eviltwin Registered User

I second Sharrow on Rachels Vineyard, they are pro-life and have a religious ethos which doesn't suit everyone, saying that I know one girl who has gone and found it really helpful but its seems to be all about asking for forgiveness which is not something I agree with at all.

I had an abortion myself a few years ago, the first year leading up to what would have been the due date is hard, it is like a watershed when you get past it though so hold on to that.

I don't have experience of knowing someone who had a baby at the same time but I did get pregnant again 4 months after my abortion. I have a 2 yr old son now and I was worried sick I would always see in him the child I didn't keep but it hasn't happened.

If you are in the Dublin area I am involved in a post abortion support group that meets once a month. We are non agenda and come from all walks of life. If that isn't suitable there is an amazing website called passboards.org - its an after abortion support board and has an online counselling service which is excellent.

You will always have this in your life and while you might feel you will never get past it you will, I look at myself in the months after my abortion and look at the person I am now and I feel really proud of the progress I have made. Its made me a stronger person. It didn't destroy me, in fact its been the making of me in some ways. Just remember you will too come out the other side xx

iguana Moderator

Date said:
I could hug you guys.
Thank you. I think I really needed somebody to tell me that this is normal. And I will look into counselling. Thanks again xx

Of course what you are feeling is normal. Whenever anyone makes a big decision it's normal to have doubts or regrets. Your decision was obviously a huge deal for you, you gave it a lot of thought and I'm sure you went through all possible scenarios in your head so it's not that surprising that the road not travelled plays out in your head and you have doubts.

To make matters even harder for you, you live in a country which doesn't really respect your decision. Instead of being able to seek help locally and choose the best time for you emotionally, you were in a position of having to arrange a trip abroad and have the procedure inside a short time frame based on the practicalities of travelling. Then you had to travel back at a time when ideally you should have been able to find a more relaxed way to find peace with any doubts that you might have been feeling. Any negative feelings you have about the abortion are very likely to have been compounded by not being able to have more control over how and when it happened.

You also lost out on the automatically available post-abortion support system that you would have had if you lived in a country where they are routinely offered to women following the procedure. And depending on where you are in the country now you may unfortunately be being influenced by a rather horrible advertising campaign designed to make women who have made the choice you have, feel like crap by telling lies while pretending concern. All of this plays into how you are feeling now, and I'm glad you are going to look into counselling because I think that if nothing else it will let you know that there isn't anything at all wrong with how you feel.

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hattoncracker Registered User

date said:
I had an abortion at 8 weeks, because I am still in college, was not in a long term relationship with the father and wanted better than that for my child. Logic is telling me that I did the right thing (I know some people might not agree), but the guilt will not leave me.
A family member is pregnant, and is due in a matter of days. My due date would have been in 3 weeks time.

I am terrified of this baby being born. I simply don't know how i will react. I don't want to look at this baby and see the one I killed. I don't want to associate it with guilt because i'm supposed to be delighted that my family member is having a baby.

Has anybody gone through something similar to this? And if so, how do i deal with this? I'm constantly on the verge of tears. I wish I never made my decision, if i could go back I would decide differently. But I can't, so if anybody knows how to deal with this, or any personal experiences that would be great.

OP I've been where you are I've just come past the first year and the weeks up to and after my due date were hell.. I have had counselling recently and it's helped loads, they gave me counselling on grief but they were church funded and what they were saying wasn't helping so I switched and now have found someone else.. I had such a fear of going to a gp here that even when I had menstrual problems after I only went last week to get it sorted, and I changed doctors.

I thought I was the only one who felt the way you do.. Youre not alone... I've spoken to a few women on here and that helped too... I think when you realise that, it helps a lot..

Hugs, it gets easier..

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