Sam, I moved to Ireland donkey's years ago to be with the man I loved. He dumped me a week before the wedding because Mammy didn't like him to get hitched to a foreigner and an atheist to boot. I had no one here, knew no one, had no job (but wasn't totally broke as I had savings, not much but it got me by). I had two choices, leave Ireland and regret it for the rest of my life NOT having stuck it out, or toughen it out. I did the latter, the first few months killed me, I lost weight, wasted away to nothing until I fainted. After 8 weeks I told myself to cop on and get my act together.
16 years on and I am still here, have a beautiful 7 yro son, am in a relationship with his dad etc. I made my way and so can you. Give yourself some time to grief and then get on with your life. It's too short to get stuck in the past.
If you have no kids or no mortgage then you are never tied to a job. Stop feeling sorry off yourself - you are young free and single and likely have a few quid judging by you comments re job. A lot more fish in the sexual sea as they say - just move on
If it were as easy as "just moving on" then the OP wouldn't be posting here and no one would ever need to post on boards.
And as for him being tied to a job, I imagine he moved to Oz at great expense (visas etc). So he probably meant that he's not just going to pack it in after all that and is, as such, tied to a job. And he's not feeling sorry for himself, he's been through a break up of a 7 year relationship and an upheaval in terms of moving to the other side of the world in a very short space of time. Anyone would be down in his position.
OP, I feel for you, I really do. Let her miss you. It might take a bit of time for her to realise she misses you and you both need space at the moment. But like you said, it's important that you're not waiting around for her. I'm a great believer in the saying if you love somebody set them free. If they're yours they'll come back. If they don't, they were never yours.
I know it's hard to stay positive but try to focus on the positives. You're in fantastic country and have every chance to build a fantastic life over there. Focus on that for the moment to keep yourself busy. Start looking up social groups, classes, anything! Get out and get meeting people.
Best of luck OP
Thanks Missy Moo Moo and everyone, appreciate the posts.
I can see where people are coming from with the moving on thing. They are right. Unfortunately it's not as easy as that, well not for me anyway. It's just everything was left so sudden. She never explained what changed her mind, why she wanted to have her space. Everything was good a a week or so ago. Then she called the next night crying, said she was sorry and that she didn't mean to mess me around like that. A day later and she was back to square one again. I tried to plead with her but to no avail. Did she just want me to chase her again? Do she just need space or is there someone else involved? I have so many unanswered questions. On top of that she hasn't contacted me in 4 days, I know I asked her to not contact me but what does that mean her not even sending an sms to see if I'm ok?? I'm so confused, all I know is I'm not going to contact her again and I need to move on with my life because it's evident she won't be contacting me again since she hasn't already
If you pleaded with this woman to change her mind and she hasn't then I am so sorry but you must read the writing on the wall. It is very very hard to move on and that is probably an understatement. It has to be one of the worst feelings in life.
To answer your questions:
No, she does not want you to chase her again, and don't do it, that will only make things worse:
She is not asking for more space to think things out. She already had 7 years:
It's irrelevant whether she has someone else or not:
She is not contacting you because she feels guilty and contacting you makes her feel uncomfortable:
It's not the end of the world Sam, you are a great guy and you will love again, you mark my words. It takes time to get over someone you have been with for 7 years, it can't be done in a week. So don't be hard on yourself. Wishing you every happiness for the future, you deserve it after this.
Well I wouldn't say pleaded, that was probably the wrong word. I tried to talk some sense into her, she said she was really confused but that was 4 days ago. I agree that it's over. I don't think I could get over the pain she has caused me or pretend it hasn't happened. I suppose I just wanted some closure. I know that's an overused term but I genuinely don't know what happened.
I also thought she would be back in contact. She has always been indecisive with her choices in life, I thought this might have been another one of those times. And I don't know why she called me that night upset telling me she missed me
Sounds like she'll get in touch again I'd say. You need to be strong and ignore her from now on though, otherwise this will just drag out for you. I've lived in various places on my own and it's easy enough to meet people etc. You might be even more depressed if you moved home so try and make it down there for now, you're young etc.
Thanks, I am going to try and stay here for as long as possible. After all i did leave a great job back home and the possibility of me getting employment at home are slim to none.
It's just hard in a new place without my family and friends but that's life, I have no option but to get on with it. I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed that she has left me here and made no effort to explain why.
You need to try and move on with your life regardless of whether she gets back to you or not. From what you've said in your posts I do think she will get back in contact but at the same time what difference will that make. She has left it 4 days now, if she is confused or needed her space then 4 days is more than enough to find herself so it's just not acceptable.
At the end of the day it's your call but I wouldn't be in any hurry to take her back
Sam a friend of mine his girlfriend dumped him after 7 years, they were planning on getting married and so on, out of the blue she said it was over and that was that. The guy was heartbroken for 6 months or so and then after a year he met someone else, they now have a kid together and have been together for 5 years.
Life goes on, it may be hard for the foreseeable future but it will get better. Sometimes things happen you dont like, but they do open new doors. Some doors have some might good adventures waiting behind them be ready for them....
I feel like I keep repeating myself but again thank you for the responses.
I think I'm starting to come to terms with it all, it was a crazy week for me. One in which not much else mattered but your honest responses have help and I hope ye all know how great it has been for the advice. She emailed me today out of the blue. She started by asking would I be able to send some stuff that I have to her sisters home. Then went on to tell me she was "really sorry how things ended" and that she "hopes one day I can forgive her".
I'm really annoyed at this, firstly cause she sends it by email and secondly it's an absolutely pointless message, I don't have her sisters address and she knows that, why didn't she include it. We had agreed I'd send it to her friends house. I really don't know why she emailed me but it annoyed me how she went about it
I know its hard but don't analyse the email, it will just drive you round the bend. Who knows what she's thinking, doubt she even knows herself.
My advice would be to reply and keep it civil and polite, don't acknowledge the bit about forgiveness etc. Just say "sure, send me your sisters address". Dont try and engage in any discussions. Just be brisk and business like.
I replied by saying, "I'll do that, get your brother to send me on his address so I can send it". I hope that was ok?
It felt weird and wrong being like that with each other, especially when you consider she was the one making the plans to come here, getting all excited about it all. Constantly calling and texting...to go from that to this just doesn't make sense. She has dealt with this whole situation in such a bad way, so out of character. She is usually very uncertain about her life choices at the best of times but it's been a week now. I'm annoyed at this email and really disappointed with her in general, really doesn't seem like the girl I knew for seven years.
That response was perfect. Chin up - it will get better.
That response was perfect. Not to sound bad but you don't want to come across as bitter and by the same token you don't want to come across over eager and friendly either. Best to be civil.
I know it hurts but I promise you, you will get over it and one day you'll be amazed at how you're over it. What the time stamp on that is is anyones guess but don't try and rush the grieving process, it's essential for your recovery. I went through a break up last year and it hurt like hell. He was, like your ex, all keen to begin with, making plans for the future and then overnight, it ended. I thought I'd never get over it but I'm amazed at how good I'm feeling now, especially when that seemed like an impossibility not so long ago.
As for how she's handling it, again that hurts like hell but not everyone is good at handling break ups. Just be glad and proud that you've handled it well and with dignity.