46w Registered User
#1

Im still where I was a few months ago, seeing a guy who I think I love for casual sex, we have very little other contact, Driving me crazy the whole thing is. He doesnt seem to feel the same, or at least if he is he is bottling it up. Its ruining my life, I cant seem to let him go... Why di I ever have to meet him!!!

#2

I know you didn't ask for advice, but really, you should just stop all contact, it'll be so awful for a few weeks/months, but really will be better for you in the long run.

ongarboy Registered User
#3

Are you certain that casual sex is all he wants? Is he single and available? If he has already told you he that he doesn't want to have anything beyond the sexual encounters, then you need to accept that. As this is at odds with what you want and you already say it's ruining your life, then you need to take action and remove yourself from this situation and stop seeing him. Otherwise, it is you that is making yourself miserable and not him.

However, if he hasn't said anything about not taking it further, try subtle means of developing and increasing other types of interactions between the two of you. Suggest a drink or an activity/leisure pursuit - outside the bedroom - to see how receptive he is at the idea of doing things other than the hook ups. I don't think declaring love or that you'd like to pursue a relationship is a good idea as it is too sudden and direct and could scare him off. Let a relationship evolve and nurture naturally if it is meant to be.

ongarboy Registered User
#4

Actually, I didn't realise you have had numerous threads on this forum about your dilemma already so just scanning them there and the info you give in them renders a lot of what I said in my post above just now as irrelevant.

You've said in previous threads that he is not interested in taking this further so no point in pursuing that angle. You've said over and over how you are miserable all the time over him but aren't necessarily heeding what other posters have advised (ie completely end this and distance yourself which will help start the slow process of you leaving this misery). If you are not going to follow this advice, you have only yourself to blame for being in this situation. Opening new threads every few weeks whereby you'll get the same helpful advice is not going to change that misery unless you act on the advice. The rest is up to you now.

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#5

I also just read back over your previous threads, and really, OP, you need to just cut the cord. You have pretty much been asking the same questions "can he love me" and "what can i do?" for 5 or 6 months now. You need to heed the advice you are being given, because it's the same every time.

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Dwn Wth Vwls Registered User
#6

The longer you stay with him, the longer you deny yourself the chance of meeting someone who could fall in love with you in return.

If you don't even have much contact with him outside of sex, he's pretty much just a fantasy. Cut off contact and find someone real instead, who wants to be part of your life.

It's like ripping off a band-aid, do it fast and it hurts less. Tell him you don't want to see him anymore, because you want a relationship and he doesn't and it hurts. Then delete his contact details.

It's about respecting yourself. You deserve someone who loves you.

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#7

46w said:
Im still where I was a few months ago, seeing a guy who I think I love for casual sex, we have very little other contact, Driving me crazy the whole thing is. He doesnt seem to feel the same, or at least if he is he is bottling it up. Its ruining my life, I cant seem to let him go... Why di I ever have to meet him!!!

You have to cut all contact. Erase fone numbers, email addresses, messages-EVERYTHING. Tough but you'll get over it. If he really feels for you he'll realise what he has lost and make contact.
What annoys me is that as we get older, people don't seem to realise the "ideal" person they look for is just that-an ideal. Thy are always looking after your shoulder looking for something better. One has to be realistic and balance the good and bad points, and see if you can live with the result.
Hope it works out

#8

46w said:
Im still where I was a few months ago, seeing a guy who I think I love for casual sex, we have very little other contact, Driving me crazy the whole thing is. He doesnt seem to feel the same, or at least if he is he is bottling it up. Its ruining my life, I cant seem to let him go... Why di I ever have to meet him!!!


suck it up at least you are having sex :-)

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