The Rules of Manhood

smiles

Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c) After wrecking your boss' car.
d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e) When she is using her teeth

Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.

Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden.

Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.

On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.

Only in situations of Moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.

Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.

Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a Mate of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green,orange or sky blue.

The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a Playstation 2. End of story.

<< Fio >>

Okie

Nice one smiles LOL

Kinda reminded me of a piece Denis Leary wrote called Are You Man Enough?

It's too big to read here, so the above link should do it.

Enjoy

AL][EN

ROFL pure class smiles i like it

ive herd a few of em before but i havent herd this one before:

Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

spooiirt!!

are you man enough is brilliant!! i laughed out loud like a fool in the internet cafe that im in!

Jaeger

<Mr Burns> excellent </Mr Burns>

Commissar

HELL YEAH!!

Mr_Roger_Bongos

It was posted before but thanks for reminding me about it. Absolute class, had to work very hard to supress the laughs in my management class!

greg_f

laughed out loud in work the one time it was quite in here so got some funny looks :mad: but it was worth it

sionnach

roflmao, class

Tyrrial

Men are simply the better sex...

Lord Nikon

<homer> yeah, yeah, yeah, this ROCKS. <homer>

LoneGunM@n

The Rules of Manhood .... Funny 'cause it's true!!

p.s. Denis Leary is the funniest bloke alive .... I nearly puked I was laughing so much!!

po0k

Denis Leary ripped off Bill Hicks RIP

Töpher

Originally posted by SyxPak
Denis Leary ripped off Bill Hicks RIP

Damn straight! Bill Hicks is a legend. Leary, while occassionally funy, is nothing compared to the Man.

quank

very good my good man.! .

The_Goose

freakin excellent!

deletebert

coincidence, when real life is as funny as the stuff you read about.

I was actually, by complete accident, listening to "I'm an a$hole" by said Dennis Leary while readin the leary article. cool.

Crucifix

=/ I've broken a couple myself. I hope I don't have to turn in my penis, I've become rather attached to it, you know physically and all.

de5p0i1er

Funny and true. I like it.