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Story of your relationship
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18-09-2003 10:12pm#1Ok people Im confused here. I cant get a girlfriend no matter what I try. Perhaps I'm looking at the signs wrong, or I'm just a tool. Either way, so I know what to look for, tell me everything from when you first met your girlfriend.
- How you first talked to her
- How you found out if she was with someone
- How long it was before you asked her out
- How did you ask her out
- Where did you take her
- How did you find out she liked you
- How things went from talking to being physical
- Anything else you care to tell me
20 questions I know, but at 20 myself I've had enough of being single.
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This is going back to my first proper 'girlfriend'. The one's since her have been pretty crap, in all honesty.
- How you first talked to her
She made the first move. She was expecting me to show up at a work function, but I hadn't even met her at this stage. When I didn't turn up, she asked a friend of mine where I was. The following monday he told me that she was asking for me. Although I didn't even know what she looked like, I took the plunge, got her email addy from him and sent her an email. We had a date that friday. T'was a great night.....Mother Redcaps in Christchurch, if I remember correctly.
- How you found out if she was with someone
Hmmmm, good point, I never checked this out. But my mate told me that she sounded interested in me, so I thought 'what the hey' and went for it. I know assumption is the mother of all fcukups, but what can you do?!?!?!
- How long it was before you asked her out
About 2 days I think...
- How did you ask her out
Met her and a friend in the canteen at work for a coffee and just asked. No problems.
- Where did you take her
See the first question. Met at Clerys and went straight there to Ma Redcaps and spent a few hours there having a great laugh.
- How did you find out she liked you
Again, see the first question. But if you're talking about during the date itself.....I think it was the proximity of her to me on the couch, the teasing and joking, the flirting and eventually the kissing.
- How things went from talking to being physical
Heh heh, I love this one!!! We slept together on the night of the first date. I honestly didn't expect it to happen, but it did.
- Anything else you care to tell me
Yeah, the sex was great
But seriously, you can't just rush into getting a girlfriend. I used to have that sort of misconception too, that if you went for a drink with a girl that you were automatically 'going out'. Takes time, sailor, it takes time. Here's some erm....tips....if you like:
1. Check your standards. Its kinda like buying a motorcycle really - you have to start with the basic model and then after a while you can get a hotter, faster model. Unless you're casanova, don't expect to snare a total minx straight away. Don't turn a girl down or overlook them just because they don't fit the archetype of your perfect woman. Get to 'know' women first.
2. Depends on your situation, me ol' chum. I found it easier to get a date in work than in university (as unbelievable as it sounds!!!). But whichever one you're in - try to get a mate to lend a hand. Extra 10 points if you enlist the help of a girl to hook you up - they're miles ahead of the fella's on this one.
3. Brush your teeth, clip your nails and smell nice. First impressions and all that!!!
4. Girls are human too (well, most of 'em anyway). Talk to them like you'd talk to your sister or like you'd talk to any slightly effeminate mates you might have.
5. Don't smother girls with everything about your life. Trickle it in. I've found that girls hate being drowned in every little nuance of your life.
6. And finally....cut down on the bishop-bashing. After a week or two of no monkey-abusing, you'll probably be more forward with women and take opportunities you might have thrown away before.0 -
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- How you first talked to her
I met her and her friend in the local shopping center. I knew her friend and I was looking for a B'day gift for someone so I asked them to help out. They had quite a bit of fun with it and it broke the ice pretty much.
Also we were rehearsing for King Lear at the time (the three of us were in it) which was a couple of times a week so I got to see quite a bit of her.
- How you found out if she was with someone
Some of the other guys were interested in her aswell (turned them down tho. HaHa!) and there was some asking out going on so I came to the conclusion she was single.
- How long it was before you asked her out
Never actually said the words. We just reached an understanding really.
But from the time I first met her to the time we got together I think it was 6 months ish (there was a lot going on for me at this time so it didn't seem so long)
- How did you ask her out
After we had done King Lear I was acting in another play written by a friend of hers and she was a stage hand .... more time in close proximity. After that play we all went out for a meal and I sat across from her. We talked all night (friend of mine actually called me into the bathroom to tell me she liked me and would we get together, but I had broken up with someone the day before :eek: so I was non-commital).
Near the end of the night I mentioned her lovely hands (No, there was no inuendo there!) and I took her hand in mine.
Another girl interupted "Oh! Is there something going on here?!?"
We drew back in embarrasment. When interupty girl went again it took a few minutes to draw in to that closeness again but we took that time
Interupty girl returned again and once again intoned, "Oh! Is there something going on here?!?". She was annoying me at this point with her attempts to glean some gossip that we didn't want let out, so I bluntly said (while looking into girfriends eyes) "Yes!". Interupty girl replied "Oh!" and moved off. Girlfriend smiled sheepishly and that was it.
You could say that I took as my girlfriend rather than asked her but I think saying it as I did was a show of strenght that drew her into me more.
It seems that women like men who are manly (And that was probably one of my very few manly moments!)
- Where did you take her
I met her in a coffee shop the next day. Some of her friends were there so I was a bit out of place but I had gotten to know them over the last while.
We were in a bit of a tentative position though because neither of us were really sure what the other thought of the night before.
So once again I went out on a limb and took her hand. When she smiled I knew that I had done just what she wanted and we both relaxed into the situation more.
After that I walked her to her Mums office where she was getting a lift home.
- How did you find out she liked you
Guess work! You can never be sure, but the taking of a risk can sometime make a guy more attractive to the girl in question IMO.
- How things went from talking to being physical
I walked her to her Mums office as I said and said goodbye with a kiss. This also introduced me to here Mum who stopped beside us in mid passionate kiss. :eek:
Anything 'physical' further than that took time. We didn't rush it.
- Anything else you care to tell me
The age old advice of ... Be Yourself!
If you're pretending to be someone else when with a girl and you end up together then you're probably going to have to keep up that pretense to keep her (unless she's more openminded and can accept a change in you).
As said before these things take time so try and let a relationship develope rather than create one in a day or two.
Lastly, this is probably the most difficult thing you could do but,
STOP LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP!!! It will happen in it's own due time. Also you won't find relationships in places like pubs and such. These are the places where it'll grow but not where you'll find it.
If you want a relationship that won't be over in two weeks then you'd want to find someone with a common interest so there can be something more than just mindless babble. To do this you would be best off pursuing things that interest you and if you meet someone there it's most likely going to be a heathier relationship.
That said don't treat evey female you come in contact with as a potential love interest, treat them as a friend. There's nothing wrong with flirting but if you come on where it's not wanted it can drive a wedge between you as people, let alone a couple.
another reason to take it slow
I'm 21 now. I'll be 22 in December. I first met my girlfriend in November of my 16th year and we started going out in May of my 17th year. You do the calculations. 0 -
Grew up together so no real work involved
She fancied me - i didnt fancy her
I fancied her - she didnt fancy me
We had a real "Friends" thing going but it all worked out in the end.
Abit of advice if you want a girlfriend - Don't look for one 0 -
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1- How you first talked to her
When i was a bit younger i used to work in a nightclub
And here best friend worked with me, and dragged here to our staff party but i was to pissed to realise her there.
2-How you found out if she was with someone
Her best friend worked in the same place as me,she was out oe night and her fella was with her.
3-How long it was before you asked her out
Then she started to come to the place were i worked 2-3 times a week,when i finished work on the thurday night i went over to have a chat witht the Dj who was a close friend, she cameover we started talking i went back to her house and we sat talking for most of the night.
4-How did you ask her out
I was the next day when i woke up i asked her if she wanted to do something during the week she said yes.
5-Where did you take her
I brought her out to this restaurant in bray on the seafront called The Three of Idleness, very nice restaurant and very pricy
6-How did you find out she liked you
She told me that she gets butterfly everytime she comes down the hill to my house, and her friend told me:p
7- How things went from talking to being physical
Within two weeks i just happened did not plan it just happend she was a cracker of a ride
8-Anything else you care to tell me
Yep when you don't have a Gf you don't get any offers or very few, when you have a Gf the birds throw there selves at you typical:rolleyes: don't look for them they will find you;) 0 -
One piece of advice my friend....
If you really do desperately WANT a girlfriend whatever you do don't go looking for one for fak's sake! It's an unwritten rule that you'll usually meet "a potential girlfriend or girlfriend" if you just don't bother your arse ***... Likewise if your heading for a night out with some serious intentions of pulling a few chicks - the only person your gonna be pulling is yourself by the end of the night (if you're not too fuked that is!)
Just go with the flow and go out to have a laugh and the rest will follow, whether it's pure lusty sex or something more it generally can't be forced, it just happens.
Simple as that (unless your a Mr Colin Farrell of course! The jammy bastard!)0 -
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1) Always remember how special they are. Don't become complacent
O yus, very good point!
Even the best made plans of mice and men go astray.2) Don't make complex plans, let things happen naturally.
your not being romantic to get something out of it. your doing it cause you believe they will appreciate it and feel special, just like point number 1.3) Romance, its not for everyone, but if your romantic keep going, there are women who adore it.
as much of a paradox as that is but you know what i mean.
Yes, often you find that you will find a woman when your not looking. simply cause your more relaxed and just being yourself, which is what they want, not some act that will change about 4-6 months down the road.
i would guess
- Anything else you care to tell me
When the oportunity arises to spring a surprise, do it. the unknown is the most fun. Par example, If your out with her, and she goes off to do whatever (Toilet,Look at clothes,ATM) get her a flower or something just to let her know that you were thinking about her.0 -
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Originally posted by Confusticated
Ok people Im confused here. I cant get a girlfriend no matter what I try. Perhaps I'm looking at the signs wrong, or I'm just a tool. Either way, so I know what to look for, tell me everything from when you first met your girlfriend.
- How you first talked to her
- How you found out if she was with someone
- How long it was before you asked her out
- How did you ask her out
- Where did you take her
- How did you find out she liked you
- How things went from talking to being physical
- Anything else you care to tell me
20 questions I know, but at 20 myself I've had enough of being single.
listen, the only thing that is wrong is your ability to talk to a girl.
you dont need chat up lines, you dont need to follow other peoples ideas or past experiences.
all you need to do is to talk to someone.
if you have trouble with actually talking to someone, then chat to someone who is in your group, or with someone you know. all you need then is a big list of things to talk about and youre away on a hack.
after a while you wont need your list of things to talk about because she will ask you stuff and you will have a conversation and it will all go from there.
as someone said, people can tell if youre desperate. blokes love it coz they get a shag, girls dont because it makes blokes look pathetic, girls just look horny
so have a list of some interesting stuff that you can use to talk small talk about, and if the opportunity presents, then talk. girls like being talked to. hey, i bet youd like it if someone good looking started to chat to you, girls are exactly the same.
whatever you would like, chances are, so will they.
theres no big secret.
theres no sure fire way. you just have to be in the right place at the right time and just be a little bit confident. be able to talk.0 -
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