No. There needs to be attraction. What I am saying is there needs to be more than attraction or you'll be saying goodbye in short order
No the interests thing wouldnt be an issue for me as long as she wouldnt be complaining about the things that Im interested in. Ive no problem with girlie girls as long as its not OTT or annoying. Not really into girls who like doing the same things as guys too much- I mean, a girl who knows more about football than me I would find that a turn off tbh. other things i would look for is just basically to like the person and get on with the person, most of the time.Everything else just kinda sorts itself out after that I think.
sex..................... hold on this isnt "after hours"
I was thinking about this a little and maybe if you have this "ideal partner" idea it is hard to find them then.
Just thinking of some of the things about my boyfriend I would have said before we met weren't what I ideally wanted. He's a bit older, he lived far away, he's not much of a party guy, he doesn't like Star Wars or Star Trek, he's not blonde!
Had I thought about this I probably wouldn't have given him much a chance you know. And I'm so so glad I did. There's no problem having ideas of who you want, but you should always be open to new people, cause it could turn out great!
For me there has to be a little physical attraction but saying that I mainly have ended up with people that I don't fancy when I meet first. I've been friends first, I don't like a relationship to go fast I love the whole "dating" period because I get to know them.
I think everyone likes to meet people with similar interests and goals as themselves but I wouldn't shun a lad for being different, I love the first few months when you can really get to know a person.
When I'm in a relationship I make sure that communication is good between us, I'd hate not to be able to talk to a person. Trust is also an important aspect and it's hard to have trust in someone without communication.
I think date nights are perfect to keep it fresh after a few years. One day a month to go out and do something together
Completely agree with this! OP; don't try to find a particular type of girl -
take people as they come; not all girly girls are the same! One could surprise you someday
As far as my ideals go, I hadn't really defined a set list of qualities I was looking for in a significant other, at least not when I met mine.
But based on previous 'preferences', I just wanted a guy who gets me and my sense of humour, and isn't too uptight!
The boyfriend has definitely matched these ideas. Also, since meeting him, I have had a significant boost of confidence (probably not hugely noticeable to outsiders, but I'm normally a bit of a socially awkward penguin!). My friends actually like him too, which is really unusual! Not saying that it's a 'requirement', but it's just nice not to have to worry about bf and friends hanging out and wondering if they'll get along!
In previous relationships, I felt that I always came second to something, or I simply wasn't good enough, so now to be with someone who is actually glad to be with me is rather odd... but kind of wonderful!
Most importantly he makes me quite happy, and vice versa; what more could you ask for
Someone who can be my best friend with all that entails. Looks never were a big thing. I've always ended up with men who were average looking but as they won me over with their personality they became the sexiest guys around.
Before I'd have a long check list but now think its meaningless. The ideal person might be different from what you think is your ideal or type of person. You might have a certain look or type you go for that's fine maybe for some aspects of a person but not the be it and end all other things can come into consideration too. What you think is your ideal might not be your ideal at all that your ideal could be someone else!? Though I do try to be a little bit more open I am a tad bit fussy though not to the extreme.
1. For me I suppose personality wins out hands down! If someone hasn't a personality I gel with or find it hard to talk to them or if they are too loud or too quiet that would be a no brainer! I need to be able to have a conversation with someone, be my friend and understand each other. Though not ruling out that opposites attract.
2. Sense of humour be another thing, the guy would have to have a similar sense of humour to me or at least be funny but not insult to be funny. Can have a laugh and the banter but there is such a thing as crossing the line when acting the maggot or insults people for a laugh that would be a no no for me. Immaturity not my thing.
3. A reasonable education and someone I could have an intellectual conversation with and is mature for ones age. Poor conversation or not clicking with someone that would raise a few flags for me. Job wise not a major thing as I understand what the situation is in Ireland but as long as they are happy or have a job I don't mind what ever it is, money and status means nothing too me. Just reasonable standard is enough for me. Though I draw the line if someone hasn't done the leaving though, and that perhaps they at least tried 3rd level though not for everyone that's fine some aren't suited to it. Just that education is very important to me. A trier is better than a doer if you got motivation and ambition I am yours!
4. Say when it come to values and interests it would be important to share similar things and views but not everything its ok to be a little different. That what make that person unique to me, have something talk about and share but that they have their own kind of thing going on independent of me and own space and vice versa for me too. If its the the extreme opposite as in polar opposite then I don't know, I wouldn't like being total opposite in everything as we could end up clashing, some things is ok though like yin yang kinda thing. Compatibility to an extent in most things and areas be important.
5. Looks and attraction be last on my list not the most important or be it and end all but important at the same time. A certain level of attraction. I wouldn't go out with someone if there isn't something there and he feels the same way about me. If its one sided then it won't work. He doesn't have to be drop dead gorgeous, once I fancy and like guys who are average-above average looking and I am ok with that. There is such a thing as being realistic!
Though anything else to happen then physical attraction and chemistry need to go hand in hand if its one or the other could make or break. I cannot separate sex from love.
Though I go for certain looks, types and style I suppose and attracted to certain guys over others. I cannot help it who I fancy and don't fancy. Though don't fancy someone straight away, like them yes but until I get to know them will I start to fancy them. Looks is minor, nice too look at, cute, easy on the eye that's ok. More Irish he is the better! I know that's a bit narrow minded I only like Irish guys but find I am more attracted to them than say the likes of really handsome guys like Enrique Iglesias. Same goes for younger guys I'm more attracted to them than older ones. I like a style or look that suits a guy. If he has sense of style that doesn't suit him then no if it does then grand.
It be important to have a life outside the relationship too very very important. Its like living at home I feel I am married to my mother sometimes and that weighs me down. I'm not her husband but feels like that. Then again its the adult child-parent situation and its difficult so from a partner point of view I'd understand what its like to need personal space and live your own live outside a relationship otherwise you tire of the relationship and get sick of each others company if you are with each other too much and living in each others pockets, its not healthy. Which in fact can lead to poor communication, break down of communication, doing our own thing without each other more so, and lack of a secure relationship where you don't confide in each other. If we change then we drift apart then.
Its important we grow together but grow outside too but not too much that we distance each other if that happens then no point in the relationship continuing.
Though happiness with someone is probably close to the top too for me. After that friendship, communication, loyalty, honesty, trust, compromise, give and take, openness and compatibly.
Has to be of similar intelligence to me.
Has to have similar social concepts. ie agree on what is acceptable socially and in relationships.
Has to find same tye of humour funny
Things like interests and music not so important but can be a bonus. With current girlfriend for example it would be cool if she was more interested in politics but it doesnt matter overall as she often doesn't get humour related to politics but overall not an issue
I dont know if I have a particular type of girl I'd go for.
Need to be attracted to them and think they are good looking etc but thats not much when it comes to being right for a relationship like..
I'd want someone who I could be 100% myself with and they would like me being 100% myself. Someone who is caring and would make an effort and someone that isnt just thinking about themselves.. ( they would understand my feelings too )
But you dont find out these things rightly until you get to properly know someone!
I always end up going for the same types of guys, I think I have a Florence Nightingale complex or something. If he has depression, or a drug problem or any kind of problem in life, that seems to be the guy that I end up with, always thinking that I can improve things for them or make their lives better. It doesn't work.
What I'd like now is a guy thats nice, intelligent, down to earth, with a sense of humour and that's willing to make an effort to accomodate me as well as himself. I think it's important that the person you're with makes an effort with your friends and family too, I've always made an effort in that respect in past relationships.
I also think it's important for me now to be with someone with similar goals. Or someone that's career oriented, that wants to be successful, not just in monetary terms, but that isn't idle. I have a habit of treating the person I'm with even when it's not reciprocated so I guess I would like to be with someone generous or at least appreciative.
Most importantly for me when the next guy comes along he may have a hard time convincing me that its worth it. My confidence and faith in relationships has been severely knocked recently so I reckon getting to know the person over a longer period of time would be important to me this time around, because you think you might already know that person but it might not be the case.
Mental stability, a trait that is often overlooked by men as we live in a country where it's very hard to find a woman who has it.
Mental stability is something that is increasingly rare in both genders in our increasingly narcissistic society. However, you're right, mental stability is all to often overlooked or not properly diagnosed until you find yourself tied to someone who turns out to have borderline personality disorder.