Drummers

Capt'n Midnight

WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CHIROPODIST AND A DRUMMER ?
A chiropodist bucks up your feet

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF A DRUMMER IS AT THE DOOR ?
The knocking speeds up

WHAT DO YOU CALL A DRUMMER THAT BREAKS UP WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND ?
Homeless

WHATS THE LAST THING A DRUMMER EVER SAYS IN A BAND ?
"Hey guys ... why dont we try one of my songs ?"

HOW MANY DRUMMERS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB (I) ?
Just One, so long as the roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him.

HOW MANY DRUMMERS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB (II) ?
Five: One to screw the bulb in, and four to talk about how much better Ginger Baker would have done it.

HOW MANY DRUMMERS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB (III) ?
None, they have a machine to do that now.

AND, WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A DRUMMER AND A DRUM-MACHINE ?
You only have to punch the instructions into a drum-machine once.

WHAT DO YOU CALL SOMEONE WHO HANGS AROUND WITH MUSICIANS ?
A drummer.

WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A DRUMMER AND A PEP ?
Eventually a PEP matures and earns money.

WHATS THE DEFINITION OF PERFECT PITCH ?
Throwing Phil Collins into a skip without him touching the sides.

Töpher

\badumtschhhh

"God, the racism is alive and well here!" Heh

Don't close your eyes tonight dude....

mike65

http://members.iinet.net.au/~simnoris/jokes.htm
ha, found you out! Only this contains named drummers

Mike.

mike65

Or maybe they came from here-
http://gimp137.tripod.com/myfun.com/id18.html


Mike.

quank

"Mom, when I grow up, I want to be a drummer."
His mother scoffs and replies...

"Well, you can't do both."

---

heehee:p

quank

another good one

A guy walks into a shop.
"You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a Gobson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremulo?"

"You're a drummer, aren't you?"

"Duh, yeah. How'd you know?"

"This is a travel agency." :ninja:

Capt'n Midnight

Why to bands need Roadies?
To translate what the drummer says.

What do Ginger Baker and 7-11 coffee have in common?
They both suck without Cream.

A drummer, tired from being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some "real" musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says "I'll take that red trumpet over there and that accordian."
The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator's got to stay"

Q: What's the best way to confuse a drummer?
A: Put a sheet of music in front of him. .

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.

What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.

Why are bad drummers better than drum machines?
You don't have to plug 'em in to get something stiff, mechanical and uninspired.

"Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
"Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer."

Q: Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
A: Because it can keep a steady beat and won't sleep with your girlfriend.

Q: Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
A: So they can park in the handicapped spot.

Johnny says to his mom: I want to be a drummer when I grow up!
Mom: But Johnny, you can't do both.

Did you hear about the guitarist who was going to a gig and locked his keys in the car?
It took him two hours to get the drummer out....

Q: How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
A: You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it.

Q: What does the average drummer get on an IQ test?
A: Drool.

Q: How can you tell when the stage riser is level?
A: The drools comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.

What do you tell a drummer with two black eyes?
Nothing - you've already told him twice!

How did the drummer make his car go faster?
He took the Domino's Pizza Delivery sign off of the roof...

Top Ten Reasons why Drumming is Better Than Sex
10. It lasts longer
9. You can buy instructional videos without embarassment
8. You won't get arrested for doing it in public
7. Rythm method really works!
6. If you break your stick you can just grab another one
5. No-one makes rude comments about the size of your equipment
4. They don't call it 'hardware' for nothing!
3. Two words... 'Rim shot' !!
2. If you're really good, you can use both hands and both feet!
1. It's lots of fun by yourself, but so much better in a group of three or more!!!

How do you get a drummer to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.

Two drummers walk into a bar....
This was especially stupid because you'd have thought the second one would have seen the first guy do it.

"If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum."

There were two people walking down the street. One was a drummer. The other didn't have any money either.

How many drummers does it take to wallpaper a room?
Three, if you slice them thin enough!

Q: Why are drummers always losing their watches?
A: Everyone knows they have trouble keeping time.

Q: How do you call a drummer?
A: You can't. They don't pay their phone bill.

Q: Why do drummers have lots of kids?
A: They're terrible at the rhythm method.

how can you get a drummer off your porch?
pay for the pizza!

What is the difference between a drum line playing together and shoes in a dryer?
Even they can't tell the difference

Q:How many drummers can you fit in a phone booth?
A: None, "There's not enough room in there man!!"

Two blondes are walking along when they hear...
"Psst! Down here!"
They both look down and see a frog sitting beside the road. The frog says to them, "Hey, if you kiss me I'll turn into a world famous drummer and make you both rich and famous!" The two blondess looked at each other, and one of them reached down and grabbed the frog and stuffed it in her pocket.
The other blondel said, "What did you do that for?"
The first replied, "I'm not stupid. Even I know a talking frog is worth heaps more than a famous drummer any day!!!"

Q: What's do a drummer and a mosqito have in common?
A: They both suck!!!

Pugsley

hehehe, some great ones there

Töpher

Q: Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
A: So they can park in the handicapped spot.

Hahahaha!

mr_angry

Good one. Think I'll use that with the attendant next time I get clamped...