don't know what to do

aa_bb_cc · 23-01-2004 3:11pm #1

Alrigth:
This is what s happening: I have a boyfriend, three something years together
On the first week of december or around I went to a pub and meet this gorgeous guy, when we said goodbye none of us asked for phone numbers or email or anything 'cause he knew I had a boyfriend, cause I told him.
A week later I found him walking on a street, he was with a friend, friend left running and he walked me home, he told me that he was thinking about me all the time, etc, etc. I don't remember feeling like that in ages, Great time.

But both of us felt like ****e because of my bf.
After that we exchanged numbers, I called him the next day saying lets cool it off lets be friends he said no problem, actually good idea.

He said he will be in xxx pub with friends if I wanna join in, I said maybe
that nigth I was with my bf and friends and they say let s go to xx pub (the same he was in) I meet this guy there we chat a bit.

I was feeling like crap really and didn't know what to doI call him and I don't know what I ve said but the thing is that he calls me back saying that I was great but this is too much for him, and fair enough
I tryed not to make this story too long but ask if you feel like
I have to say that, I never cheated my bf or any other bf before.

Also, today is nearly february and I m still thinking about this guy almost everyday.
When I m with my bf I think he is OK ish.

Beruthiel · 23-01-2004 3:15pm

either you break it off with your b/f (not fair on him tbh)

or

if you intend to stay with your b/f then forget about the other bloke

simple as

aa_bb_cc · 23-01-2004 3:17pm

I know that that's what I can't decide

aa_bb_cc · 23-01-2004 3:18pm

I know that, that's what I can't decide
I tough it was just a crush and It ll go away after a couple of weeks

Kell · 23-01-2004 3:32pm

Mmmnn- methinks maybe your current boyfriend isnt paying you enough attention. Attention from other people when you have been in a long term relationship is always great and you are genuinely flattered because it is so unexpected, but thoughts like the ones you are having shouldnt exist if all your needs are catered for by your boyfriend.

Are you happy with your current boyfriend and do you need to do something maybe to spice things up a little? Methinks you shouldnt be having long term crushes on people if you are in a steady relationship. Maybe as far as "hmmn, I 'd love to jump his bones" but not to carry it around for as long as you have.

How old are you BTW?

K-

Trojan · 23-01-2004 3:32pm

What age are you?

Originally posted by aa_bb_cc

This is what s happening: I have a boyfriend, three something years together

Time spent together cos it's excellent, or cos you're both lazy?

Originally posted by aa_bb_cc

On the first week of december or around I went to a pub and meet this gorgeous guy

So I take it you don't consider your bf gorgeous? Not accusatory, but you never mentioned.

Originally posted by aa_bb_cc

lets be friends he said no problem, actually good idea.

That's bs. Odds are hugely against the idea that he's interested in just being friends, 500-1. It's just the way we work

Originally posted by aa_bb_cc

he calls me back saying that I was great but this is too much for him, and fair enough

He's got a conscience or is very clever

Originally posted by aa_bb_cc

When I m with my bf I think he is OK ish.

My take on it: your relationship with your bf is over - you're just staying there because you've spent too much time on it already. You are bored with the relationship, and don't find him very attractive any more, and have just seen a "bigger, better deal" come along - this guy who's more attractive to you. None of this is abnormal, or unfair by the way, just life. I think you see the writing on the wall already, yes?

Don't cheat on your bf, end it properly, then do what you need to do.

Kell · 23-01-2004 3:35pm

Originally posted by Trojan

Don't cheat on your bf, end it properly, then do what you need to do.

:rolleyes:

Or just use it as a lever to dump him i.e. "I am so sorry, I was with this guy last night. He didnt mean anything to me. Oh you want to dump me? I understand completely".

K-

Trojan · 23-01-2004 3:38pm

Originally posted by Kell
:rolleyes:

Or just use it as a lever to dump him i.e. "I am so sorry, I was with this guy last night. He didnt mean anything to me. Oh you want to dump me? I understand completely".

K-

lol.

Not the way I'd like it myself Kell

What's your bet on age? I'd say 4 years younger than my age.

Kell · 23-01-2004 3:41pm

Or younger again based on (no offense to original poster) spelling. That was mean. In fact it was so mean I might just edit it out. A sure its Friday and I am off to Galway in a few hours, so I'll just leave it there.

K-

Trojan · 23-01-2004 3:46pm

You reckon? Hmm, feck this work lark.... off to a match this evening in Lansdowne and few pints after (meeting the hairy monster from 33 as well)... have a good one in Gaillimh.

Al.

inaccessibleisl · 23-01-2004 3:57pm

OMG, I go to xxx pub too! It's great. Pints are fairly dear, the women are uglier than hell and the place is a bit dull but great place none the less.

Invite your bf and your sex partner to duel in a big ring on a cliff. Shards of glass here, chains there, let them fight it out, the loser won't exist anymore so no hassle with him. If they both decline and say your mad, then meet me behind the panda at the xxx bar. I'll be wearing a wedding dress.

uberwolf · 23-01-2004 4:04pm

Originally posted by inaccessibleisl
OMG, I go to xxx pub too! It's great. Pints are fairly dear, the women are uglier than hell and the place is a bit dull but great place none the less.

Invite your bf and your sex partner to duel in a big ring on a cliff. Shards of glass here, chains there, let them fight it out, the loser won't exist anymore so no hassle with him. If they both decline and say your mad, then meet me behind the panda at the xxx bar. I'll be wearing a wedding dress.

you are a bad person. LOL

as for aa_bb_cc

decision time. you can't keep going with ur bf as it is, make ur choice. clean break and see what happens wit ur man, stick with b/f but talk to him and figure out how to improve where things are going wrong. With out telling him? I'm not sure. If I were cheated on she'd have no chance with me, but she prob wouldn't want the chance with me anyway. There's little that can be said to you really. partic with out knowing you and the situation better.

Kell · 23-01-2004 4:18pm

Originally posted by Trojan
have a good one in Gaillimh.

I intend to. Give my regards to the hairy monster from 33. Torn now between Walls' bash and the 33 demise bash.

K-

aa_bb_cc · 23-01-2004 4:32pm

Originally posted by Kell

How old are you BTW?

K-

23

Big al · 23-01-2004 4:33pm

What this is called "playing off the big striker". This is where you "bone" a girl who has a boyfriend. The boyfriend is the "big striker" - he puts up with all the hassle, the rows and the rough treatment, does all the hard work, and you come in and score with out the work.

Not fair on your BF, its make your mind up time

aa_bb_cc · 23-01-2004 4:34pm

Time spent together cos it's excellent, or cos you're both lazy?

Trojan:
what do you mean?

by the way Im 23

aa_bb_cc · 23-01-2004 4:36pm

just for the record, I didn't **** the guy

uberwolf · 23-01-2004 4:36pm

he means have you been three years together because you both actively enjoy it and love each other. Or because its a one way relationship and the other is too lazy to bother finding something better. or both of you are too lazy to find some else.

inaccessibleisl · 23-01-2004 4:38pm

Originally posted by aa_bb_cc
just for the record, I didn't **** the guy

That's not what I heard. In the jacks of the xxx bar it's written "I did aa_bb_cc here"

aa_bb_cc · 23-01-2004 4:38pm

Well its hard to explain
I do love me bf but altely he s just driving me crazy and he wants to buy a house

Beruthiel · 23-01-2004 4:40pm

Originally posted by aa_bb_cc
23

In my opinion (and its only my opinion here)
23 is way too young to be making your mind up about who you are going to spend the rest of your life with

do you see yourself with your current boyfriend for the rest of your life?
if not, then you've answered your own question
if yes, well then, what are you doing?

uberwolf · 23-01-2004 4:41pm

ah so ur just getting the "heebie jeebies" about commitment and solved it by scoring some randomer. just let ur bf know about this other fella and he'll kool off about the house thing

Beruthiel · 23-01-2004 4:44pm

Originally posted by inaccessibleisl
That's not what I heard. In the jacks of the xxx bar it's written "I did aa_bb_cc here"

inaccessibleisl
make another comment like that again and I'll ban you
B

inaccessibleisl · 23-01-2004 4:45pm

Apples

uberwolf · 23-01-2004 4:45pm

Originally posted by Beruthiel
I
23 is way too young to be making your mind up about who you are going to spend the rest of your life with

do you see yourself with your current boyfriend for the rest of your life?

I think ur kinda contradicting urself here. If she's too young to decide then how can she answer this question? Your implication is she should be having fun, or whatever it is kids do these days

and not reflecting on next year or 5 years or whatever.
Which is fair enuff, but then she shouldn't stay with any guy that she can't see herself spending the rest of her life with and that she shouldn't stay with someone she can see herself spending the rest of her ife with cos she is too young to make that decision.

inaccessibleisl - I saw that

dazberry · 23-01-2004 4:50pm

Well you haven't actually said you don't like your b/f anymore. Perhaps your relationship with him has become too familar and routine over time, and its the attention that has attracted you???

D.

aa_bb_cc · 23-01-2004 4:52pm

Originally posted by Beruthiel
In my opinion (and its only my opinion here)
23 is way too young to be making your mind up about who you are going to spend the rest of your life with

do you see yourself with your current boyfriend for the rest of your life?
if not, then you've answered your own question
if yes, well then, what are you doing?

Well you hit the spot there.
You know, normally I know what to do with my life with my job, etc
And this relationship (bf) would be great if I was 29 or something

I do like my bf but don't know if I want him in my life forever
for example rigth now at this moment I fell like I do but, when I get home and he s acting as a bollix well I don't want that everyday

uberwolf · 23-01-2004 4:54pm

Originally posted by aa_bb_cc
when I get home and he s acting as a bollix well I don't want that everyday

are you living with him?

aa_bb_cc · 23-01-2004 4:55pm

yes

uberwolf · 23-01-2004 4:58pm

how can you be living with him and then get worried when he talks about commitment? How long have you been living together? Is he talking about buying or renting? do you really think this is the reason you cheated?

aa_bb_cc · 23-01-2004 5:02pm

well I do get worried when he talks about it cause he is acting like an asshole lately and I don't want that everyday.
Also I don't understand why this guy (the one I met) is still in my head

uberwolf · 23-01-2004 5:13pm

lately. what does this mean? he deserves some leeway after this long together if something is bugging him somewhere else in his life. Not saying you deserve it everyday, not at all, but its give and take, and if ur reaction to a rough patch is to score someone else, its you need to be looking at not him.

What you can't have is always more attractive, and crushes are fun.

Typedef · 23-01-2004 5:45pm

aa_ bb_cc, men who want to buy houses are known women-repressors and baby-eaters.

run away!

If he wants to buy a house (with you) and worse yet, pay for it himself, report him to the police for stalking you and trying to give you property as trinkets of his affection.

No woman should have to put up with that kind of sexual harrassment.... especially from somebody she's been dating for three years.

Man, there are some real 'wierdos' out there.

b3t4 · 23-01-2004 7:22pm

Are you looking for excuses to break up with your current boyfriend, first it was this other guy and now it's the house thing??

You might be thinking about this other guy all the time because he is forbidden fruit at present. Take away your current boyfriend and the attraction may fade. This forbidden fruit theory could be applied to his feelings for you too.

A.

tte · 24-01-2004 2:16am

aa-bb-cc is a lucky guy.
Terrible when a guy is crazy about you.
Leave your current boyfriend.He'll do better, that i promise.
Have your fun....screw this guy if you want but be prepared to crawl back to your then 'ex'.The grass aint always greener.
...poor ucker

tinkerbell · 24-01-2004 8:21am

If you really loved your boyfriend, then you wouldn't even notice any other guys, and you definitely wouldn't want to be with anyone else. You can't really love him if you're lusting after the other bloke for the last two months. Do yourself and your bf a favour - either try really hard to make it work (if you want it to work) or else end it and stop stringing him along. It ain't fair on him that you're thinkin about another guy all the time (how would you feel if it was the other way around?), even if you say he acts the ass sometimes.

Oriel · 24-01-2004 9:16am

Originally posted by tinkerbell
If you really loved your boyfriend, then you wouldn't even notice any other guys

Not true. It just depends on whether you act on it or not.
S.

tinkerbell · 24-01-2004 10:18am

doh, I wasn't makin myself really clear - what I meant was, even if she did notice that someone was good looking, she would jus notice it there and then, it wouldn't be playing on her mind for two months, and she wouldn't be thinking about him for two months either.

loismustdie · 26-01-2004 6:38pm

QUOTE]Originally posted by aa_bb_cc
.

He said he will be in xxx pub with friends if I wanna join in, I said maybe
that nigth I was with my bf and friends and they say let s go to xx pub (the same he was in) I meet this guy there we chat a bit.
[/QUOTE]

xx does not equal xxx

you obviously don't love your bf and won't be happy with him so whether or not you persue things with the other guy you should break up with your boyfriend. an don't be so hard on yourself you're only young once and should enjopy relationships without getting to serious

mr_angry · 26-01-2004 7:14pm

I say set your boyfriend straight - tell him you're unhappy and you can't deal with a life-long commitment just yet. All relationships go through tough times. Some come out the other side the better for that experience, and some don't. If you feel you can't tell your boyfriend when you're unhappy, then things aren't right.

If you tell him, and things are put back to rights, then you know you did the right thing. If you tell him, and things still aren't right, then you know the correct decision is to break it off.

Its a tough decision, and I don't envy your choice. But that's what I would do.

daveg · 27-01-2004 9:29am

My own 2 cents.....

It sounds like you feel under pressure due to your age and your BF wanting commitment (buying house ect). Your feelings for guy xx - It maybe that you don't love you BF or it could be because you feel under pressure. You need to decide which. If you don't love your BF end it. Don't cheat on him esp after spending 3 years together. If you feel your eyes are wondering due to his pressure then you need to sit down and tell him to chill out otherwise he'll lose you. You need to be honest with him but personally I wouldn't go into guy xx (unless you have already cheated).

I was in a simular situation to your bf about 6 years ago when I was 23/24. I was living with a girl for 3 years and thought I was in love with her. I too put her under pressure but for different reasons than not wanting to settle down. She went home one weekend and 2 timed me (I found out from a mate of mine). This is the worse fúcking thing you can do to someone after sharing 3 years together. However I'm much happier with my life and partner now.

Kali · 27-01-2004 10:31am

If you can't be honest with him after 3 years and tell him how your feeling then theres something fundamentally wrong with the relationship.

well I do get worried when he talks about it cause he is acting like an asshole lately and I don't want that everyday.

Err probably because he can see theres something on your mind and your not telling him. men really aren't that stupid you know... but yeah sure its all his fault... keep telling yourself that.

Also I don't understand why this guy (the one I met) is still in my head

Because women love attention, especially new and unexpected attention.

Silent Grape · 28-01-2004 7:56pm

kali that was kind of harsh about it always being his fault, keep telling urself that?? u dont really know their situation, ad she never implied it was anybodys fault.

i was in soooort of the same situation as u aa_bb_cc a couple of weeks back. id been with my bf for nearly two years, and i was getting bored and resentful of his 'control' over me. anyway then i started noticing this guiy in college and i REALLY like him. it made me realise how unhappy i was in the currrent relationship.

i hadnt liked someone else in well over two years, so im taking this attracting to this guy as a sign to move on. its obvoius id outgrown the relationship. also 20 or 23 is far too young to be all settly, esp as u are saying he isnt acting the best at the mo.

i know its hard, but really really look at ur relationship. are u getting back what u give, and vise versa, are u still in it because it to damn uncomfortable to not to be?

whether i get with this other guy or not, it doersnt matter. the fact is that im strongly attracted to him. at our ages we shouldnt be having to 'work at' a relationship. its not like were marrried etc.

maybe u cud take a break from ur current relationship, to see how things go, and see how u feel, i personally have never felt better, im free, independant and having a LOT of fun. im not saying being in a long term relationship is bad, but maybe a break cud give u a new perspective on the whole thing.

anyway, whatever u do, good luck, breaking up with someone after such a long time is very hard to do, but always remember to take care of urself first, sort out what u need and want etc, because if ur not happy with urself, none of ur relationships will be as good as they cud be. do not stay with him jsut because u dont wan to hurt him. i made that mistake.

good luck., whatever u do, im thinking of u

x

don't know what to do

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