Diary of a RA2 junkie ... a continuous story

MrBlonde

(note: fictional)

How's it going, my name is Finan Dooley, I love RA2 and play it contantly, I've decided to keep a diary of my daily happenings to see how much of a hardcore gamer I am. BTW if you wanna beat me my name is "Veri".

Day 1

7:30 AM: Woke up and found myself infront of my computer, found myself on a server. Apparently when I dropped my face on the keyboard to sleep I swapped to the rocket laucher, the rolling around allowed me to spray for 50 frags. Cool. Made very few friends and have loads of hate mail.

9:00 AM: Went to the doctors office to find out why I was having problems urinating. Apparently the radiation from the monitor had shrunk my genitals. Note to self: Buy new monitor and lap top to play RA2 in the waiting room

10:30 AM: Tried to eat pizza and play RA2 at the same time but ended up with messy results. Luckily I play in the nude so all I have to do is jump in the bath.

1:30 PM: After a marathon game of RA2 decided to change the "dustbin" under my seat.

1:37 PM: Decided to start work on a RA2 model/skin, but got bored and went back to playing.

2:00 PM: Started work on RA2 map, but got bored and went back to playing.

2:25 PM: Started work on "Veri ya proper ****in stickhead" fan story, but got bored and decided to play RA2.

2:40 PM: Thought about eating dinner, but decided playing RA2 was more important.

3:00 PM: Woman appears at door, seems incredibly high-poly, would choke a P3 500. Then realize she's real.

3:01 PM: Woman sayz she needs to use my phone to call because her car broke down. Turns out it's a Jahova.

3:02 PM: Confesses that she doesn't need to use phone, I talk bible stuff to her, she gets very horny. Says she wants to do me right now.

3:02:07 PM: After deliberation I send her away to K40TN's house, where he rides her for 27 hours straight. No time for sex. More RA2.

3:20 PM: Needed a friend so I bought a hamster off Henry St., 4 for a pound. Could only afford One.

3:50 PM: Installed a LAN and began to play RA2 with my new rodent friend.

4:00 PM: Flushed hamster down toilet after some "unpleasentness" due to his blantant camping tactics.

4:05 PM: Realized that that hamster was the only friend I'd ever had. Cried because of feelings of guilt and depression.

4:45 PM: Went to few friends (so-called) in da Fermat to buy a handgun.

5:00 PM: Put gun to my head, but decided to play more RA2. Note to self: Suicide after these next few games.

5:30 PM: All suicidal thoughts have left me, saving gun for special occasion.

6:30 PM: Trackball on mouse breaks.

7:00 PM: All attempts at keyboarding failed

7:10 PM: Removed left testicle with scissors and tweezers.

8:00 PM: New "trackball" slightly less smooth but bearable.

9:00 PM: Went to a friends party, ended up playing RA2 upstairs in his bedroom.

10:00 PM: Met female that likes playing RA2, I didn't care that she was butt ugly, she plays RA2 DAMN IT!


please continue this story

Vorosha

11:00 Remember gun.

11:05 Shoot self.

The end.

Cheez

12:00 Wakes up in a pool of blood,turns out ye couldn't even shoot u'rself in the head for some reason.Goes to local "drunk bartender serves anyone" pub gets plastered(this is in the country somewhere where the local garda sargent plays the accordian till 6 o'clock in the mornin while everyone gets unbeliveably drunk kind of place).

6:00(am)Rolls home to play RA2(blah blah bull****)meets stoned friend in ditch who offers him a smoke.Obliges and wakes up the next day with gun shoved up his arse(good gear eh)

SeP

6:30(am): wake up and remember to type "nick Ch33z" in console, continue playing RA2

this sounds sorta realistic there cheezy

ewww

damo

"10:00 PM: Met female that likes playing RA2, I didn't care that she was butt ugly, she plays RA2 DAMN IT!"

SEXISM SEXISM!!!!!!

TAKE HIM TO COURT

MrBlonde

Day 2

10:00 AM: Woke up after 2 hours sleep. Weekend is nearly here, phoned in sick at work. I decided to play RA2.

10:30 AM: Gawdamn IGN Q2arena server down again. Are they waiting for medical cards to get free Viagra. Dis is Ireland lads like, wake up and smell de liffey, nutthin is free.

10:35 PM: Whoohoo. Find myself on a server. Something smells bad.

11:30 PM: Realize that smell is me. I woz urinating while playing RA2 again, but thought nothing more of it and went back playing RA2.

12:37 PM: Went to the Doctors to sort out the water works. (mental-note) Buy cable flex for modem to play RA2 on the net while in the waiting area.

2:00 PM: Found myself on RA2map23, the full frontal arena in the nude. I hate dis arena. Got gun and started taking pot shots at people outside on street. Would make a cool map.

2:04 PM: Went back playing RA2 and noticed I was a Rail God.

2:10 PM: Starting to feel hungry but continue playing RA2.

2:40 PM: Just after installing a toaster into one of the Drive Bays. Friggin' winbloze98 doesn't pickup my new hardware. Found new toaster v0.01 drivers from floppy bread and now RA2 plays better than ever.

3:00 PM: Found myself on an ActionQ2 server. Manic depression. Unable to speak. ****ed on the reboot button in time.

3:01 PM: Played demos of my gameplay while sleeping. *munch* *munch*, wow, some very good camping tactics. Another is face a wall pretending i'm asleep and turn around and kill him up close with the railgun.

3:05 PM: These demos are funnier than "I'm Alan Partridge". Hrmmm...is there an Alan Partridge Model ? *kawh blimey*

3:06 PM: Noticed fire coming from the back of my pc. Rang Dell Technical Support, Played 3 RA2 maps wile on hold. Got though - "Hello, back of me computer is on fire like, wha's de story ?" - No reply - they hungup.

3:50 PM: Swam in water on Ra2map27 "the edge" for 4 mins. PC is back to normal again.

4:00 PM: My rodent friend is 1 day dead today. 200 ping silence in memory to hammy.

4:00:03 PM: Played RA2 solid for 1 hour. Noticed blaster is a deadly weapon if used effectively.

5:05 PM: Get called lamer after 50 frags with the blaster. They use rox, now I'm LAME ?

5:45 PM: Removed 2 metres of loose telephone cable in room. Played RA2. Ping reduction of 30-50ms.

5:50 PM: Rang Telecom Eireann. Asked them if they would ByPass Kildare as Kildare Co. Council were building the new Motorway ByPass. Ever seen the traffic congestion there of a friday "oW". Ping now back up to 350ms.

6:00 PM: Wooohooo...Cheap rate. They're still screwing us. Played more RA2.

6:30 PM: "Dear diary...." too busy to post - playing RA2.

Hecate

erm...touchee