Hey, this might sound a bit silly, but here goes... How do you feel in general about a girlfriend washing her boyfriends' dirty laundry?

I don't live with my boyfriend, but when he stays in my place, he always leaves his boxers/tee shirts behind, and expects me to wash them. I'm not sure how it started... I think I just popped them in the wash with my stuff cos I didn't want to leave them lying around.

It's not any hassle to put them in the wash etc, but it makes me feel a bit like his mum. I personally never leave things in boyfriend's house (not even a toothbrush) because I feel it's a bit like "moving in". I don't have commitment issues or anything - I'm mad about this guy, and everything is going really well. Also, before you ask, he's not a slob or lazy, and totally looks out for me - he's great in every way. I mentioned the laundry thing lightly, to give him a hint, and he said it's handier to have some spares here for when he stays over.

What do you lot reckon?

Lucyx Registered User

i think if he also does nice things for you then it really shouldn't be a problem. especially if its only a few bits of washing.

but i've a feeling that he doesn't say thank you and this might be bugging you. if this is something that is annoying to you then you should stop doing it. theres no point in doing something for someone if its causing you annoyance. and you don't want him to get into the bad habit of taking your good deeds for granted

missmelo Registered User


I too do my boyfriends laundry and he does not live with me, but i dont mind in the slightest as he does stuff for me too, and he appreciates it, so maybe as lucyx pointed out your annoyed because your boyfriend doesnt say thank you??


I'm just wondering if the issue is that he's OK leaving stuff there, considering that you view such things as "moving in" ?

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Starry Night Registered User

hey op, do you mind me asking how often he visits?

personally I do the same for my boyfriend, it doesn't bother me in the slightest.. we live a few hours from each other and only see each other at wkends.. so instead of him packing a bag every week he just leaves some bits at mine..

But he did ask me first if it was ok for him to do this. Maybe that's the difference? Your b/f just kinda left them hanging round the place so now you feel like you're picking up after him..

You said he's great in every way so it's obviously not out of laziness and is like he said - handy to have some spares in your place. The only thing I could fault him for is not 'clearing' it with you first..


Is it really that much of a hassle to throw in a few of his clothes with yours while you are doing a wash? It sounds like it is a convenience thing for him to have some clean clothes in your place which is not that big a deal. It's not as if he is calling over with bags of laundry and asking you to separate the whites and iron his shirts.

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tenchi-fan Registered User

Do you actually iron his tshirts too? Or are you seriously complaining that he doesn't want to take dirty tea-shirts and boxers all the way home, only to bring them back clean so he can leave a change of clothes in your place?
That's pretty pathetic, op.


It's not like he's asking you to change your name by deedpoll to Widow Twanky in fairness. Makes perfect sense that he leaves a few bits and pieces and yours and why wouldn't you throw them in the wash if you're putting on a wash anyway?

If he was phoning you up asking him to come round and mow his lawn or wash his car then that would be an entirely issue, but he just sounds like a typical boy tbh. If everything else is rosy in the garden then you really don't have anything to worry about OP!

darad Registered User

Try leaving some spares at his, see how it feels for you, see if he has any issues with it?

Supercell Happy :)

My wife does my clothes, I do "man" things that are heavy as well as other stuff.
Overall we both share the normal houshold stuff about 50:50 so i dont see any problem with it.

LighterGuy Banned

Op, two words:


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ApeXaviour Registered User

I did it with for my ex when she stayed over because I'm tidy like that. If you feel like his mum that's kinda your issue. Pick your battles. You should reciprocate though, leave some socks behind at least (hardly a nesting gesture)... that should remove any maternal issues from the equation. What boy goes around washing his mums socks

up for anything Registered User

It sounds to me like you feel he's taking you for granted and that you may be worrying that it's give him an inch and he takes a mile. You are the only person that can ensure that that does not happen. If you don't want to do his washing regardless of the fact that it's a few socks and jocks, tell him and if he 'forgets' tell him again and again and again.

I have a friend who did this with her then boyfriend/now husband of 20 years. They are the only couple I know with true equality and no resentment in their relationship. There are no roles in their house. Each is as capable of every task as the other.

It doesn't make you a petty, bad or nit-picking person because you object to this.

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Contessa Raven Registered User

I personally don't see anything wrong with him leaving some his things there, especially if he's staying over regularly. It's handy for him to have two or three extra t-shirts or whatever. However, if it bothers you maybe you could limit how much he leaves. E.g. He can leave 2 t-shirts, 2 pairs of boxers and 2 pairs of socks. And that he leaves them in a specific place where they aren't on top of your stuff. That way it won't feel like he's moving in. Also, by limiting the number of items he leaves, it's less likely that he will leave more and more each time he stays.

As to the washing of his things, I think if it's limited to a small number of items then it won't be any extra work for you to just throw a couple of pairs of socks etc in with your wash.

seamus Dental Plan!

up for anything said:
It sounds to me like you feel he's taking you for granted and that you may be worrying that it's give him an inch and he takes a mile.
More-or-less, but I think she's more worried that because she's doing this now then she's "stuck" doing this if/when they move in together.

OP, if you're unhappy that he's partially "moved in", then just hand him back his stuff and tell him that you're not washing it any more because it makes you feel like his mum. He'll be very eager to break that association

On the other hand if you're worried that this'll lead to you doing all the laundry in future, then the next time you give him his cleaned clothes, just tell him in a light-hearted way; "I hope you're not expecting that service if we ever live together, cos you've two chances of that happening..."

My wife and I wash our own clothes. She has delicate clothes where she uses stain removers and gentle washes, colour catchers and non-bio powders and hangs half of them up to dry. I have men's clothes which get bundled into the washing machine in a big ball, covered in biological powder and then bunged into the dryer to dry out. The only exception is my one pink shirt which goes into her "pink wash", because she has that many pink clothes.

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