Can you find that special someone with online dating ?

yellum

Does online dating actually work or are people that use it only after one thing ?

I'm talking about various Gay Dating websites but I suppose Gaydar.ie in particular.

BuffyBot

I don't know about finding someone - how "it" happens can be as varied as the reasons people fall in love.

Gaydar has always struck me as the online version of cruising..you might meet someone, but for the most part its a virtual pick-up joint. It's possible you might meet "the one" there in chat etc, just as you might chatting on other sites - but most of the "dating" part would seem to be just for sex meets

Shinji

I voted "Anythings possible", on the grounds of the "infinite monkeys" theory... But in the real world, the answer is almost certainly no.

It's like any form of "cruising" (or meat-markety club) - the vast majority of people there just fancy a shag and that's the height of it. Your chances of coming across someone you genuinely click with and could form a long-term relationship with are sod all; and even if you did, you'd probably have soured it because by meeting across an online dating system, you've got pre-defined expectations of that person's attitudes to sex etc.

solice

people reccommended to me to use gaydar to make friends and i am finding it next to dam near impossible. all anyone wants in it is sex and tbh, i dont really want that.

i have given up on those sites for making friends, they annoy me.
i only use them to talk to ppl. they catch on that im not going to sleep with them and then they dont talk to me anymore

as for dating, if u are to meet someone, it will happen, have faith

swiss

Sadly, I think I'm with Shinji on this one. Obviously, I'd have to go along with the "anything's possible" approach as well, but I've generally found that as with any situation where you have predefined expectations of a typical standard of character, you find that that particular stereotype predominates. Hence online dating places like gaydar are full of man just looking for one thing.

There are of course exceptions to this rule, but I find my experiences on gaydar match that of solice. The amount of guys that send me pictures of their crotch is unreal... I mean I accept it takes a fair amount of bottle to do that to a complete stranger, but it tells me something about the type of people who go on gaydar.

As with general dating, well with gay people you run into a lot of problems, for a start how do you identify gay people? They don't typically look differently than others, and unless they're partiularly overt in their mannerisms, don't tend to act differently either. So you're left to either going out or using gaydar or other online agencies for a realistic chance of finding someone. If you're non scene or don't like going out/drinking you might find yourself with limited options .

Shinji

Nail on the head, Swiss. I'm not convinced that the solution of falling in love repeatedly on the basis that one in ten of them ought to work out is necessarily a good one, but sadly it seems vaguely unavoidable...

STaN

God i must be an anomoly.

I have ONLY met friends off gaydar. One has become one of my really close circle of friends.

After being friends for a while, things grew with another guy and we ended up dating for a while. But that was as the relationship evolved.

If people don't want to chat to me on there, that's there loss. I find many people are sick of just hearing about sex. I love conversations with people that i've met online without sex being mentioned once.

There is usually the exchange of a few messages, maybe get each other's MSN or ICQ or whatever. Chat on there. Maybe meet up, have a laugh, but that's it.

I've gone on date's and just had a laugh, nothing sexual about it. Now that might have pissed them off, but i enjoyed having fun with them rather than sex. And yes this was partly as i was not interested in them physically.

De Rebel

I have and I'm happy and anyway Anythings possible

I met my current man on gay.com (even worse than gaydar) and 3.5 years later we are content. I love him to bits. Met the previous man on gaydar and it lasted over 6 months. Met the one before that cruising in a shopping mall and it lasted 5 years and survived an 8,000 mile gap. And …………..

To me, gay men have it every way,. We can meet ppl in the conventional ways, pubs, clubs and so on, or the (almost) uniquely gay ways (gay.com/gaydar etc). For once, we have it better.

Does online dating work………….. you bet it does. Beats advertising yourself the personals section of Buy and Sell anyways.

azezil

I've met a couple of guys through gaydar now, didn't work out with any of them thus far however one is now a good friend. I think it be easier to find someone genuine online than in a club, its been my experience they're only after one thing ... i know i'm one of those people lol

Clubbing’s fun for one-nighter’s but for something more substantial with a compatible person i think i'd turn to online dating.

ArthurG

Have to agree with the last 2 posts. I moved to Dublin 5 years ago, and knew no gay people at all. Being a young lad at the time, the thoughts of going to the G on my own were fairly terrifying.

So, on to gay.com I went and chatted away to my hearts content. I had a few short term things (ok, and I admit it, 1 nighters....), before meeting a very nice bloke, who I had very chaste chats with over a few weeks. Decided to meet for coffee, and now 4 years later, we've bought our own house, and are hoping those bloody legislation changes happen so we can look after each other properly.

So, rare as it may be, it does happen...... Were the chat rooms as crowded with guys after the one thing in those days though??. Without wanting to sound overly grandfatherly, I don't really recall there being that much interest in those days.

Andor

I've Voted 'Anything's Possible'.

I've never found someone on Gay.ie, the amount of oversexed humpmonkeys was a bit overwhelming. But I have met people i would now consider great friends through Yahoo! chat and Faceparty.co.uk (not that either of those sites are less sex-oriented!), so i guess the same applies.

Axon

I also voted anythings possible. I have met a number of good mates on gaydar.ie..I have also met a fair share of basket cases also. I have had two big relationships so far, both lasted more than four years each and I met both in The Gym (the spiritual forefather of the Boilerhouse). So if I managed to find love there - then it can be got anywhere there are queers. You have to keep yourself open to the possibility. Unfortunately, us men tend to behave in ways that are detrimental to finding love when we are in a 'pack' environment.

BuffyBot

Just looking at the poll results made me smile. I never would have thought we were such a pack of optimists

tendofan

My situation is similar to ArthurG's in that I went online because I didn't know any gay people in my own circle of friends in Ireland, and I would have rathered having my eyes plucked out with a melon scoop than go into the G/FL/Gubu on my own.

My aim was purely to chat to other gay guys, make a few friends, and if after a while, anything happened, then well and good, and I'm happy to say, that I've made a few very good friends there and have had some great chats with people from all over the place.

Yeah there are more than a fair share of shagmonsters online, but if that's not your cup of tea, tell them you're not interested, and leave it at that. There are honest, genuine people out there.

Happily, I went out with two wonderful people I met online, but for various reasons utterly unconnected to how we met, it didn't work out, though we remain great friends.

So I'd say that it can work out, but probably no more/less likely than the chances of something arising out of pulling someone on the scene.

solice

my opinion has changed, it tokk a while of sifting through all the garbage but i got there, met a few ppl and they seem nice. i can see us becoming good friends, if the curse does not come back to haunt me (usually after 4 - 5 months ppl begin to dislkie me, its all very sad and i feel very emotional about it, hmmmmm)

HerrLipp

usually after 4 - 5 months ppl begin to dislkie me, its all very sad and i feel very emotional about it, hmmmmm

I know the feeling

STaN

Originally posted by solice
my opinion has changed, it tokk a while of sifting through all the garbage but i got there, met a few ppl and they seem nice. i can see us becoming good friends, if the curse does not come back to haunt me (usually after 4 - 5 months ppl begin to dislkie me, its all very sad and i feel very emotional about it, hmmmmm)

Well maybe because you believe it will... IT WILL

yellum

I agree with STaN. Having that attitude will only get yourself in trouble. You don't need to be all happy with life and always happy but theres no need to ahev that attitude. In fact just saying that to people are bounf to put them off.

Why not just introduce yourself and go THERES SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME AS I CAN'T KEEP FRIENDS. Gets your desired result more quickly.

Now, Back On Topic Please.

I'm impressed and surprised by the results of this poll so far. Lets hope more people contribute.

oneweb

I've put a few of those profile things up over the last year or so. Haven't had that many replies (I have something about if ur lookin for one thing keep lookin on them), and the few that I did I never followed up much. It also has a lot to do with many of the sites charging to reply and whatnot (you only find that out when you've filled a profile :rolleyes: )

I was a bit yukkified when I first tried gay.com and other such stuff with all the 'meet now' and 'wanna cyber' ppl, but I'd say it is possible to find that someone special, and one should always remain optimistic

ixoy

Anything's possible I've met a fair few people through gaydar and IRC, and through them other folks whom they met through gaydar, IRC, etc (presumably one or more of the people who post here).
And yes, I've made friends and found love (temporarily!) as a result. I still see them regularly and go out with them.
In fact I'd have voted yes but I'm still a tiny bit embittered at the ex

wheelie bin

I still think anything's possible. To me, gay.ie is the pits altogether. And gaydar is just a meat-market. I discovered gaire.com last December and have made a few friends from it. And I've had my heart badly bruised, if not exactly broken, once.

Basically the Net offers another avenue to meet other queer ppl - but it shouldn't be your only strategy.

Also, I think that you have to be somewhat cautious about meeting people off the Net. Yes there are eejits who claim to 25, blonde and blue and then turn out to be 55, bald and sinister. Some people get really disheartened when they have experiences like that.

But if you are selective about who you meet - and where you meet them - you can minimise the possibility of being messed about by a creep.

Also - don't take Net dating so seriously. Think of it as a fun way to spend an evening. Don't go and meet someone for coffee or a pint thinking 'Oh God - let this be the one 4 me!'. If you take it too seriously, you will be disallusioned . . . and you may be so wound up while on the date that you don't relax and be your usual self . . .

solice

wise words of wisdom,

BuffyBot

Originally posted by wheelie bin
Also - don't take Net dating so seriously. Think of it as a fun way to spend an evening. Don't go ond meet someone for coffee or a pint thinking 'Oh God - let this be the one 4 me!'.

Yup, damn good advice

moridin

Originally posted by ixoy
Anything's possible I've met a fair few people through gaydar and IRC, and through them other folks whom they met through gaydar, IRC, etc (presumably one or more of the people who post here).
And yes, I've made friends and found love (temporarily!) as a result. I still see them regularly and go out with them.
In fact I'd have voted yes but I'm still a tiny bit embittered at the ex

Awh, you can feel the love

*hugs*

PS: Must do that dinner thing soon

sumtinoriginal

sorry if this is off the point.Im new so im not sure how to start a thread.Anyway i have a question:are adult dating websites like adultfriendfinder.com genuine.I have looked at a few profiles and an incredible amount of the women are stunners.Have the creators of the website merely fabricated these profiles to fool people into subscribing or are these women for real?Again im very sorry if this question is misplaced but this is the most appropriate place i could find given my near web illiteracy

Doop

I reckon you can find someone online, im not a huge fan of it, but sometimes ya gotta... eg when you have no gay friends like me!
Plus the scene aint so much my thing especially not on my own!!

Went on a "date" with a guy I met online last weekend it went well, and I enjoyed it, maybe i did have the .

'Oh God - let this be the one 4 me!'.

attitude but was an all round good experience. We just met up went for a couple of beers, as people do! was good aswell cos we didnt spend weeks and weeks trading mails, cos thats too much effort imo! If 2 ppl like the look of each other online arrange something hook up and take it from there..what harm.

Tis a bit of a pain shifting through the "shagmonsters" first.

rainbow kirby

Please don't drag up 7 year old threads!