What is the Irish mother like? I heard some real horror stories about Irish mothers who let their sons live with them well into their late 20ies and serve them hand and foot while at the same time giving their own daughters the cold shoulder when they come for help. Are Irish mothers spoiling their sons to much? Are they very domineering mothers?
Ok, Im going to make sweeping generalisations here, but given the racist, matriphobic title of this thread, really I have very little room to manoever.
Yes they are domineering. But they can also seem like complete slaves.
The doting on the son, imo comes from this turning their sons into husbands, because their husbands are lousy and not affectionate, probably because they had an Irish domineering mother who taught them how to relate to women through power, rather than through something healthier and more collaborative.
In fairness mothers can only serve someone hand on foot who is accepting that service. I don't think the fault lies with any one party. Is it the mothers fault for accepting the washing their son brings home or the son's fault for even contemplating to bring it, is it the mothers fault the son hasn't chosen to move out by 35? From my experience (not just in Ireland), for the most part it seems to be a fairly symbiotic relationship.
My MIL is lovely. She didn't have any daughters so I have no comparisons but I do find the rather archaic expectation that I & the other female relatives help with dinner & so on, while my husband lounges around with the other men a bit odd. I remember one Christmas getting up at silly o'clock to help her get dinner on & by the time we had ours plated & went through, a number of the menfolk were finished & leaving the table to watch telly.
While I think that is so boorish & there is no way in hell it would happen in my family, I hold my MIL as responsible for clearly accepting such treatment for so many years as I do for those that showed such utter thoughtlessness.
Yup, I love my gran soo much but when I lived with her I really seen how this Irish Mammy thing can work. I was 17. Her son was 28. I was in college and working part time. Her son was on the dole playing computer games all night and sleeping all day. I'd come in from work (after college) and be told to tidy the kitchen or have some comments passed over the floors not being swept.
I call it Irish Mammy Syndrome - I know some mothers who are so domineering over every aspect of their sons' lives that any strong woman that enters into the equation ends up battling their MIL at every turn.
Those young men are in for a shock when they find out their modern girlfriends will not do all the housework and cooking.
Spoiling your children and looking after them excessively always does more harm than good. They end up helpless. It applies to males and females. I know girls who's daddies picked them up after nights out regularly. It promotes paranoia and dependence, just as pampering your son promotes bad diet and hygiene when they do eventually move out.
^ It's treating them like they are incompetent. I sometimes suspect contempt and not love is behind it.
To be fair this syndrome is quite common in the western world, back home in Sweden they are called "curling parents", they rule over their kids life, are extremely overprotecting, hook them up with good jobs when they graduate and so on. What happens when these parents die and these spoiled overprotected children who now are adults are left to their own devices?
Q. How many Irish mammies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. "It's alright Son, don't worry about me, I'll just sit here in the dark".
30's my dear, 30's....
I know about 6 handbags living with their mumies when the're 25-40 years of age. Don't think it's an Irish thing though. Used to know quite few in Poland too.
Maybe it's a catholic thing... hear they have the same kind of culture in Italy and other latino countries.
Categoric proof that Jesus was Irish, he lived at home until he was 30 and his mother thought he was god. The best example I've seen was after my grandmother broke her collar bone. My lazy lump of an uncle comes in and plonks himself into the closest chair. A few minutes later my grandmother comes in trying to carry a mug of tea and a plate and apologises saying "I'm sorry about the barmbrack, I couldn't butter it properly with my bad arm"
This is the Jewish mother stereotype too - and in fairness, stereotypes have their roots in truth... it just becomes problematic when people apply them to entire populations.
Yeah, my gran, who doesn't apologise for thinking women are inferior to men, did absolutely everything for her sons... while her daughters are domestic goddesses. My mother isn't too bad for it though (there's a little there all right though but in fairness, her boys were gone in their early/mid 20s). I imagine it's dying out.
..and he thought his mother was a virgin.
i dont know about you but im earning buttons and i can only laugh when i hear the cost of a decent house....it's not by choice that this group is still living with parents