this is hurting my brain..

LegacyUser

any advice here would be handy.

okay, theres this chick who ive been mates with for years, (about 5 years). We've never been with each other, but at different times we've both fancied each other, but havent been in positions to move on it, and I never knew about her liking me at the time and so on and so forth.

now lately, ive been hangin out with her alot, meeting up and driving about in my car, smoking a few j's or just hanging out and talking and listening to some music. but mainly when we're hangin out, its just the two of us.

I think i might have accidentally fallen into that nice-guy bracket, but not really in a bad way as I see it. I dont run around opening doors or buying her pints, (except when ive had a rake of pints :rolleyes:) and im trying not to bee too forward.

Shes meeting other guys in nightclubs and that, but shes not actually seeing anyone. Im really nuts about her, but im so freaked out about saying anything to her incase it ruins our friendship since in the last month or two we've become very close mates.

I also find it very difficult to talk to her in nightclubs, she tends to go quiet when I talk to her in clubs.

Have ye got any suggestions? because its soooo head wrecking

Disgruntled,

Wolf

From what you have said I reckon that she likes you too.

You have to say something cuz otehr wise you will go insane. Also if you really are good friends then the friendship will last any way.

Trust me you have to find out one way or the other just say it.

RopeDrink

I hate this.
It happens to everyone... The "You're more of a friend, really" bull****...

No one seems to realise that you can simply sit them down and have a civilized chat about it... You don't just go running up to them screaming, "I WANT YOU NOW!", but you can sit them down and work your way to the subject...

At the end of the day, closure is the key - You win some, you lose some, so if you end up being rejected or you actually do get with this girl, at least you know where you stand in the long run and can get over it / enjoy your new relationship...

Either way, get in there at put it to her whatever way you wish, but do it soon so that your brain doesn't melt because of this 'problem' (I'd regard it as an annoyance as opposed to a problem)

therecklessone

You must tell her!

Biggest mistake I ever made was not taking that piece of advice...twice.

You'd think I'd have learned the first time...:(

Elem

So you want to stick your penis up some girl that around 5 men done the same in the past week? Hmmmm, find a decent girl

Nah im only messin, just go up to her and tell her how you feel, if she doesnt cheat or lie, marry her, simple :P

Dampsquid

I also find it very difficult to talk to her in nightclubs, she tends to go quiet when I talk to her in clubs.

This sounds like she doesn't fancy you, and is worried that she will lead you on into making a move.

seamus

Originally posted by arg123
I also find it very difficult to talk to her in nightclubs, she tends to go quiet when I talk to her in clubs.

Most people don't like chatting in nightclubs. They're designed for dancing, drinking and scoring. A nightclub wouldn't be the best place to bring up the subject anyway. You're better off being soberish, and alone when you bring it up. She may also tend to keep away from you in nightclubs, so as other men won't be put off by thinking that you're her boyfriend. Here, it's not that she'd prefer to score some random punter over you, but as I say above, a nightclub is not where the subject is going to be brought up, so even if she is interested, she's gonna do her best to score someone else anyway, cos you're one of her mates. Understand? No? Well, welcome to the world of men

I would advise getting her alone. Some Saturday night, arrange to meet up with her a little earlier than the rest of the group. Bring it up there if you want. Or bring her out for dinner some night. If you're good mates it shouldn't be that difficult, just pretend it's spontaneous, i.e. when you're driving by some restaurant - "Fancy grabbing a bite to eat? On me of course..". With dinner, she'll already cop something is up, so half of your work is done.

The main choice you have to make is - Could you live with just being her friend for ever and ever amen? Whatever about ruining a friendship by going out and breaking up, sexual tension will eventually ruin any friendship anyway, albeit slower and more painfully.
You can bring it up, and if she says that it can't happen, then fine. At least you know where she stands, and at least you've tried. And you get to keep your friend, if you do it properly. Making a big fuss about it, or simply dumping out all of your feelings in one big verbal vomiting motion is dangerous. She could become freaked out easily, and bang, your friendship is gone.

So approach it delicately, by all means.

KdjaCL

Best way is to write a letter as it shows
1. Some thought went into it.
2. Its not spur of the moment ie horny as hell and she closest girl.

Tho tbh i have had these things happen and made the move and have barley seen the "freind" since we just drifted apart after that.
but hey you may get lucky and either get her or not and still be freinds.

kdjac

Tusky

I wouldnt advice writing a letter ! just say it to her face

Velvet Vocals

Well first thing would be not to ask people on boards for advice - not that it's not great advice guys - don't get me wrong! But it's now you've got a lot of conflicting advice going around in your head, and you have to try and make sense of it all.

For what it's worth it kinda does sound like she fancies you and I think that if your honest with her it'll be fine. Just go for one of your drives and have a few splifs and tell her - or just kiss her and see how that goes:0)

Good luck!

WhiteWashMan

oh man, youre in a perfect position.
you sound as if you guys like hanging out with each other.
how cool is that.
she probably likes you a lot, and you never know, she may be thinking the same thing. after all, she is human.
theres no need to go worrying about anything
just keep enjoying being with each other and if stuff happens, it happens.
ne need to go all gooey, or mushy, rosemantic. thats not you.
you are yourself and she likes that.
one thing you can do is flirt a little bit. theres no harm in it. it may just be a bit of fun, but you never know, you may get something back, and then youre in the zone.

with regards niteclubs, dont sweat it. i go quiet in clubs as well. i just hate the loud music, its hard to talk. and yoiu never know, she may be a bit quiet coz shes worried you are going to go of with some bloke. take her out for an ol dance around the tiles

WhiteWashMan

Originally posted by Saint Something
But it's now you've got a lot of conflicting advice going around in your head, and you have to try and make sense of it all.

life would be pretty boring if we all thought the same way and all gave the same advice.

Lafortezza

Act likeyou could have her if you just clicked your fingers, be very confident around her (while not being a dickhead), flirt ,
be interesting and funny,
make her want you! instead of you pining after her and wondering if she might ever ever like you enough etc etc

takecontrol and you decide ifits gonna happen, chicksdig the confident guy taking control

Lionel Hutz

Sounds like you got a pretty good thing going on at the moment - hanging about together etc, sometimes it doesnt get any better than it is right now, if you tell her you wanna get jiggy, she either says nice one or fcuk off, either way relationship changes from then on. Your doing all the boyfriend/girlfriend jazz at the moment except the sex which you can get elsewhere. Worth thinking about how good you got it now before you show each other your sex faces

Kwizatz Anorak

O man,

I know I've been there....

Listen to White Wash man and the non-cynical aspects of what Seamus was saying, ignore the rest.

It's the hardest thing in the world to work up the balls to approach the subject in conversation. Hope for the best and expect the worst.

Having done it conversationally myself, I recommend against it because it's a very deliberate action, I think you'd be better off just siezing a moment that you share and give her a really nice gentle kiss. Actions speak louder than words, if she's interested, she'll respond if not, you'll end up talking about it and the relationship boundaries will be set.

I'm still really good friends with the girl I was in a similar situation with, the answer was no but the friendship was strong enough to get through it, sounds like yours is too so you don't need to worry about that. Thinking about losing your friend will just drive you crazy.

Best of luck

I hope you both get what you're looking for.

DriftingRain

I agree with WWM. Just go with the flow.
Good Luck.

deimos

does she have a close freind, ??? best freind???

talk to the best freind, they generally know everything about the others fancies in fella's.....


just personnal experience

Jesus83

It's fairly simple........

If a girl is weird with you - or different with you than she is with other people ...it's usually one of two things.

1: You do something that pisses her off
2: She really likes you.

(or both)

It's fairly simple to be honest...tell her...be normal, be mature & tell her straight out....presumably you're not a nut and she's a good friend so I'd say there's at least *some* chance. At the very least she'll appreciate your honesty. It will be a bitter, crushing blow if you she tells you she thinks you're just good friends. But if you don't tell her you'll regret it.

ToxicPaddy

Just do like I did a few years back..

I was good friends with girl I knew in college and we hung around together and all that.. pretty much like you are now, she was seeing other guys and all that, but one night we were out in a pub and someone said to me that she liked me and he knew that i had a thing for her.. so I just made a decision there and then to do something about it..

I called her over, and was talking to her, but very lowly, she had to lean intohear me, so I put a hand on each side of her face and just planted one on the lips.. she was a bit shocked at first and pulled away, looked at me and then jumped on me..

It worked, I was happy and she was happy.. we were together for a good while until something happened at hoime and she left college.. that was the end of that..

But go for it man, life is too short for regrets and if you never made a move and she met someone else and in years to come told you that she was mad about you once but didnt know if you felt the same as you never made a move, how p*ssed off would you be with yourself..???????

Samara

Originally posted by lafortezza
Act likeyou could have her if you just clicked your fingers, be very confident around her (while not being a dickhead), flirt ,
be interesting and funny,
make her want you! instead of you pining after her and wondering if she might ever ever like you enough etc etc

takecontrol and you decide ifits gonna happen, chicksdig the confident guy taking control

They're friends first and foremost so putting on an act isn't going to impress quite the opposite I would think.

Cabaal

Be yourself and just tell her, I would have went nuts if I did'ent when I was in a similar situation.

Best thing oin the world you can do, granded it did'ent work out for me but I felt soooooooooo much better after wards..

ferdi

slip her the stiff one-eye

RopeDrink

Act likeyou could have her if you just clicked your fingers, be very confident around her (while not being a dickhead

"I could have you, baby... Yep, just like THAT '*snap*'... By the way, I'm not a dickhead..."

Sorry, but rofl.
There's being confident, and then there's being an arrogant prick... Just be yourself, rather than a circus act.