Just when you thought Americans couldn't get any more stupid...

The Beer Baron

....It's the Complete Complete Terrorism Survival Guide!

How braindead is this?
I mean really?

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,92855,00.html

And right at the top:

1. Use your instincts; if a situation appears suspicious, leave the scene.

Yes, sage advise...read it, really, read this drivel.

Of course it's not all bad:

12. When in a foreign country, don't advertise that you're American by speaking loudly, holding up maps, exchanging currency at airports, showing American flags, etc

Yes, stfu, loud annoying americans are more likely to get bombed by bearded terrorists. Seriously tho, there was a family came in to us, loud, annoying- y'know, americans...out they went, it was around halloween time, some scobes let off bangers and rockets- you shoulda seen those flabby fools hit the decks like they were in Gaza or something...what can you do but laugh?

Sh1t are we code red? Code Blue? Code Yellow with purple spots?!

I'm going to write my own book:
"The Complete Getting Knocked Down by a Bus Avoidance Handbook"

1. Stay away from areas where there are buses
2. Stay away from areas where you suspect a bus might appear.
3. Look left AND right when crossing the road, double check there are no buses

...

14. Beware of tourbusses, they appear randomly- it is estimated that out of all the Americans that are killed by buses- 42% of them are tour buses

...


23. Make out a will and letter of instruction in case you die. Get fingerprinted, get your blood samples and obtain dental X-rays so your body can be identified in case you fall victim to <snip> a double-decker bus

26. Do not live or work in a highly urban area that most likely would contain a lot of public transport such as New York City, Washington, D.C., or San Francisco.

I smell $$$'s!

echomadman

24. Pay attention to: surroundings; someone paying an usual amount of attention to a prominent landmark; someone nervous or jumpy or trying to access off-limit areas; someone trying to hide something.

spot the typo
:rolleyes:

this article pained me to read, it paints a scary picture right out of any number of dystopian sci-fi novels i've read.

The Beer Baron

(echomadman) someone paying an usual amount of attention to a prominent landmark;
(echomadman) yeh
(echomadman) ****tards
(TheBeerBaron) yes, yer in paris- someone's paying an usual/unusual amoun tof attention to the eifel tower
(TheBeerBaron) they're terrorists bent on destruction
(TheBeerBaron) remind me to never stand next to anything when americans are around
(echomadman) frankly how long do you have to look at a landmark before its unusual
(walt0rino) that's the most stupid ****ing thing i have ever rea
(walt0rino) d
(echomadman) i saw a load of people looking at the cliffs of moher
(echomadman) do you think they're planing a terror attack?
(TheBeerBaron) oh no!

mike65

...meanwhile did anyone else catch "Terror Tourists" on BBC2 tonight? All part of the same crazy paranoia.

Mike.

Victor

It just might be taking the p.

"11. When traveling overseas, stay in an American chain hotel; security is usually more stringent. " Yes, American chain hotel - one which anti-American terrorist might target.

Capt'n Midnight

9. Try to fly on wide-body planes; terrorists often avoid hijacking them.
Actually strange as it might seem terrorists avoid hijacking most planes !

============================

13. Try to avoid crowded areas, especially in large cities; avoid public transportation and major tunnels and bridges during heavy commuting times.*

18. Never take the first taxicab in line; hail a moving cab instead.*

*as sponsored by Dublin Taxi's

Lump

What a load of rubbish to be honest. We still need to live a life. The way I look at it, if some one is bothered to bomb sellafield I'll have to die a virgin*



John


*May not actually be true

The Second

Just to save people reading the time reading the article....

Try to fly on wide-body planes

I thought you picked the destination.. not the plane?

When traveling overseas, stay in an American chain hotel; security is usually more stringent.

would an American hotel be most likely to be terrorised?

don't advertise that you're American by speaking loudly

they can't help that really .. can they?

Never stay in a hotel with an underground parking garage and never park in such a garage -- terrorists love car bombs

lol... cars go everywhere...

Know what to do in case of a biological, chemical or nuclear attack in terms of symptoms, decontamination, etc…

die???

When traveling abroad, read local newspapers to pinpoint dangers there; check the State Department's travel advisories

Jasus ... after readin this .. I'd just stay at home...a holiday I think not

someone paying an usual amount of attention to a prominent landmark

lol.. as already mentioned

Make out a will and letter of instruction in case you die.

again.. why would you go on holiday if you thought you where going to die???... yes ... I'm going to Spain on holidays for two weeks... I'd better make a will... eh no.

Do not live or work in a highly urban area that most likely would be a terrorist's target

we should all move to the country side.. the worst you can get there is foot in mouth... I'm mean foot and mouth...

MrPinK

Originally posted by mike65
...meanwhile did anyone else catch "Terror Tourists" on BBC2 tonight? All part of the same crazy paranoia.

Mike.

It was a pretty good programme alright. It's hard to imagine ppl paying $5,500 to follow around an Israeli nutcase for 5 days.

sceptre

When traveling abroad, read local newspapers to pinpoint dangers there; check the State Department's travel advisories

"Hotdamn, I say, HOTDAMN, this is in some FOREIGN LANGUAGE. Hey buddy, HEY BUDDY! Can you translate this for me? I'm AMERICAN and I can't READ IT"

"Shhhh, honey, don't let them know you're American"

"HotDAMN, Charlene, how the HELL can I get to read it then. HEY BUDDY! You gotta copy of USA Today?"


apologies to the millions of normal Americans. Some of my best friends actually are American. One of them does a mean impression of an annoying loud American when he wants to be funny

Apologies to Foghorn Leghorn as well

Faust

Exploiting the fears of others...lovely...

rymus

Originally posted by sceptre
"Hotdamn, I say, HOTDAMN, this is in some FOREIGN LANGUAGE. Hey buddy, HEY BUDDY! Can you translate this for me? I'm AMERICAN and I can't READ IT"[/SIZE]

rofl

pickarooney

When did The Onion buy Fox News?

Ruaidhri

25. Make out a will and letter of instruction in case you die. Get fingerprinted, get your blood samples and obtain dental X-rays so your body can be identified in case you fall victim to attack.

Well that's nice and handy to have everyone's fingerprints..

Just when you thought Americans couldn't get any more stupid...

Well i never thought that

Töpher

17. Carefully inspect mail before opening; check for return address, postmark, excessive postage, etc…

ISnt this one just slightly more over the top than others? I mean, inspect your fúcking post? I just mill into it in the hope of free cash, or, a free bill!

woosaysdan

thats the greatest loadof bull i ever read

Gillie

Author is one Juval Aviv.
Sounds Israli?


Anyway. Load of b*llocks! Sad thing is there are probably plenty of buyers!

Victor

Originally posted by Gilly2003
Author is one Juval Aviv. Sounds Israli

He is an ex-Israeli Army major and Mossad agent.

Those guidelines are for the paranoid (whether justified or not).

Gillie

Funny thing is if you were to follow all those guidelines you'd end up looking sus and would probably end up getting hauled in!!

Hobbes

Mostly humour although some of it is commonsense but some is just plain stupidity.

18. Never take the first taxicab in line; hail a moving cab instead.

I mean.. wtf? o_O In Ireland taxis don't stop if flagged down close to a taxi rank. They expect you to take the first taxi. So I shouldn't take the first in line as it might be a terrorist hiding in it? Ok so I let the next person in line take that one but now the second in line is now the first! OMG I AM SURROUNDED BY TERRORISTS AAAAHHHH!!!!

I am so tempted to post a review on the book.

Wolf

The picture is espically funny :D:D

Also the quote Terrorists love Car bomb and cake but espically Car bombs.

vibe666

you know, they might just be paranoid enough to get us all killed.

they've kept up this 'everyone is out to destroy us' attitude up so long, they made it true.

fingers crossed they kill themselves before the rest of us get it in the back while we aren't looking.:rolleyes:

MrNuked

It's all propaganda. Its purpose is to make the nation supportive of their president even after he takes to starting unjustified wars, and to make the population more insular. News over there is not informative, it sensationalist. You can't consider yourself more intelligent than someone just because you are better informed, especially when you are only better informed because of where you happen to live.

The Beer Baron

MrNuked
that's it in a nutshell.

bus77

It's the same "top tips" kind of stuff that does be on Oprah.
Every day she has a new expert on(usually tryin to sell a book) taking about how to avoid sexisim in the workplace, how to brush your dog properly and how to tell a waiter your food is crap, the crowd cant seem to get enough
I would'nt even call it propaganda, I dunno what to call that ****e but someone must be buying it.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

. Never check luggage at curbside check-in at airports; carry luggage on board with you, if possible; carry as few bags as possible.

"honey, help me get our suitcases into the overhead compartment will you?"

Hobbes

Originally posted by Mordeth
"honey, help me get our suitcases into the overhead compartment will you?"

there was a program on US TV one time where a guy suggested this and gave all the tips and tricks on how to get all your luggage as carry on.

Then I got a flight from Boston to Michigan and I swear to god every tosser on the plane must of seen that program.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

rofl

but i thought airlines had size and weight restrictions on onboard luggage

how could you get away with it?

quank

that is my bible....

i was so blind before now.....
i was put on the right track..... god bless america
/me salutes

honru

FOX News really is the sh!t.

Flash. Bang Bang. Flash.

"WAR ON TERROR"

"...Tonight, on FOX News"