shellycub Registered User
#1

Hi,

We are going to a wedding this weekend to see a potential band and I'm feeling stupidly nervous. Just wondering what the protocol is? Dont want to make fools of ourselves

We know the hotel so know where the reception will be. Is it ok to just hang around outside the door? How dressed up should we be?

Thanks in advance!

Please see Mod note in post #78 before posting

alchemist33 Registered User
#2

Its years and years since we did it, but by the time the band are on nobody will notice you. Just drift in to the room and even have a seat at the back. Once we actually knew some of the guests and they told the bride. She was only too happy to give us her opinion on deali g with the band. Going to see them is an accepted pracfice so dont worry about it.
And smart casual will do

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exaisle Registered User
#3

Dress so that you won't stick out...in other words, don't turn up in jeans and a tshirt.
Smart casual will be fine (as long as it's not a black tie wedding).
Just take a seat discreetly at the back.
If you catch the bride or groom's eye, introduce yourself, congratulate them and let them know why you're there. Chances are that they saw the band at somebody else's wedding.
I've been in a wedding band for many years...and have sent literally hundreds of people to see us at weddings. There's never been a problem.

super_furry Registered User
#4

Just dress smart and stand and the back of the room and you'll be grand. It's a standard thing and chances are no-one will notice you at all.

lazygal Registered User
#5

I wouldn't book a band that suggested this. I wouldn't want strangers turning up at my wedding to have a nose when I've paid them for a service. Weddings aren't the place to drum up business.

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shellycub Registered User
#6

Thanks for the replies, feeling better now!

Lazygal I completely understand where you're coming from and wouldn't blame anyone for telling a band they didn't want other couples coming to. I don't feel comfortable but don't know how else to make sure we get a good band and I'm sure the band have asked permission.

lazygal Registered User
#7

We saw our band at a showcase. There's plenty of wedding services you might want a nose at but wouldn't dream of popping in to look at on someone else's big day.
I think it's unprofessional to ask couples to enter another wedding to get the business. It's difficult to say no to them if you've sneaked in to a wedding yourselves.

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nox001 Registered User
#8

lazygal said:
I wouldn't book a band that suggested this. I wouldn't want strangers turning up at my wedding to have a nose when I've paid them for a service. Weddings aren't the place to drum up business.


Most if not all bands do this afaik. I don't know of any couple who didn't go to see multiple bands in action at weddings before booking.

The band is a big thing for the day and the only way to really see what they are like is at a wedding a showcase etc wouldn't be near enough for most to make a judgment.

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lazygal Registered User
#9

nox001 said:
Most if not all bands do this afaik. I don't know of a couple who didn't go to see bands in action before booking.


And as I said we ruled them out if they did. Our wedding wasn't a chance for a band to persuade some other couples to book. You can't rely on a couple acting discreetly and dressing appropriately either. I didn't need to nose in the window of another wedding to see how our make up artist was on the day.

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nox001 Registered User
#10

lazygal said:
And as I said we ruled them out if they did. Our wedding wasn't a chance for a band to persuade some other couples to book. You can't rely on a couple acting discreetly and dressing appropriately either. I didn't need to nose in the window of another wedding to see how our make up artist was on the day.


Fair enough but I'd be the exact opposite, I wouldn't book a band I didn't see preforming at a wedding. It's too important to get right to worry about the tiny chance of being noticed (and even if you are the vast majority of couples won't care as it's insignificant) at a wedding. Who is to know you aren't just an evening guest, with 200 people + at most wedding the bride and groom rarely if ever know every single person there to see.

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clint_silver Registered User
#11

Some couples are ok with seeing a band in a bar, showcase or just with a recommendation, some want to see them at a wedding before booking.

If youve contacted a band and asked to see them at a wedding, theres a bit of a protocol where band should offer some upcoming weddings with the provisor that if they want to go to any of them that you let the band know so they can clear it with the bride and groom first so that theyre ok with it.

In my experience, most b&g's dont mind, but some B&G's do mind, and say theyed rather not have people viewing, and that information is passed back to the couples wanting to view so another night is offered.

If you do go, be respectful of other guests, dress like you wont stand out, its their night, their room. You dont want to be standing in a black tie affair in tshirt and runners.

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__Alex__ Registered User
#12

lazygal said:
And as I said we ruled them out if they did. Our wedding wasn't a chance for a band to persuade some other couples to book. You can't rely on a couple acting discreetly and dressing appropriately either. I didn't need to nose in the window of another wedding to see how our make up artist was on the day.


This kind of thing happens more than you think, I reckon. I went to view a few venues with my sister when she was getting married. One venue allowed us in to see how the room was set up for a wedding happening that very day. We were in there only about an hour before the couple were to arrive at the hotel! I wasn't entirely comfortable with it but the couple would have been none the wiser.

clint_silver Registered User
#13

__Alex__ said:
This kind of thing happens more than you think, I reckon. I went to view a few venues with my sister when she was getting married. One venue allowed us in to see how the room was set up for a wedding happening that very day. We were in there only about an hour before the couple were to arrive at the hotel! I wasn't entirely comfortable with it but the couple would have been none the wiser.


You can do this nearly anywhere at anytime unless its a closed private estate with security, there's so many people wondering around a hotel, so many suppliers, staff have much more to worry about than someone just looking around.

But it is nice/good manners to ask permission.

__Alex__ Registered User
#14

clint_silver said:
You can do this nearly anywhere at anytime unless its a closed private estate with security, there's so many people wondering around a hotel, so many suppliers, staff have much more to worry about than someone just looking around.

But it is nice/good manners to ask permission.


The staff brought us in there, we didn't go in ourselves!

exaisle Registered User
#15

lazygal said:
I wouldn't book a band that suggested this. I wouldn't want strangers turning up at my wedding to have a nose when I've paid them for a service. Weddings aren't the place to drum up business.


With all due respect, weddings are the best place to drum up business. Most of the weddings I've played at have been booked by couples who attended weddings we played at, liked what they saw, and booked us afterwards.

Bands can have fantastic websites that makes them look and sound very professional and polished but much or all of that can be manipulated when the truth is that they aren't as good live as they are on their website.

Also, the kind of music played by bands in, say, pubs will probably bear no resemblence to what they would play at a wedding. For starters, it's likely that the age profile of both gigs would be completely different and generally, there's no imperative to get people in a pub up dancing.

A wedding is a family celebration and an important social event for those involved and playing at a reception is a bit of an art in itself. I accept that you booked your band having seen them at a showcase, but even the showcase would give you no idea of whether they would be able to get people up dancing. They only way you can see whether a band is capable of getting people up on the floor at a wedding is IMHO, at a wedding.

Clint_Silver is correct in saying that there's a protocol involved in going to see the band at a wedding, so if you don't want anybody else turning up, then just make it clear to the band beforehand.

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