Whats wrong with me

LegacyUser

Ok... This is a bit of a strange one.... but its serious and please dont poke fun....

Recently, like in the last 3 months or so, I have found it really really hard to feel any kind of emotion towards anything. I have been out of work and have no money and rent is due and Im in a financial mess, but I cant seem to muster any thought or feeling towards it. I should be panicking, but Im not. I have lost touch with my friends but I dont feel bothered. I used to be really family orientated and it was important to me to see a lot of them, but now when they want to see me I make excuses not to go. Even personally, I have stopped looking after myself - I amnt eating properly not washing my hair etc.... When Im with other people, I feel trapped and I want to escape. I have often had crazy thoughts of just doing a disappearing act... walk out the door and leave everything behind me. I feel like a total failure about everything and I cant see a way to fix things... Im raving and not making a lot of sense....I dont know what the hell is wrong with me. I cant muster anykind of enthusiasm for life.....

Has anyone else ever had this kind of lethargy and apathy....

Beruthiel

sounds to me like you are suffering from depression

see Mr. Happys thread on this forum regarding that very topic, you seem to have all the same symptoms

anna

star gazer

It's not as uncommon or as strange as you might think. With depression (7% are on anti-depressant medication at any one time) the situation you describe is understandable. If you can't feel emotions it is very difficult to be in the same room as your friends and family because they will bring up emotions for you and if you can't feel those emotions then it hurts. There are options out there for you. If you know the name of a good counsellor or find a number in the yellow pages you can talk through the issues that might be behind your lethargy and lack of drive. Your Gp might also be able to help you. You aren't alone.

Billy Turdhed

Has to be depression.... dont wait ... se your GP.



BT

valor

we had a talk from AWARE, the anti-depression society today and while it went on a bit it was quite interesting. I agree that you sound like you are suffering from depression and you should definitely contact aware www.aware.ie

13

three months seems like a relatively short amount of time to fall into that kind of situation.. did anything significant happen to you before that? ive suffered from depression for a few years now, give or take 4 or 5. i only went to counselling once, im pretty stubborn in the way that i need to make my own mind about things and wouldve have been rather sceptical of therapy etc neway so that wasnt for me..nor was medication, i dont like the idea of such dependency but if you yourself feel like you cant cope on your own or even discuss these things with family/friends then i would definitely suggest that you give it a shot.

My depression hit when i was around 17, things were pretty screwed at home in every sense of the word and i just lost complete interest in anything at all and began drifting from one day to another just hoping for it to go away, obviously it doesnt work that way. At this very minute, i can honestly say im not that depressed anymore give or take the usual ups and downs, not by half of what i used to experience.. the absolute sadness, hopelessness and despair that would make every day impossibly painful, i can however relate to your feelings.. in so much that i feel sometimes im incapable of sparking any emotion for things that in my mind, were once there. I know somehow im responsible for that, whichever way i dealt with all this stuff has lead me here, now i need to understand how and why, as much as i can.. so that i can learn to live again. Part of me has accepted this as just growing up, adapting to life, understanding more and less all the time without letting myself get dragged underneath again, part of me is afraid i shouldnt feel like this at all but that is my predicament, and i must live and deal with it without feeling sorry for myself because .. you just gotta get on with it. trust me. lingering in the middle of life is not something id wish upon anyone.

you dont have to worry so much about everything, ask yourself what you need to make yourself happy, deep down you should already have an idea. follow it with your heart.. make routines for yourself, keep yourself busy, dont sit around on your ass all day worrying, it doesnt help, and most things fix themselves anyway, so concentrate on yourself and live and let be. life changes all the time, YOU change all the time, its not like we all know where were going or what we have todo to get there, but if we try our damndest at least we can live without regret. the only thing that ever woke me up from my depression was the thought of how short life really is, look around you, dont waste time, dont have regrets.. you deserve to have everything you desire.

I know reading this you probably wont even soak any of it up or even really think about it too much, thats the thing with depression, it makes you focus on yourself so much that you forget and stop caring about everything else.. slowly but surely youll realise this yourself, especially when events occur in your life that reflect other peoples hurt and pain. Im sorry if im rambling on or if my writing is completely disjointed, its quite impossible to make proper sense of this subject but ill leave you with this..
dont waste your time, i cannot stress that enough. take a deep breath...get out there and live your life, enjoy whatever life throws at ya, pick up new sports and hobbies,meet new people, do whatever it is you like doing, new interests can really wake you up again.. and remember how important you really are, even if you dont feel like it right now. positive attitude goes a long way, a simple 'im going to have a good day today' can make a huge difference, and dont forget, you give what you get what you give! be all that you can be, dont give up the fight.. and goodluck:)

K

LegacyUser

I say three months because its more prevalent in my mind that I have felt this way.... In actuality I would say its longer than that... I dont think anything in particular started it off... I moved from home and broke up with a partner in a short space of time, so there was upheaval....

I have tried to broach the subject with friends but I find it hard to open up to people now.. that was never the case before, I was always a vocal person and had no problems in sharing etc.... You used the term 'lingering in the middle of life'... that struck a chord...... thats how I feel I suppose... I feel like any purpose that I ever had in my life has been washed away and I dont know what I am here for... It stretches to all walks of life, even my work. I am a bright person and I could have gone to college, in fact I did a year of college, but the death of my best friend as I did my exams crushed me and broke my heart into pieces, so much so that I left ... and havent gone back...

I find it so hard not to worry about things. I worry about stupid things but dont worry about things that should be prevalent in my mind.. . I have in lower points had disturbing day dreams of throwing myself into the sea or in front of a train.... While I daydream this, I am not suicidal. I dont feel so hopeless that I cant go on etc..... I have had abtract daydreams about it and I see them in a sort of objective manner..... Its not really me.. and there have been occasions where I am sort of watching my life going on in the third person... Im detached from what is going on around me....

Im ranting again... Like a previous poster said, its hard to make any sense of this.. If it is depression (from what you were all saying, it more than likely is) .... well, is it something that will stay with me for the rest of my life, hanging over me like a black cloud?

I thank you all for your advice. There has been some real helpful and insightful thoughts and opinions....

I am MAN

I have no doubt you are suffering with depression I wouldnt say severe but it would need treatment.

I am a sufferer and have been on medication. Everything you said above is exactly what i have especially when you said throwing yourself in front of a train and other morbid thoughts I get them daily and like you im not suicidal and can go about my day without a huge struggle.

Dont feel any shame going to a GP they deal with this kind of thing on a daily basis and im sure they will prescribe you a medium dosage of anti-depressants and while on that subject AVOID seroxat the infamous anti-depressants other's like cipramil and effexor have a high success rate.

Good luck and keep us updated.

liz2000

i agree with the others too, it does sound like depression, i just lectured on it tonight actually and you do fit the bill, especially since u are socially withdrawing yourself and feeling very apatheitic about everything, there are many types of depression as u may know so my advise is that u go to your gp and let him know, dont be satisfied with just takin anti depressants, they do work but u may as well try and get to the bottom of it too by going to therapy, ask him or her to recomend a therapist for u or check out the papers or phone book, definatly act on this one, dont do a disappearing act, one can recover and others have who felt just like u, (me for one), u can once again have a fulfilling life, this will just need to be sorted first,
best of luck with it and keep us all informed

LegacyUser

Thank you once again, everyone. I am going to make an appointment to see my GP tomorrow morning, and hopefully see him by Friday. The idea of talking to a counsellor doesnt really appeal... as things are, interaction with friends and family is hard enough. Talking to a stranger.... well... I just dont know. I am eager to get to the bottom of this though... so I suppose I will have to summon the courage as it were.... My mother called me earlier on and out of the blue asked me if something was wrong with me. Shes not the most observant of people at the best of times, so it sort of surprised me... I of course denied that anything was wrong and that I had had a bad day..... I used to have a closeness with my mother and it has completely evaporated...... It feels so alien and yet its my own doing....

On the topic of anti-depressants, I cant take these. When my friend died and I went to see a grief counsellor, I was offered them, but as I am an epileptic they would interfere with the control of my seizures. So, in a way, I am afraid of this 'depression' as I cant just pop a pill and make it go away.... it seems that I will have to fight it on my own and the prospect of that .... it just feels hopeless.... I have been looking at links I have found on these boards and they are very helpful. I feel like a weight has been lifted to a certain extent........

karma kabbage

I don't like to post on these things unless I feel I have something to give... Here goes:

Three months aga it started getting darker. You said nothing in particulare triggered this.... does it just feel like an overwhealming wave of 'not-caring-ness'?

Well I don't know much.... maybe this'd help?
http://www.outsidein.co.uk/sadinfo.htm

I truly wish you all you may need

13

is it something that will stay with you for the rest of your life? i think the answer to that is yes. how you let that affect you, obviously, is in your hands. it can eat away at you til the day that you die, or u can learn to adjust,to grow,to understand and how to cope and get back on the right track again..dont give up hope, it is possible.

im a firm believer that happiness comes from within.. the fact that u realised your problem, and that you are willing to act upon it is a great first step. its pretty apparent that youve had a rough time in the last few months/years and id imagine its completely normal for any sane individual to react this way after your ordeal but be careful, keep the lines open with your family, they care for you so much and im sure would do anything on your part. never forget that. your expectancy of people and life in general can become quite twisted when you literally feel like you want to roll over and die.. im sure you understand. it is indeed a very complex issue, you may as well be discussing the existence of god or the birth of the universe, there are simply no concrete answers to how why when etc. but you definitely are not alone, in fact, talk to your mother, shes only human, shes probably even felt the same way more than you know in her lifetime.

take things one step at a time, start with yourself, ask yourself what you want, what you need, keep a journal, let it out somehow, just dont keep it bottled up inside. i feel like im preaching, if only i would take my own advice:) ive only just managed to start working again (its hard but i cope) i also left college after my first year and ive just ended a relationship with my partner for reasons beyond our control (she moved back home to a different country pretty much being it) so at times i also feel pretty useless and alone;/ im trying my hardest though, one day at a time, thats all any of us can do. life is full of so much bullsht, this world is completely screwed if you ask me, and were all bouncing around stumbling on our own feet at the best of times, but even i can still see the good things... and they are there to be found so dont deny yourself that much.

there can be a huge element of self loathing when it comes to depression & how you perceive yourself in this mess, you must find a way to give yourself importance and confidence again. dont be afraid to be happy, its impossible to hold the weight of all your troubles so pretend if you have to, its all just a state of mind for the most part anyway and what harm if u end up believing it? dont let it go on like this, stand upto yourself and the world and tell yourself that youre not going to let it beat you. Theres only so much anyone can do to help you with this situation, and in your current state its probably hard to truly listen to anyone anyway, so i advise you to draw on your own strengths and then let the healing begin. i dont think it can work any other way...

I really feel for anybody who finds themselves in this predicament, and i hope that for you, there is a normal life at the end of the tunnel. keep faith, believe in yourself and dont be afraid to talk to others because everyone can understand some part of what youre going through, take for eg ur post here today, all the ppl that cared enough to take the time and answer your question.. and who to you, are complete strangers so im sure theres somebody close to you who will be more than happy to help.

sorry if i come across as being a bit sentimental or whatever, just these are the things that have kept me going in my own experience.. i really hope you can find yourself again.
#be good n'night

trilo

Originally posted by I am MAN
IAVOID seroxat the infamous anti-depressants .

trilo

Originally posted by trilo

fecin hell i must be getting very sleepy..

seroxat.. thats what i am on for the last 3 years..w as on other types but kept over dosing on them.... stayed of anti d'd for a while..stayed on councelling .. now in my 3 rd year of thking seroxat... i aht them.. tries coming off them but it is awlful.. i get lathargic,,, weepy, depressed.
even when i came of them over a three week period, no good i couldnt get of them.. panic attacks are terrible..

so im still on them until i can finally get of them....

erhhhh

but i have to say i dont be a s depreesed as much when i am on them. they have helped a hell of a lot and i am grateful to them and the extra help they gave me in building up my life to what i have now...

neoB

Drepression is the worst. Drugs suck, but it makes it from a bit better to a lot better to be able to do what your suppose to.

is it something that will stay with you for the rest of your life? i think the answer to that is yes. how you let that affect you, obviously, is in your hands. it can eat away at you til the day that you die, or u can learn to adjust,to grow,to understand and how to cope and get back on the right track again..dont give up hope, it is possible.

what 13 said..
It doesn't have to take over your life and stay with you, and like what was said how you let it affect you can tell you how its going to be for the rest of your life.
I had to take crap meds for five years, and the shrink told me I would be on it for the rest of my life. (failed to mention it subsitutes for chemicals in your brain so you have no choice but to take it ..and all the medical stuff) Said screw that. When you really belive you can help yourself, and getting support from mates and family, you can overcome your problems and be your merry little self again. If not then nothing wrong with taking them, as long as you don't feel useless and like crap. Whatever you do make sure its good for you, and you benefit from it so you don't feel horrible. Good luck to you on that.