Music Industry Unveils Piracy-Proof Format

Callan

Music bosses have unveiled a revolutionary new recording format they hope
will help win the war on illegal file sharing which is thought to be costing
the industry billions of dollars in lost revenue.

Nicknamed the Record, the new format takes the form of a black, vinyl disc
measuring 12 inches in diameter, which must be played on a specially
designed turntable.

"We can state with absolute certainty that no computer in the world can
access the data on this disc," said spokesman Gritt Sortid. "We are also
confident that no-one is going to be able to produce pirate copies in this
format without going to a lot of trouble. This is without doubt the best
anti-piracy invention the music industry has ever seen."

As part of the Record’s rigorous testing process, the designers gave some
discs to a group of teenage computer experts who regularly use file swapping
software and who admit to pirating music CDs. Even after a week, none of
them were able to hack into the disc's code or access any of the music files
contained within it. "It's like, really big and stiff," says Doug
Flamboise, one of the testers. "It didn’t fit any of my drives. I mean,
what format is it? Is it, like French, or something?"

In a process industry insiders are describing as completely revolutionary
and stunningly ‘smart, raw audio data (called ‘music’) is encoded by
physically etching grooves onto the vinyl disc, and the sound is then
translated into variations on the disc's surface. To decode these
variations, the listener needs a special player with a specially embedded
stylus that ‘tracks’ along the grooves on the record surface, ‘translating’
the indentation and transferring the movements back into audio that can be
fed through loudspeakers.

Even Napster inventor Shawn Fanning admits the new format will make file
swapping virtually impossible. "I've never seen anything like this," he
told reporters. "How does it work?"

As rumours that a Taiwanese company has been secretly developing a 12 inch
wide turntable-driven, stylus-based system (firewire drive remains
unconfirmed) it would appear that the music industry may have found the
pirate proof format it has long been searching for.

robo

LOL!!!

TheSonOfBattles

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

Had me going for the first few sentences, very funny stuff. Like the replies from various people interviewed as well. Best thread in here in a while.

smiaras

This post has been deleted.

Crucifix

lol, good stuff, good stuff.

Töpher

Fúckin' hillarious!

Dont be at yourself

You can rip music from records.

rymus

Originally posted by NekkidBibleMan
You can rip music from records.

Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeez someone always has to ruin the fun

Capt'n Midnight

scan it in
lots of contrast
and then print it out on a laser printer as dark as possibly - you'll feel the groves.

robbie1876

LOL classic.. I love it

Capt'n Midnight, I'm sure somebody somewhere has actually tried this... lol

sceptre

I saw that somethere on the web about a year back (might have been the Onion, though I doubt it)

Still funny.

Is it, like French, or something?

Heh

Barry Aldwell

I once found a piece of paper in an old record with a hole in it which, appropriately placed on the turntable, played Terry Wogans voice advertising some competition for washing powder or something. The paper felt like thin glossy paper, I couldn't feel any indentations on it.

Doctor J

I thought they were trying to kill home recording by releasing nothing but crap music that noone wants nor would bother their ar5e to copy? :dunno:

AL][EN

Very good LOL had me going for a few secs

sceptre

I reckon this is where I saw it. Probably came from there originally in any case (dated may 2002 - other references seem to be from later)

gobby

hahahahaha...... thats brilliant!

chernobyl

My record player has audio out! i swear it!!

DMT

LOL

my arse....

This crap should be moved to the Recycle Bin, because the Humour board doesn't deserve to experience it....

herbie747

Originally posted by NekkidBibleMan
You can rip music from records.

Yeah, but it's hassle......like the article said.

AdMMM

ROFL!

It actually had me going for the first few lines. In saying that, I wouldnt put anything beyond the record industry!

Art_Wolf

Originally posted by Callan
Even Napster inventor Shawn Fanning admits the new format will make file
swapping virtually impossible. "I've never seen anything like this," he
told reporters. "How does it work?"

LOL Class

*claps*

oeNeo

Originally posted by DMT
LOL

my arse....

This crap should be moved to the Recycle Bin, because the Humour board doesn't deserve to experience it....

Maybe you should be moved to the Recycle Bin.

daveirl

This post has been deleted.