Joke

gandalf

Heres on that was mailed to me.........

_____________________________________________

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He
orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now What?" asks the patron.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"

LoLth

Useful Work Phrases

1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. 2. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

3. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

4. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

5. Ahhh ... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...

6. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

7. How about never? Is never good for you?

8. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

9. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

10. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

11. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!

12. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

13. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

14. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of bad Karma to burn off.

15. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

16. No, my powers can only be used for good.

17. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

18. You sound reasonable ... time to up my medication.

19. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

20. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

21. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

22. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

23. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

24. Who me? I just wander from room to room.

25. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

LoLth

Hehe, nice one. Here's one I found on a company website! See. We're not ALL boring *******s!

Dilbert's Salary Theorem
Dilbert's Salary Theorem states that "Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives and sales people." This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:
Knowledge is Power.
Time is Money.
As every engineer knows:
Power = Work / Time

Since:
Knowledge = Power
Time = Money
Knowledge = Work / Money.

Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion:


The less you know, the more you make.-