annone Guest
#1

hi all my daughter was approached through facebook by a man looking for pictures and wanting to web cam himself.He wanted her to watch .Her friend accepted him when they where messing and she came to me stright away.I have gone to the Garda and she is going to make a statement on Friday.The thing thats keeping me awake at night, besides the thought of the dirty fecker is that he has also friend requested two of her friends, how do I even start to approach the subject with them.I dont know them or there parents?Should I just bite the bullett and ring them and ask to talk with their mams or dads.My daughter will go mad, that im making a big thing out of it, as she would put it.But I just cant sleep at night thinking that he might be doing the same stuff with them.They are all about 14/15, so I hope they know to talk to their parents but maybe they dont.
The Garda will take ip addresses and he made it very clear what he wanted , so I hope its enough to get him.God I cant sleep all night worring about it.Thank God she told me.Thanks for any advice and its just great to be able to share this worry.

Mam.

OS119 Registered User
#2

talk to the school(s) to let them know theres a problem, and just go around to the girls houses, knock on the doors and talk to the parents.

i'm sympathetic - two girls you see, one of whom thinks that the internet is just 'fab' - but i'm afraid theres an element of 'dry your eyes, princess' about my response. your daughter has been approached by, at the very least, a would-be sex offender, as have two of her friends, and you're worried about the awkwardness of introducing yourself and that your daughter will go mad because you've embarrassed her and her friends?

really?

#3

You definitely have to get in touch with the kids parents asap. Imagine if thru knew this guy had tried to friend your daughter and hadn't told you.

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#4

Are they in the same school? For making an impact I would get the school involved and tell them which kids have been involved and that you'd like to contact their parents.

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Danniboo Registered User
#5

annone said:
hi all my daughter was approached through facebook by a man looking for pictures and wanting to web cam himself.He wanted her to watch .Her friend accepted him when they where messing and she came to me stright away.I have gone to the Garda and she is going to make a statement on Friday.The thing thats keeping me awake at night, besides the thought of the dirty fecker is that he has also friend requested two of her friends, how do I even start to approach the subject with them.I dont know them or there parents?Should I just bite the bullett and ring them and ask to talk with their mams or dads.My daughter will go mad, that im making a big thing out of it, as she would put it.But I just cant sleep at night thinking that he might be doing the same stuff with them.They are all about 14/15, so I hope they know to talk to their parents but maybe they dont.
The Garda will take ip addresses and he made it very clear what he wanted , so I hope its enough to get him.God I cant sleep all night worring about it.Thank God she told me.Thanks for any advice and its just great to be able to share this worry.

Mam.


Now is not the time to be worrying about your popularity with your daughter, you're the adult here. Of course you need to tell them.

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CarMe Registered User
#6

You have to tell them! There's absolutely no question of that. You have to do it now.

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Angeles Registered User
#7

Things like this really get up my nose. Did you as a parent not teach your 14/15 y/o teenage daughter to be aware about adding random guys to her internet profile??

There are a hell of a lot more dangers then this one perv out there looking for pictures on the internet.

Right I'll get back to that.. First! check your daughters profile immediately and go through it in detail! I mean completely Scrutinize it, have her sit there with you and explain who each person is and why they have access to her information and photo's.

Check how much information she has put up and given access to these people, such as phone, home address, full name, d.o.b.

Make sure all access to this guy is blocked and ORDER your daughter to contact the people she's friends with to do the same, take complete control here mammy, Your daughter needs some hard lessons fast with this.
When you've ensured this guy is no longer able to access through friends of friends and her profile has the right privacy settings, then please take yourself and your daughter to school to learn about how to protect her and yourself online.

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curlzy Registered User
#8

J*sus H Christ are you serious??? You KNOW that a sex offender is in contact with your daughter's 14/15 year old friends and you don't want to notify their parents in case it annoys your daughter? I mean my god, seriously, please tell me you're joking. If not, I'd really wonder how you managed to raise your daughter to this point.

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sambuka41 Registered User
#9

Angeles said:
Things like this really get up my nose. Did you as a parent not teach your 14/15 y/o teenage daughter to be aware about adding random guys to her internet profile??


In fairness the OP's daughter went to her and told her what happened, I know a lot of girls at that age who wouldn't have said anything. I'd be happy that at 14/15 she still felt she needed her mothers input, thats good parenting.

OP you need to explain to your daughter the risk that's involved, you wouldn't let her friends engage in any risky behaviour in the real world, its no different online.

Also explain to her that this may be helping to protect younger girls who are less aware of the dangers; your daughter was old enough and wise enough to know something wasn't right, younger girls might not get that. So your daughter and her friends are helping others. Fair play for acting on it and going to the Gardai,hopefully something will be done.

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Beruthiel omnipotent and omniscient
#10

curlzy said:
J*sus H Christ are you serious??? You KNOW that a sex offender is in contact with your daughter's 14/15 year old friends and you don't want to notify their parents in case it annoys your daughter? I mean my god, seriously, please tell me you're joking. If not, I'd really wonder how you managed to raise your daughter to this point.


Curlzy,

Calm down.

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up for anything Registered User
#11

Hi OP. You will find that for a year or so or more between the time your child is 0-16 you need to become very Internet savvy and also keep a check on her Internet history. Tell her you will be very suspicious if it seems to get deleted on a regular basis and that you will delete it once you've checked it. Make it a rule of being allowed Internet access.

There are a hundred million pitfalls for young teens on the net and they're bound to fall into a couple as they learn to negotiate the Internet and find places where they are comfortable and can make friends. You won't be able to foresee and forewarn them (that's even if they listen to your warnings) but if you watch and check regularly you will be able to head trouble off at the pass or mop up messes before they go too far, as you are doing at the moment. Well done.

It's hard to do right for doing wrong and I can understand your reservations concerning getting your daughter's back up by going to her friends' parents about the present matter. It's a tightrope walk for parents as to whether doing taking something like this further will prevent her from coming to you in the future with when she's concerned about something that's happened in case you 'make a fool of her' in front of others. Our initial concern is always to think of our own children. However, as everyone else has said it is very important that you alert other parents. You could do so without giving too many details. Perhaps warn them that 'whateverhisnameis' may have approached their children and that he is up to no good. Cast your daughter in a good light in their eyes by saying she came straight to you (even if you are bending the truth a little).

Ask any young teen and most of them will have already spent an evening, with their friends or even without, on Omegle, ChatRoulette or a hundred other sites like those where they can see stuff that you would never dream of in real time with and without sound. A favourite is holding up little notes (you could keep an eye out for these in waste paper bins or crumpled up under the bed). At that age most of us would have been up for the giggle of seeing a variety of penises or boobs in full and glorious technicolour which is pretty much what most of those sites seem to be about. For most teens it's pretty harmless entertainment - there will be those though for whom it's a lure. The more you can find out about the various modes of social media the better and if you feel you can speak openly about them to her all the better.

The world has changed for our teens and if you don't change and keep up with them, you will have no hope of knowing or finding out what they are getting up to. If you don't know much about the Internet and I'm not talking about booking travel, find yourself an older teen who will spend an evening with you navigating sites like that - just don't get yourself arrested and make sure the older teen's parents know what you trying to accomplish with them.

Before Christmas I had to run off a groomer who had contacted my 12 year old boy through a Youtube video he has posted of himself driving and they had gotten into long conversations about cars - within 48 hours my son had given this chap (supposedly a 31 year old school caretaker from Portland, Oregon) his mobile number, and yes, I'd spoken to him endlessly about stuff like that but sure in one ear out the other as soon as somebody adult, 'nice' and willing to spend ages talking to him (unlike most adults) came on the scene. I had to explain to him that no adult who was on the level would be interested in speaking to him about cars like that for hours at a time and that if the adult was on the level he certainly wouldn't be asking him to take photos of his feet on the pedals (a foot fetish or working his way up, who know!). He was really gutted that he hadn't made a new friend but when I asked him did he know any 30 year olds in real life who would be interested in talking to him for hours about cars he had to admit that he didn't and would find it strange if they did. This guy, coincidentally, had a friend who worked in Nike and could get runners for free sometimes and what was our address? Bastard! I also had to explain that this chap could be living up the road, up the country, in the UK etc and might never have been near the USA in spite of the photos on his FB page. I had to explain paedophile rings etc to him.

It can be very difficult to say no Internet to them so the next best thing is to be one step ahead of them or alongside them and with full access to their electronic media.

Sorry for going on...

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#12

As far as I'm aware if you didn't tell their parents and something happened from a legal point of view you could be charged with a crime. The new child protection laws have something like that in them. Anyway, as a moral issue, forgetting that, yes, tell them, immediately!!

#13

I moderate a large social networking site (not Facebook or anything like that!) and it has users from the ages of 13 and up. I'm telling you now, TELL those kids' parents because the amount of perverted old men on these sites is sickening. I see pictures of 13 year old girl posing in their underwear on these sites, which are obviously deleted and the user banned, but for that reason I would echo other posters saying to check your kid's account. You'd be shocked at just how much goes on on these sites.

I'm not saying your daughter is posting any pictures like that or anything, but there is the risk her friends could be or that if she likes the attention she receives from older men, she or they could end up taking pictures like that and putting themselves in even more danger. I'd advise you to talk to the school, the parents and monitor your daughter's internet use very heavily.

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#14

your daughter might get mad with you for a day or two but its a small price to pay for ensuring the safety of both her and her friend... tell her parents.

puddles22 Registered User
#15

i work in child protection so have experience of dealing with this, this is a very serious issue you have done the right thing so far by contacting the Gardai, as someone suggested early there is no legal obligation to report unless you are a designated officer such as as a social worker, doctor, nurse, gardai etc. but there is a moral obligation. with regard to the other girls parents you can either inform them directly or tell the gardai the situation and let them make contact but the preference would be to contact parents yourself as the gardai can sometimes be slower to react. i would have a very frank discussion with your daughter about how dangerous this situation could potentially be and get her to give you the contact details of the other girls , i would also praise her as well and make sure she knows she did the right thing by coming to you immediately.

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