Girls and Sex - a question for ladies here

LegacyUser

I recently had a great relationship with a girl who was on holidays near me. I'm 24 and she 17. We started seeing each other and ended up going away for a few days and staying in a room together.

She is quite young so I was not expecting, or going to pressure her into sex. Our relationship was great but in the past situations she had said "sorry, not now" to things getting more "below the belt". The fact that she wanted to come and stay in a room with me suggested that she knew what she was letting herself in for.. but still I wasn't going to try to push it.

Anyway, we ended up having sex and it was wonderful.. we both agreed.However, after this, the next two nights going to bed she would wrap herself up and pretty much close herself off to me (in sexual terms). I would ask if she wanted to have more fun, but she didn't want sex. I would be lucky to get a cuddle.

I should add that we were on holidays so out partying till VERY late, and not getting much sleep was common, and maybe she was very tired and a bit moody (more so than me).

So I'm just asking the girls here - do you sometimes just feel like not having sex? Like two nights in a row, not in the mood (perhaps due to extreme tiredness and maybe even lack of food)? I'm curious because we had some nice opportunities and she seemed to be happier to curl up and go to sleep!! I have to admit I was a little disappointed. Maybe younger ladies have less of a sex drive? Or maybe tiredness? I'm a bit miffed because she really seemed to enjoy our first time, and even orgasm a little. I did my best to please her, and I don't know why she didn't want more... girls, reveal the mysteries to me?

I should also add, I did confront her about this and she says sometimes she was just a little tired or not in a good mood for it. Sometimes I got to the stage of wondering if she was going somewhere else for it... hhmmm..

Anyway, any responses much appreciated. I really like this girl, and we got on like a house on fire when together, and the chemistry was amazing (not just in sex). We didn't have one fight or problem in all our time together... just felt really close, warm and ecstatic (from her body language I sensed she felt the same).

sci0x

Girls were not ment to be understood.....just accept it

LegacyUser

hehehe... I'm starting to! Slowly!

But for now, I'd certainly be interested in some female responses, or even guys who have had a similar experience with women.

koneko

Maybe she feels too pressured. Tbh from what you've said, it sounds like sex was the only thing on your mind. You might have scared her off, remember she is pretty young*
If you were miffed (as you say) that she didn't put out, maybe you gave off that vibe and she noticed it. That probably doesn't make her feel very special.

Make her feel special, do something nice for her, be interested in her and not her privates and see how it goes.

For all you know she might even be having her period. Talk to her. Women/girls are people too.

*Some 17 year olds are younger/more innocent than others. Was it her first time? Maybe she didn't feel ready after all

Sleepy

Sounds like it could well have been her first time....

Morrigan

Well,
I'm wondering if the girls was a virgin, and that was the first time she had slept with anyone.Do you know if she was? Did you to ask her?

If she was then she probably felt she had to try it with you - for whatever reasons- curiosity, pressure (not necessarily from you)... She may have seemed to enjoy it but it's easy to fake that, and especially if you were wrapped up in your own enjoyment of the moment (which is natural). If it was her first time then she more than likely did not enjoy it - it's almost physically impossible, especially with the trauma going on down there - I won't go into detail. And mentally, emotionally - who knows where she was. She may be saying that it was great, she really enjoyed it and all, but her reactions now tell me she didn't.

On the other hand women (well, me and all the girls I know) do sometimes get out of the mood because it definitely takes mental effort to get aroused soemtimes...but I know for a fact that guys aren't always up for it either. Haven't you ever felt 'not in the mood'?

Don't get suspicious of her - there are tons of reasons more likely than she is getting it somewhere else. Even the fear of pregnancy could be a reason. Some guys forget that that's a very real fear for girls and can be high in our minds when making love.

Whatever you do, be gentle and handle the subject with care. I'm sure she knows you're disappointed with her. Don't think about it as "I'm not getting it from my woman, dammit", but more "This could be good for her, and I want to make her feel good." I'm guessing you don't know her very long or very well, but here's a chance to make it great.

Oh, and wear a condom!

Trojan

a) she wasn't in the mood.
b) you could probably (almost certainly) have gotten her in the mood but failed to do so.

Don't blame her for your failure here, just learn and don't make the same mistake twice.

The Corinthian

Demographically girls/women in Ireland (amongst other countries) need some time to shake off that whole Catholic education thing - this is not to say that they’re religions, only that continual moral indoctrination throughout one’s childhood does have it’s toll. As a result many will be hesitant to have sex or may have sex and immediately afterwards regret it - and not just the first time, but also the first few times, as they slowly realign their moral compass.

Another distinct possibility is that if inexperienced they may not be physically up to sexual intercourse as it can cause some internal bruising at the start. This can result in quite unpleasant cramps, which would no doubt be a dampener on one’s libido.

Either way she is almost certainly quite self conscious about it, and as koneko pointed out [1], it’s pretty blatantly obvious that the sex is your primary interest (it’s not your fault, it’s just how we’re wired). I’ve no doubt that it’s equally obvious to her too, and that certainly can’t help how she’s feeling.

So, I would suggest that you ask her out and spend an evening with her without any suggestion of sex. Don’t even discuss it, as one of the issues is that she either feels under pressure and/or that you’re only interested in the one thing (which is true, but try to be a little more subtle about it, man). If the distance she keeps you at persists thereafter, then ask her about it - bring it out into the open between the two of you, to work out. Although, if you fail to get any discussion at that stage then you may well have an unsolvable problem.






[1] I actually initially typed pout rather than out, which is a rather Freudian slip to make of my mental picture of koneko...

LegacyUser

Seems like some of you didn't read my post properly. Sex was NOT my primary interest at all. In fact, I didn't even try - at ANY point - to pressure her into it. It was very much a two way commmunication and sex was ONLY on the cards if both parties were on fir it. And it wasn't my prime motivation either... her company was, talking to her was, being her soulmate and sharing some really nice walks and experiences was... then sex came along and it was too. But hey, I'm a man.

Then sex went, and still we enjoyed each others company and I didn't make it seem like I was just after sex. I don't know where you got that idea, but you've read me wrong. I wasn't really disappointed even, just curious about my female

Some other facts - it was not her first time, but I suspect it could be her second. Also, she is not irish, she is from mainland europe and they are more liberal there with regard to sex.

Trojan:
"b) you could probably (almost certainly) have gotten her in the mood but failed to do so."

Doh! This is what I had feared. Is he right on this one girls?
Oh well... I guess I'm not as experienced as I should be! I just respected that she wanted some space so I didn't persist in feeling her up or trying to turn her on when she wanted to sleep/space (this seemed a bit pushy to me) , are you suggesting this would have worked? I don't know... I'm not the pushy type.

Is it possible that she enjoyed it, but because inexperienced she may have been slightly sore and not wanting any more because of that?

Anyway, women are great despite all their feckin complexities!

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Paddy Irishman
Seems like some of you didn't read my post properly. Sex was NOT my primary interest at all. In fact, I didn't even try - at ANY point - to pressure her into it. It was very much a two way commmunication and sex was ONLY on the cards if both parties were on fir it. And it wasn't my prime motivation either... her company was, talking to her was, being her soulmate and sharing some really nice walks and experiences was... then sex came along and it was too. But hey, I'm a man.

And you almost had me convinced until the last sentence

Also, she is not irish, she is from mainland europe and they are more liberal there with regard to sex.

That’s a bit of a sweeping statement... :rolleyes:

DaithiSurfer

maybe she thought you were crao and din't want to go through it again with you.

LegacyUser

Im a girl and Im almost always in the mood, but there are a few noticeable passion killers.

1. Tiredness (almost always sleep will win over sex and if youre shattered you wont enjoy it no matter how hard you try to)
2. Periods - No woman on the planet feels sexual when the great evacuation is taking place.
3. Sometimes we just dont want it. End of story. Its not you, its not us, its just a distinct lack of sexual feeling.

koneko

Try a nice romantic setup. Dinner, cuddling. Kissing. Move it ever so slightly further each time. Give her lots of kissing in lots of areas and gently move your way towards foreplay and whatnot. See how she responds. If it is just a case of her not being in the mood or not being turned on, you'll find out this way I suppose.

Make her feel special though. She's more likely to want to do it if she thinks it's out of special-feelings than a physical need to. Unless she's just a randy beast.

You sound like your heart is in the right place though. Talk to the girl

koneko

Oh and I hope you're not implying all us "mainlanders" are randy beasts!

Because I hear some of them aren't...

b3t4

Oh for f3ck sake just talk to the girl.

If ye are such soulmates don't you think that you should be able to talk about your sex life?? or anything else for that matter...

By the sound of it you came on here before going to her. I can guarantee she will clear up things for you alot quicker than anyone on here.

Communication is the your friend.

K,
A.

Morrigan

Originally posted by DaithiSurfer
maybe she thought you were crao and din't want to go through it again with you.

That's another possibility...

Seraphina

she sounds inexperienced, she might have enjoyed the sex, but it can still leave her feeling sore afterwards. tiredness could be something alright, period or just not in the mood, whatever it is, you're only going to find out from her, so just talk about it with her.

mooman_00

Originally posted by b3t4
By the sound of it you came on here before going to her. I can guarantee she will clear up things for you alot quicker than anyone on here.

for the past five minutes ive been reading the above line this way " By the sound of it you came on her before going to her. I can guarantee she will clear up things for you alot quicker than anyone on here." and had trouble figuring out what she ment by that statement......

Anyhow thats all i'll go back to being quiet again.

Seraphina

Originally posted by mooman_00
Anyhow thats all i'll go back to being quiet again.

you do that
/me pats mooman_00 on the head

LegacyUser

Thanks, especially Dipsy McBiscuit and Seraphina. I think it's possible that these things were big issues because we were getting around 2, 3 or 4 hours sleep a night (or less some nights) and tiredness could have been the big thing here. Lots of partying and activities every day... and not much time for food even.

As for me being crap.. well, I don't know. I mean, I had a huge erection and was ready to go again when she said she didn't want anymore, and concluded the sex. So sex finished with her having had her pleasure (and an orgasm, maybe of level 3-5) and me still not having had an orgasm. So she was pleased (I made sure of that), but I suspect she couldn't take any more, even though I was ready to give more. And because she had had her orgasm she probably wasn't in the mood to please me and give me an orgasm after she had hers (perhaps the girls here will clarify on this).

It was still great sex (I enjoyed pleasing her very much, and making love and I had some very nice sensations) even though she couldn't keep going until I reached orgasm. Maybe she is the one who is not so good in the sack!! (hey, you girls have to do some work too!!). Still very enjoyable so what the heck...

Funny thing is, it's usually the other way around - the guy usually cums way too early and the girl is left without having had an orgasm! It goes both ways my friends!

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

mooman_00

Originally posted by Seraphina
you do that
/me pats mooman_00 on the head

if your good ill let you do more than pat my head.................

Seraphina

pffffff you mean if YOU'RE good you might get another pat on the head

i've lost interest already tbh

DapperGent

Originally posted by Mercury_Tilt
Its not meant to be some pain in the ass ritual.

If you tell me this sentence was an accident I won't believe you.

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

Originally posted by Paddy Irishman

As for me being crap.. well, I don't know. I mean, I had a huge erection and was ready to go again when she said she didn't want anymore, and concluded the sex.

Being good in bed isn't about how big your erection is - it's about attention to detail - kissing, caressing, tongue...

So sex finished with her having had her pleasure (and an orgasm, maybe of level 3-5) and me still not having had an orgasm.

How do you measure an orgasm? Is there an international standardised scale?

So she was pleased (I made sure of that), but I suspect she couldn't take any more, even though I was ready to give more.

Since you're in the mood for telling details - how did you make sure she was pleased - by asking her? Have you considered that she may have faked the orgasm to end things quickly?

And because she had had her orgasm she probably wasn't in the mood to please me and give me an orgasm after she had hers (perhaps the girls here will clarify on this).

This happens. For the same reasons a guy might finish without satisfying his partner, as is well known. You admit it yourself -

Funny thing is, it's usually the other way around - the guy usually cums way too early and the girl is left without having had an orgasm! It goes both ways my friends! [/B]

DapperGent

Originally posted by Mercury_Tilt
Dappie..I'd never lie to you.

I noticed it right after I posted. It was an unintended pun.

Damn. I should have gone with my original intented post:

"Not unless you're really lucky."


[Edit] 1000 posts. Is this it? [/Edit]

LegacyUser

Ah it matters not.. I care about her, very much... and thats all thats important to me. Sex is very much secondary. Love is first And with love, it's unconditional, with infinite patience and persistence.

PS. And yes, I asked her at various stages what was working for her, and thats how I knew the best way to please her. I knew her orgasm from the way her face moved and from the juices flowing (and also by the fact that I was working with g-spot), although I'm no expoert so I could be wrong too

Just a message for everyone - peace and love, for ever! thats the important thing I've found! When you have that.. and you're chilled out and relaxed with your lover, it will all flow as nature would wish it to! Be selfless, not selfish. And be free!

The Sweeper

Paddy Irishman

I'd have to say, if I were a virgin, and the first time I slept with a bloke he made me cum, and then he appeared to do something of a hyper-achiever "congratulate me" wardance where he seemed smug as f*ck because he made me cum, and then further to that he didn't cum himself as though giving that much of himself was something he didn't feel like doing (coz I'd be a virgin here and therefore convinced that a man will cum if I sneeze on him) then maybe I'd be feeling a little uncomfortable, a little like a trophy shag of some kind, a little vulnerable, a little taken advantage of, a little turned off.

Sometimes I think that men have it really difficult in that the female orgasm is held up as such a barely-attainable goal. Subsequently, many men behave as though giving a woman an orgasm turns them into Jesus. (And I'm not bothered with the onslaught of "that's a sweeping generalisation" from the blokes on this board because frankly I reckon few of them have had personal experience of having a female orgasm and it being given them by a bloke.)

If you can make a woman cum, then good for you. However, remember that the woman you're with (especially if she's a holy catholic irish woman) may not yet be completely comfortable with her own sexuality - for instance she might not be happy asking you to do something specific, or pleasuring herself in front of you etc. - and as a result an orgasm for her might not be something that she's relaxed sharing with you.

Subsequently if you beat your chest and shout "WHO the MAN" when you make her cum it may be somewhat... offputting.

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

Trojan

<wwm> damn you woman, ive told you not talk about my masturbation habits


rotfl

po0k

Nevyn

there are times when it is just not worth the effort , esp if you what dissapointed her previously.

loismustdie

nice1 on makin her "orgasm a little" btw

DaithiSurfer

She probably felt sick when she saw your ego.
Maybe she faked it all so she didnt have to let you down and then decided 'job done let me out of here'

Morpheus

Are you for real???

jesus... you scaled her orgasm on 1-5... and all the way thru you did this....


slap slap slap
change position... grunt

slap slap slap

hows that??
change position... grunt

slap slap slap

hows that??
change position... grunt

slap slap slap

hows that??
change position... grunt

slap slap slap
hows that??

if she was a virgin or inexperienced, at this stage unless you were using Industrial strenghth KY Hydrolic Fluid you'd have a barber pole for a mickey and she'd feel like her unmentionables were coated in sand paper!!

could you not just relax and let her lead the way???

how'd you know you hit the G-Spot??? if theres one thing ive learned its that its location and shape/size can differ between ladies same as no two dicks are the same and quite honestly takes a bit of practice to hit the right way, its trial and error, not

is THAT it????
or THAT???
or THIS???

also if you arent careful it can actually hurt her, and yes just like us, it IS sometimes slightly awkward feeling for girls if they "get there" first, so discussing it aint usually a good idea right after she gets there! also it can hurt her if you keep pounding your way to high heaven!!

Dont make a big deal out of it, this happens either me or my gf sometimes still and were at it nearly 2 years now!!

Its not supposed to be a coming together of the greatest logistical and tactical minds, its supposed to be a lust fueled fun enhanced love inspired shag ) unless its a one night stand in which case its wild animalistic crazy assed kinky dress me up and beat me monkey sex your both after !!!

PS dont be telling us how HUGE your erection was!!! :rolleyes:

Amz

Originally posted by Morphéus
were at it nearly 2 years now!!

Jaysus! you must be tired at this stage!

DapperGent

Originally posted by Amz
Jaysus! you must be tired at this stage!

skittishkitten

*Throws a rope down to Paddy Irishman *

HURRY !! Climb out of this hole you dug yourself into and RUN ! RUN !!!