John Mason Hosted Moderator
#16

sorry but how did you know who gave you a card and who didnt?

I mean there was only 40 at my wedding and i wouldnt have breeze who gave a card and who didnt.

did you sit down with your guest list and tick them off ?

Sunny Dayz Registered User
#17

irishbird said:
sorry but how did you know who gave you a card and who didnt?

I mean there was only 40 at my wedding and i wouldnt have breeze who gave a card and who didnt.

did you sit down with your guest list and tick them off ?


Yes we actually did this! It meant then that when we wrote our thank you cards, we could be specific eg "thank you for the crystal vase", "thank you for your beautiful card" as opposed to "thank you for your present".

Referring back to the original poster - I can agree with you and it's more in relation to evening guests - many of them at our wedding didn't even give a card. I have never gone to any part of a wedding without at least a card. Also I think our younger brothers and sisters didn't give us a card or present - but then they were under 25 and students but still a card would have been nice!

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Kathnora Registered User
#18

I attended a wedding last week and it was the first wedding I ever attended where I never once got to speak to the bride and groom. Granted, I was unable to attend the church due to work commitments so missed out on the greetings as guests leave the church. (I have attended the "afters" of previous weddings though and met the bride and groom) The couple last week didn't know us (we are related to the groom's mother) and I genuinely sought opportunities to meet them to no avail. My point is...... we attended and gave a generous cash gift. The groom passed our table at one stage, glancing briefly in our direction and walked on. Now, I know that it's customary to invite the mammies and daddies relations and a lot of couples don't have a clue of who's who on their special day but surely they could make an effort to meet and greet guests briefly particularly when gifts are given. The more I think about it now especially after reading some of the above posts it wouldn't have mattered if we hadn't given a gift at all. The only thing I'm glad about is that we handed the envelope to the groom's mother who was responsible for us getting an invite in the first place. AND....it wouldn't have bothered me one bit if we weren't invited as most weddings unless you are closely connected to the couple are an endurance test.

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Neyite Giraffe
#19

lennyloulou said:
Ive no problem with anyone thinking I am selfish..... As i said I very clearly we had our wedding paid for... I was not expecting huge gifts- acknowledgment- thats all. I always sort my way to events/weddings or else I do not go at all. Maybe it is a pride thing.
Yes,presents can arrive late. I got a lamp 2wks ago... very kind of the couple.
I would be very interested to see how brides-to - be will feel after their own day. I promise you - you will be shocked how people interpret you wedding! You will be shocked inspite of your good intentions/enthusiasm now. Come back next year and fill me in ! Best of Luck!


But not every couple expect a gift or acknowledgement, you are assuming they do. A close friend got married recently and made it clear to everybody that no gifts were expected. She stated that cash gifts would be donated to a local charity, and non cash gifts would be auctioned on e-bay and the cash donated to the same charity. And they did exactly that - she sent everyone a copy of the thank you letter from the charity.

I thought it was a beautiful idea. She and her husband felt fortunate to be in good employment, in good health, and financially stable, and recognised that their guests make such an effort and expense to travel to their wedding even when some were unemployed or had had paycuts and maybe were struggling.

It was the first wedding I have ever been to where I saw the usual wedding trimmings were unnecessary and it only further highlighted the true beauty of a wedding - 2 people who love each other, celebrating their vows with friends and family. Its hard to describe, but everybody there loved the low-key atmosphere, and the bride and groom were really chilled out and totally enjoying their day.

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John Mason Hosted Moderator
#20

Sunny Dayz said:
Yes we actually did this! It meant then that when we wrote our thank you cards, we could be specific eg "thank you for the crystal vase", "thank you for your beautiful card" as opposed to "thank you for your present".
!


yeah, we done this with the card and presents but we didnt check it off the quest list to make sure everyone gave us presents.

we have also taken photos of us using the present and stated what charity the cash gifts were donated to/used for etc.

Toots Administrator
#21

We checked it off the guest list purely because in our families a lot of the guests have the same name ie I've got two uncle Johns who are married to aunty Marys so we wanted to make sure we sent the right cards to the right ones (we sent cards saying 'thank you for the toaster' etc).

One or two of our guests gave a card but no present but that didn't bother me, I do feel it's the thought that counts. We had a lovely time on our first anniversary looking back through all our wedding cards and reading the messages in them. I wouldn't hold it against anyone who didn't get us a present, we don't know their circumstances but if I'm being honest I'd feel pretty hurt if they didn't bother with a card.

I had always heard that the etiquette regarding the gifts/cards for the bride and groom was that guests had up to 6 months after the wedding to give them, and the bride and groom had up until their first anniversary to send the thankyou cards. How long ago did you get married OP?

#22

a card wouldnt have gone astray,but you didnt get married for the gifts surely...i wouldnt let it bother me that much

Jogathon Registered User
#23

Oh my God, when my sister got married I never gave her a card! I was bridesmaid - I never thought that I should? I paid for silk for bridesmaids dresses and a few other things coming up to the wedding. We're close - so I just never thought she'd want a card!

On the wedding day 3 cards went missing from the hotel. One had been given to me so I knew I'd handed it in to the reception desk to be minded in the safe. It was awful - one had €600 in it. What I do now is I always drop my card and money into the couple a few days before so they can bank it.

blondie29 Registered User
#24

I personally would never go to a wedding without giving a card and cash/gift.

Obviously everyone has different circumstances financially etc & I'm sure couples are happy people would go to their wedding but to show up without even a card is bad form.

In saying that there was few weddings where we gave the card&gift few weeks/months after a wedding so maybe people might drop you one yet OP.

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tinkerbell Registered User
#25

irishbird said:
sorry but how did you know who gave you a card and who didnt?

I mean there was only 40 at my wedding and i wouldnt have breeze who gave a card and who didnt.

did you sit down with your guest list and tick them off ?


I would've thought that it was good manners to know what guest gave you what (be it a card, a present or cash). That way when writing your thank you cards, you can actually say: "thank you for your very generous gift" or "thank you for the toaster", etc. rather than just thanks. It means that you've put more effort into thanking your guests.

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John Mason Hosted Moderator
#26

tinkerbell said:
I would've thought that it was good manners to know what guest gave you what (be it a card, a present or cash). That way when writing your thank you cards, you can actually say: "thank you for your very generous gift" or "thank you for the toaster", etc. rather than just thanks. It means that you've put more effort into thanking your guests.


See the below post from me stating we have a list of everything we received and have sent thank you card including photos of the gifts being used and letters stating what we spent money and what charities we donated money what we didnt do was compare it to the quest list to bitch about people who didnt give anything


irishbird said:
yeah, we done this with the card and presents but we didnt check it off the quest list to make sure everyone gave us presents.

we have also taken photos of us using the present and stated what charity the cash gifts were donated to/used for etc.

silly Registered User
#27

We did go through our list of guests and ticked them off when we sent them a thank you card - there's nothing wrong with doing that! and we didnt bitch about people who didnt give us anything - just didnt want to send a card to someone saying thank you for a gift we didnt recieve! Thats would be embarrasing for them and us.
It was easier to work off our guest list than a bundle of cards, and i marked off each guest as i sealed and addressed each envelope.

We are married 8 months and there are a few people that we didnt recieve a card from... but we're not bothered really, we had a great day and thats all that matters.

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kittex Registered User
#28

lennyloulou said:
Ive no problem with anyone thinking I am selfish..... As i said I very clearly we had our wedding paid for... I was not expecting huge gifts- acknowledgment- thats all. I always sort my way to events/weddings or else I do not go at all. Maybe it is a pride thing.
Yes,presents can arrive late. I got a lamp 2wks ago... very kind of the couple.
I would be very interested to see how brides-to - be will feel after their own day. I promise you - you will be shocked how people interpret you wedding! You will be shocked inspite of your good intentions/enthusiasm now. Come back next year and fill me in ! Best of Luck!


I don't think you're selfish at all. You invite people to celebrate with you but if they don't pasds on some sort of gesture of positive feeling, be it card, gift, financial - you feel a little violated - almost like they just turned up to have a gawk or a meal.
We can often have a culture of begrudging and jealousy in Ireland and we are often not mature enough to admit it properly. Nothing like a bit of good fortune to make friends in Ireland vanish.

Nevermind the miserable bastards. I hope you had a wonderful wedding day and congrats on your first year of marriage.

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anthonymax Registered User
#29

No way are you selfish OP. My sister got married two years ago, an uncle and aunt of ours didn't give her a card. Every time she meets them out somewhere they say "Oh ! God, I still have your card at home, aren't I awful, it's been so long since the wedding.....etc etc...."
She and I and our other sister have been to the house many times and they to ours and there's never a card! We laugh at it now at this stage, obviously my sis is glad they came and all but come on!

There were a few others at her wedding who didn't give a card, to be honest I think it's really really bad manners not to give anything, if someone doesn't have the likes of 50 or 100 euro to put in a card, there is absolutely nothing in the world stopping them from buying a small gift somewhere not too expensive and no-one will know how much it cost. I've seen some gorgeous picture frames for example for as little as a tenner in sales that look way more expensive than they are.

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amdublin Category Moderator
#30

^^^ Do you want their prescence or their presents

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