Just looking for a bit of advice on a situation that has gotten out of control. My 15 year old brother in law has completely lost the run of himself and it is making life very difficult for the family and his behaviour is even beginning to cause rifts within the family. I'll try to cut a long story short, even though it's hard to know where to start!!!
So this has gone back a long time this child has always been difficult from day one, he has always thrown tantrums and manipulated his parents into giving him his own way (usually through emotional blackmail). He is the youngest in a family of all boys (none of whom gave one bit of trouble during their teenage years...they were all good students,into sports etc). His parents had to change their parenting tactics from a very early age as he constantly pushed the boundaries out as far as he could. His parents are now so terrified that he will "hurt himself" that they usually give in to him and they never follow through with his punishments.
However, in the last year things have gotten much worse. He is a compulsive liar and lies about everything, not one thing he says is the truth. He even lies about the smallest of things. Everyone knows he is lying, but this doesn't stop him. Since he started third year (this year) he has gone of the walls mitching school, fighting, smoking, smoking hash, drinking, sending sexual texts and stealing (from us- money from purses,wallets and cars to fund his habits). All of which he has suffered no consequences for- his phone might have been taken of him for a day or so but he eventually gets it back.
My mother in law is heartbroken with his behaviour and has been taking him to a psychologist for the last few months. Nothing has changed. He is so horrible to her, he calls her every name under the sun and has a horrible attitude to her. He is no nicer to anyone else in the family and constantly makes horrible comments. My husband and his brothers have tried everything from trying yo help him with his studies ( which he blatant refuses to do- he has failed all his mocks) to taking him fun places. None of this works, he appreciates nothing. He also has no real friends and is not able to hold friendships so he constantly moves from group to group. The group he is with now is the worst so far.
Anyway this behaviour means that the there is always and argument going on whenever we call to the house. We have a young son and we do not want him in such an environment. Especially when this young man is quiet rough towards our son. We have stopped calling to our in laws now which upsets me because we love them very much but their parenting techniques towards him are so frustrating. They won't call to us either as they can't leave him alone in the house. I miss my in- laws but I really don't want our son to be in such a hostile environment. Any advice?
You're in a very difficult position. You've not how a lot of say I'm guessing, in how they parent, so your number one priority is your son, keeping him safe and away from risk. Phone contact is better than no contact for now.
I'm not sure exactly that you're looking for tho: is it advice for you to give his parents, or for you to manage living with knowing his behaviour is out of control?
There are a lot if things I'd suggest if his parents will take on board your advice, if that's what you need?
Horrible watching that going on in households
You posted the exact same thread in the Teens & Pre-Teens forum... closed.