Are some people too sensitive?

Dakeyras · 10-09-2003 11:17am #1

This general post is specific to a work colleague at the mo. Now shes a nice girl and a bit of craic to talk to, no problem there. The only thing is that i think shes way too sensitive or possibly just insecure. And by that i mean if you don't respond with an immediate shining grin to her, shes a well happy person btw, she seems to think you don't like her anymore. If not having a constant cheery demeanour with her or having a laugh with her she will and does ask if shes done something to offend you or have you fallen out with her. Now i have no problem with this on a general basis but when it becomes a twice/thrice weekly thing it does tend to get a bit annoying. And the thing is that this would actually put me off someone that i did like which is kinda whats happening.

Basically i don't think theres any point in thinking that every time someone doesnt talk to you as if its their greatest joy in the world that they don't like you anymore.

So has anyone or does anyone else deal with someone with this demeanour or am i just overreacting to someone who just wants to make sure they aren't upsetting me? i'm not an easily upset kind of person so there ain't much chance of that btw.

p.pete · 10-09-2003 11:25am

Is there any chance that she has strong feelings for you? or alternativiely, is she like that with everyone else or just yourself?

Beruthiel · 10-09-2003 11:27am

she will and does ask if shes done something to offend you or have you fallen out with her

seriously, that's just scary - buy her a 'how to build you self esteem' book and give it to her for christmas
I don’t think I'd have the patience for someone like that

i just overreacting to someone who just wants to make sure they aren't upsetting me?

no you are not over reacting, she is behaving like a 14 girl, she's supposed to have grown out of that by now...

Beruthiel · 10-09-2003 11:32am

Originally posted by p.pete
Is there any chance that she has strong feelings for you?

you could have a point there p.p!!

Dakeyras · 10-09-2003 11:34am

Originally posted by p.pete
Is there any chance that she has strong feelings for you? or alternativiely, is she like that with everyone else or just yourself?

i don't think so and i certainly hope not. as i said shes a nice girl, its all just a bit too much at times and makes you want to not go near her at all, which is a shame.

Originally posted by Beruthiel
seriously, that's just scary - buy her a 'how to build you self esteem' book and give it to her for christmas
I don’t think I'd have the patience for someone like that

mine is in fact getting tested at the moment. the thing is ive also tried to say it to her in a nice way that she takes things too seriously and over-reacts to non-existant 'slights' but no effect is visible and i don't want to have to get deep into it with her, we certainly aren't best friends.

repeat after me - what does not kill us can only piss us off throughly

Heresy · 10-09-2003 11:36am

I think it should be your duty to train her to overcome this deficiency in normality, especially if you think it's hindering your possible attraction to her.
Give her a loud slap on the back and shout in her ear "Are we going to the pub or what?" Never be rude to her but above all, never lick her ass. She needs toughening up.

Nevyn · 10-09-2003 11:43am

Some people seem to think that they are ment to be friends with everyone
and keep everyone happy and thier life is ruined if someones doesnt like them.

quite frankly Life is far to short.

People seem to bring up thier children far to softly,
no conflict at all,
no debate,
no learning to stand thier ground and not caving into pressure.

So they grow up not knowing thier worth and only judging themsleves by how others see them and how many friends they have.

Dakeyras · 10-09-2003 11:46am

Originally posted by Heresy
I think it should be your duty to train her to overcome this deficiency in normality, especially if you think it's hindering your possible attraction to her.

im afraid that isn't whats hindering my possible attraction to her, but i'll not be rude to the girl, she just isn't my type.

Originally posted by Heresy
.Give her a loud slap on the back and shout in her ear "Are we going to the pub or what?" Never be rude to her but above all, never lick her ass. She needs toughening up

that i think she does but i have no clue what the hell way to go about doing that. and just giving the girl friendly slagging until she gets used to shrugging it off i think may do more harm than good.

Gordon · 10-09-2003 11:50am

God that really bugs me. What also bugs me is when, if you are normally quite cheery which I am at work, then you simply aren't cheery everyone says "What's wrong?", "why so down?", "you're not very happy today" "what's with the long face?" "don't be angry". It could be construed as care and affection but it's pretty annoying.

Anyway, to solve this can you not take her aside and have a quick word? Personally I wouldn't bother but if it's really annoying you I would.

Dakeyras · 10-09-2003 12:27pm

Originally posted by Thaed
Some people seem to think that they are ment to be friends with everyone
and keep everyone happy and thier life is ruined if someones doesnt like them.

quite frankly Life is far to short.

People seem to bring up thier children far to softly,
no conflict at all,
no debate,
no learning to stand thier ground and not caving into pressure.

So they grow up not knowing thier worth and only judging themsleves by how others see them and how many friends they have.

totally agree and the worst way to judge your own worth is through the eyes of someone else, you should know your own worth from the inside out.

Originally posted by Gordon
God that really bugs me. What also bugs me is when, if you are normally quite cheery which I am at work, then you simply aren't cheery everyone says "What's wrong?", "why so down?", "you're not very happy today" "what's with the long face?" "don't be angry". It could be construed as care and affection but it's pretty annoying.

that used to get on my wick as well, but there is a general consensus that whenever someone comes in and isn't their ususal cheery self it is down to the over-consumption of alcoholic beverage the night before (always happening me)

Originally posted by Gordon
Anyway, to solve this can you not take her aside and have a quick word? Personally I wouldn't bother but if it's really annoying you I would.

i have tried to say it to her but to no avail and that was just a few comments plus tried to say it when we were out on the piss as well but no joy. it can be annoying for me but i'll deal with that, its for her sake i wish she sort it out. i can't even imagine what her boyf would have to go through though.

Nevyn · 10-09-2003 1:15pm

Well no work contract states that you have to be cheery or happy,
personible and approachible if you suffer the fate of having to deal with the public.

You can be grumpy or have a sulk and still the the job done in some cases it can even help. Nothing like someone having to face your non personal ire to make them get things done quicker.

GuanYin · 10-09-2003 1:23pm

Originally posted by Dakeyras
So has anyone or does anyone else deal with someone with this demeanour or am i just overreacting to someone who just wants to make sure they aren't upsetting me? i'm not an easily upset kind of person so there ain't much chance of that btw.

I know a girl exactly like this who works with me.
She got really huffy because I was really stressed and busy one week and couldn't drop everything to chat everytime she walked into the room.

Some people just think that everyone elses behaviour revolves around them.

logic1 · 10-09-2003 2:44pm

ye need to give me all these girls numbers so I can bring a little sunshine into their day.

.logic.

Beruthiel · 10-09-2003 2:53pm

Originally posted by logic1
ye need to give me all these girls numbers so I can bring a little sunshine into their day

or traumatise them to such an extent that any self esteem they had will never see the light of day again...

skittishkitten · 10-09-2003 4:21pm

I going with the whole "she likes him thing" . Seems like she's worried about upsetting or disappointing you , not realizing that by trying not to do so is actually doing it. Maybe if when she ask if she's done anything to upset you , you could then explain that the very fact she keeps asking that upsets you. Maybe she'll learn to stop for fear of upsetting your further

OR ....... she could offer to "make it all better "

Dakeyras · 10-09-2003 5:38pm

Originally posted by skittishkitten
I going with the whole "she likes him thing" . Seems like she's worried about upsetting or disappointing you , not realizing that by trying not to do so is actually doing it. Maybe if when she ask if she's done anything to upset you , you could then explain that the very fact she keeps asking that upsets you. Maybe she'll learn to stop for fear of upsetting your further

OR ....... she could offer to "make it all better "

nah, im still not with the whole her liking me thing (though it would be difficult for any woman not to, of course:p ). hell i don't know at all, just gonna have to try and say something to her about it and see how she takes it. wish me luck though, i may need it methinx.

and what exactly would 'making it all better' entail?

skittishkitten · 10-09-2003 5:54pm

Originally posted by Dakeyras
nah, im still not with the whole her liking me thing (though it would be difficult for any woman not to, of course:p ). hell i don't know at all, just gonna have to try and say something to her about it and see how she takes it. wish me luck though, i may need it methinx.

and what exactly would 'making it all better' entail?

Well it's definitely not "en tail" !!.....at least I don't think ..... but then I don't know her ....so .....

ANYHOW .....back to the question , it was ....ya see it's like ...... ummmmmm..........

/gives you long look

OK .....so just bring a variety of chocolate

Dakeyras · 10-09-2003 6:03pm

Originally posted by skittishkitten
Well it's definitely not "en tail" !!.....at least I don't think ..... but then I don't know her ....so .....

ANYHOW .....back to the question , it was ....ya see it's like ...... ummmmmm..........

/gives you long look

OK .....so just bring a variety of chocolate

but will it be real chocolate?:p

skittishkitten · 10-09-2003 6:11pm

Thus the "variety" , you'll stand a better chance making it out unharmed ...... the type you chose to take is entirely up to you . Whatever you feel will give you the greatest chance of escape

Dakeyras · 10-09-2003 6:15pm

how about the kind that would knock someone unconscious, thus i could guarantee that i would make good my escape whilst said female was passed out? ...............no that would be a bad idea with said female waking in prob a very agressive state. Think i'll stick to the real chocolate.

Beruthiel · 10-09-2003 6:34pm

Originally posted by Dakeyras
Think i'll stick to the real chocolate.

lets try sticking to the topic also....

*whip twitches*

Dakeyras · 11-09-2003 8:30am

Originally posted by Beruthiel
lets try sticking to the topic also....

*whip twitches*

Yes mam, on topic it shall be......... ummmmm ........ahhhhhh...... i'll never go off topic again ........... easy on the whip now though :eek:

/watches whip intently and not a little bit frightened

ven0m · 13-09-2003 2:13pm

I think this is the point where the person needs to wake up - not everyone in the world is going to like you (I say you generically!) & you have to deal with that.... if someone doesn't like you fine, point them in the direction of the door & tell them not to let it smack them on the arse on the way out....

ppl spend FAR too much time worrying about what others think of them - waste of time & a waste of life...... feck that for a game of ****s N giggles.....

I used to be VERY like the girl you describe - but I got over it cos life was passing me by. "CARPE DIEM"

People that need constant validation while they have self confidence issues by that very behaviour, are also destructive in relationships (be they romantic or friendship) - cos their behaviour eventually bugs the heck outta someone...... BUT.... don't change for anyone else - change cos YOU want to change for you.... screw the rest of the world... bunch of tree hugging hippie bastards.... lol

/END_RANT

Pigman II · 13-09-2003 6:02pm

She might have a thing for you and is too shy to express it.

Check out if she does this wet blanket routine for everyone or just for you. If it's just you then that might answer the question.

kaalgat · 13-09-2003 7:02pm

So why are you writing asking about it? Why don't you just talk to her?

If she's really as nice as you said, maybe it's worth trying to make her understand your side of the story

It's not worth loosing a friend because of something like that

Dakeyras · 15-09-2003 8:40am

Originally posted by Pigman II
She might have a thing for you and is too shy to express it.

Check out if she does this wet blanket routine for everyone or just for you. If it's just you then that might answer the question.

Of course how could she fail to have a thing for me

but no, i don't think its that, she does the same routine for a few others i've asked but she seems to do it more towards me so maybe there is something else there. but i doubt it.

Originally posted by kaalgat
So why are you writing asking about it? Why don't you just talk to her?
If she's really as nice as you said, maybe it's worth trying to make her understand your side of the story
It's not worth loosing a friend because of something like that

and i'm just writing to see if anyone has had a similar experience or knows anyone like that. and i've tried to say it to her but to no avail and because we're not good friends i'm not prepared to sit down and have a deep talk and meaningful talk about her life and insecurities (said all that above somewhere btw

) It's just that i wouldn't be comfortable with me sitting down and telling her where i think shes going wrong in her outlook on life and people. I don't believe that its the place of someone who you only know through work (and don't know that long) to sit you down and talk about something like that. That's what your friends are for, and no we're not really 'friends' as i say i work with her, shes a nice girl but still neh friends really.

Are some people too sensitive?

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