Dolbert Closed Account

I had really loved the idea of an antique sapphire or emerald art deco style ring, but upon trying them on I realised that none of them suited my small stubby hands! I ended up picking a simple white gold solitaire, something I never thought I'd go for. Diamonds don't automatically equal materialistic, I just went with the ring that looked good on my hand, at a price we didn't get ripped off with (he would have easily paid twice the amount on Grafton St!)

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I'd love an M3 too, but cars devalue. Certified diamonds, not to mention the band & setting, generally* don't.

I'd guess that for most people, it's simply a matter of tradition. When I got engaged, my ring was from H. Samuel, which I'm sure a lot of people were horrified at. I didn't give a fiddlers, though, all I cared about was that I was marrying the man I loved. I lost it about 3 weeks before the wedding, and as we were going to New York on our honeymoon, decided to replace it there. I paid for the replacement myself, and, since I had the money and felt like spoiling myself a bit, got a more valuable ring that time.

Some women definitely do go a bit bats about the whole thing. Plus, the goalposts keep moving in relation to how much you're "supposed" to spend on the ring. Tradition always dictated a month's salary, but then it seemed to go from two months to three very suddenly during the Celtic Tiger years. A friend of mine recently got engaged and she confessed that her boyfriend first proposed well over a year ago, but wasn't willing to spend more than a grand on the ring so she told him not to bother asking again until he'd "copped on". To me, that is beyond madness and totally missing the point of an engagement.

*If you've bought from a reputable dealer, most of whom will guarantee you the purchase price of the ring back should you ever want to trade it in.

bluewolf Category Moderator

Honey-ec said:
Tradition always dictated a month's salary,.


The sale of diamond engagement rings continued to rise in the 1950s, and the marriage between romance and commerce that would characterize the American wedding for the next half-century was cemented. By 1965, 80 percent of American women had diamond engagement rings. The ring had become a requisite element of betrothal—as well as a very visible demonstration of status. Along the way, the diamond industry's guidelines for the "customary" cost of a ring doubled from one month's salary to two months' salary.


I proposed with an engagement ring charm from Thomas Sabo because I couldn't afford a 'proper' ring, and I still wanted to propose, it was important to me, and to us at the time. The fact that she's not 'out' to a lot of her family means that for the time being, we need to be relatively discreet.

My girlfriend (feels too weird saying fiancee!!) loves it, and wears a diamondy ring she already had on her engagement finger now, when she can. She gave me a ring she used to wear back, but I'm allergic , so I just wear the commitment ring she gave me years ago.

When the times comes that we both have enough money to splash out on 'fancier' rings, then we will. We both would prefer manufactured diamonds- less of the ethical problems, less cost, and just as shiny!!! Hers will no doubt look very sparkly and traditional, whereas mine will probably be less so. It just suits us better.

In the end, people should do what they want. If that's wanting a €10,000 diamond encrusted whojamathing, then go for it. If it's wanting a handmade ring out of coconut shell, knock yourself out. No-one should judge. But I also feel people should really live within their means. I fail to see the point of getting yourself into ridiculous debt for the sake of appearances. All fur coat and no knickers, silly carry on!!!

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dearg lady Registered User

CaliforniaDream said:
I don't get why people think it's about vanity or being flashy when someone gets a diamond ring.
Who are you to look down on someone else and judge their purchase. How do you know it's a waste? Why would they prefer to spend then money on a car? What's important to you is not important to someone else. That goes both ways.

Is it really that big of a deal for you to let someone be happy with their diamond ring? No one cares if you don't have one.
Don't want a ring? Great, good for you. Do want a ring? Great, good for you.

FWIW, I'd prefer the ring over the car. I'm married and didn't get an engagement ring. No one judged me or even mentioned it tbh. I will get one some day but where's the rush.

I think what some people take issue with is people placing more emphasis on the ring than the relationship, as though a bigger ring means he loves the girl more.

Personally I hate diamonds and I hate wearing rings so I deffo don't want an engagement ring.

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Lia_lia Registered User

I dislike diamond rings. Actually I don't really like rings in general. Never wear them, they irritate me. My Mother has her great grandmothers engagement ring that her Mother gave her when she turned 21. Bit of a family tradition. I never got it though because she knew I would just throw it in my room somewhere

Whenever someone shows me their engagement rings I don't know what to say really. I usually just notice they have just got a manicure because they know they'll be showing it to loads of people, ha! And they usually cost a bomb. For a ring?! Do some women feel like they are worth however much the ring costs or something? Why do people like having loads of money spent on them for something so silly?

Morag Registered User

Before the big advertising push in the 1920, ruby engagement rings were the most used.
I know more people who don't have diamond engagement rings then who do.

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Bubblefett Registered User

My OH wants me to wear his grandmothers ring, I love the idea of having a part of family history and handing it down again after me.
It's a beautiful ring and yes, it is diamond. But it's got such a significant emotional meaning behind it that we're looking past all that (he's very antidiamond trade)
Before he told me about the ring I always imagined I'd end up with something like this but with an Amethyst stone (my favourite stone), I love having things a little different and really simple

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I have my grandmother's diamond engagement ring, if I hadn't inherited that I'd be picking something much smaller and cheaper, probably for about 5% the cost of this one! And I would pick a diamond for the very simple reason that much as I adore sapphires and emeralds I would be afraid I'd get sick of the colour, diamondy white goes with everything so can survive my fickle taste.

If anything happens this one I won't be getting it remade, the value this has is all sentimental, and while it is a stunning ring if it got lost I would just get a little ring to replace it. I totally agree that people waste so much money on a tiny object when they could buy cars, go on holidays!

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Neyite Giraffe

I know a good few women who didnt get an engagement ring. They just didnt see the need for an expensive piece of jewellery that they would never wear.

Any person who is judgemental over a friends engagement ring/lack of engagement ring is a horrible person in my opinion

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I wouldn't choose a diamond engagement ring, and certainly wouldn't choose an expensive one.

The rings I've found are very "tokeny", silver or unusual handmade rings.

It seems that the women who are into the cooky cutter weddings (church, 100+ people in a hotel, flowers, cars, etc.) prefer the similarly common diamond rings.

Scarinae Hosted Moderator

Just because someone is wearing a diamond ring it doesn’t mean it’s a blood diamond. All diamonds are meant to be certified – I know that there are problems with the Kimberley Process, but that is the general idea – you can check that sort of thing with your jeweller.

My brother’s fiancée felt very strongly about getting an ethical diamond, and she had one sourced from Namibia (nothing to do with my boyfriend, incidentally, it was just a coincidence that she got one from the country he lives in) and then had it made into a ring with recycled platinum. She said she found it a bit strange though that whenever people heard they were engaged the first thing they wanted to see was the ring, and then they were often puzzled when she said it hadn’t arrived yet (my brother proposed with a family ring because he knew she’d want to choose a ring with him, but it was too big for her tiny fingers so she just went ring-free until her own one had been made). She said it was almost like people didn’t believe they were really engaged because she didn’t have a ring yet I would have thought that the fact they’d agreed to get married meant they were engaged, whether or not she had a piece of jewellery on?

I do also think it’s interesting how against synthetic diamonds some people are... Somehow it is less ‘romantic’ having one grown in a lab rather than having a diamond from the earth’s mantle, despite the fact that a synthetic diamond will have less flaws and is cheaper. The only way anyone would be able to tell the difference is through spectroscopy, and yet they’re seen as inferior - is this due to snobbery/marketing/something else?

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bluewolf Category Moderator

Fishie said:
and yet they’re seen as inferior - is this due to snobbery/marketing/something else?

there are people who think they're "fake", "pieces of plastic", etc... so I'm going to guess marketing and ignorance

doriansmith Registered User

I prefer rubies & sapphires to diamonds & love antique rings. Not a fan of huge showy diamond engagement rings & they wouldn't suit my skinny fingers anyway.

And the "having" to spend three months' wages thing is lunacy IMO. I'd kill my boyfriend if he spent that much on a ring for me. I'd also be scared to wear the bloody thing if it was worth that much!

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doriansmith said:
I prefer rubies & sapphires to diamonds & love antique rings. Not a fan of huge showy diamond engagement rings & they wouldn't suit my skinny fingers anyway.

And the "having" to spend three months' wages thing is lunacy IMO. I'd kill my boyfriend if he spent that much on a ring for me. I'd also be scared to wear the bloody thing if it was worth that much!

That is something that really shocks me!
I have a few pieces of jewelry worth over €100 and sometimes, depending on where I am, I get concerned wearing them.
There is no way I would feel comfortable wearing a piece of jewelry worth more than a few hundred.

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