Dichotomous memories of past relationships

dod

A group of us were out in town for a few social drinks on Saturday night. Ciaran likes to think himself something of a ladies man and was recounting some brief encounters he had had with some lucky girls since we had last met. I’m not sure to what extent these yarns are based in fact, but inevitably the anecdotes depict Ciaran as a charming, suave, sophisticated Don Juan who seduces a legion of equally urbane ladies about town in a series of intense and torrid eruptions of passion.

Disregarding the questionable veracity of these romances, I wondered how the ladies involved would recall these same events. Would they be as cold and calculating? Did they set out that night to snare an amenable man in the same way as Ciaran set out to seduce an agreeably licentious lady? How would their description of the seduction compare with his recounting of the same events?

Then, as Ciarans self-congratulatory drivel began to bore me, I wondered about relationships in general. Take any substantial relationship you have been in. Clearly there will have been good moments, fond memories, gratifying episodes and idyllic experiences. Similarly, there will have been low points, difficulties in the relationship, problems that once resolved will have reinforced the foundations on which the relationship was built. There may have been irresolvable problems, problems that led to the disintegration of the relationship. Day-to-day routine apart, it is these emotional peaks and troughs that define the boundaries of our relationships. However the two people involved in these episodes may have very different recollections of the causes and of the effects of these defining incidents.

What I may recall as a happy event during a relationship with X, how does she recall the same episode? Where I consider that she has behaved improperly or without due consideration, what is her slant on the episode? I may recall an incident where, in my infinite patience, I accommodated her irrational behaviour for the sake of peace- does she see the same sequence of events in the like way? What about events where she accommodated me? Does she now recall to her friends how unreasonable I was in various situations? What about little foibles or eccentricities of mine that she put up with for so long? When I recount to the guys how my relationship with X finished up, how does she recount to her friends that instalment of the relationship? If our recollections of the events are irreconcilable, does that mean that one of us is wrong and the other right?

It is difficult, especially during an emotionally charged sequence of events, to stand back to try to see the episode from your partners point of view. Of course I like to think that I am being perfectly rational and that she is behaving unreasonably. In relating the events to the people in whom we confide these things, how will my account square up with the version of events that she will relate to her close friends?

On Saturday night, I asked a girl who did not know Ciaran whether she agreed that he might be Gods gift to women.

“In his little mind, maybe,” she laughed.

Then she turned to her girlfriends and whispered. They looked over at him, looked at each other, and then they all threw their heads back and laughed heartily.

Typedef

Originally posted by dod
What I may recall as a happy event during a relationship with X, how does she recall the same episode? Where I consider that she has behaved improperly or without due consideration, what is her slant on the episode?

I'm reminded of an out take from a Woody Allen film.

Scene 1:
Woody Allen on a couch saying.
"I don't think the relationship is going anywhere, we barely have sex... it's like twice a week".

Scene 2:
His wife on a couch saying.
"I don't think the relationship is going anywhere.
We have a great sex life though, like twice a week".

Interesting.