Last week has been one of my worst in a long long time. I'm 22 years old and my girlfriend over over 3 years broke up with me last Monday by text message of all mediums. Feeling really down at the minute although the first few days after it were much worse than they are now. I thought she was the one for me but when I think about it things were on the slide for a good while. Still hurts pretty bad though, the sickening feeling in my stomach hasn't quite gone away yet although I'm eating again now. Just looking for some any decent advice on ways to cope. I'm not overly popular with 30-40 mates like I've a small group of 7 or 8 (which I'm okay with) friends, 3 of which are in a relationship so I guess I'm just worried about the times when I'll be doing nothing like. At the end of the relationship it got to the stage where I was seeing her once a week, so in hindsight I should've known something was wrong. Anyways, what do people suggest doing like to fully get over it? Joining a gym? Also, in terms of relationships would people recommend just staying away from them for long time and trying to get casual sex? It was my first really long term relationship so not quite sure the best way to get through it. Cheers for any advice.
Forget the trying to get casual sex bit, if there anything you dont need after a relationship is that. If anything you'll miss the intimacy that goes with it. By all means go out, meet new people, but take it easy too.
Its really hard, and Im sorry you feel so down about it. Break ups are horrible, the emptiness you feel is often overwhelming, but it does ease away. No contact is the best policy and rekindle those friendships you have, Being single is a great time to do things you havent done in a while as well. I know its hard to imagine life without her, but sometimes its good to be single and get to know yourself better, life is hard enough with the way the country is, without having the added pressure of a relationship that was sliding on it. Get in touch with your friends, get fit, healthy and be good to yourself. You will be fine
Thanks, appreciate the feedback. It sounds stupidly cheesy but it's just the simple things I'll miss most like someone to be with on a Saturday night and watch movies or just talk for hours. Yeah I've noticed the sense of emptiness has already started to disappear after a week, still don't feel great about being single, but this time last week I was much much worse. The cliche about time being the healer seems to be very true in the case of break ups, just looking for things to do to fill the void, I reckon joining a gym sounds like the best option. Yeah I've deleted her number and got rid of her from facebook, felt it was the best way to go about getting over it.
A lot of people have a certain stigma about being single which I've never really understood. It's nothing to be afraid of. I've spent many years in relationships, but also had single periods between them and there's benefits to both situations.
Try and look at the positives of being single now and that will help you through this. What can you do now that you really couldn't do previously in a relationship? Any hobbies or things you want to try but never really had time or inclination? Want to go out on dates or just enjoy more casual chats/etc with women? Lads holidays? And so on.
Yeah true it probably is nothing to be afraid of, but it's kinda like fear of the unknown. When you've been with someone even like 3 years, the thought of being alone becomes kinda alien to you, even though deep down I know there's nothing to be worried about. Another thing that annoys me is that I know she'll get another lad (by "get" I mean something as simple as kissing them on a night out). The reason I know she'll get someone first is because well, it's the way life works, if a girl wants a lad she'll genereally find one easier, twist that around and it takes a bit of work for lads to find girls. But oh well I know I shouldn't care what she's doing, focus on myself is the way to do it.
The key is too keep yourself busy and occupied as much as possible so you don't think about it,dont contact her,it'll be tough for a while but time is a healer and all that and you will get over it
Yeah hopefully so. Like this is the second full week we've been broken up and its amazing how different i feel from the first three or four days. Can't believe the transformation like i haven't even really done anything in particular like meet other girls that would help me get over it. All i've done was deleted her from facebook...deleted her number (even tho i know it by heart ) gone to work during the week and drank and had a laugh with friends at weekends. Haven't joined a gym or started working out more as a lot of people have suggested, altho i did consider it. I know for a fact that there's gonna be times when i'll feel crap again about it....one thing i've found helpful is anytime she comes into my mind (which is still a fair bit) i just think of all the bad things about her.
As other posters have said, time will heal all wounds. You'll come out of this stronger. The part where you mention she will get with someone easier than you will, well if so, it will purely be a rebound and she will likely feel bad about it afterwards.
Hold your head up high, keep your dignity and make sure you stick to the no contact, even if she really wants to speak.
Hi Just thought I'd offer my advice, seeing as I've recently been dumped myself.
I was with my guy for just shy of two years. It was in November that he ended it. It was on Facebook chat and everything, and it was the night before my Christmas exams started (I had my Mock English Paper 1 first thing..) It was definately tough. He was my first boyfriend and I'd been with him since I was 15/16 so I wasn't really experienced in the whole break-up area..
I was in the worst state for about a week. I had my exams all that week and I hadn't eaten or slept one bit. The crying lasted even longer and I found it hard to stop thinking about him.
But really, things got a lot better. I'm the same as you, I have a small enough group of friends - and while I found it hard to talk about it with them, they definately helped me take my mind off things. I'm doing my Leaving Cert this year so that has taken my mind off things a bit, but like you, I always found myself thinking of him with other girls. I'd see tons of pictures of him tagged at nightclubs with his mates, while I'm the one sitting at home on a Friday night with nothing but my cat and my Maths book..But hey, I'm the one who's going to do better in my Leaving Cert than that waster
Just know that you definately aren't alone in this. Don't spend your time moping because it'll just stop you from finding the love of your life
Why thank you
Hi, yeah it's very tough like, especially on days like today (Sunday) where I'm doing f**k all except moping around the house because as I've said my group of friends is relatively small...some of them have girlfriends and others aren't bothered doing anything today so like I'm just stuck in at home on my own quite annoying. Yeah see I deleted and blocked her from facebook so gladly I don't have to see all these things that she's gettin tagged in. I still have her mates as friends though so i'll definetely see something that upsets me. It's just hard to move on like when someone has been pretty much the main part of your life for 3 years it's hard to fill the void like just having someone to talk to every day and stuff but oh well. Cheers for the advice. Good luck with the leaving cert, what do you wanna do in college?
You're welcome I know an 18 year old girl is probably the last person you'd want advice from, but I really do empathise. I'll admit the first couple of months were hard, being with someone for so long makes you feel so comfortable and secure, so that when they're gone you're nothing but lost. It's actually really good that you're coming onto Boards for advice, I hadn't thought of it myself back in November! Really though, don't let her consume your thoughts, obviously she was a big part of your life and it may seem like no one can compare to her, but thinking like that will only stop you from finding someone a million times better. The lonely Sundays will pass I promise, I had my fair share of those. Don't let her stop you from living your life, especially if she's the likes to break up by text -again, Facebook chat for me, I definately empathise (and what's funny is I haven't seen him since )
And thanks very much! I'm hoping to study English in some form