Best Simpsons quotes?

Fuhrio

Well i spend my day quoting the simpsons, so i was just wondering what other ppls favourite quotes are?

Mr. Burns: Was there any messages for me?

Homer: Yes, You have 30 minutes to move your car.
You have 10 minutes to move your car.
Your car has been crushed into a cube.
...You have 30 minutes to move you cube.

OfflerCrocGod

Phone rings *ring*
Homer picks up phone
Mr Burns "Is it about my cube?":D

Truly classic!.

secret_squirrel

Just read another thread on here..and was reminded of one of my favourites :

Mo : Im choking on my own rage here

LoneGunM@n

My Sig
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V

Nike_Dude

Ah so many memories
Homer: A metal deely ...used to... dig ...food
Marge: A spoon?

Ralph Wiggum: Me fail english thats unpossible!

Homer (on his love life and rejection): I've heard them all I like you as a friend, I think we should see other people, me no speaka english, i'm not gay but ill learn.

And my favourite quote ever see my signature

Devious

Lenny: Night swimming and alcohol. A winning combination!

WizZard

Ralph: "My cat's name's mittens"
Ralph: "Hi, Supernintendo Chalmers"

My favourite quote ever:

Superintendent Chalmers: (seeing Skinner's kitchen is on fire) "Good lord, what is happening in there?"
Principal Skinner: "Aurora Borealis."
Superintendent Chalmers: "Aurora Borealis? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localised entirely within your kitchen?"
Principal Skinner: "Yes."
Superintendent Chalmers: "May I see it?"
Principal Skinner: "No."


Sideshow Bob: "Attempted murder. Now, honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?":p

El Marco

Originally posted by Nike_Dude
Homer (on his love life and rejection): I've heard them all I like you as a friend, I think we should see other people, me no speaka english, i'm not gay but ill learn.

And my favourite quote ever see my signature

I believe the last line is "I don't want to kill you but I will"
(me pendantic?! No!)

My favourite has to be

Homer: I never apologise Lisa. I'm sorry, that's just the way I am.

Sangre

Burns: Smithers, theres a rocket in my pocket!

Smithers: You dont have to tell me sir.

Burns and Homer get the best quotes imo.

Zombrex

Another month, another Simpsons quote thread

Homer - "I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty and if its speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called 'The Bus That Couldnt Slow Down'"

Homer (to Bart) - "Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good night!"

Homer (looking at globe) - "Look at this country! U R Gay!?"

Homer - "Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races."

Homer - "Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love."

And my fav homer quote ................

Homer (to aliens) - "Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them instead!"

quank

Homer:
You are gay!

El Marco

Seriously though, I've had this discussion with friends and there is no situation that can happen that I can't quote the simpsons to. It's my bible! (Homer: The pranksters bible)

joseph brand

Garbageman episode. Guest voice Steve Martin

Mr Peterson, voice of (I think), arrives in late to town meeting bout waste.

"Sorry I'm late, SOMEONE cut my brakes".

Homer, "then you should have been EARLY!!".


Also, (other Ep)

Homer, "hello Mr Burns, this is your mother speaking".


Bwahahahahahahah.

plastic membrane

One of many : Dear baby, welcome to Dumpsville, population: You.

Or

"Company L, but..they smell"
"Yes, we've all heard the chant"

Gillie

Burns reminding us that he never knows who Homer is despite all that they've been through!

Mr. Burns (rolls down Limo window in middle of street):
"Shouldn't you be at work?"

Homer: "Aggh! Yes sir Mr. Burns right away"

Mr. Burns: "Well get to it; wherever you work, whoever you are!"

Classic!

Nike_Dude

I believe the last line is "I don't want to kill you but I will"

yeah you're right i forgot about that.
I forgot another classic one
Homer: Marge it takes two to lie, one to lie and one to listen

Frank Grimes

Lots to pick from, this is one of my favourites though.

Homer: Boy, when Marge first told me she was going to the police academy, I thought it'd be fun and exciting, you know, like that movie, "Spaceballs".
But instead it's been painful and disturbing like that movie "Police Academy"

Oriel

My sig

Fuhrio

One thing good about this thread, it could almost go on forever with the amount of quotes most of the male population of ireland know:cool:

Kang or Kodos in their presidential speech i think:

You know, when i was a boy, i dreamed of becoming A baseball!

weemcd

stephen hawking (just on tv today) : "if you are looking for trouble, you;ve found it"


i like homer jay the best

the garbage man epesode:

Mr Peterson: you told people i lured children i lured children into my gingerbread house!!

Homer: yeah that was just a lie.

andrew163

Not sure if the words to this are compeletely accurate, but you get the idea...

---

Burns: There has been an appauling decline in the quality and quantity of your totying, Whelan, and you will fall into line!
Smithers: [almost crying] I'm sorry sir, but not until you step back from the brink of insanity.
Burns: Ill do no such thing! YOU'RE FIRED!

*Smithers walks out, and burns starts walking all over the large model of springfield on the floor, smashing model buildings*

Burns: Take that, elementary school! Take that, local tavern! Take that, convenience mart! Take that, nuclear power pla.....ohh fiddlesticks.

---

---

*alarm goes off and red light starts flashing*
Smithers: Sir, somebody is charging room service to the company!
Burns: Well! We'll sson see about that. *walks over to cage by the window, and releases monkeys with wings and sends them out the window* Fly, my pretties, FLY!!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!
*monkies fall to horrible deaths*
Burns: Continue the research.

---

i love that burns character...

Fuhrio

Garbage man episode:

Homer: It looks like paterson doesnt have his finger on the button!

Paterson: WHAT BUTTON! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!

Homer: Ahhh Ahh, what button? Where am i? Whats going on!

andrew163

Comic books store guy: "Oh a sarcasm detector. That's a REAL useful invention!"

Stark

Mr. Burns: "When I die there will be noone to inherit my fortune"
Smithers: "Ahem"
Mr. Burns: "You smithers? Why no, I've planned a much greater reward for you. When I die, you shall be buried alive with me"
Smithers: "Oh. Goodie"


Homer: "$100? I wanted a peanut"
Homer's Brain: "$100 can get you lots of peanuts"
Homer: "Explain how"
Homer's Brain: "money can be exchanged for goods and services"
Homer: "Woo hoo!"

Lisa: "Shove off brain, I'm popular now, I don't need you"
(later after everything collapses around her)
Lisa: "I need to think of a way out of this"
Lisa's Brain: "Well look who's come crawling back"

Homer's Brain: "Don't tell them you spent it on beer"
Homer: "I spent it on beer"
Homer's Brain: "That's it I'm out of here"
(Homer collapses on ground)

Lisa: "It's better to keep one's mouth shut and be thought a fool, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt"
Homer thinking: "What does that mean? Oh oh better say something or they'll think you're stupid"
Homer: "Takes one to know one"

lawhec

Insurance Man: "Now before I give you this cheque, this place Moe's, it's a business of some kind?"

Homer (thought): "Don't tell him you were at a bar. But what else is open at night!?"

Homer: "It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography!":D

---

Also

Cheif Wiggum: "Just get one of those inflaitable women. But make sure it's a woman though. Cos one time, I, er...... ha!":p

loyatemu

more wiggum classics:

---

Bart to cops "Book him boys!"

Wiggum "hey, I give the orders round here...
Cook him toys!"

Cops "what was that chief?"

Wiggum "just do what the boy said"

---

Wiggum: "looks like you just bought yourself a
lottery ticket...to jail!"

Cop: "He's unconscious chief"

Wiggum "Ah, they can still hear things"

Sleipnir

Homer: Hello. My name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.

Post Office Guy Okay Mr. Burns. What's your first name?

Homer: Iiiii don't know.

BigDaddyKone

homer in a restaurant.
homer - I'll have your most expensive dish stuffed with the second most expensive dish.
waiter - excellent choice sir. One lobster stuffed with chilli

---

or wiggum when homers gaff blows up on aprils fools day

wiggum - pretzels, repeat we need pretzels

Mick L

Quimby Jr. I'll kill you, I'll you all........especially you in the jury!!

Marge Oh Homer, you've ruined a perfectly good jacket
Homer Correction Marge (holds up leather jacket) TWO perfectly good jackets

Homer (to himself) I know, lets use reverse psychology....no that's too complicated......OK then I will

spoofer

Episode where groundskeeper willie is trying to kill the kids in their sleep:

Bart/Lisa: But you don't understand, anytime we fall asleep we could die!
Granpa simpson: Welcome to my world!! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

Devious

Homer and Burns are trapped in a log cabin.

Homer: I know, lets build snow men.
Burns: I have a better idea. Lets build real men. Made of snow.
Homer: O..........K........


Burns watching Itchy and Scratchy with Bart:

Burns: Did you see that?!! The mouse butchered that cat like a hog!! HAHAHAHA!! LIKE A HOG!!!

Sauron

Ah.. yet another Simpsons quote thread
Homer:"son, I know how much you wanted to see that movie..so Ill tell you a story. When I was your age I wanted an electric football game .. But my parents wouldnt give it to me..so I held my breath until I passed out and hit my head off the couch, The doctor thought I might have brain damage"
Bart:"Dad, whats the point of this story?"
Homer:"I like stories"
:rolleyes:

Homer:"I dont want to look like a weirdo...Ill just go with a moo moo"

so many more to choose from... :rolleyes: (+my sig)

Stark

That first quote is probably my favourite simpsons bit ever. Probably one of the best examples of classic Homer before he went downhill.

ferdi

jasper (to a drunken smithers): "the sidewalks for regular walkin', not your fancy walkin'"

El Marco

Police cheif Wiggim tells Lisa how he scored tickets to the krusty aniversary show.

Lisa: That story wasn't suitable for children.

Wiggim: Really? I keep my pants on in this version.

Karl Hungus

Otto - "They Call Them Fingers, But I've Never Seen Them Fing!"

andrew163

Bart (on phone) :"Hello? Joe's Crematorium. You kill 'em, we grill 'em."

Fritz (one of the german people who buy Burns's power plant) : Oh, thank you. My english is not perfect, but I have to tell you, your beer is like swill to us. Do I have that right? I am saying that only a swine would drink this beer.

Frink: Brace yourselves, gentlemen. According to the gas cromatograph, the secret ingredient is...... LOVE??? Who's been screwing with this thing?
:rolleyes:

quank

Granpa Simpson: My son Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is NOT a porn star.....


cracking!

ixoy

Favourite quotes?! IMPOSSIBLE!

Even today, in the Tokyo episode, had one very good line:

Marge: You know Japan. You loved Rashômon!
Homer: That's not how I remember it!

Smart and funny!

Nike_Dude

Lisa (after catching homer singing about mindy): Why are you singing dad?

Homer's brain: Don't tell the truth. dont tell the truth

Homer: I've got a small part in a broadway musical its not much, but its a start.

Homer's brain: Bravo (and we hear slow clapping)

Pure genius!!!! Where did it all go wrong:(

Space Coyote

From the classic Lemon of Troy episode ...

Shelbyville Kid: Wait a minute, If you're from Shelbyville, how come we've never seen you in school?
Bart: I don't go to school.
Shelbyville Kid: Okay, what's two plus two?
Bart: Five...
Shelbyville Kid: Ah, story checks out...

Sauron

From the same episode
Bart:"Behold the masked stranger is me!, Bart Simpson"
Confused looks all around
Bart:" You know, Bart Simpson"
More confused looks
Bart:"From Springfield"
Shelbyville Kid" He's from Springfield!, Get Him!"

---

one of my favorite episodes ever...
never get tired of some of these quotes..

Roller Toaster

Dental plan.

Lisa needs braces.

Dental plan.

Lisa needs braces.

Dental plan.

Lisa needs braces.

Dental plan.

Lisa needs braces.

Dental plan.

Lisa needs braces.

Dental plan.

Lisa needs braces.

Dental plan.

Lisa needs braces.

Dental plan.

Lisa needs braces.

Stark

At a united nations meeting:

"On behalf of the USSR ..."
"The USSR? But you guys broke up"
"Aha! That's what we wanted you to think!"

USSR representative presss button which cues monage of scenes including flags in a parade suddenly switching, and the embalmed body of Lenin smashing throught its glass case to attack tours of school kids Frankenstein style.

Zachary Taylor

Somebody, I can't remember who, falls through a trap door in the floor in front of Mr. Burns and out of another door in the ceiling.
Mr. Burns: Smithers, it's doing that thing again.

Sauron

Mr.Burns:"Smithers who is that man?"
Smithers:"Thats Homer Simpson sir, all the recent events of your life have revolved around him in some way"

---

TheSonOfBattles

In one of the Treehouse of Horror episodes when Burns is giving the Simpson Family a tour round the mansion they'll be house sitting for him for the winter.

An elevator door opens and a load of blood gushes out the door and down the corridor. Burns stops and thoughtfully says, "hmm, that's odd. The blood usually gets off on the second floor"

One of the best episodes ever.

Creature

The wording in these aren't exactly right but they're my favourite lines:

Maggie has Burns's bear Bobo and Homer wants it to give it to Burns and get a reward

Homer: Come on Maggie gimmie the box.....*picks up a cardboard box* wouldn't you rather have this fun box! *puts box on head and tries to entice Maggie into wanting it*

Homer: do di do hehehehe fun box

Maggie: *reaches out to take box*

Homer: No! MY box! *runs off with box*




Burns and Smithers are looking at a monitor showing Homer with the devil-Flanders

Mr. burns : Smithers who's that goat legged fellow? I like the cut of his jib

Smithers: Prince of darkness sir, he's your eleven o'clock

Mr.Burns: Excellent.





Mr.Burns: Team there's a small crippled boy who's depending on you to win this game, I should know because I crippled him myself to inspire you.




Homer: Alright brain I don't like you and you don't like me but if we work together on this I think we can get Marge back and everything will be ok

Homer's brain: Eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding



Homer: Looks like the Bear Patrol is doing it's job.

Lisa: Thats specious reasoning dad.

Homer: Thank you honey.

Lisa: Why by your logic I could say this rock*picks up a rock* keeps away tigers.

Homer: Hmm how does it work?

Lisa: It doesn't, its just a stupid rock.

Homer: *pauses*....Lisa I wanna buy your rock!

Capt'n Midnight

"And the Employee of the Month Award goes to ... this innaminate carbon rod.."

/Me Wonders why it was bright green and not Black ?

ciderandhavoc

Originally posted by k.oriordan
At a united nations meeting:

"On behalf of the USSR ..."
"The USSR? But you guys broke up"
"Aha! That's what we wanted you to think!"

USSR representative presss button which cues monage of scenes including flags in a parade suddenly switching, and the embalmed body of Lenin smashing throught its glass case to attack tours of school kids Frankenstein style.

"must........crush........capitalism!"

One of the most bizarre/hillarious parts of the simpsons ever!

sceptre

Originally posted by TheSonOfBattles
In one of the Treehouse of Horror episodes when Burns is giving the Simpson Family a tour round the mansion they'll be house sitting for him for the winter.

An elevator door opens and a load of blood gushes out the door and down the corridor. Burns stops and thoughtfully says, "hmm, that's odd. The blood usually gets off on the second floor"

One of the best episodes ever.

"No beer and no TV make Homer something something"


I rather like the bits where there's obvious conniving to get around copyright infringement and they just make it part of the episode

"Ah you mean the Shining"
"Shut up, do you want us to be sued?"

"Sherry Bobbins... Did you say 'Mary Poppins'?"
"No, no, no"