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One-Liner Jokes

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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 714 ✭✭✭xlogo


    Just had to lie down, every time I close my eyes all I can see is Donald Duck and Mickey Mouse. I think I was having a disney spell.



  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,337 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    This is my stepladder.… I never knew my real ladder.



  • Registered Users Posts: 714 ✭✭✭xlogo


    What do you call a girl wearing camouflage?

    Heidi.



  • Registered Users Posts: 714 ✭✭✭xlogo


    I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 8,227 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    What’s the key to a good postman joke?

    The delivery.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,337 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Reminds me of the old -

    "They used to be called jumpolines until your mother tried one."



  • Registered Users Posts: 714 ✭✭✭xlogo


    My grief counsellor died last week.

    Luckily he was so good I couldn't give a ****. 



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  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,337 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    I thought the woman next door would be distraught when her husband left her in the middle of the night.

    But there she was the next morning out building a new patio.



  • Registered Users Posts: 239 ✭✭tikka16751




  • Registered Users Posts: 309 ✭✭scottser


    What's blue and f**ks grannies?

    Hypothermia



  • Registered Users Posts: 309 ✭✭scottser


    What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?

    You don't have to pay €100 to have a lentil on your face.



  • Registered Users Posts: 4,049 ✭✭✭barneygumble99


    Doing crunches twice a day. Captain at 8am and Nestle at 5pm



  • Registered Users Posts: 4,049 ✭✭✭barneygumble99


    I don’t have an advent calendar so I’m just opening cupboard doors and eating whatever’s in there.



  • Registered Users Posts: 4,049 ✭✭✭barneygumble99


    What’s the difference between a peeping tom and a pickpocket???

    A pickpocket snatches watches.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 714 ✭✭✭xlogo


    I just found out about recency bias, and I’d have to say that out of all the biases, it’s definitely my favourite.



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,227 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I was sitting on the edge of the bed last night, pulling off my boxers, when my missus said "You really spoil those dogs!"





    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,227 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Zebras have stripes so they arent spotted

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • Registered Users Posts: 714 ✭✭✭xlogo


    My other grandfather invented the cold air balloon... But it never really took off.



  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,337 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Why is it spelt camouflage and not



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,227 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?.......................................Virgin Mobile.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,227 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    What what’s the psychiatric term for fear of Santa Claus? Claustrophobia

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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