Getting up at 6-7 am with a new baby is a full time job and also you dont have the added benefit of showering and dressing and makeup etc. so u dont feel refreshed and its very tiring. So i dont think its unreasonable to expect a man to share night feeds. I was lucky my husband is amazing and he did the majority of night feeds. But then he rarely had to change a nappy or sort clothes or the million and other one things i was doing keeping our house going.
When you only have one I think it is fine.
You nap when they nap,you bring the bouncer in to the bathroom to have a shower or shower when they sleep.
It is when you g back to work everything gets hard.
My husband doesn't get up with the baby but he does take him at 5.30am (when he gets up for the day) and lets me sleep until he leaves for work at 7.45am. He also makes breakfast for the older kids and gets them semi ready for school depending on how much time he has.
You should check out this book and website- http://www.babyproofingyourmarriage.com I found it really helpful...now if only I could get my husband to read it...
This is what we do and it *works*.... Am still knackered every day but as another poster said, he is no good to me in a ditch...
OH is fab at weekends though and doesnt think himself a hero at all..
+1 on the above book baby proof marriage I found it good, funny at times too
I`m a stay at home dad and my fiance works..i mostly do the night baba`s as i know she has to be up for work,at the weekends she does them and we`d have one lie in each..she has saturday id have sunday...small bit of advice...leave him feel like a hero us men need that little bit of cudos..and yes all us men know that the women are the real heros...
Amen to that.
We've been lucky in that our little guy is breastfeeding all the time; so who does what feeds isn't yet something we can decide, but daddy does all the nappy changing and settling at night that he can. But it does catch up with you. We were fine for the two weeks that we were both off work, but when I went back to work, everything just got that bit harder, because now we're still doing the same schedule of night feeds, we're still getting no more than three hours sleep at a stretch, but one of us has to squeeze between seven and nine hours of work into the day (depending on the day) as well.
It might not qualify you for hero status and it certainly isn't easy on the other partner by comparison either (because now they don't even have someone to watch over the little guy while they grab a shower or make breakfast), but feck it, it ain't tiddlywinks either.
And Gaelgal, in case you're wondering if he's really "all that" for doing this while working, ask yourself how hard this would get if you were doing it solo. Frankly I didn't know before our boy was born how single moms could do this and keep their sanity, and now that we're in the middle of it, I really don't know.
My sis was a single mum and went back to work after 3 mths. I still don't know how she did it & remained remarkably chirpy! She also didn't drive and had to get two buses to work, with the wee man in tow!
My baby is due in July and I'm starting to freak out reading this thread as my OH works a 40hr week and then has a 2-3hr commute each day. Then on the weekends he gigs and these can be quite far away so he will usually not get home to bed until 3/4am on Fri/Sat/Sun night! I think I may have to learn my sister's tricks!
I guess we are going to have to just find some way to adapt and make it work.
I definitely think it's important to validate the men (or women - if you are a bloke and the main child carer) when they help out a lot, whether or not you think it's normal. The more you praise or reward something, the more appreciated that person will feel and the more likely they are going to help even more (at least this always works on me )
Well, the gigs on the weekend and things like that tend to cease
All my target shooting, the modding on boards.ie, the programming projects done on the side for fun, the (very) slowly ticking over PhD work, the computer games, all of that has basicly stopped, for at least the first three or four months. After that, who knows, but right now, there just aren't enough hours or ergs to get any of it done.
We share the night feeds. If the hubby does it one night, I'll do it the next night. Whoever does the last night feed, the other one will do the early morning feed. I know I'm very lucky, my husband is a fantastic dad, but on the otherside, whilst he has to get up to go to work, I have to get up and mind the baby. I can't nap when baby naps, don't get a lunch break per se, or a hot cup of coffee...except for the ones I get on the coffee mornings with the girls
My oh works shifts - if he is working at 9 I do the feeds if he is working at 2, he does them and generally goes back to bed from 8-12 as our little one ain't a great sleeper! My hubbie is brill - he helps so so much and I do think he's a hero!! Well compared to what my dad was like!!!!!