Should I call?

Nuttzz

I would appreicate some suggestions

13 years ago I met a girl that i feel head over heels in love with, I was a shy kid and I was too neverous to tell her how i felt. While we were hanging out some of my friends found out she was being abused and she was taken into care.

I took me a few years to find out were she had gone and i always was one step behind, she had just left this home and that home.

A day didnt go by in the 90's that i didnt think of her and I was so involved in my search that my twenties just flashed by.

I finally gave up the search and settled down into a loving relationship which i have been in for the past five years

I have now finally found out were she lives and got her phone number. We had similar backgrounds but now she is a single mum in a council estate while I run a successful business. (i'm not trying to be offensive to single mums or concil estates)

I feel that i should ring just to say Hi and really to say goodbye properly, As the yanks would say "looking for closure"

I dont intend to try and go out with her or leave my current girlfriend.

Should I ring her? She will probably tell me to p**s off or should i just live with the memorys that i have of her

Cheers

NeMiSiS

Why not ?

See Sig :

Tom :P

Gordon

Yeah, why not.

Beruthiel

you spent so long on this, why give up at the last post?
what have you got to loose?
go for it!

Nuttzz

Whats stopping me?

I am attached to the happy memories and I don’t want to lose them

I suppose the fact that before she was taken into care we really did have a great time together, my friends at the time said I should ask her out but the awkwardness that poisoned my teenage years stuck again.

logic1

Ring her now or have the same regrets you've had with the last 13 years for the next 13.

.logic.

Pigman II

Go for it man!

You seem quite obsessed about this person so until you resolve it by at least meeting her again that 'what if' feeling is never going to go away.

Nuttzz

Originally posted by Pigman II
Go for it man!

You seem quite obsessed about this person so until you resolve it by at least meeting her again that 'what if' feeling is never going to go away.

very true but i dont want to appear like a psyco, I'm not really!!!!!

Pigman II

Originally posted by Nuttzz
very true but i dont want to appear like a psyco

Too late for that mate.

Nah, just ring her up and see what the score is. Watch the movie Hi-Fidelity beforehand for technique if you don't no how to go about it.

BTW, have a non-stalker explaination as how you got her number. Also, probably best not to mention that you know where she lives either.

Nuttzz

LOL, I met an old friend recently at a funeral and she gave me her address, directory enquires gave me the phone number!! Hope that seems non stalkerish!

Cheers

Runfree

go for it dude. You got nothing to loose. The good memories will always be there. Just forget about the bad ones if it doesn't work out.

I had to do the same thing except the circumstances were a bit different.

Lump

I'd say ring her, but don't lead her along if you know what I mean. Don't give her the idea that you are going to dump your current gf and that you love her still. Whats wrong with you ringing her and being friends, it sounds like she could do with a couple of good ones. Before you embark on making a phone call, don't just think of your self, think of her situation and how it may make her feel. And as everyone else said, no point in stopping after 13 years.



John

Cabaal

I would say phone her or you'll regret it for the rest of your life...

Sarky

Originally posted by Nuttzz
Whats stopping me?

I am attached to the happy memories and I don’t want to lose them

The only way to lose happy memories is a lobotomy or brain damage. Happy or not, you're stuck with your memories.

Call, you'll still have happy memories. There might be an unhappy memory added if she tells you to sod off, but you'll still have the happy ones along with this "closure" you seem to want, won't you?

Eden

Sorry, I think you lot are nuts!
C'mon, why do you need to ring her? You've finally settled into a loving relationship and you want to put that at risk by ringing up a girl you were into when you were both teenagers???
Leave the past behind. Your 20s went by in a flash because you couldn't get this girl out of your head... don't you think there's something wrong with that?
If you are truely concerned about her wellbeing, I'd make an exception. But it sounds more like you want this meeting for yourself. Closure and all that. (Who needs closure after a teenage crush anyway?)
And how is your partner going to feel about this? Will she understand?
I don't know, but I feel this isn't going to lead anywhere good.

Caffine

as Beruthiel said, nothing to lose so go for it

WhiteWashMan

what do you think you should do, and what do you want to do?

kaalgat

I have to agree with Eden.

If you're really into your partner at the moment, and you've been with this person for the last 5 years (which is something not many of us can say), then why go and try to look someone up that was important so many years back? And you were only teenagers.

No use messing good things up by diggin up the past.

Just move on

Nuttzz

I am not planning to contact her in the hope of starting a relationship, I would like to see her again. I have always wondered how she got on.

I suppose I do have a selfish motive in contacting her, and I wonder if meeting me might reopen old wounds for her.

I guess I'm damned if I do and damned if I dont.

Eden

I guess you should really ask yourself, WHY do you want to contact her again. You didn't really make it all that clear. Is it really only coz you liked her lots as a kid? Or was there anything more to it? You don't sound just curious to me...

Nuttzz

I dont feel that I have to contact her, I spent from 90 to 98 looking for her. I tried my best but I didnt get anywhere, then out of the blue her phone number falls into my lap. The one thing that i spent all those years looking for and gave up all hope of finding just appears out of thin air. I suppose thats why I feel that I should ring her.

I'm torn in two directions, I have reached the "last post" as Beruthiel says but as Lump says "think of her situation and how it may make her feel" I dont want to cause her anymore pain

If this had happened when we were both 25 would peoples attitudes be different, I may have been a kid but "every childhood lasts a lifetime".

Kell

Call her. There are about a dozen people that if I could get in contact with I would because of the effect that they had on me. I know I'll still feel this way 20yrs from now.

As the ad says- JUST DO IT.

K-

blorg

Definately concur with Eden, contacting her is not necessarily a good idea now, after such a long time, and with you now happy in a long-term relationship.

I'm not completely against the idea, perhaps it would not be such a bad idea if you were completely over her, but it doesn't sound like that to me...

Grimlock

I'm inclined to agree with Eden and Blorg;
She was after all your main intrest (I didn't say obsession ) from "90 to 98" this person was a major part of your life and no doubt always will be.

But you've placed her on a petistol so she'll either live up to those memories, in which case you'll probably fall for her again, and hurt your girlfriend or (more likely) she won't live up to those memories in which case it could ruin your memories of the past and your image of her. It's been +ten years; people change.

Like you I fell for a girl big time in my teens and cos we lived at opposite ends of the country over time we lost contact, while there is a part of me who would love to meet her again, I'm pretty sure i'd be able to track her down easily, I have my memories and I'm sure we're both very different people now. There are days when I'd love to meet her again if only to catch up, who knows one day the "what if's" may get the better of me and I may track her down.

So I guess it comes down to a choice:
risk the possible consquences of you actions or live with the what if's.

Good luck with what ever you choose and let us know how you get on! As someone with a similar person in my past I for one am very interested to see the out come of this!

JohnnyBravo

So man did you do it

ToxicPaddy

I was in a similar situation except it was with an ex of mine, it was a long distance thing that didnt last for one reason, the distance...

We were close but decided that in the end we were only seeing each other maybe once a fortnight, spending a fortune on phone bills and all in all it just wasnt working.. so we called a day on it..

We kept in touch for a while after, phonecalls, e-mails etc, but in the end we lost touch and she went travelling. I hadnt heard from her in a few years when I met a friend of hers a while back and she gave me her contact details..

I like you didnt know what to do, I didnt want a relationship as I was in one at the time... so I took a chance and contacted her, we met for a coffee, met for a few drinks and caught up on old times.. and it turns out we both had changed from the time we originally had started going out together and the mutual attraction was gone, however the friendship remained..

We are still in regular contact and meet up for a drink when I go home, she'e engaged to be married and to be honest Im delighted for her as he's a sound guy, treats her very well and Ive even got an invite to the wedding afters..

So my advice, bite the bullet and ring her...

If she doesnt want to know, the its closure of a kind... not the type you may have wanted but its still some sort of closure..

What I would fo first though is consider you're current g/f's feelings.. she may not be too impressed that you did all this without her knowledge and she may get the wrong impression if this all comes out without you clarifying it with her..

Best of luck with whatever you do.

Tox

The Sweeper

Nuttzz:

So what're you going to say to her?

"Hi, we were friend a decade ago. I've always wondered how you got on. You ever get over being abused, being taken into care, having a child whose father left you - or hey, do you even know the father? And now you're living it large on a council estate - you must be so proud. Bet this is really what you wanted to be when you grew up. Well I'm a successful businessman with a long term relationship and you know, I just phoned you because a small part of me feels guilty that you were going through hell while I was your friend and I was in love with you and I never knew about it and couldn't do anything to stop it."

Realistically, you are not going to share your life with this woman. Where is she going to fit in with your partner? How is your partner even going to feel? What right have you to interrupt her life to remind her what she's lost out on just so you can have 'closure'?

"Hi, I used to be in love with you, but hey I'm not now and I have a fab life, I'll just leave you to yours then - oh! must dash, isn't that your child in the background screaming? and anyway I have to share a bottle of white wine with my new love and absolutely not worry about how I'm going to pay the next electricity bill".

Nuttzz? Too right you are.

JohnnyBravo

what a cynic you are

Typedef

Call.

Don't procrastinate, just do and then go with the flow, simple.

Invite her out for a few beers.... don't confess your undying love for her though.... that would be embarressing.

In conclusion.

Four legs good, two legs bad.

Nuttzz

Thanks for all the input guys & gals

Tox- Cheers

minesajd- I'm not out to rub her nose in it and yes i am nuttzz hence the name

typedef- my undying love has faded so i wont be proclaiming that

to all the rest- thanks for your opinions i appreicate the honest opinions that you gave some i wanted to hear some I didnt

I am off on holliers at the weekend for 3 weeks but i have decided to give her a call after i come back, i'll let y'all know how i get on. Oh and I have my GF's permission (how sad am I???)

Cheers & Beers

Nuttzz

Victor

I looked up this girl I used to know years ago, and yeah it felt stalker like, but she had turned into a dowdy fat chick and I left it at that .....

Now, aside from my callousness. You have been away from her for half your life, neither of you are the same. Don't expect too much.

Nuttzz

Originally posted by Victor
I looked up this girl I used to know years ago, and yeah it felt stalker like, but she had turned into a dowdy fat chick and I left it at that .....

So what? I dont care what she looks like to be honest, thats not the reason i'm looking to contact her

HarryD

Fair play to ya Nutzzz.. I'd say def go for it..
I'm dying to fin out how you get on..
Cut yer hols short will ya ?

I think I'd def go for it..
Something interesting..
She'll probably really appreciate catching up with an old friend.

Nuttzz

well i did it, i was nearly sick with worry or fright or something, she was happy enough to hear from me and agreed to meet up for a drink, we did a lot of catching up and had a good night, we are going to keep in touch, though her fella is a bit wary of me! I suppose I would be too if I were him

secret_squirrel

Optimists 1 - 0 Cynics

CivilServant

It's good that it worked out for you and her in the end. I have a question though, if you found her sometime during the last decade what would you have done? What were your orginal plans??

Nuttzz

Originally posted by CivilServant
It's good that it worked out for you and her in the end. I have a question though, if you found her sometime during the last decade what would you have done? What were your orginal plans??

Hard to say to be honest. It was a rollercoaster of emotions, considering I am going out with someone and I was still bricking it before making the call, I would probably have got pissed and rang and made a complete sh*t of it for sure.

My orginal plan way back in 90 was to go out with her. Not going to happen now though, we both have moved way on

patch

Fair play to ya for going through with it. I suggest to put your experience down on paper and post it off to Hollywood!

Divine

Good work man...good work.
I think you're still mad about her deep down but just do what you are doing and the rest will follow. I mean after all that time and then her number falls onto your lap......and people say they dont believe in fate!!!!