posting in the hope there might be somebody out there who can offer advice on this issue for me. have posted before but not for anything like this.
been with bf for 5 years, hoping to get married, saving like mad and future looking fairly rosy despite the economic situation. He has a good job and is qualified in an area not really too affected by the recession and managed to hold onto a good wage without any cuts etc. So much so, I managed to leave my job as a purchasing manager and go back to college to study in an area I was always passionate about and this year finished my studies and was lucky enough to walk into an even better job than I had which is obviously fantastic. We have the life, 2 nice cars, nice home, holidays, weekends away etc.
now, to my issue, on a recent weekend away we'd been and had a lovely meal in a posh restaurant, headed back to hotel for a nightcap, probably a bit tipsy but looking forward to retiring to the room as we'd been working hard and hadn't seen each other much the previous week. When we were in bed, my bf was performing a sex act on me (not sure how much I'm allowed to post without it showing up as **** so i hope you get the message). Anyway, during this, he put his tongue in my botty, quite deep. I was very shocked but didn't react. he seemed to get very excited about this and continued to do so until i subtley managed to maneouvre a different position. He's never done anything like this before and is something I associate with gay men. Do you guys think he's gay? I was embarrassed to address it with him but when the act was over, but was aware of a lingering and not very attractive smell.
I'm trying not to think about it, but realise i need to get some answers. Anybody any thoughts/experiences or advice to offer to me??
thanks in advance.
The term you are looking for is analingus or anal oral sex or rimming.
Just because a man preforms analingus on a woman or a woman preforms it on him that does not make him gay/bisexual.
It is well with in the range of 'normal' hetrosexual sex acts, ideally being preformed after the area has been washed. You need to talk about this with him, and to figure out how you feel about it.
You've been with him for five years? Why didn't you just say you didn't like it? Or ask him about it? He would only be gay if he fancied other guys, playing with girls bottoms doesn't constitute homosexuality.
You need to have a chat with him about what you like and what you don't and get him to do the same so you both know where you stand and what to expect, even better if you can chat openly about what you want/don't fancy while in the bedroom.
Best of luck.
Does the fact he did this means he is gay/bi/prefers men? No.
+1 to above, after five years you really should be able to speak to him about this kind of thing openly though.....
How can you be thinking of marrying him?
You can't even discuss something with them and you have to ask people on the internet if they think he is gay. What sort of marriage is that going to be?
To not be able to just ask him out straight why he had he tongue in your anus after 5 years together begs the question, do you ever talk about sex, i.e discussing fantasies, likes, dislikes or is it a taboo subject.
Its no big deal really. Don't over analyse it. You could look at it another way, the fact that hes willing to put his tongue in that area really shows that he wants to ravish every part of your body and is incredibly turned on by you. If you don't like it then by all means discuss it with him but if you don't mind him doing it occassionally and he gets off on it then it can only enhance your sex life.
well agree with all other replies..
After 5 years maybe sexual life got settled a bit, you were away for the weekend, like you said and you havent seen each other that much the previous week so he probably thought it would be a good opportunity to spice things up a bit and most likely got the idea by watching porn or something and go for it thinking that could be something you enjoy (again by watching porn you could think the girls love it!)
I'm a girl and weekend away with a boyfriend has always been the opportunity to try something new, be adventurous!
Dont blame the poor guy, simply have a friendly chat with him, dont over think it!
As others have said there's nothing too unusual about this. He might have gotten excited because he thought you were enjoying it - guys get turned on when they think they've discovered something new that gets their girlfriend going. It certainly doesn't make him gay so no need to be concerned about that. Even if he asked you to do it to him it doesn't make him gay. In fact the only thing he can do in bed that makes him gay is have sex with another man.
The only thing you need to consider is whether you enjoy it or not. If you don't then ask him not to do it, if you do then go for it - just make sure you've showered beforehand for hygiene reasons obviously.
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING GAY!
For goodness sake the man has been sleeping with you for 5 years!!!!
OP, I suggest you get some p0rn and educate yourself a bit.
A bit of ass play is normal and doesn't mean he's gay.
Also words like 'botty' are more suited to toilet training toddlers than in the bedroom of 2 grown adults
I'm most interested that you said he's NEVER done anything like that before.
I remember reading that sort of thing as a sign of the partner having cheated, and had experienced this with another person, and bought it back to you. Since it was so "unexpected" and "never done it before".
That what went through my mind.
And as the others said, a tongue in your arse doesn't make the guy a gay man. Maybe the thought of his tongue in your waste pipe just turns him on. Trust me, there are plenty things worse.
I'd say its more likely he saw it in porn.
I have friends who love doing this. I don't know why, maybe it's because it's about as depraved as you can get with a woman? Anyway, did you like it? I bet you did!
What's depraved about it? It's a way of giving pleasure to your partner, no different from sucking on her nipples or giving ordinary cunnilingus.
It's also more likely that a human being will sleep with another human being, as oppose to another animal.
I don't disagree with what you said. I've seen things in porn I'd like to try but haven't, my thought were, perhaps he tried them and became confident with using it on his partner.
Or, perhaps he just thought after X amount of years he'd just suddenly try something new.