How to help a friend?

b3t4

I really don't know how to help or be there for a friend of mine.

She is 23 and will soon have to undergo a histerectomy(sp??) She loves children and has to deal with the idea that she will never have any of her own. She has been unable to go to work due to pain and is now on disability.

Her partner is less than supportive. He doesn't understand what she is going through and he has problems of his own. He is being very selfish and conciders his problems more important than hers. She lets him go on and on about his problems but if she even begins to mention hers he more of less tells her to shut up and that he has enough on his plate. He has a good job, a great girlfriend, a wonderful daughter from a previous relationship and a nice house.

She can have good days when the pain subsides and she will go out with friends and have some fun. But her family and partner are of the believe that she shouldn't be able to do something like that. She is a very people person and it gives her a great lift to be able to go out.

I want to help my friend. She is going through a really rough time right now and I just want to be able to be there in the best way possible.

Some advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
A.

Oriel

b3t4,
At the moment, I don't think there's a lot you can do for your friend. I think she's going to see this as something that she's going through alone no matter what way she looks at it. You could maybe try talking to her partner, and getting him to maybe look at the situation in a different light. How do you mean he's being "less than supportive exactly?"

The only thing you can do is let her know that you're there for her and supporting her through this 100%. When she's feeling up to it, encourage her to go out and enjoy herself. I'm sure she's not going to be able to lead a "normal" life and feel like nothing is happening, but getting out and having a laugh will certainly do her no harm and let her know that there are people there for her, so get her out doing something that she likes going best :-)

Being out of work is going to make her feel more "helpless", with that and sitting around the house and feeling at a loss for things to do, she could maybe do with people calling round every now and again etc.

At the end of the day, I think that she'll feel that she's in this by herself, so anything you can do to change that might help.

I really hope everything goes well for.
S.

nuvolari

best you can do is be there for her and that is a lot, especially bearing in mind the attitudes of her partner and family

Kell

This is prob going to sound way off the wall, but do you know perchance why she is going to have this surgery done and when?

Reason I ask is that a mate was due to have an ovary removed from ovarian cysts and then went "fúck this, there has to be an alternative". And there was. She went to see a damn good homeopath and not only got over the cysts but is in proud posession of both her ovaries.

Point is, there are alternative treatments to majory surgery in most cases. I would tell her about what I have said and maybe do some research for her or get her to do it herself. As you said, she loves kids, so why not offer her some ray of hope?

Oh, in relation to helping her, only thing you can do is be there when she asks you to be. Only she can decide when she wants to talk or be taken away from the madding crowd but just make sure she knows your shoulder is there when she needs it.

K-

Beruthiel

Originally posted by b3t4
She is 23 and will soon have to undergo a histerectomy(sp??) She loves children and has to deal with the idea that she will never have any of her own.

this is the worst thing that can happen to a woman who wants to have kids
there is nothing you can do for her but be there when she needs you and be her shoulder

misswex

As everyone else said, just be there for her!!! Thats all you can do, good luck and I wish your friend all the best.

JessieG

concur with anna and misswexx.

this is the worest thing that can happen to a young woman. Just be there for when she comes to you. other than that there is not much that you can do.

tinkerbell

My god, that's awful, no wonder she's traumatised. With somethin like that, tiz really only somethin that other women can relate to, which is prolly why her partner is bein so ignorant towards the situation. All you can do is jus be there to support her, try to get her to come out with you n be with all her friends n stuff, to try and take her mind off things. Is there any way she could get her eggs frozen, jus to have that option there for a few years down the line?

b3t4

Originally posted by Kell
This is prob going to sound way off the wall, but do you know perchance why she is going to have this surgery done and when?

I'm not sure on when and neither is she, waiting for appointment. She has had two operations already to see what is the problem. In one case they managed to tie up some tubes that should'nt have been. Which has left her even worse than she was in the first place. Afair she had cysts removed when she was at a younger age too. iirc her problem is endometriosis. I found a website on it at http://www.endometriosis.org. Most of the case studies talk about the woman having a hysterectomy. She is also having problems getting her health insurance to cover her as they say that she had a "known problem" eventhough they have been covering her since she starting have this problem as a young teenager.

Thanks for all yeer advice. I'm trying to be there for her as much as possible and there will be some pampering and girly nights when I am finished my exams.

Thanks,
A.

Calibos

Reason I ask is that a mate was due to have an ovary removed from ovarian cysts and then went "fúck this, there has to be an alternative". And there was. She went to see a damn good homeopath and not only got over the cysts but is in proud posession of both her ovaries.

Not wanting to take this thread off topic into a homeopathy arguement and thus I will not respond to any counter posts but.....please don't have your friend waste her time on homeopathy. It is quack medicine whose positive results if any are down to placebo effect. You are paying a fortune for sugar water which supposably holds a memory of the active ingredient which has been 'totally' filtered out.

Get her to ask her doctor about 'medical alternatives' not 'alternative medicines'