decision making

KlodaX

I was advised once by somebody that the inability to make decisions comes from lack of confidence...

I wouldn't consider myself lacking in confidence ... but I have the strangest inability to make decissions... like.. I will walk into a shop to buy something cause I'm hungry... maybe a bar of chocolate ... and walk out cause I couldn't decide which one?!?!

still hungry ... but that doesn't matter... at least I didn't have to decide!
and when I do make decissions I'll spend time after rethinking all possible outcomes of different dicissions that could have been make ... making sure I made the right one.

I have always had to make decission for myself... from a very young age ... but have never just got the hang of it... big decissions don't seem to be a problem .. its little ones...


is this in relation to anything other than confidence?

Sarky

Look at it this way. You're saving a fortune on bars of chocolate.

If you have the confidence to make big decisions, how can you not have the confidence to make little ones?

If there are no consequences, try picking at random?

Paddy20

Sounds normalish to me.;)

P.:ninja:

tinkerbell

Exactly, if tiz somethin so small as deciding which bar of chocolate to get, then jus pick any one at random!

And try not to worry about "what if I made this choice instead of that choice" with regards other things in your life - go with your first instinct when you think of the subject, usually that's the one that's right. So jus ignore that lil voice at the back of your head yellin "what if you chose this one instead!"

And then it should all work out, and gradually you'll get used to makin proper informed decisions without worrying about the what-ifs.

voxpop

Are you leaving because you think everyone in the shop is watching you trying to make up your mind when choosing. If thats the reason then confidence is the issue (nothing to be ashemed of though, just something to work on).

Im not great at making decisions either, for example when going out to eat or for beer it takes me ages to decided on a place to go - its alot easier just to say I dont care an let someone else make the decision, plus if it turns out that ppl dont like the place we go - its not your fault.

Mutant_Fruit

In future, look for the biggest bar you can find. If two look equally big, buy both. There, decision made.

Basically, if you can;t decide between to (or more things) for whatever reason, sometimes just closing your eyes and choosing one at random works. Over time you will realise that some options are better than others. You will only know this through experience, so its up to you to choose, not anyone else.

KlodaX

go with your first instinct when you think of the subject, usually that's the one that's right. So jus ignore that lil voice at the back of your head yellin "what if you chose this one instead!"

thats good advise... I do do this.. but generally then I don't like what I have just bought ... and figure it would have been best not to buy at all...

Are you leaving because you think everyone in the shop is watching you trying to make up your mind when choosing

nope.. I could be on a stage thinking and it wouldn't bother me...

Sounds normalish to me

thats alright so... tanks.

If there are no consequences, try picking at random

... wouldn't it be great if there was no such thing as consequence...

Sarky

In the case of chocolate bars, there isn't. If it turns out you don't like it, then discard it from your range of choices the next time round. One less decision to agonise over.

That'll work for those decisions with small consequences, too. Learning from your mistakes, yes?

KlodaX

Yes. Tanks. I will try this.

Sarky

That's the spirit. I used to be indecisive myself, but now I'm not so sure.

Capt'n Midnight

One technique is to weigh up the alternatives and decide finally on the toss of a coin.

Then toss the coin - don't look at it yet..

Which side do you want to see ?

This really only works if you don't use it often and commit to the decision.

KlodaX

... what if I don't want to make mistakes? ...

toss a coin eh? .. and become a villian from a batman comic... I think not
that will be my last resort!

Sarky

Nobody wants to make mistakes.

But that's impossible. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make sure you don't make the same mistake in the future.

Really, that's the best anyone can hope for.

voxpop

were talking about choclate bars here!!!
If you cant choose a bar you want then you dont really want a bar - that the long and the short of it. Be wild go for a bag of chrisps instead

Capt'n Midnight

Originally posted by KlodaX
... what if I don't want to make mistakes? ...

toss a coin eh? .. and become a villian from a batman comic... I think not
that will be my last resort!

Best of three ?

And if you never made mistakes how would you cope when you finally made one ? That old chestnut about "that which does not kill me, makes me stronger"

MartMax

Well.. i'd normally choose one particular bar, then have the same over and over again until I get bored... later I'd choose the other... and do the same... am saying this if choc bar is what u're talking about...

KlodaX

.. its not just chocolate ... in the canteen at college .. when its my turn to ask the dinner lady what I want .. I just can't come out with a choice .. so I just get whatever the person in front of me got!!! ... its not really an issue ... I'll just pick random stuff in future and not think so much on it ... I was just curious to why I was doing this? .. if its not confidance related... what is it?

Paddy20

It's called " Indecision"

KlodaX

:rolleyes: I asked for that really...

I just thought that the inability to make decissions may stem from something else ... that it is a symptom rather than the problem

maybe not

WizZard

Klodax,

Have you ever made a decision before (in your youth) that had negative/unwanted consequences. If so your subconcious could be preventing you from making any decison out of fear that it may have such bad consequences.

Another thought is that if there was a decision you wanted to make, but were too young/immature (in the eyes of others ) to make that decision and someone else made it for you. This could have brought you to go with what ever other people decide to do, and when you have to make a decision but there is no precedent (nobody before you in the queue) you have no idea what to do.

Hope this makes some kind of sense, tis my first post on PI !!!

deimos

I am exactly the same, I still do it a lot but I just got in the habit of asking myself would I like a bar of chocolate or not. I think for me it was caused by over thinking(bad habit), like if I buy this chocolate I might need that 65 cent later for a bus or will it make me feel ill and alike, just buy the chocolate!

Get up now and buy the chocolate, the psychoactive effects of the phenylytelamine (i think thats the one, or was it phenylalanine?) will at least make you happy with your decession.



mmmm, chocolate pie

mirv

Phenylaline is NutraSweet, as far as I know. Related to aspartame.

Sarky

Just force yourself to make a decision and stick with it, for better or worse. You'll soon get into the habit of being decisive.

And surely the proper course of action in the canteen would be to either take the stuff that looked least like it had already been eaten, or sod off down the road to the shop for a sandwich?

KlodaX

it was caused by over thinking

... thats EXACTLY the problem ... the decision becomes recursive and I'm left with a headache ... and just walk away... I'm fine when stoned ...

girldef

Originally posted by KlodaX
I was advised once by somebody that the inability to make decisions comes from lack of confidence...

I think the inability to make decisions may come from the over use of drugs...

Dr Pepper

I have exactly the same problem! Nice to know I'm not alone. I always get the same as the person before me in the canteen at work (even if it's something I don't really like!). I agree that it's got to do with over-thinking.

KlodaX,
Just as a matter of interest: Do you have any problems with jealousy? I think this is another side-effect of over-thinking..
Also, what the hell is wwman?? ww) (completely unrelated :rolleyes:)

deimos

its something like an O.C.D with thinking about stuff, when high the thc(the good stuff itself) reduces these ocd's and alike for some.

My solution is being stoned more or less around the clock, joking, don't do that, you'le end up a fool

ur mentor

sounds like you are making loads of decisions. To not buy a bar, to leave shop.

Or are you more concerned that you don't have strong enough feelings about some things? You don't have a favourite food, favourite chocolate bar etc?

KlodaX

Just as a matter of interest: Do you have any problems with jealousy? I think this is another side-effect of over-thinking..

nope not jealous ... well maybe of my mate whos in Austrailia at the moment! ... other than that ... nope

Also, what the hell is wwman?? (completely unrelated

white wash man I think...

I had a bit of an o.c.d thing when I was bout 15 with touch wood ... and other little things... I've stopped that now though...

guess its back to the shmoke for me

ww)

Scruff

completely the same problem. well not about chocloate, dont eat the stuff really.
Sometimes having to make a desicion, even a trivial one will stress me out totally. Then it'll get worse as i realise how stupid i am that i cant make a simple desicion and it just stresses me more.:(
It drives my gf mad too and leads to lots or arguements.
think it definitely has to do with over thinking.
Prefer the term used to descibe Hamlet: prone to over exagerated procrastination
:rolleyes:

qwertyphobia

doh!

qwertyphobia

Hey

i suspect you have a tendency to over anayalyse thoughts and actions and you do seam to have a bit of a hang up about making a mistake (me thinks there is a bit of perfectionist in there somewhere) and there are ways to deal with thoes issues but this could be from a whole other angle thing alltogether.

The problem may be this.

That you are not tuned into what your body is feeling or wanting (so the head fills in the space with over thinking)

A lot of people realy don't understand or don't listen to what they are feeling (and often mistake thinking for feeling)

take time before you go into the shop to decide what type of bar do you want?
plain choclate?
something filling?
something with nuts in it?
Once you have decided go straight into the shop and buy the first bar you see that fit's into what you wanted outside the shop this is the important bit Get it do not be distracted by any other bars, then leave the shop. Outside try the bar if you like it great but savour it and try and feel why you like it. if you don't like it (it's not the end of the world) but again try and feel why the bar isn't what you want. use this to learn what you want at different times



To get you back to being more tuned into your body you can also try the following excerises

Whats your favourite colour?
Whats your favourite picture?
Whats your favourite music?
Whats your favourite food?
Whats your favourite smell?
Whats your favourite sport/activity ?

These are all based on your senses so are more likly to trigger emontional responces

I could be off the mark so I will leave off there if i am not however get i touch me me and I will give you some more pointers or directions on where to go

xx
r

mr_angry

Originally posted by KlodaX
is this in relation to anything other than confidence?

Apparently this kind of thing can be caused by lack of attention span, and also stress. Anyway, you've made it through life this long without it causing you to spontaneously combust or anything, so I reckon it wont kill you.

Seriously bud, we all have our issues, but if this is top of your pile, you should totally relax.

[Edit]
Oh, by the way, I believe the smilie you speak of ww) is WhiteWashMan - (correct me if I'm wrong) once an infamous spammer of Boards, until his spamming days were killed off by making him a mod. Hence ww) is seen as a symbol of death, or eternal rest.

KlodaX

I FOUND THE SOLUTION!!!

its like a magic 8 ball but better!

http://www.ruthannzaroff.com/wonderland/caterpillar.htm

mr_angry

I got told that the caterpillar wasn't paying attention, and didn't hear my question! What a cop out!

Silent Grape

everything u said is so like me. what with the going into a shop for crisps, really REALLY craving a pack, but cant choose so i end up buying chewing gum (so i dont look pointless) and leaving.

its all the little things, i can deal with college /work applications, deciding to move out, deciding where and with u to move out with etc etc, all the big uns, but buying something as teeny as a coffee (cappucino or late??) is havok. i usally end up holding up everyone by hovering about not knowing what to get.

the only thing i always get without fail is the brand of smokes i smoke.

ive decided that i musnt really want whatever im getting if i out so much thought into it.
with the big descisions ive always knowbn what i wanted, or had a gut feeling/instinct. i think these things are so superficial, ur mind is trying to make more of a deal out of it than it really is.

Trojan

Indecision? You must be a girl

I like this quote:


The best decision is the right decision.
The second best decision is the wrong decision.
The worst decision is no decision.



Al.

WhiteWashMan

Originally posted by mr_angry


[Edit]
Oh, by the way, I believe the smilie you speak of ww) is WhiteWashMan - (correct me if I'm wrong) once an infamous spammer of Boards, until his spamming days were killed off by making him a mod. Hence ww) is seen as a symbol of death, or eternal rest.

cheeky fúcker