Am in same situation myself. Girl I talked with every day. Over last few months we spent a couple of hours talking every day. People started to notice and said was there something going on and they could see a spark there. She has a BF already.

Was driving me mad so I told her that I had feelings for her and said I don't want it to ruin the friendship and that if I've read signals wrong I apologised in advance.

Basically, it all worked out OK. Our friendship was important to us both so we just continue as friends. Although she didn't have the same feelings towards me I don't feel hurt by this, nor has it influenced my friendship with her.

If she values your friendship she will want to remain friends. If she doesn't want to remain friends after you clearing the air by telling her how you feel then perhaps the friendship isn't so solid.

I feel a whole lot better now that I've told her.

AL][EN

passive's on the right track. letting all your feelings come out about her now is a very bad idea at best you'll get the "i love you like a brother" speech from her and at worst you'll get a beating from her BF finds out your trying to poach his missus. i cant emphasize this point enough.

I have to say tho im in the same boat myself, im head over heels about a friend of mine were really close friends and im not sure how she feels about me. I've talked to her about it (which eventually you should do but only if she finishes it with her BF) so im still a little confused about it too. just give it some time and see what happens i know this is a very cliche thing to say but there are plenty more women out there.

you can love someone quite easily, people fall in and out of love and it happens to me all the time but to be "in love" is the special part of your life when your "in love" with someone the whole lovey dovey stuff you just have to figure out which one you feel for this person do you love her? or are you in love with her?

what ever else happens just give it time
g'luck mate i hope it works out for you.

meatball

Post pics of this girl and we will be able to help better.

LegacyUser

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

All you guys out there who fall for friends, have a read of that, all of it. Funny in parts, but also explains the whole "Just Friends" thing

jerenaugrim

Sure it's entirely natural that, if you're single and know cool, attractive people, you're going to fall in love with one of them once in a while. Go for it. What's to lose?