I'm a woman in my late 20's and I've been masturbating since the age of 9, and watching porn since the age of 10, which is when I got a TV in my room. I just can't stop. I've had a blood test at the doctor and it showed that my testosterone levels are a little elevated. I got some medication to balance my hormones but it didn't work at all and gave me bad side effects. So I have given up on the medical route and I am not looking for medical advice. Apart from anything else, it may not even be a medical problem, the hormone levels may have nothing to do with this.
I am almost constantly aroused. I masturbate to orgasm several times a day but it's not enough to satisfy me. I don't have a boyfriend at the minute and when I did he couldn't satisfy me. I can't orgasm from normal sex or normal fantasies. I think I've become desensitised from watching too much porn. Although I am frequently aroused, I can only orgasm if I think of extreme s&m. I am so addicted to porn that I have been banned from my office's computer system for looking up porn at work.
I think about sex all the time. I don't sleep around because I know there's no point since I cannot get satisfied that way. This issue is affecting my life for several reasons:
1. When I do fall in love again it will upset me and my boyfriend that making love does not make me orgasm.
2. I waste so much of my day fantasising, masturbating an looking at porn.
3. I just don't want to be like this, I feel it is quite soul destroying.
What can I do? I don't want to talk to anybody about this in real life. I just wish I could forget about sex completely. I am so jealous of women who struggle to become aroused or enjoy sex. Please someone suggest something, this has really taken over my life. I waste time masturbating when I should be working or doing my hobbies. I do alot of sports and I try to use sports to take the edge off my arousal but it doesn't help.
If you genuinely want help, as with any addiction, you will have to go and see someone about it. Have you looked into Cognitive Behavioural Therapy?
Eh, how about trying an S&M dating site and finding a partner who's into the same things as you?
I actually very nearly did this, I looked on a website and found men in my area who were looking for women to do this with. But thankfully I didn't go through with it. I think you're missing the point of my post, I don't want to do this and I don't want to feel like this. I want to forget about sex at least most of the time.
Do you think it's just an addiction? Even the constant arousal? I feel like I'll never be free of it.
It could be routine like a lot of guys so long looking at porn has led to you being desentisied (not sure if thats spelt right) then when your mind starts wandering you look up more as its happened over so many years you need more extreme things to get you off, its not uncommon I WAS LIKE YOU, thats right. it took more and more to get me off the end result was I very rarely orgasm with a girl. at first its great because they think you can go for hours then it gets frustrating becase they think you dont find them attractive, then all sorts of problems start. there is only one thing you can do get rid of the porn. maybe set up a security level on your pc so you cant acsess it. with a little effort you can bring yourself down from extreme to "normal" (I have that marked becase who is to say what normal is)
not to sound silly but hows about turning to religion? All that abstinence and stuff.
From my own experience, most fantasies disappear once they've been enacted (even if only simulated if your fantasies involve particularly extreme S&M.
You need to take some responsibility for your own actions. You *chose* to look up porn at work. That was stupid. You know that, so resolve to have some self control regarding it in future.
Have you other interests you can pursue? Hobbies/skills you'd like to acquire that have nothing to do with sex that you could focus on for a while?
You say you can't orgasm from normal sex. I'd suggest this is only because you feel that way about it. Most men will orgasm purely from the physical stimulation but I've found most women need to let themselves orgasm. If you're having sex with the notion that you can't come from it or that you have to try really, really hard to try and experience an orgasm from it, you're most likely not going to.
Well you can deny your needs and as such gain a discipline borne of denying yourself a little happiness in this ****ed up world of ours, or you can accept yourself for who you are and try and be proud of your elevated interest in sex and share it with a partner who makes you happy.
Both options have their benefits, but the path of least resistance is often one worth traversing.
i came on as unreg before to look for advice on this from the male perspective, i didnt continue the thread as people seemed too quick to jump on other irrelevant things i said and berate me for them..
i found this article though.. and it helped me to understand what i was doing a little.. it is from the male perspective, but i reckon its much the same for girls..
basically everytime we orgasm from masturbation we are stimulating certain brain pathways such as fantasy, pleasure etc.. and every time we do it its producing a numbing sensation in our brains.. much like many other drugs!!
it also suggests, that every time we do it we are subconsciously telling ourselves... "i am not good enough to do this with a partner"
so what i decided to do is undertake a period of celibacy from the act, and every time i feel compelled to masturbate i will write a little in a diary to try and bring out the feelings and the thoughts that lead to the compulsion.. much like any addiction there are trigger times when we are more and less vulnerable(for me = hungover!), we must learn to recognise the trigger so we can strengthen ourselves against the temptation..
i have managed alot longer without it, but have also given in a good few times!! but i have noticed some differences in how i relate with women in between and it has brought up some thoughts/memories/feelings that i need to deal with!!
soon eneough i will see my counsellor again and bring the issue center stage as to now it has been something i have skirted around..
as for the needing the extreme/s&m.. i though i needed to get more and more extreme to feel the "passion" as strongly, until one girl saw what i was at and told me to cop on.. as we lay there gently, just looking into eyes, gently kissing & connecting.. guess what i was filled with a desire beyond anything porn ever did for me!!!.. i went and spoiled that opportunity but at least i know its there.. and where real passion comes from..
we have been engaged in this activity since we were very young and it plays a huge role in our lives.. its not going to be straight forward to change and get what we want.. but it IS WORTH IT.. have a big hug from me.. i hope it all goes well for you!!
No, it's because normalsex just isn't arousing enough any more. Imagine it like this, in a country like Saudi Arabia men would probably find it a great turn on to see a woman's face because they're not used to it. But here they are used to alot more than that, and so it takes alot more to get them off.
Go and see a therapist. You're not going to find any answers here. You need to see someone at least once a week to try and break the addiction you have and find out why you are so addicted.
Hi Op i can some what relate to you... Not in the S&M way but the fantassys but i have allways had an older woman fantassy dunno why i just do.
And also masterbateed 4 to 6 times a day and found it very hard to get a satisfactory orgasim...
I think its a matter of will power. try limit your self to it once a day... which ive done, then every second day and so on now some times i do crack one of a bit more often but that because i just get out ragously horney...
Now the dude who gave you all that info said it a lot better then me... but i find the good thing about a fantasssy is that its your's if one acts on it its gone for ever ;/ so i choose not to... and enjoy it as my own fantassy.....
OP: Come on .. this is a little bit attention seeking.
If its not then its fine .. but otherwise ..
I could make up all sorts of rubbish to make me special
craichoe, please read the charter before posting.
If you have an issue with a post, please report it.