#1

Hi guys
I've recently started getting to know someone at work and he told me he suffers from narcissistic personality disorder, or thinks he does. When he has been to the doc, they've not given him any answers. i'm confused. I'd like to help him but i'm not sure how I can. Has anyone any experience of the disorder and any advice pls?
thanks

Morag Registered User
#2

It;s not up to you to help him, he needs to go and get a shrink to say if he as a personality disorder or not.

AMK Registered User
#3

You cannot help somebody with NPD nor is it up to you to do so. The person must do so himself.

Moonbaby Registered User
#4

Er why is he telling random person he works with about his private mental health issues.

2 people have thanked this post
renraw Banned
#5

If you're his friend OP, then fair play to you for showing empathy for him and showing your making an effort to understand. Any kind of mental disorder with any person is somebody that needs friend. Well done!

Overheal Covfefe Connoisseur
#6

lynsalot said:
Hi guys
I've recently started getting to know someone at work and he told me he suffers from narcissistic personality disorder, or thinks he does. When he has been to the doc, they've not given him any answers. i'm confused. I'd like to help him but i'm not sure how I can. Has anyone any experience of the disorder and any advice pls?
thanks

I agree with the other posters, but also, I feel like I should point out the irony of sapping sympathy from your co-workers because you think you're narcissistic -

Its not your problem - and frankly - you could just be exacerbating his problem by giving him the attention.

2 people have thanked this post
missmatty Registered User
#7

Overheal said:
I feel like I should point out the irony of sapping sympathy from your co-workers because you think you're narcissistic -



Yeah I lolled at that alright I have a friend who I'm convinced has this but I would never say it to her. I don't think she would believe it anyway.

There is nothing you can do for this person really, and tbh it does sound like they are looking for attention.

1 person has thanked this post
2gksjdie Guest
#8

I find it bizarre that someone randomly tells a work colleague that they think they have a Personality Disorder let alone that they have NPD.
The fact that he did, most likely mean he doesn’t have NPD. By the nature of the disorder people who have it are highly unlikely to believe or admit to any kind of flaws due to their sense of superiority.

And if he does have NPD you’d do best to keep your distance. Their only are interested in people that boost their ego.

Susannahmia Registered User
#9

There is no real way to cure someone with a personality disorder. Just like you can never really change your personality. One can use therapy to help them to disguise it however. Its a disorder of the personality with thought patterns and behavior which become fixed in early childhood.

To be totally honest with you I would personally stay well away from someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. They tend to be toxic and lacking all empathy. They will do anything for attention and will become enraged and spiteful if they are not the center of attention.

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#10

With regards to me being a stranger, I've worked closely with him for the past 2 months and gotten to know him quite well. He told me this one night because I asked how he was as he seemed down. I have depression but I'm on medication and it's turned my entire life around. I want to be able to help him but I don't understand the condition.

We can hardly just discard ppl just because they have this condition. He has shown me empathy a few times. This is why I want him to go to the doctor because I hope he's ok. He's agreed to go to the doc which is great. I just wondered if anyone else had friends in this situation and any advice on how to help them. I believe support groups by their nature don't help.

#11

Maybe he doesn't have narcissistic personality disorder, maybe he's just extremely self-obsessed?

Susannahmia Registered User
#12

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is not a mental illness like depression (which I suffer from and understand btw) it defined as something drastically different. It is essentially a personality type and a way of being and seeing the world which is not regarded as the norm for the rest of society to a level that it causes the individuel to alienate himself and potentially others.

A personality disorder is a pattern of deviant or abnormal behavior that the person doesn't change even though it causes emotional upsets and trouble with other people at work and in personal relationships. It is not limited to episodes of mental illness, and it is not caused by drug or alcohol use, head injury, or illness. There are about a dozen different behavior patterns classified as personality disorders by DSM-IV. All the personality disorders show up as deviations from normal in one or more of the following:
(1) cognition -- i.e., perception, thinking, and interpretation of oneself, other people, and events;
(2) affectivity -- i.e., emotional responses (range, intensity, lability, appropriateness);
(3) interpersonal functions;
(4) impulsivity.


http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/dsm-iv.html

HalloweenJack Registered User
#13

I'd be very surprised if someone with NPD went to a doctor with worries over their own behaviour. Narcissists are more concerned with how people react to them and would be more likely to tell someone that they (other people) have something wrong.

If he's been to a doctor and the doctor didn't diagnose him with it, then maybe he doesn't have it, although second guessing a professional in a field you may have no knowledge about is narcissistic.

IIRC, the DSM-IV has a list of nine traits that narcissists have. If you have five out of the nine traits, then you can be classified as a narcissist. Again, I'd say that if the doctor didn't believe him to have NPD, then he doesn't.

Empathy and admitting to others that he has a disorder does not seem to be narcissistic behaviour. Although, if he claimed to be suffering from a different type of disorder, it could be seen as attention-seeking which is a narcissistic trait.

Anyway, I'm going off on a tangeant. Once more, if he's already been to the doctor and wasn't diagnosed with it then I'd assume he doesn't have it. Lots of people will convince themselves they have some sort of disorder just been reading up on it on Wikipedia or whatever. Getting looked at by a doctor is the best form of diagnosis.

#14

hmmmm if he is showing you empathy that doesn't sound much like narcissism. by definition they are self-obsessed.

why does he think he has this ? what are his issues that make him think this ?

Personality disorders are notoriously hard to treat

#15

Hi everyone,

He hasn't been to the doctor yet. He feels he is better than other people and can't relate the others (according to him) In fairness he is a little strange. We get on because we've the same sense of humour but I do notice he talks about himself a lot. He can be very self absorbed and says things that make you think he's full of himself. He doesn't warm to ppl very easily but mostly he's just confused. I wish I could help but at the same time I'm afraid I'm feeding his self obsession.

I'm taking a bit of a back step until he sees a doctor. I don't really know why i'm so bothered but he is a nice person and I hope he sorts his stuff out. It's just when he brings this stuff up I haven't a clue how to help. As I said I suffered with depression (Does it ever go away? Are u always a sufferer?) but i'm on medication now and very seldom have a BAD day. So I know how life changing it is to get the right help.

Maybe i'm mad trying to help someone I don't know that well but that's me. I like to help people. I hate seeing people suffer. I'm paranoid now that he knows this and is using me to feed his narcissism lol... i'm spending waaay too much time worrying about this.

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