my Poem, and i'm curious what ye think

Chucky

Hey.

I wrote this just a few minutes after midnight when the year changed to 2004. Was feeling rather alone, but instead of writing something depressing I decided to write a poem generated by some mystical feeling of love that was burning inside me: the words just flowed out....one of those special moments. Here it is:

The moon reflects your starry eyes,
I see them every night.
They fix upon me as I sleep,
And feed me beauty as sight.

Your breath is carried on the wind,
It touches me deep in my soul.
The time is there to rescind,
The hurt I've caused that was cold.

Beauty is your essence in mind and body,
You are the one for me.
And now that tears have come,
Hold me,
And we'll be eternity.

bluedog

Hey i like this, putting your feelings out there for all to see, that's pretty brave in my opinion. Nice one.

Chucky

I'm just a very open person and never hide anything personal.

MojoMaker

You must be a fan of Shelley right?

ykt0di9url7bc3

Originally posted by Chucky

Beauty is your essence in mind and body,
You are the one for me.
And now that tears have come,
Hold me,
And we'll be eternity.

very cool...

there's talent there...

did it take many rewrites??

K!LL!@N

Originally posted by Chucky
Beauty is your essence in mind and body,
You are the one for me.
And now that tears have come,
Hold me,
And we'll be eternity.

It's nice, but the last line doesn't really seem to make sense.
It would make more sense ( to me ) if it said "And we'll be, eternally."
Or to a lesser extent "And we'll be, for eternity."

Killian

Chucky

Originally posted by SearrarD
very cool...

there's talent there...

did it take many rewrites??

No it didn't take any rewrites. That's the reason why this is my favourite poem that I've wrote. I was just feeling really pissed off on new years eve/day and I just said "feck it!", took out a pen and refill pad and just wrote. It was really special. And I was actually thinking about one of my friends from England when I wrote it. The only way I can see her is through my dreams at night and through her reflection on the moon.

And thanks for the suggestions Killian....Noted

...eep! not a fan of shelley either

ShriekingSheet

very very nice

i know pretty much everyone has used that same word to comment but thats exactly what it is!

nice

but not in an uncool way

Chucky

I know what you mean about it being 'nice'. hehe

cheers everyone

BEAT

hmm, that was Nice.