Up the dubs (censor will prolly rip it to shreads)

Hobbes

Ah Dublin! Capital of Ireland. Europe's smallest capital and also its smelliest. Step off a train at Heuston or Connolly station and breathe in that un-mistakeable aroma of **** and puke. But it's the people of Dublin who make our capital city what it is. We call them 'Jacks' because of a visit to Dublin by Queen Victoria which saw the
locals line O'Connell Street while waving union jacks at their visitor. Ask anyone with even half a brain how many counties there are in Ireland and they will tell you 32. But not our friends in Dublin. For some bizarre reason they
firmly believe there are only two: 1)"Dooblin"and 2)"dowen da coontry".


Next time you're in Dublin, check out the excellent selection of Radio Stations, both of which play the same five songs all day. Whether it's 98fm or 104fm, tune in at any time of the day to hear Robbie Williams and The Lighthouse Family. You'll never get tired of it !!!

Anyway, here are the ten most asked questions about Dubs.

Why do Dublin people **** in the streets instead of a toilet?

Why do they refer to all other Irish people as Sheep Shaggers when we all know damn well what they're doing with those horses. A man from Ballyfermot (probably called Anto) recently got divorced from his cousin so
he could marry his horse.

Why is their knowledge of Irish geography restricted to "da nart soide and da sout soide"?

Why does their knowledge of Irish history go all the way back to the 1980's?

Why do they complain about "doze bleedin' **** coming over here taking ere women and ere jobs" when Paul McGrath is "yer only man" and "God Bless Phillo"?

What the **** language are they speaking? Why is hurling a culchie game until Dublin win a match when it suddenly becomes "Hooorlin',da fastest field sport in da bleedin' wooorld".?

Why can't they go for a drink without trying to stab each other afterwards?

Why can't they accept Aslan are never going to make it 'cause they're ****e?

Why are they all still wearing track-suits?

___________________________________________

A Corkonian thesis from a UCC final year project which received a

1.1 Dublin was founded in the 8th century by the Vikings, when they realised that the best way to cause lasting damage to the country was to build what leading Viking at the time, Hagyar Ringsend, termed "A ****hole for the ages". This statement was proved true over time.

Luckily for the rest of Ireland, Dublin is located on the east coast. This means that the prevailing south westerly wind generally takes the smell across the Irish Sea to Britain. In the 1950's Britain retaliated by building Sellafield nuclear power station. The Irish Sea is now one of the cleanest in the world, the radiation from England and the filthy pus and bile from dublin nullifying each other. It is a pity for us all that dublin is not located 50 miles further east.

However, many "Dubs", or "Gob****es" as they are known to the rest of us, would go even further! This is because Dublin is all that remains of what was once called "West Britain". Dublin people share many characteristics with the English people, including an amazingly low alcohol tolerance, ridiculous accents and the ability to get into a
barroom brawl with Mahatma Ghandi and Mother Teresa.

Indeed, many young Englishmen come to dublin for "stag nights"- not for the nightlife, but because all of the
sluts there are falling over themselves to be impregnated by anything with a foreign accent in order to claim "choil' benefih'", or "childrens' allowance" as it is called in the civilized world. But beware! Dublin beer is
much more expensive than ordinary beer. This is because it is watered down with expensive mineral water. You see, due to dublin being a pox ridden eyesore which leaks revolting pus into our beautiful land, they have no clean tapwater. In fact, 86% of Dubliners don't even know what a tap is (the other 14% knew that it had something to do with beer). As a result, the beer is watered down with mineral water, as I said, and now the average Gob****e must fork out well over the odds for a pint. But don't let this put you off visiting cosmopolitan dublin, where absoloute knackers mix freely with some of the world's snobbiest *******s. Let the heroin, car theft, annoying whinger *******s, syphilis infested prostitutes and Europe's crappest traffic system put you off going there instead. Exits are by road, air and sea only, and are usually quite busy, so be patient.

VISIT CORK. For information on Cork, please contact the tourist board on 021 343434. It's worth it.

ste

LOL

Will people EVER learn to stop bashing us Dubs. Yas seem to think all we ever do is slag u lot but the fact is all u farmers ever do is ***** and moan at us Dubs for having ... well Everything. There's only one quarter of Dublin thats ****e. the rest rules.

ehehhehehehehehehehe im ehh only joking btw loike, dooblin is a shiite hoole, and im ehh proud to live in ehh it

Hecate

and of course theres the special breed hailing from Dublin 4...anything on "Mobile Phuones"?.

Bates

um yeah but.. who gets the lower pings? <IMG SRC="http://lacerta.ucg.ie/boards/smile.gif&quot; WIDTH=15 HEIGHT=15 BORDER=0 ALT=":)">

TAKE IT REGIONAL NODES!

ChR "True blue" oMe

MikeS

Hobbes,

What ya on mate ? ....and like, can i have some ?

MikeS

hehehhee <IMG SRC="http://lacerta.ucg.ie/boards/tongue.gif&quot; WIDTH=15 HEIGHT=15 BORDER=0 ALT=":P">

ButcherOfNog

yes chrome, u get nice low pings, pity u still suck.

Its laggy, i can't play, look my ping just spiked christ its over 100 now !

Hobbes

I got the mail from a friend who mailed it after she kept getting abuse from some Dub lad stating it's the best place to live.

After I came back, I'm inclined to agree. ffs lads clean the place up <IMG SRC="http://lacerta.ucg.ie/boards/tongue.gif&quot; WIDTH=15 HEIGHT=15 BORDER=0 ALT=":P">

WhiteWashMan

ROFLMBO

Geez noggie, youre a bad boy

have some chrome.

in fact...........

have some more!!!!!!
yeah, more play less typing, an stop callin everyone a camper. muppet
white(for what its worth)wash

Jaden

I got that mail meself, and this is what I wrote back...

A Dubliners reply:

1. Dubs are called "Jacks", because all country folk cannot remember more than one name unless it has a little nickname attached to it, eg Paddy Bán, or The Rabbit Mullen. The idea of 2 people posessing the same first name, and being refered to by second name, is unheard of outside Dublin.

2. The smell of **** and puke from Hueston station is actually of rural origon, and is put there by our country cousins who haven't figured out how the flushing toilets on trains work yet.

3. The term "Sheep shagger" is a hangover from days gone by. Dubs realize that country lads don't shag sheep anymore, but use this term because it's what their grandparents must have been doing while the grandparents of Dubs were making this country a free state by blowing up our post offices.

4. Radio stations - Dublin 112, Outside Dublin 5. People coming from the country may be under the impression that it is possible only to listen to 98FM and FM104, but this is beacuse their experience of radio beforehand was limited to the singular use of one radio station for the duration of any radios life, eg 2FM, or Radio NaG. The red dial is not just there for show.....

5. Aslan kick Daniel O Donnells **** anyday, and as for Ritchie Kavanagh.....

Questions that Dubs ask "culchies":

1. Why do Waterford people refer to their home as "The sunny southeast", when it's just as wet and miserable as the rest of the country???

2. Is driving around Donegal in a Red XR3I, Silver Corolla GTI, or Black Corsa SRI really quality entertainment? Do Donegal males get a wholesale discount on "NO FEAR" stickers?

3. Will anyone from Galway ever marry someone who DOESN'T come from Galway too?

4. Why do all non-Dubs exclusively derive their opinions of Dubs from watching Fair City, and Upwardly Mobile?

5. Can you name 3 people of note from Leitrim?

6. How much do you have to pay a farmer a year to stop him moaning about how ****tily farmers get treated?

7. Michael Colins, a brave visionary, hidden from British troops for 6 years in Dublin by Dubs, Shot on first visit to Cork. Who's waving those union Jacks now?

ButcherOfNog

"NO FEAR" stickers <IMG SRC="http://lacerta.ucg.ie/boards/smile.gif&quot; WIDTH=15 HEIGHT=15 BORDER=0 ALT=":)"> lol, i was wondering about that myself

shank

Dublin's a great city, dunno what all this $hite is about. It's 3 o'clock in the morning, you need a womens company, bag of crack and a Kebab..... all are only a phone call away <IMG SRC="http://lacerta.ucg.ie/boards/smile.gif&quot; WIDTH=15 HEIGHT=15 BORDER=0 ALT=":)">.

Dublin my Dublin, where the streets are paved with rosy cheeked women, cappachino and homeless people(prolly from the country).

Oh yeah as for the radio stations, granted they are b0llox but it's better then a lot of the mucker stuff with their hourly Novenas and the like.

FreaK_BrutheR

Wan Donegal!

elexes

well im born in dub living in the country . firstly all the great irish visionarys are from the country name one person from dublin that done somthing good ???? anyone ? that smell once you get of the train since i get it every sat morn at 8 am is the smell that the put in the liffy so that it can help wake up everyone from those great hangovers . but then we have to thank the dubs cause they train most of us with there great collages and unis . but becides all the crap in dub there is some good in it thinks long and hard for 30 mins ( they have loads of lan )

number1

Ya's are all just jealous yas don't live in dublin, and ur only proper excuse for hating it is that we're all knackors but ehh NO. only some of us (like me) but mnay ppl are quite regular and fantastico, like say Eric MOONEY.